I recently found out from my girlfriend that she's slept with a large number of guys (think the scene from Clerks, except she's not just talking about BJs), and I've been hung up on it for days. I haven't slept or ate since I found out. I'm so confused. Part of me thinks its no big deal, a lot of girls sleep around in high school and college and settle down later. But more of me is really freaked out. I have all these insecurities now. Like I think about her with all those guys and I just get mad for some reason. And ever since I found out, I stopped being attracted to her sexually. I mean our sex means nothing now. I don't mean to say that I don't find her attractive in general anymore or that I don't think I could have sex with her again, but at least right now I'm so mixed up I can't do it. And now there's all these other thoughts that pop into my head, like how can I trust someone not to cheat who thinks so little of sex? But then I think of other things, like the fact that she already realizes that the way she used to be wasn't good for her and she's changing that. And then I think about our past sex life, and I realize that she's still trying to live out these fantasies of being taken and abused by a guy (won't go into details here, too graphic I think) through me. Even though she's affectionate at other times, the way she wants to have sex is really making me paranoid that she hasn't changed. I'm saying a lot of negative stuff here, but I wouldn't be asking on here if it was all negative, so my conflict is that she's also obviously likes me, my friends can tell as can I. And I like her a lot too, we get along really well although I have only had a few girlfriends so I don't have much frame of reference. I also have no reason to believe she's cheating on me or would cheat on me. I mean like other than this one thing, our relationship has been going great. But I just can't evade these negative feelings about it, even though I myself don't have any moral/religious opinions about sex. Still, I can't help but thinking these things, like what if she was low balling it like I'm told most girls do? What if it's really more? Or if the number she gave me didn't include guys she just fooled around with? I mean we could be talking triple digits if she just meant guys she's slept with and not anything else. I think I'm not being rational but I can't help it.
So I'm asking here, just ballpark range, ladies, how many guys have you slept with? Do you usually lie about it? Do you include fooling around? I don't know who to trust in real life with this because I don't think my friends girlfriends were necessarily honest with them when they told them how many they'd been with (I'm told most people aren't), so I'm asking the anonymous internet.
Do you think I'm overreacting? I feel like my reaction is too harsh, she's a human being who doesn't deserve to be forever rejected because of her past.
So I'm asking here, just ballpark range, ladies, how many guys have you slept with? Do you usually lie about it? Do you include fooling around? I don't know who to trust in real life with this because I don't think my friends girlfriends were necessarily honest with them when they told them how many they'd been with (I'm told most people aren't), so I'm asking the anonymous internet.
Do you think I'm overreacting? I feel like my reaction is too harsh, she's a human being who doesn't deserve to be forever rejected because of her past.
Updates:
+1 y
Talked to her about it, found out a lot more, like she cheats on guys, has had sex with her ex since she's been with me, doesn't know if she can control herself, etc. Our relationship is over. Thanks for the advice anyway everybody :)
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