Why does it take so long for some guys to come? is it something that I'm doing?

this is really worrying me and I told my boyfriend so we will be at it for an hour and he still won't finish.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It could be any number of reasons. Here's a few I could think of off the top of my head in no particular order:

    1. He could just have excellent control or is experienced in tantric sex.

    2. He could be under the influence of some sort of drug or alcohol. Some drugs are specifically for sex, of course, but other recreational drugs can have sexual side-effects.

    3. Possibly not enough sensitivity - condoms will cut down on a lot of the feeling for a guy. Of course, if condoms are your source of birth control, I wouldn't give those up. I just wanted to mention that they can reduce sensitivity.

    4. He's stressed and worrying about something else.

    5. He's really focused on pleasing you.

    6. He may hold the belief that the man must wait for the woman to orgasm first. Do you orgasm during your session? If not, he could be psychologically holding back and not even realizing it.

    7. It's possible he's not excited by you for whatever reason

    8. He's just tired.

    9. He "took care of things" prior to your sexual activity.

    10. Some sexual positions don't provide as much stimulation for a man - it depends on body shape as well.

    From experience, I've had times where I just couldn't reach orgasm even though I am very turned on. I've also had the opposite happen (Damn! So soon?). It really depends a lot on the situation, personal physiology, belief systems, length of time since last encounter, etc.

    The best thing to do (assuming you're close) would be to just sit down and talk about it some time when you aren't being sexually active. If you're both open and honest with each other, you may find out a specific reason. Of course, there are many factors including the personality, maturity, beliefs, etc of each of you, so I can't say how it will turn out. But hopefully you'll find something out and either alleviate your fears or improve your love life.

    • This is very good thank you!!

    • I thought of one more question for you - why are you so concerned? Do you feel obligated? Is there something else you didn't mention that is affecting what's going on? What is the reason that you are somewhat angry about the issue?

    • No that's really why I don't want to be like bad I guess you could say.

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What Guys Said 7

  • It's definitely has nothing to do with what you're doing! In all seriousness, you should stop doing whatever sexual you're now doing until he settles down and can respond like a normal guy. Most guys come much faster no matter how they go about it. He could have a list of problems... like one or two from the list. Maybe try just being close to each other and start making your relationship a more loving and romantic one. Lots of cuddling & kissing and when you wanna do stuff just make out. When you and him feel he's starting to really get turned on then take it a little further with the touching and hopefully he'll get so turned on he'll come much faster than before. Make sure his mind is with yours as far as being close to you and have him not be concentrating on the sexual things he's doing. Instead he needs to be letting that stuff come natural and free flowing and more spontaneous. However, if he KNOWS he has a specific problem then he needs be looking into that if he wants to overcome the problem you mentioned. Good luck!

  • He's porn star material huh lol. Sometimes it's a mental thing, sometimes it's physical. Normally when you're relaxed and not stressed, you can last for quite a while. But I'm thinking it's physical and he just doesn't feel much sensation, because an hour and he still hasn't came? It's not you, do not think that you're doing something wrong. Also, does he use any drugs? If he's using any, that make him last for a long while also.

  • I was marrried for 13 years with my hs sweethheart our sex was never longer than 20 min. She didn't like to come more than twice and I could last longer in the shower...I learned that we didn't have sexual chemistry...i found after our divorce that I lasted longer with women who excited me more...no games or weird stuff...just their natural scent,body, moves, willingness to be sexual period...my wife now of three years demands sex daily..and I can take up to an hour before I come to her 8 and a couple of orgzms...so don't feel bad if he doesn't come fast enjoy it...because there is more guys who come too quick that not at all...

    In my personal experience girls an women I dint like much made me come fast. women I really like in bed always made it longer.

  • Some guys will "train" themselves to come later...as in they will jerk off earlier in the day or before they see you (its to get the guick nut out the way)...but when we do that, it makes us look like studs...do you get it?

    • Ya but why would he do that he knows its bugging me?

  • Give him a blow job.

    That'll do the trick

    • I did I've tried everything.

    • It's more serious than I thought......

      Well my friend always calls to brag about how he went 2 hours with his gf. bastard lol.

    • Ya my boyfriend could do that I think he's telling me now its because of smoking but I told him I'm kinda p*ssed!!

  • Maybe you're just not "doing it" for him.

  • I need help I can't cum for my girl when we are going at it


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