How do you women feel about being a "Hot Wife" (a shared wife or girlfriend)?

[Anonymous]

I am a very open minded guy and I have participated in alternative lifestyles with some of my ex-girlfriends. Particularly swinging and hot wifing. For those not in the know, a hot wife is a woman who is shared by her husband or boyfriend with other men.

I ask because in all my experiences, all of the women were very reluctant at first but after the initial shock for the most part they were very excited at the idea of having multiple sex partners with their husbands/ boyfriends consent, participating and watching.

Even in the case where there was some resistance, she eventually brought it up and even initiated.

I wonder if in a forum such as this one where everyone remains anonymous what would women answer to the question ..

If you could have multiple sex partners with your boyfriend or husbands consent and approval would you accept such an arrangement?

I look forward to your responses.

[hisangel]

I am very open minded about sexual practices and like learning why people get turned on by different things. But for me, there are certain sexual practices where you can ignore the intention of sex (to bond to people to each other) and you can turn a partner into a device for masturbation or a tool to play out your fantasies. I think it is very common. Regardless if another person is brought into the bedroom or not. But I think it says a lot about the person asking the request. Mostly, that the innate sense of jealousy, possession, and desire for having a partner, is missing. Making the person seek out only sexual gratification at the expense of the person they are with.

So, no, it does not appeal to me because I strongly believe in monogamy. I think when another person is brought into a union that is meant to be between two people, even at the approval of both partners, I think it damages the trust and unity that is meant to be there.

It also seems like a lot of people who get into that don't start in that relationship from the start. It turns into that after boredom or a desire to end the relationship sets in. But then there are people who do go into a relationship knowing that is how it is going to be. But either way, just cause something works, doesn't mean it is working properly. You can duct tape a broken fan belt but just cause you are getting away with that for a while it doesn't mean that isn't going to just rip apart again someday. It doesn't mean its a sign the car was meant to run that way.

Just my opinion.

[StagHubby8259]

I think you see sexual intimacy as a "transaction" rather than a natural experience. I think this because you wrote "Making the person seek out only sexual gratification AT THE EXPENSE of the person they are with." How is sex an "expense"? I don't think that you understand how your view of sex is tied to socialization: traditions, religion, etc. You would agree with someone saying: "I offer you respect, love, loyalty, and a happy life together as long as you PAY me with sexual monogamy." As a stag, I offer my wife the same level of intimacy and passion as when she was sexually monogamous. I have told her numerous times that she does not need to agree with my fantasies or like them or act them out... I made this very clear to her before she started even seriously wanting other men. That's another thing, I never TELL my wife to sleep with someone else nor do I deny her my love and affection if she does not "play with others" on occasion. Unlike your hypothetical view of the stag/howife dynamic, my wife prefers to tell me that there is someone she might want to have sex with and she considers it for a while before she decides if she want to go through with it or not. Most of the time, she prefers to simply keep it a fantasy and teases me with it - which is great. I love my hotwife with the same intensity as the day we first met. You're assuming that sharing a sexual experience with a third person is equivalent to "bringing someone into a union." Not at all. It's a sexual experience not couple's therapy. When either of us has an issue with the other, we tell each other - with the understanding that we love each other and respect each other to speak up without fear of losing something in the relationship.

[StagHubby8259]

Continued Part 2 Your comment about something not working properly in ALL stag/hotwife relationships, demonstrates your strong bias for monogamy, which is clearly a big part of your sexuality. You feel that a man needs to be jealous of you talking with another man and that sex is meant for "bonding" and that's great; that's your sexual preference. My sexual preference is to occasionally watch my wife with another man or for her to tell me about it; my wife's sexual preference is to be mostly monogamous, but I would love her just the same if she decided to be completely monogamous with me. It doesn't mean something is "broken"; we are not stupid enough to believe that we should do this to "save" our marriage. You're actually referring to other couples with your statement. Those couples that feel they should get married/buy a house/have children to save the relationship. If someone is stupid enough to believe there is ONE thing to do to save a relationship, then "being open-minded" about sex is not for them.

[StagHubby8259]

Continued Part 3 I hope you understand that writing "I am very open minded" does not mean that you are... it just means that you wrote it. When it comes to sex, your mind is really closed. By your definition, you could not "bond" with a man "properly" unless you're able to have sex. And as a corollary, unless you have sex with someone you cannot bond with them. When I first met my wife, she was seeing another man. It did not stop us from bonding emotionally and intellectually. And when she mentioned she had broken up with her boyfriend, I did not jump at the opportunity (though I loved her). I knew she still liked him and I told her she should try to fix the relationship since it was clearly not over. I even lessened our communication because I wanted to give her space to figure out what she wanted. I never revealed to her what I felt for her at the time, until after a year since we started dating. She didn't get back with him and eventually, six months later, we started our relationship when she told me that she wanted us to be more than "friends." I didn't need to have sex with her to miss her like hell when we were apart and I didn't need to be her boyfriend to love her dearly and to want the best for her.

