Sexual Health
+1 y

Guys, Am I Expecting too Much From Sex? Or from him?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year,and I lost my virginity to him,but he wasn't a virgin.I'm not experienced so I don't know if this is how all guys are or just my guy.So,i always go down on him,because I enjoy it and I love pleasing him,but he never goes down on me.I've asked him and talked to him about it,and I've even asked if he needs guidance or help with it and he refuses to go down.After sex,sometimes, I'm not even saying all of the time,but sometimes I want to cuddle,but he pushes me away,and I mean like physically,like pushes me away and I've talked to him about it,but he said cuddling isn't necessary. OK,i've never orgasmed with him,i have on my own when I masturbate,but never having sex with him,we usually stop after he cums,the he just rolls over and sleeps and I'm just kind of there.I've also talked to him about that,but he shrugged it off,and he knows I've never orgasmed with him.I've told him if he'd like,i could masturbate in front of him to show him what I like,but he said no and that female masturbation is a turn off for him.and then with foreplay,he doesn't do that,and I've talked to him about it also,but he says it kills the excitement,so most of the time we end up having to use a LOT of lube cause I'm usually dry or whatever. Finally last night,he told me I expect way too much from him and our sex life,do i?Should I just let these things go?
Updates:
+1 y
Isn't breaking up with him over this shallow?
0 0

Most Helpful Girls

  • No it isn't shallow, and here's why: The problem actually isn't about sex per se as it is about his disregard for you and how you are feeling. It shows up in your sex life, but I'm sure it shows up in all kinds of other ways too. The sex is just an extension of the relationship you have. He is using you sexually (masturbating with your body in a sense), rather than engaging in an act of intimacy through physical means. This isn't about technique. He just isn't a very nice guy in this respect. (And he doesn't seem to have a lot of respect for you, your feelings, or your comfort.) What does he mean "cuddling is unnecessary?" For whom? For him, clearly, which is fine. But that is a small thing to give to you to make you feel secure and cherished. No need for foreplay? Ouch! His response about it killing the excitement shows exactly what he is concerned about: his own orgasm, period. Certainly not you and your well-being. And the fact that he is so indifferent when you communicate how you feel speaks volumes. A boyfriend who loves you would take what you have to say on the subject VERY seriously, even if struggling with the delivery of what you want.

  • Breaking up with him over this is not shallow. Being this degree of selfish in bed (I mean, no effort whatsoever?!) speaks to much larger issues, indicating he doesn't care about your pleasure. Not caring about your pleasure in bed can generalize to not caring about your pleasure in other aspects of your relationship.

    Guys complain when the women they're with stop putting out, leaving them constantly wanting sex. I think that this is a valid complaint. In the reverse, it's not right for a guy to leave you unsatisfied.

    • Yea,but a year?I mean,he's my first.

    • A year long relationship is really not that long in a lifetime. And if you think about it that way, if this is what he's like after a year, you'll both be miserable in ten years when you don't have sex because you get no pleasure out of it and he's complaining that he gets no sex, but won't acknowledge why.

  • Break up with him. Its not shallow. He is showing you that he DOESN'T CARE about your pleasure. Which means he doesn't really care about you.

    You can do so much better. Think about it, do you really want to go the rest of your life only having unsatisfying sex with an inconsiderate guy like this?

    I broke up with my ex-bf of 5 years over this. Do it now!

Most Helpful Guys

  • Sex is about give and take and both partners wanting to please the other.Your boyfriend is selfish,and only taking and taking,and talking about it obviously isn't solving the problem,so I say dump him.If he's selfish in bed,i can betcha he's selfish in other aspects of your relationship.Either that or abusive to you in some way.

    • Yea he is actually.Not exactly a gentleman.

    • Break up with him.He isn't worth your time.Hey,i have a womans first rule.My girls pleasure ALWAYS comes first.Honestly,guys generally enjoy foreplay,it get's us excited and makes us want it more.I always make sure my girl is wet and slippery.No need for lube,only time the lube is pulled out is for anal.I always go down on my girlfriend and make sure she has at least 1 orgasm.I cuddle with my girl,she enjoys and what's not for me to enjoy?My scent on her?

    • Feeling her heartbeat go down from me giving her an earth shattering orgasm?Making her feel loved?I mean there isn't much to it.I just thought it was all logic haha

  • No. He sounds like a selfish lover to me. Sex should feel great for both of you and there are a lot of guys who will put an effort into helping you orgasm. He doesn't seem to care at all about whether you get any pleasure out of sex. I would suggest finding someone who does.

    • I wouldn't consider breaking up with a guy who, despite your talking to him several times about it, will not put the effort into making sex enjoyable for you. Staying with him for the long run would be accepting that sex will never be fulfilling for you, since it doesn't sound like he's willing to change. While sex isn't the only thing, I do think it's important that both of you enjoy that part of the relationship.

    • But throwing away a year is a lot.That's a long time to throw away

    • It is a long time, but the alternative is spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't care enough to make an effort to make you happy. I don't think things will improve if talking to him hasn't changed anything.

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What Girls & Guys Said

1 3

  • Expecting somebody to at least make an effort give you pleasure in bed isn't expecting too much. Get rid of that one.

  • Doesn't give oral.

    Won't cuddle.

    Uninterested in what you like.

    No foreplay.

    Since you're not experienced, let me clue you in: ANY ONE OF THESE would be a deal breaker for quite a few women. All of them together=undateable. In fact, his boredom with your orgasm, ALONE, makes him pretty useless as a lover.

    I'm sorry you gave your virginity to this guy, because you got yourself a bad one. Dump him, or at least get yourself a semi-competent lover on the side, so you can see what one can do.

  • another alternative account topic from WhoaHaha to get his jollies from the responses

    was wondering when you'd make another one lulz

    • Excuse me?

    • Same response I got when I called you out for it before. you're not slick ;)

    • What are you talking about?If you are not going to answer my Question,leave me alone and take your beef with whoever somewhere else

    • Show All

  • he's obviously selfish and if he's not willing to compromise, leave him.

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