Why does my boyfriend lose his erection right before sex?

My boyfriend loses his erection right before we have sex and sometimes during sex. He's fine during foreplay and stuff, but when we actually want to do it, he can't keep it up. He's really embarrassed and says its not me, it's him.

What's going on?


Most Helpful Guy

  • He probably has performance anxiety and isn't into what he's doing enough. A lot of guys can't perform on demand. They also need foreplay sometimes and being close to their partners. Usually, when a guy can't keep his erection it's often because when couples hang out and mess around a little they're like, well lets have sex. Since a guys biggest sex organ is in his head, he has to have a strong sexual feeling and desire for the girl he's about to have sex with. If he doesn't, then what starts out as a good erection fades away as his emotional feelings for the girl fades away. In your boyfriend's case it could of course be a personal physical thing or it could be emotional. But more than likely when he's having sex with you his subconscious is telling him that what he's doing isn't right. Like he's just not into it enough. You need to stop having sex and start enjoying the things that lead up to having sex instead and wait until you have a loving relationship rather than be having sex as a fun thing to do. For some people that still works great, but for others it doesn't good at all.

    • We waited 7 months to have sex actually, we are in a very loving relationship.

    • Show All
    • Very good added contribution ArtistBboy. Well said!

    • Just try Viagra. Amazing drug! I'm 31 and suffering from little ED stress related, I met an amazing woman but I was to stressed to keep a hard one. Decided to try Viagra, took a 50 mg and after 30 minutes we had the most amazing sex ever! I swear that we had sex for two hours, she climaxed multiple times and I only climaxed when I decided to, At no time did I have any problems during sex and never experienced any side effects. If you're curious this is reliable site where I buy the tablets and they sent it to me without a prescription:


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • well this can be caused but several things...if he smokes...that could be a reason for it...or if he has a habit of eating unhealthy things...

    but the most common reasons are what everyone else has mention...

    stress...whether it be everyday normal stresses that are getting to him...or where it is that you guys are having sex could be stressing him out thus he loses his erection.

    anxiety... to much anxiety... anxiety is part of the sympathetic nervous system and will literally turn off the ability of a man to sustain an erection (this includes performance anxiety...he may just be terrified that it will bad for you)

    and finally depression...if he has been going through a rough time with something lately or just down about whatever...depression can have a huge impact on his sexual abilities..often leaving a man limp come game time.

    if this has been going on for a while now...you could try boosting his confidence...just making him feel good about what is going to happen and about himself can have a tremendous effect on his ability to maintain an erection...dont expect it to be fixed right away but try it out for a few days and see what happens.

    if that doesn't work then I would suggest going to see a doctor...as there are medications and techniques they can give him to help with this problem.

    hope this was helpful

    Brian from www.ideabombs.com

  • Yea, any number of physical things: stress, hormones off kilter, exhaustion, poor diet, etc. or anything emotional. Best thing to do is relax and not worry about it. If it doesn't go away, he should see his doctor.

  • The same thing use to happen to me. I have no idea why. I use to get hard during foreplay but when it came down to it I will get soft. Not all the time this happened but it does. I have no idea why and to be honest it is not her. I am not gay or bi, I really don't know why. It is embarrassing though


What Girls Said 1

  • Performance anxiety? Sexual dysfunction? It could be a number of things. If it doesn't go away, he should probably go to see a doctor.