I'm married and Pregnant BUT... Do I tell the other man it is his baby?Abort?HELP PLEASE!

[nymphoman]

Yadayadayada stop making excuses about birth control and what not, what's done is done.

Loveless marriage, you had an affair, you spoke of having children with the affair man, slept with him and not your husband, sounds like your in the wrong bed.

Break up with your husband, move on, stop wasting his time, your time and just take the bull by the horns and move on to at least give the baby a chance at some normality.

I won't lecture you with morals on affairs and such, you aren't an idiot not to know so the only thing left to do is do the right thing for your current husband and admit you don't love him and that he shouldn't be surprised to hear that and that you have had an affair and got pregnant.

He will call you every name under the sun, he will be angry and confused but in the long run it's going to be a little bit easier than him seeing your bump getting bigger and if he can't do calendar math and thinks its his it will hurt him much more to sit by as the proud father to be of an accident only to turn out to be the fool holding a baby that isn't even his than the poor bastard who's wife cheated on him.

You made your bed now lay in it, get it over and done with before you waste anymore of his time and good luck with your new guy and the current children will just have to cope with it because it's only going to make a big complicated mess full of lies and stress you out, and I really don't need to point out the problems with a stressful pregnancy do I.

[ilovelegs]

The first thing you want to keep mind about this is to not even consider aborting your child! That's murder no matter what the Supreme court decided in making it legal. Remember that moral laws are far superior to laws made by man, so some day we'll all be judged in that manner. Next, you need to be honest and tell the truth because truth always comes out in the end. A person can only deceive for so long, and the longer it is the more harsh the results. By all means, tell your affair man that you're pregnant because if nothing else, he'll need to support the child until he/she's 18. Once your husband finds out you can decide how you want to handle that because the child is not his. If he wants to do all he can to support your child and give it love, if you want him to that, that'd be okay. I'd definitely try to keep the child and consider it part of your family. If the affair guy demands his rights of course you'll have to contend with that. Yes it is serious but people have been having children for thousands of years and many have gotten by in much worst situations than this. Where there's a will, there's a way. Good luck!

[rachie123]

I say save face. Honestly you made a mistake. You're not happy with your husband and you took off with someone else, these people act like this is the first time they heard of this happening. Give me a break. There are some men out there that need to be taught a lesson. Although I have never cheated myself, I've imagined getting even, trust me. Anyway, I feel like before you do anything you should tell the affair guy just to be kind. It is your body, so whatever you choose to do is up to you. He already has a kid, you have kids...imagine how your kids and family would feel if you explained this to them. The most important person at the end of the day though is you. I personally would tell him, see what he says about it (im almost positive he will coax you into getting rid of it). This is not your husbands fault and it is not his problem and as for him "stepping up" I'd be more concerned about him "stepping out" like out of your life. You have to decide what it is you want for good. Is it worth throwing away what you have for a dream? Work things out with your husband (you said he is supportive, a good dad) maybe see a couples therapist. It sounds like you value your relationship but there are some issues, probably ones that can be worked out. Do you really want to spend your life chasing around some fool for child support? He was a jerk enough to sleep with a married woman, I wouldn't expect him to be around in the after math. It never works out like that. Good luck!

[Standingpretty]

Don't abort just because "the affair man" wants you too! You should think for yourself and what you want to do, and not just do something because someone wants you to. You are already a mother so you can probably handle this baby, and if you abort you might end up depressed or guilty, so you have to think about how you will feel and not what the other person is feeling.No one can tell you how he is going to react, because every man is different and thinks about pregnancy differently. talk to the affair man first, because he needs to know and you need to find out what he thinks about his child too, before you talk to your husband. If affair guy leaves, then let your husband be there for your child so he/she has a father figure (my best friend grew up without a dad and she suffers from depression because of it). If affair man wants to be part of the childs life, then let him, but you must also tell your husband if he is a part of your life too. Do what you want most, don't just get an abortion because of stress because most abortions cause stress themselves so there is no easy way out. Do tell the affair and do tell your husband. Hope I have helped you!

