I'm embarrassed to tell my boyfriend what turns me on?

[exoticval]

My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over 4 years now (I'm 20 now. We met in high school). At the beginning of our relationship, sex was exciting. I couldn't wait to go over and get things started. After about 2 years, things changed. I'm guessing it had to do with me finding him talking extremely inappropriately to other a lot of other girls. It broke my confidence as you could imagine. Although he says it wasn't serious, I have had issues ever since. Now, he still very much enjoys having sex. He easily tells me what he likes and how he likes it. Me, on the other hand... well I can't get myself to tell him what I like. I'm embarrassed. I'm embarrassed to show my sex faces, to allow him to hear me enjoy him, and so on. I'm uncomfortable. It's hard for me to get in the mood around him and it makes me feel horrible. I find him to be extremely attractive and I love him. I just wish I loved sex with him again instead of feeling embarrassed. I don't know how to feel comfortable or sexy. I would love to pleasure myself in front of him and let him know I'm enjoying him, but I'm ashamed. This is going to ruin our relationship. He already got upset at the fact that I can't be open with him, and I don't blame him. What can I do? Please give me advice.

[UlsterScot]

Careful use of alcohol during long, restful foreplay can help a lot and can reduce inhibitions later on because you have gotten used to it again. Get this into your mind. Nothing (nothing) you do or want to do will look stupid or awkward to him because he loves you. You could lay there queef and pee straight up into the air and he'd like it as he reaches for the towel. That's how love affects sex. My lover growls, shakes her belly with her hands and almost suffocates me by grabbing my head when I give her oral. Awkward to look at? Sure. Does it matter? Nope.

[bestadviceguy]

If you had a change of heart, then something triggered that. What is it? If he sees you're getting real help, he will probably stay and support you. If you've tried on your own to handle this for a year or more, then I'd say you may need professional help. Don't get me wrong, we all need a little help once in awhile. Good luck!

[exoticval]

Perhaps. It's been difficult for me to overcome evidently.

[Emiliaxo]

Don't take alcohol to make it easier. I think after you guys have been together for 4 years and that is really a lot, communication should be the easiest, also when it comes to sex. Maybe you should take a few days off, go somewhere alone for a day or two and really thik everything through...

[Anonymous]

Get drunk first if you really are that uncomfortable. A bottle of wine will bring out the freak in you. You need to do a sandy transformation (grease) and watch him turn to jelly as you own him!! ;) good luck

[exoticval]

A drink or two would definitely help. But I don't want to have to drink before every time. That's my only concern with that.

[abundantlyrich]

It's about you not finding attraction in him anymore.

[exoticval]

Although I do find him attractive, could that still make sense?

[DREAMER212]

It's time u take a break , and take a look of what u need and whether u needed is with him or not?
ur just faithful to him and don't want to hurt him , but u will suffer more and eventually u will fed up and break his hear. so take it easy from now and tell him the truth of ur feelings

[imbittered_punk]

Couple of glasses of wine should sort you right out.
but seriously it sounds like you've just been hanging around for the last 2 years, like a jaded cop waiting out his pention in a bad movie, because you don't know what else to do. Take a long hard look at your relationship and decied if sex you don't enjoy is worth the hassle

[TheNaze73]

If you're too embarrassed to be talking about sex, you can't be with the right person, especially after 4 years. Just go for it, he'll like it

[exoticval]

It's my fear of sounding stupid that doesn't help...

[SatanClaus]

The only way is to let him know how feel about it, tell him it makes you uncomfy. I'm sure he'll understand

[exoticval]

I just don't want to hurt him. After all I should be able to be comfortable after the time we've been together. I'm just struggling with this.

[SatanClaus]

how will he get hurt, you guys have together for 4+ years, he'll deffo understand your problem and try to make things easy for you. Together only you guys can find out a solution, just trust him

[exoticval]

We were briefly speaking about it a few hours ago. I can tell he was hurt. He got a bit mad and defensive, saying I must not love him and whatnot.

[SatanClaus]

ok that was shocker, its kinda immature to act like that tho, sounds like a problem. Maybe your not into him as much as you were before, the passion for him i mean

[exoticval]

I thought it was too. Its hard to talk to him about this. & perhaps. I want to be though.

[SatanClaus]

Well this may not sound good but i guess you guys need to take a break, especially you, you need time to re- examine yourself, relax a bit and give it a fresh start, cuz it had helped me when i with my ex

[Anonymous]

Do you have a hard time opening up in general?

[exoticval]

I don't have a hard time opening up. I just don't understand why I had a change of heart. Everything was opposite of what it is now, at one time.

[Opinion Owner]

Because I think something may have upset you to the point of you not being able to even open up in general. I think that cheating he did, really hurt you

[exoticval]

I can see that. I've long forgiven him but perhaps it could still lay in the back of my mind? The unattractive feeling from years ago?

[Opinion Owner]

Definitely.