How do I explain to my boyfriend how I want to be fingered?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend has had one previous sexual relationship; I have not, I'm still a virgin, and rather shy and sorta embarrassed. He turns me on a lot and is such a good kisser - he's the first guy I actually have fun with while kissing (used to get bored and annoyed with other dudes) and feel really comfortable with him in every way. There have been a few times that I've let him finger me, but he seems to think that putting his finger(s) in my vagina is what feels good. However, that usually hurts me and I've tried to explain that playing with my clit is what makes me orgasm. Could someone PLEASE help tell me how to explain exactly what I want him to do?!?!?!?!?!?!? GUYS: what helps/encourages you? GIRLS: What do you think I should be mentioning? Again, I'm shy and I'd like to hear others' opinions and how yall might phrase this type of explanation. THANKS!

[aisleire]

My best friend has the exact same problem. I've tried telling her over and over that she needs to STOP pretending to orgasm when he fingers her. He sees the way she responds to him just sticking his fingers in and out and then he believes that is what gets her off. Either show him yourself or stop acting like it feels good. If you stop responding, he'll start to play around more and try to figure out what feels good. When he hits the spot, you'll put out some REAL noise, and then he'll keep doing what makes you respond.

[ALWAYSclassy]

Tell him what you want. If you're not shy enough to have sexual contact with him it shouldn't be that big a deal to tell him you want him to touch your clit instead of your vagina. Tell him that it hurts when he does it the other way. Just say it, it's not like you're gonna hurt his feelings or anything.

[kailar]

Rather then tell him do what I did. Take his hand and show him. Move his fingers over your clit how you want it. Speed, pressure, that kind of thing.

Let him know you like it by moaning. :)

[Asker]

I've done that and yet he always wants to go to the jabbing of the vagina. Ahh.

[kailar]

Well if he doesn't get it. Just stop fake moaning. If you aren't making any pleasure sounds when he is doing this then he will get the hint. It's supposed to be about you anyways. So he has to learn what you like.

[dave216]

I don't understand. You are perfectly willing to naked in front of him. You can spread your legs and let him stick his fingers in your pussy, but you are too shy to talk too him? That doesn't make sense. If you think about this you will have to laugh at how stupid this sounds. You can give him free access to your most private intimate bodily orifice, but you are to shy to tell hi how to rub your nub.

[Asker]

I've never officially been naked in front of him and vice versa. I'm just scared I'll make him angry or upset that I 'sorta' lied with a fake orgasm. I don't know if I should tell him THAT, but, I just need advice on how to make it feel good for me - he seems to only want to shove his fingers in my vagina like he's digging for buried treasure.

[dave216]

I can identify with what's happening. He is inexperienced.He perhaps does not know you have a clit and definitly doesn't know where it is. Do you masturbate often, know what feels good? Just let him start, then say ouch that doesn't feel good. then you take his hand and guide him to your clit while you tell him to rub it gently and guide him on what you like. He doesn't know what he is doing, he will likely be happy if you would help him learn. :)

[Anonymous]

tell him communication is key. my girlfriend tells me how to make it feel better all the time. also she puts her hand on mine and helps me do it and that has all added into helping me be a little better at it. altho I'm a hell of a lot better at eating her out so if that's an option we skip fingering and I go straight down. she loves it.

[Asker]

He HAS offered to give me oral, but I'm scared since I've never had it done to me and, also, he told me he's never done either. Since he's an amazing kisser, I don't think he'll be bad. What I AM worried about is how he might not like my "situation" down there. I know I'll trim it up a lot, but, I'm scared he'll be grossed out and/or wish that it was hair free (which really hurts and itches). What do you recommend?

[Opinion Owner]

Well just be trimmed I prefer trimmed to shaved because I know how badly shaved hurts and even if you are shaved there always seems to be hair there. so just trimm it up and take a fine tooth comb and comb down there a bit. try and get the loose hairs. and then do this before ur boyfriend eats you out. also tell him to suck your clit and to lick around your pussy. get used tot he taste and texture before he dives straight in with tongue and all. get him to read how to eat out and what to do and not to

[l-hedoniste]

Clear instructions rarely fail: "OUCH! Don't do that." "Play with my clit. More. Don't stop,"

[kyle18]

straight up tell him

[Anonymous]

when he does it next time

say oh babe do it like this and moan and say that feels amazing

i love it when you do it like thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat moan

[Asker]

As I said, I'm shy, so, I'm not much of a "noise-maker" - I'm so used to having to be quiet when masturbating that I don't moan. So, when I've simply thought of "making noises" - it makes me feel fake since that's not my "normal" way/response.

[Opinion Owner]

Well then when ur about to get fingered say hey babe or hey sweetie I was wondering if you could finger me a little bit different this time. I'm feeling EXTRA HORNY (put a lot of emphasis on EXTRA HORNY) and then show him what feels better for you