[Anonymous]

I can't say anything about cheating because I did it. I wasn't happy and I cheated for almost 6 months,but then I did leave my husband because it wasn't gonna work and I didn't want to be running around behind his back. Another reason I left him was because I thought I was pregnant and the other guy was the only one I had been with. So I didn't know what I was gonna do, how to tell them, and for 3months I was freaking out. So when I found out I wasn't I had to let my husband go because I knew I didn't want to let the other guy go and I knew it wasn't gonna work. My ex doesn't know I cheated. Now this is what I was thinking when I thought I was pregnant; I have to tell both of them because sooner or later they will both find out. You don't know what's gonna happen. You don't know if your husband will stay or leave. You don't know if the other guy will want to be there. You don't know that if later when your kid is older he/she is gonna want to know him.You don't know anything unless you say something. And they are going to find out sooner or later and its better to get it over with now. Somehow everything works out. Just do it.

[jacquesvol]

It's a mess!

IMHO you only have four evident possibilities:

A.

you divorce and marry your lover, if he wants it.AND if you want it. Do you want that?

B.

You stay with your husband and keep the baby without telling him what happened, who's the real father. Dou you want that?

C.

You stay with your husband and keep the baby telling him you did a stupid thing. Do you want that?

D.

You get a secret abortion and forget the mess, living with the one you prefer. Do you want that?

Now the persons involved

1.

The "affair man" knew that if he messed with a married woman his opinion is of no value at all. (or he should have known that) He didn't want a kid, since he was OK with you taking plan B. That voids any responsibility towards him on your behalf.

2.

Your husband: how good or how bad is it between you? How would he react knowing there's baby coming? Would he accept a baby that's not his genes?

3.

You: what/who do YOU want?

Think about it. Answer these questions and you'll know what to do next.

Here are the Planned Parenthood Federation adresses: link

On abortion: link

Keep courage!

[faux_punk]

This is why marriage seems less and less appealing. I'm going to have to research that whole married man is dad law. Because that's bull.

Anyway on topic. Meet both people IN A PUBLIC PLACE like a coffee shop. That way it keeps drama from escalating physically. Tell them both at the same time. If you try to do it one at a time then things are going to get confusing. Husband's idea sounds good then affair guy sounds good, and you're back at square one. With both people there then you can settle it all in one shot.

Avoid abortion. Child shouldn't suffer because you got caught up in the moment. Remember sex makes babies. take the pill and wrap it up.

What I would do if I was in your shoes. Is divorce your husband. If you were cheating on him then you obviously don't have an interest in him anymore. Besides that you broke his trust and the whole meaning of marriage. Even if he forgives it will never be the same. As for affair guy, once your divorce is finalized then you too can date more openly. Unless he splits when you drop the bomb. If that happens... sucks to be you honestly.

[meplusabeemer]

The best thing to do is be honest. You don't want to tell anyone anything false because it will only destroy people and that baby. You need to tell the affair man immediately. You already know that he is capable of being a father and a good one at that. He might not be ready for another child but it took the two of you to create the child. Therefore, he will need to make a decision.

Since you indicated that things were on the outs with the husband, I would not tell him immediately. You need to see how you and the other man are going to approach things. Once you do that and you have a plan then you will need to tell the husband. You are going to have to tell him at some point. Again, when the time approaches you need to be honest and just say you don't expect him to step up to the plate. Tell him what you and the other guy have discussed.

Finally, if you just think that terminating the pregnancy is the best option then you must carefully weigh the pros and cons. Are you emotionally and psychologically prepared for that? Will you be able to live with the decision? This decision should be made by you and the father. Even if he doesn't want the child, he is entitled to know that you are pregnant. He is also has a right to say whether or not you go through with a drastic procedure. If you don't tell him and he learns about it later, it will devastate him beyond repair.

I know you have a lot to consider but honesty is the best approach.

[mizmykel]

oh honey I would love to say I am sorry for you but I'm not. you brought all of this upon yourself I'm not gonna lecture you about how you should have been using some form of birth control because you shouldn't have been sleeping around with another man in the first place you have a husband even if it is a "loveless marriage" as nyphoman had said. you should have talked to your husband and tried work things out between you two before you got into a big mess like this think about how this is going to affect your family sooner or later they're gonna find out lots of marriages fall apart and the kids end up resenting there parents I say you should talk to your hubby and explain everything to him. he deserves that much right? and if he wants to stay with you that's his deal but I think you should save him the trouble and break up with him and possibly find you a man you are capable of loving and respecting and as for the abortion I would say no because I am against abortion babies are a gift from god.

