Oral sex on the first date, is it ok?

[Anonymous]

There's this guy who I'm seriously into. I met him a year ago when I was still with my boyfriend of two years. We broke up around 6 months ago. When this guy found out he started texting me basically daily, just to talk and have fun. We also started talking on the phone for hours every day. However, as he was studying abroad we didn't see each other again till yesterday. That was when we went on a date, and after he asked me if I wanted to go see a movie at his apartment and as I was really into him as said yes (even though I knew it could be a bad idea). Anyways, things evolved, and we went from kissing to oral sex (first time for me recieving and doing it. and he knew it cause I told him before). I have to admit it was great, and so did he (I was quite suprised as I was inexperienced). He texted me right after he left me at my place saying something like, 'woww, you really tired me out, I had fun ;)'. He also texted me today, but not as much as he used to before that, and even though he told me he wanted to hang out again (when he drove me back home last night), he hasn't asked me out again. Do you think I blew it? Was I too easy? I really wanted a relationship with this guy, but now I'm not sure he even wants me anymore. Any opinions, tips?

[ilovelegs]

No I don't think you blew it. Not at all! By the way, didn't he do the same things as you did? So where does he become better than you? Now if you had had sex I'd said differently because you're the girl, so you're suppose to be more careful when it comes to having sex. You've known him a long time, and doing what you did isn't way out of line if you both were attracted to each other as much as it sounds you were. If he's going to leave you now, I think he would have no matter if you hadn't done anything but kiss. As much as you were talking with him before, I can't imagine this having any affect on him except for him. I say you'll be hearing from him again like you did before and that you're overreacting, or he's decided to not pursue you anymore because maybe he thinks you wanna be too serious and he doesn't want to. So no, I don't think you were too easy, and I don't think it was YOU that blew it. Just relax and let him pursue you. Don't be texting, etc and trying desperately to keep in touch with him. Stay scarce and let him make the first moves now. If he doesn't, he's decided it to be that way.

[Asker]

Its good to hear that I may not have blown it :). You asked where does he become better than me. Well in theory it shouldn't be different, but society in general kind of believes its ok for a guy to do that, but not a girl. I took in to account what you said, it was already what I was doing, but still I guess its working. I didn't text him, call him or anything, and he's texted me this morning. Nothing about another date though, so I'm still not sure ...

[ilovelegs]

That text you got this morning was probably his way of checking your feelings out to see ie HE blew it. I think that was a good sign. Just stay cool and respond to his texts but let him do the chasing.

[Asker]

AHH thanks, I hope so. Well I'll keep you posted :)! Thanks again!!

[John83]

I don't think you blew it. He went down on you on the first date, too which is something I don't think most guys would do if they don't care about you. Also, texting you right after he left probably shows that he's still interested in you. If he wasn't, he probably would have just taken off right after he got what he wanted. He may just be playing by (in my opinion) stupid old rules about waiting a couple days to ask you out again to avoid seeming too anxious.

[Asker]

Hey thanks for your comment. I really appreciate it, and hope your right. I'm seeing things through a different perspective now. It sucks that there are 'dating rules' to follow, but I guess sometimes I follow them myself. I'll just wait and see. But thanks alot!!

[gravygirl]

I slept with my boyfriend on our first date. I really felt a connection though and I could tell that he was as into me as I was with him. I think that if you're feeling that it probably isn't a wrong move. If you're still feeling nervous though, like you don't know where you stand, this might not be the best idea. I don't mean that you're doomed or anything, but just that if you're not feeling secure you might not be in a place where it could end up being a relationship.

[Asker]

Thanks, well I hope I'm not doomed hehe. It's good to know there's still a chance that a relationship evolves ... He just texted this morning. I hope it means something :). Thanks for your help!

[gravygirl]

A morning text certainly isn't a bad thing.

[SweetestSinxxx]

i don't think there's anything wrong with giving head on a first date. if you like him or think he's hot then o for it. in your case he did it to you too so its not like he can be upset or think you're easy since he did the same thing to you.

[Bruce]

That really depends on this guy, if he really likes you, how mature he is and a number of other factors. You didn't say how old he was or how old you are but for the fact that you are between 18 and 24. Keeping in mind that many young people can have great SEX, but sorry to say that their relationship never goes beyond that, and it usually fizzles out when the guy thinks that this is all a girl has to offer and that is all he is looking for.

Be careful, if you don't want to find yourself being used for this guy's sexual outlet, especially since he hasn't called you or asked you out again. Don't set yourself up for a real, bad time. If the guy was really interested in a relationship, he wouldn't waste any time asking you out and trying to see what your life was like and what you two had in common to share.

Great sex can be just that, great sex...but you sound like you are more than that.

Don't sell yourself short for this guy.

[Asker]

Thanks for the answer :)! Well I'm 19 and he's 24, maybe that helps, but from what you said I don't think it changes a lot. Do you think if I had not done that, and actually played hard to get, he would still be interested? My ex boyfriend was 23, and I was with him for 2 years, he always said that one of the things he admired was that he knew I had not been around a lot. So by taking into account this, and what you said, its true, I guess I shouldn't have done that. It just sucks to realize that now ...

[Bruce]

Well, don't beat yourself up over it. I have slept with girls/women on the first date when I was in my twenties and I had no such idea of 'dumping" her / them. Occasionally it was only oral sex, but still "sex' just the same. I liked and still have very good memories of a particular 19 year old and wish to this day that I could look her up again and see how she is.............what she is doing. That was more than ten years ago........Many regrets to this day that I may have been the "loser"

[Asker]

Thanks, it makes me feel better :). Lets see what happens now. I hope he realizes he could be a 'loser' and asks me out again hahahaha ;). Thanks again :).

[l-hedoniste]

You did what you felt. He did what he felt. Even if the relationship doesn't work out, when everybody walks away happy, it's usually a good idea.

[truthseeker]

Yah, he got what he wanted. But the thing is if he's the kind of guy to just get what he wants and get less interested than is that the guy you really wanted? Let's say you don't care if he is that way and if you held off he would have worked harder and dug himself into a long term thing with you, you may have lost something. However it may have just been a matter of how long you could have postponed his disinterest.