Is my wife no longer interested? Not attracted to me?

[oldschool]

Ok, this is my first time on this. I'm 40 my wife 30. My wife and I have together for about 6 years, married for 4. We're great friends but like every relationship sex was great at first. As we matured in our relationship I started to realize that she really didn't like some of the things we were doing sexually. One thing in particular she was very uncomfortable with me touching her. Ok how am I going to say this, her, wow, vagina, ok I said it. The only way I could touch her is over her panties not directly under her panties. Like in foreplay I can't put my hand directly on her it must be over her panties. Shell pull away and she seems real uncomfortable with it. Also sex is now all up to me. Shell almost wait until I'm so ready, weeks will go by, and shell ask me do you want to do it and yes, so we do it, but she puts no effort in to it, I take care of her orally and then intercourse, very routine. Sex now is maybe once a month, that's only if I get so horny I can't stand it. Now what's happening is, I want her to start something without saying do you want to do it so, Ill just take care of myself just to see if shell get so horny shell start something. She will not touch or start anything with me sexually. I give her flowers, I make dinner almost every night (I love to cook) we spoon in bead, we kiss, we call each other at work and talk. What the hell is going on? Please help

[Suave-Man]

She's not comfortable with herself, why? She thinks she's not desirable and she feels unattractive. Solution? Make her feel attractive. Compliment her on everything about her body in a very sexual dirty manner. You have to do this, that's your problem right, that's what sex is all about. Make her feel like she's the hottest girl on the planet. And then give it to her like an untamed lion. She should feel comfortable then. Also, if she feels ugly or overweight, get a gym membership and get yourself in shape, ask her if she wants to go too. That should boost her confidence even more if she looks better physically. Yeah, you give her flowers and you COOK her DINNER, that dinner is probably the problem, cook healthier so she can lose weight and feel good again. You can't be fryin up pork chops and chicken and expect her to feel good. She asks you if you want to have sex because she doesn't know if you want to have sex with her. Make it clear, don't let her ask, go wild like a raging beast, let her know how fine she is, and tear that ass up! It's full proof.

[Genesis5]

Sounds to me like she is not very comfortable sexually.

Have you talked to her about this, or asked or why these things make her uncomfortable? Don't be confrontational, but more on the side of you are really want to make her feel as good as she make you feel, and that you don't want her to feel uncomfortable at all.

You could also talk to a relationship/sex counselor. Not so much to try an open her up sexually (although that could always be a pleasant side effect), but more to quell any resentment, or hurt feelings that have, or might develop.

Best wishes.

[OnoNw1]

it could be that you're hurting her in bed and she's not sharing this fact with you and instead it's turned her off from sex completely. I was in a long term relationship sometime ago and towards the end I refuse to entertain ever having sex with my partner. then when I met someone else, they were gentler, smaller and easier on me so I enjoyed it again. but mind you sex with the former longterm partner was great! just that sometimes our size changes too, we're not always that open to intercourse, and sex during those times can be very painful

[Anonymous]

It doesn't seem like your wife is that much of a sexual person. I know you 2 have been married 4 awhile it just seems that she's not as comfortable as you. That's not 2 say that she no longer attracted to u, you said yourself that you 2 spoon in bed, kiss, and call each other , the fire has not died it just seems to have dimmed. Make her more comfortable, teach her, and be patient.