Is it normal for my boyfriend to watch porn everyday and rather do that than be with me?

[Anonymous]

I have a real issue here, or maybe he does. I have been with this guy for 3 years and up until about 9 months ago, we had a great sex life. I discovered that he watches porn on internet and videos. I have noticed that our sex life has decreased a lot! I have a huge sex drive and want it all the time. I love being with him, but now I am feeling less attractive and I don't feel like he wants me at all. We have had arguments over it and he always tells me it is normal. I mean, I think that looking at porn is normal, but hells bells! All the freaking time? He googles people that he sees on tv for nude pics of them, he, in my eyes, is obsessed! I am an attractive girl, but I am wondering what is wrong with me?. Why would he rather beat-off than be with me? It kills me! I just can't understand this. I do anything he wants in bed and enjoy every second of it. I really need some help with this before I go completely crazy! My self-esteem is decreasing everyday. I am depressed, I don't know what to do. Please help me. Is that normal?

[pepsired]

it is an addiction. and like drinking, some people can not control it. I am sorry to hear thet he wants it over you, but as will any addiction, it will have an effect on someone else. I know you love him but saying it is normal to watch that much porn to the point that in gets in the way of real sex is just an excuse to justify his addiction (much like some alcoholics say they can quit whenever they want. some things you can try would be to change the password on your computer or put a parental control on it so he can't look it up around you. if you love him then find the research that says that much porn and drinking is an addiction and confront him. if that doesn't work then you may have to leave him. it is easier to leave him and hurt for a while than to stay with him and feel un-wanted and hurt all the time.

[dave216]

In all probability he also has a huge sex drive but sex with only one woman does not provide the variety he would naturally crave. He must like you very much since he can watch porn and be satisfied with you alone rather than find new partners.

[Asker]

You are probably right. He has asked for another female to take part with our time in the past. I just don't swing that way myself. I"m not knocking it to those who do, but it's just not me. Thank you lots for your feedback.

[dave216]

I hope you accepted it in the spirit it was intended. Some men, the younger they are the worse, just seem to need variety. Maybe talking with him and discussing some options like unnusual places to have sex would fall within your mores but still be stimulating for him.

[Asker]

He is 33. I am always looking for new ideas to keep things exciting, but the longer it goes on, I feel more and more exhausted from it. My problem is trying to figure out what I can do or what I am not doing. It's really driving me crazy. I feel like I need to look like a freakin porn star to please him. ya know? I have approached this in so many different ways to try to talk to him, but he gets extremely defensive. Recently, he left comp. page up. He is "livesex" chatting or whatever. Ugh!

[dave216]

Well remember at some point you have to act for your own happiness. Don't take it as a personal failure. Your relationship evolved and it took different directions. A relationship you have to put constant effort into maintaining is just too draining. Maybe it is time to concider other options.

[restless]

First of all does he drink or do any other substances because a lot of times people who do watch porn to keep their brain stimulates to stay on that high. Yes he is addicted and you shouldn't think less of yourself because he has a problem. I know you love him but you should love yourself more and get out of this situation because obviously you're not happy. It will be hard at first but someone will love you for you. Also would he allow sex with other men or is it just women if so dammit run.

[Asker]

Yep. He drinks probably a 12 pack a nite. Maybe more, and he has used that as an excuse as to why he doesn't want to do anything. lol, yes, I have counter-asked about the other men thing. He didn't like that. He said that that was different. Lol! I do love him, but I am unhappy. Thankyou. I am glad you brought the drinking thing up.

[restless]

I am glad to help so it is more likely it is the alcohol than the porn itself because like I said it Is used as a stimulant. Will he go to detox or anything for you even AA because that would be a good start. I wish you the best.

[Asker]

Very doubtful that he would go, but maybe he will work on it. I will definitely offer my support to him. Thank you again.

[restless]

I am writing again to know how are you doing today.Was yesterday any better for you.

[Asker]

Hi. Thank you for asking. I did confront him. I told him calmly how I felt and gave him the ulitmate decision. Either straighten up or I am gone. Well, I also offered my support to him with whatever it is that he needs. So, with this, I feel some better, but I am still not okay. His attitude seems to be different for the good at least for now. I am praying.

[restless]

That is wonderful good luck.

[princessevils]

Occasionally or together hey cool., But my husband started renting and hiding it. I wasted years of crying, wondering what was wrong with me. Girl it is his problem. Later counseling revealed sex addiction and all other crap just that crap. Get out run addiction is addiction if it affects your day to day life. took me 20 years to figure it out.

[Asker]

Yeah, he hides it too. Or at least he thinks he does. lol. I check the comp. history from time to time to see if there is any use in me even trying to get intimate with him and it crushes me to see that crap he watches. I used to like watch it occassionally with him, but as time went on, I realized that it wasn't me that he was with in his little mind, it was "her" or "them". He tells me I have a problem because it is normal. I don't feel that I should be second to anyone, ya know?

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

I agree completely.

[hunnie-bunches]

Wll in that case I agree with the girl that said addiction is addiction so either suggest counseling or leave him for someone who doesn't like porn good luck

[Asker]

I appreciate your feedback. He is addicted. hell, I don't know whether to laugh or cry, I really love him.

[xsimplyxpaigex]

I feel the EXACT same way!

[hunnie-bunches]

Maybe I'm different than other females because if I found that out about my man I would just watch it with him and have very nasty sex afterwards

[cjwright79]

Unfortunately, yes, very normal.

[hhH2traveler]

No he should want to be with you, not watching porn all day, especially if you’ll do whatever he wants. He might just be going through a phase where he wants to try jerking off or masturbating to other girls, because its new, or newer. But he has to have sex with you sometimes to prove you both enjoy it, and keep the flame alive. If this is not a passing phase I’d get a little worried. If you were older i would say “just let him have sex with whoever and get it out of his system and then have sex with him after, no need to disolve a whole marriage” but you’ve been together for a bit too short of a time so I dont think that needs to happen, you just found out recently that he watches sex videos after all. Why did he keep from you that he watches sex videos, you only recently found out, he needs to be more comfortable with you to show you those sex videos.

[TwiztedTD]

See, I do find guys watch porn who have girlfriends who rarely want sex. But you said your always up for sex, so I'm not sure why he is doing this.

Maybe he is watching it to maybe full fill other fantasies?

[Asker]

I am always up for sex, Now, it seems that I have to tell him I need it to get anything. I dkno, It makes me feel really bad.