[StagHubby8259]

Continued Part 4 My hotwife and I bonded strongly, long before we saw each other naked. We were monogamous for a decade and a half before I even told her about my fantasy... because she asked about my fantasies and I trusted her enough to not be judgmental or to reject me outright. It was shocking at first, and it did take a long time for her to even admit she "checked" out other guys after we were together. We have not lost an once of love between us; in fact, the first time she met someone and decided to "bond" with him for twenty minutes she had me promise that we would die in each other's hands no matter what happened next - I did promise. That's a promise I will keep, if I can. Also, I'm not "using" my wife to get off any more than you use your partners to get off. My wife once suggested that it was okay if I "used" her body while she was asleep. She loves to feel me between her butt cheeks when we go to bed... the gentle motion and closeness lulls her to sleep. Though I am fully erect every time this happens, I stop when I feel she's gone to sleep. I was really offended when she suggested I didn't have to stop when she fell asleep... I don't really need her to be actively participating, but I do need her to be awake if I want to finish. She loves it, she loves waiting until we're really warm and I'm pressing hard against her before she begs me to get inside and fill her up. We did this when we were monogamous, we do it now, and hopefully one day (when we're 110 years old) we'll die while doing this one last time.

[StagHubby8259]

Continue Part 5 Good luck on your journey. I hope you find someone that shares your feelings about monogamy to spend the rest of your life with... because it is your sexual preference and the best way for you to experience sexual satisfaction. Remember though, that however "normal" your preference is, it is your preference and does not make it better, more validating, or more "right" than anyone else's sexual preference. by the way, my wife only accepts strictly single male "friends," which is why it takes time for her to decide if she has someone or not - she needs to be sure, they're not just saying they're single to have her. To my hotwife and I, sexual satisfaction is about sexual satisfaction and our marriage is about our marriage. The fact that our marriage does not depend on strict monogamy, does not mean we are not satisfied sexually or that we want out of our marriage. We enjoy exploring each other's sexuality whether it involves someone else or not, we're not missing anything in our marriage and nothing was ever broken. I agree that exploring sexual desire this way is not for everyone, but it is for us. It not only "works," it's satisfying beyond our wildest expectations - to be honest about our sexual desires and to explore them without judgement. To anyone thinking about doing this, I suggest they begin by first questioning how much of their sexuality is about what they "should" do and how much of it is what is actually sexually desirable and satisfying to them. Again, NEVER USE HOTWIFING TO TRY TO "SAVE" A MARRIAGE, it very likely will not work out.

[Bethan1981]

I’m your so called hotwife. I grew up in a conservative Asian family. When my husband brought up his kink about sharing me with other men I was really upset and ever considered getting a divorce. But my husband has always been a wonderful husband. He never pushed or pressured me to try it out. But over time I come to realise this is something that really turns him on. So I decided to give this hotwifing thing a try.

My first experience was amazing. I felt so liberated and the whole experience is very empowering. I came to know the dirty side of me which I never knew it exists. Being a hotwife has been addictive to me. Be able to sleep with any men I want and yet be able to go home to be loved by the family I consider myself lucky. ... my husband and I do not have any marriage issue - if we have to choose again we would still choose each other.

But it might just be me...

[Babeknows]

He might not love you

[Gray1146]

What if he said stop? Could you? Because if the answer is no, then you’re not a good wife, and you’re not a good person. I’m not sure how guys are OK with this in any sense. This is what your college years are for. I was a whore I was a print model in New York City, and I’m a guy and fantasy great, but bang another guy either your husband is a bitch or he doesn’t give a shit about you

[Cool-Relax]

I would most likely feel like a sex object being passed around from one guy to another, which doesn't interest me at all. If a guy asked me to do that for him, I would have to question his respect for both me and our relationship.

[RiccoCosta]

It's empowering her sexual liberation... She's not an object.