[armstrong03]

just let say why people becoming today to look to cheating like something normal and call it an affair when it is just a dirty nasty guilty relation for the sex the desire for a moment will finish and past so fast and the price is to lose all the value as a human the principles of life that we have to live by them to become an body with sexiel desire no love no heart no feelings no concern about the family or even don't give it any attention or take time to think about it , I think you need we need to wake up and see the really is infront of our eyes , is very clear and easy to know what s right or wrong to do stop to play games aroud and call things by thier names cheating is not a love not a relationship not even a life is a nasy dirty guilty mistake unvorgivable it is a choice not a destiny , we have the choice always for to live clean or a nasty dirty life but sure 100% that who they choose the secend choice they would never have the happiness in thier life or even know what is it , nothing better that to be real true person and stay away from anything can make me become an animal think about an object think only about his desire without any human's value or any principles of life .

[Anonymous]

You're a moron. You are the type of person who makes me lose all faith in humanity. Yes you were stupid for cheating on y our husband. Yes you were stupid to get pregnant by your affair. Yes you were stupid for not using protection. Yes you will tell your husband what happened. No you should not be a devious bitch and let your husband raise a kid that isn't his blood. No you shouldn't abort because you were retarded. Yes you should tell the affair it's his and he probably won't give a f*** about you or the kid. Yes you deserve everything for being ignorant, f***ing around and bringing an innocent child into this world. Please stay out of the gene pool. K thanks.

[Combat-Crash]

Come clean and accept the consequences.

If you're marriage ends, then I guess oh well, you'll move on.

There has to be a reason you cheated, and if you cheated you guys shouldn't be together anyway.

I'm all about pro-choice. But aborting to save your own ass is selfish.

I would be honest with both men. If the 'affair man' wants to step up, he has every right. If not and your husband is willing to step up then awesome.

If neither will, to hell with them both and raise the baby yourself. Because it's yours, too.

[thelittlethings]

You made your bed and now you're going to have to lay in it. It is going to be a very stressful, emotional situation for everyone involved. And your poor husband didn't ask for this and now he is stuck with it. However you and the affair man knew what you were getting into, you knew of the possibilities. You guys new the consequences and still took the actions so now you get to deal with them. Yes, you should tell the other man and your husband right now. It's better to be told than to find out. And no, you shouldn't get an abortion. You already have other kids. You sound like you are financially stable enough to care for the child. You say you will love the child. Why would you kill something you'll love for some man you screwed on the side that was second to your husband while also putting your husband second? You have hurt everyone including yourself. I hope you've learned your lesson.

[Anonymous]

Lying to your husband and cheating on him had consequences. Yes, your marriage is on the rocks, but that doesn't excuse you for meeting someone. Before you dated this guy, you should have divorced your husband. This isn't a judgmental saying, I'm just telling you what's more logical to your benefit. Knowing you committed adultery doesn't help the divorce proceedings at all.

From what you wrote, it seems the guy whose the father isn't really ready to tackle a relationship, let alone a kid. And taking note of your humor, no matter how cute you are, he isn't going to be swayed into staying with you. My guess is, he will abandoned you most likely. What you should do right now, is admit to your husband what happened, and tell the father he has a child on the way. As for abortion, I have no comment on that, except you really look at your options.

[acaine03]

In all honesty, a man should know if he has a child coming into the world. You may not want to hear this but, Both of you were responsible enough to know (no condom+no birth control=possible baby). Have to take responsibility for the actions. If you think he's not ready, teach him and be patient. You're already a parent so you can be a good role model to him. Bad news is, husband is going to find out soon whether you tell him or not. Have to be ready for consequences whatever they may be. You're an adult, you can make your own decisions. We can't tell you what to do, but we can make suggestions. In the end I believe it will be OK. Postponing the inevitable will make more harder for you to tell the truth and be trusted. That's just an opinion, don't take that to heart.