[Anonymous]

I disagree. My wife and I have an incredible marriage. She is absolutely spoiled as a wife in every way. Even her friends are jealous and they tell her that. She knows she is loved in way. There is respect in our loving marriage. She is satisfied in the bedroom. When it comes to sexual fantasies, we all have them. If you say you don't your not being truthful. I know I have an incredible wife and I love showing her off. I don't want her restrained in any way including sexually. I want her to be proud of herself and how she looks. No woman can tell me they don't want that. My wife is very beautiful and she turns men's heads. My wife is very sexual and enjoys the attention. She is my Hotwife. I enjoy making love to my wife and she is very orgasmic. She cums multiple times. It does help that I am endowed and I know how to please a woman. The only jealousy I have is she is not allowed to have sex without me. She's is adamant that she will not play without me. She says she belongs to me. She says will do anything sexually that I want her to do. The great thing is that we both have very similar fantasies. Well they are no longer fantasies. Since she is my Hotwife she has sex with men I choose. She has sex only with me and my black friends. She enjoys being prim and proper by day but a total slut at night.

[Camilus]

"I am a very open minded guy..."

How does treating your girlfriend like a prostitute and letting other hairy-assed men shove their schlong inside her make you more open-minded than other people? You are disgusting and pathetic (even more so than the fat guido in my profile pic).

[Blueboy3131]

Sounds like your very uptight. Maybe it's due to lack of sex.

[RiccoCosta]

@Blueboy3131 Blueboy sounds as though his... are blue... Open up and embrace adventure.

[Barti_1978]

Haha. My wife, 24yrs, is a hotwife. She fucks (and sucks) several guys a week. We have great sex together also. No problem you find that pathetic. I love her like no one else.

[JustAnj]

I wouldn't I'm loyal to the point of no arousal for anyone, I can only be turned on by my husband and literally has been the only case.

I had my chance to be crazy, now I get to be crazy in all different ways with the man I love and it's fucken fantastic. ❤️💯😍

[BlackBeauty90]

I've too much self respect and noticed, from friends who do this, the women are usually insecure and sheepish. Some so desperate to please I wouldn't be surprised if they fucked the family dog if asked.

[Angieeebabieee]

Hey op I'm really glad you posted this. So at first yeah I was reluctant because I had only experienced extremely jealous and possesive partners. So at first I felt well damn I guess my man doesn't really love me if he's down to share. But quickly I have learned the opposite... we are very much in love and this is the freeest I have ever felt in a relationship and the most loved. Really I feel. like a queen. I just have a question for you, just so I can understand the make perspective a little more... what drives you to hot wifing... lol like why..

[Gwenhwyfar]

Don’t like it

[DarkWinterNights]

Anyone bringing this up is throwing a huge red flag that the relationship is basically over. They aren’t satisfied but are too comfortable to break up.


I’ve never seen this work and it always leads to a breakup or divorce. If my wife or girlfriend proposed this I would start lining up an out from the relationship in advance.

[NFBiGuy]

This statement does seem to be based on actual fact. The fact of the matter is swingers have a lower rate of divorce than monogamous couples. The primary reason for that is that open relationships demand very good communications. Second, show me any studies showing that “it always leads to breakup and divorce”, This is, frankly, not the truth. My wife and I are an example. We used to be swingers and then decided we preferred polyamory. We’ve been in a relationship with another man for about seven years and we are very happy. I know many couples who are swingers and are very happy together. Making unfounded claims to further your agenda is disgusting.

[DarkWinterNights]

You’re clearly not monogamous and never were to begin with. When you go into a monogamous relationship, exclusivity is the expectation, period. And maybe I’m biased since everyone I know is monogamous. But that’s still the societal norm. I’m glad it works for you, but I would rather remain single forever than share my partner around with other people. I see absolutely no point to that. May as well just be friends with benefits. Getting married is just inviting yourself to get graped in divorce court.

[Barti_1978]

Haha. My wife, 24yrs, is a hotwife. She fucks (and sucks) several guys a week. We have great sex together also. I love her like no one else. We have great communication, there is full trust and we have nog secrets. That is the most important. I know lots of "traditional" couples that are not having these essentials...

[Mr_Ski]

It's all good

[Iron_Man]

They won’t have it

[sicosico]

Depends on both parties, I like the idea in general being the queen to be satisfied

[llcanon]

back in the day a wife who did this kind of thing was considered a whore

[Barti_1978]

@llcanon back in the day they killed people for no reasons (except color of skin or being gay for example).

[llcanon]

hell no. i would tell my wife to fuck off

[llcanon]

if this what marriages devolve into then why even be married at all. I can and have had multiple partners just being single so getting married to have the same thing makes no sense. Besides Marriage is a spiritual connection as well and this sounds like it breaks and destroys the Holy Marriage Covenant.. See to me sex in marriage is much more than just sex it is intimacy and multiple partners ruins that with your spouse and the risk it ending marriages is great.