[mstoya]

You are too far along to have an abortion and furthermore you should never even consider it...it is a human being in you that you created...you shouldn't punish the child for your mistake it is not right and to me its murder but that just my opinion and you should talk to your husband and the other man about the situation.. honesty is always key...And if you did have an abortion you would always wonder what if? Everything happens for a reason ..but at the end of the day it is your decision and hopefully you will be a woman and do the right thing! Hope everything works out and I wish you the best!

[TweetiByrd]

Tell the other guy. Please tell the other guy.

I just got out of an affair situation about four months ago myself and am wondering if she is pregnant myself. Like you, we discussed children on a conversation type thing, each agreeing how our baby would be so beautiful and smart but, also knowing it would destroy her marriage if she did get pregnant by me. That being said, still having feelings for her and would love to still be with her even though we both know it can't happen, I'd still want to know if she was having my baby. If she was, I'd have to man up and take responsibility for what happened. It would be my first child and having children has been a dream of mine all my life. So, if he is anything like me, contact him and let him know what's going on. He'll be happy with you being honest with him and willing to do whatever is necessary for the baby. I would be anyway.

[davyjones]

f*** it bite the bullet. you're gonna pay for your sins believe me! it will hurt you deeply if you have an abortion. and the lie can kill the truth of your relationships. bite the bullet. tell them, deal with it and move on. I can't tell you whether to have the kid or not but I think your looking at more pain long term if you don't have the kid. I'm sure theyll be fine whatever happens. I'm sure you are a good mother and I ain't anti or pro I just feel whilst you may have the right to your body, from hearing you between the lines the kidll be fine and so will you, but I don't see you having an abortion and lieing about it and pulling that one off intact as a person as easily.

[CDenatale]

Girl, there is only one answer to this inquiry:

Tell everyone everything.

You have to take the plunge and be up front with every party involved. All of your lives will change, but that is something you will all adapt to. There is no going back. You can no longer think in terms of regrets. Just be honest and move forward.

[TheFatTwig]

I think it really really depends on whether you love "affair man" or if he's just there for sex. If you're only using him for sex, BREAK THAT OFF before he finds out your pregnant so you won't have extra complications. As for your husband, I don't know whether you think you can lie to him about a child not being his, but if you can, I guess it's up to you whether you tell him or not. I'd tell him myself, but that's because I can't keep lying to someone in a situation like that. However, if you're in love with "affair man", this changes the situation completely.

[princessevils]

your husband has no choice legally and financially he is dad. hey you make the decision to keep your baby, you are mom, you raise her, carry her. don't let a man dictate your feelings. just say I am pregnant I couldn't take that pill. you do all the work anyways. the law doesn't allow you to sue real dad for child support. any guy says kill your baby needs to go away anyways!

[Anonymous]

What ever you do, DO NOT abort the child! You will regret it for the rest of your life. I think that for the child's best interests you should let your husband claim it as his. You have to think about the child. The child needs a mother and a father, don't leave your family. Ask your "A M" what he would want if you got pregnant and the child were his. But do not tell him you are. Based on his reactions decide if you will give up your child to your "A M" or keep it as your husbands. But when the child grows up it will need to know its true parents. You really are in a sticky spot and I really hope you find a reasonable way out, that does not involve the extreme.

[wiseman1]

First of all abortion should NOT be an option. An innocent child should not have to die to fix YOUR mistakes. The majority of these post are right on. You must come clean to everyone especially since you "LOVE LOVE LOVE" your kids and want what's best for them. The initial fallout will be rough but in the end even if everyone you know rejects you, you will begin to regain some of your integrity. Its time to start being honest.

[katiesmuff]

Neither one of you are super duper parents! You were still married with children and you spread your legs for another guy.

He is no better sticking his dicky do in a married woman's vajayjay.

Going to play like that both of you needed to get things over with the previous spouses before having your fun.

Only ones who are going to suffer out of this mess is innocent kids and some spouses.

[MadHatterni]

I agree with anonymous use that calls you a moron. As well captain because that child deserve a good home despite the big issue you have caused. Just come out and be ready for the circumstance so you don't lose sleep over it.