[JennieF]

They call it HOT wife for a reason.

[Chris60]

As a husband i am happy to let my wife have a friend or friends with benefits. I don't own her, and she deserves the freedom to explore her sexuality if she wants. In saying this she has not taken up the offer.

[Pfistah]

I can see how a wife would feel like her relationship was in trouble even by the question/proposition alone.

For men, jealousy and lust are very closely linked biologically and jealousy actually drives the libido through the roof in a wife-sharing fantasy. I’d warn my fellow husbands to consider how strong that feeling is right after your orgasm. Sure the fantasy will come back, but it’s controlled and you’ve not risked your wife and life by fantasizing and masturbating to it.

Question for wives and girlfriends - how do you feel about role play with the understanding that your husband would not actually want to play out the fantasy in real life? Would it turn you on? Would you even entertain it?

[LonestarBBQDude]

You are not even close to being open minded, your statement "the intention of sex (to bond to people to each other)" proves it. Sex was not and is not intended to form any bonds emotionally, the only intention for sex is and always has been to reproduce, it works that way for humans, animals and plants. Women tend to desire an emotional connection with partners, but the is in no way NEEDED to have sex. Liberal schools working at their best...

[Gray1146]

tell yourself whatever you’d like I’m 100% sure this this lifestyle or any lifestyle swinging community will never be mainstream ever

[daniinjoe]

I met my husband when I was 19 and with very little sexual experience.
We have a great relationship and I would say communication is our strongest asset.
From the start, he always loved attention I got from other men which is the opposite of my friends partners reactions; most of whom get angry or jealous.
About five years into our relationship was the first time he mentioned the attention in a sexual manner (in the bedroom while initiating sex)
Our sex-life had become bland and I enjoyed any change.
The 'other man" conversations escalated over the next couple of years becoming more sexually explicit.
For example; a larger penis which was surprising yet exciting as my husband is not blessed in that department.
When he asked me directly I was not as you experienced, my response was something like "are you sure?"Honestly, I was excited but my wanting to make sure he wanted it too as I did not want to damage our marriage could possibly be seen as reluctance. I love being a Hotwife as does my husband and his voyeurism. The first time only, my husband insisted upon a well-hung male but after that it has been something I want. Finally, this is worth sharing; My two best friends and my sister know about my being a hotwife. All three are married and initially they were shocked. However that passed and all three of them have expressed their desire to have a similar arrangement which makes me wonder at the last part of your post."If you could have multiple sex partners with your boyfriend or husbands consent and approval would you accept such an arrangement?"Many would I think.

[Monroe22]

I’ve recently started being one and it is a turn on I must say. My fiancé said simply off my pleasure but I’m still curious what makes guys love it and stumbled across this site.

[Anonymous]

I am a Christian man who desire to settle and start a family, living in Syracuse NY.

I am 56 year old white male who is seeking to marry a woman who desires to be a Hotwife!! This is what I desire:

Hotwife - A married woman who is allowed and/or encouraged by her husband to pursue sexual relationships with other individuals. Often, these relationships are in pursuit of fulfilling the husband's/couple's fantasies!!

This means you must be willing to sleep with other men in front of me as well as dating on the side!!

1Corinthians 7:3-4

3 The marriage bed must be a place of mutuality - the husband seeking to satisfy his wife, the wife seeking to satisfy her husband. 4 Marriage is not a place to "stand up for your rights." Marriage is a decision to serve the other, whether in bed or out!!

[Anonymous]

Fuck no lol

[Anonymous]

Sure!

[Anonymous]

My wife wants to try it, but I don't think it's a good idea.

[RiccoCosta]

Don't be a pussy; do it. It's erotic AF.

[Barti_1978]

Just do it. My wife is a hotwife. I do anything for her. Our relation is so great.

[Gray1146]

if she does, and you don’t go and do the same you an idiot, you at this point you know that you’re marriage is over since you asked for this, but now you just get revenge you’ll be able to look at yourself in the mirror again giving her taste of her own money do not be a bitch I say you’ll feel much better about you getting revenge and you don’t even give a shit about her. You gotta let her know that you’re real and that’s that

[Anonymous]

I would never even consider it, nor could I be with a man who would consider it. It goes against everything I believe marriage is meant to be. (Not to mention being a great way to spread diseases.) I believe in faithfulness.

[RiccoCosta]

As a couple, the stag and vixen participate in these activities *together*... therefore, there's no cheating. Um, hello...