Sexual Health
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How far should I go with my boyfriend without sex?

In other words, I love making out but I want to be a virgin until marriage. I'm just wondering is there anything that my boyfriend wouldn't want me to do if sex didn't follow? We make out, I cuddle/spoon with him in his bed while clothed, he touches my breasts sometimes and if we get into making out he starts rubbing my crotch but I tend to stop him before going too far. And he is extremely respectable so he stops when I say. But I wonder if he gets blue balls and really frustrated when I stop him. If he does, he doesn't vocalize it. What should and shouldn't I do? I don't want him to be upset. :(
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Don't do anything that could lead to an STD. Also, most people don't think about it, but oral sex is a sex act, and when visiting an nurse practitioner, she'll ask questions. You can get or give an STD by having oral sex. In fact, the occurrence of std's found in the throat of girls are increasing. I can't remember which one, but I think it was gonorrhea. Scary and disgusting. I've seen pictures.

    Don't cheat the system. Besides, it's a slippery slope. When I was 18 I made the same pact... and I only lasted 2 years. It's not an easy decision, but I wish I would've waited. I'm finally dating the most amazing Christian man, and the guilt of my past conquests constantly haunt me. Yes, they were learning experiences, but that's something that I could never share with him on our wedding night. Stay strong!

    Limit yourselves in alone time. Never lay down on a bed or couch together, and don't close the door when you're in a room together. I know it sounds lame, but it will prevent you from having opportunities to make mistakes.

    Best of luck!

    • well, i don't need to say anything.

  • I am in a similar situation, but my boyfriend and I have gone pretty far. The most important thing that we have found is being upfront and honest about what we wanted and how far we wanted to go. My boyfriend also wants to wait until marriage, but does want to enjoy the perks that come with being a couple. We have agreed to save blow jobs and him eating me out for later on down the road, when we know how the other person's body works. Everything else we are both okay doing with the other person, because we made the decision first to not have sex and practice self-control, even though it is very tempting. He does things to my neck that make me die and go to heaven, as well as fingering me and I give him hand-jobs he loves in return. It is all what works best for you as a couple. Best of luck to you! Let me know if you have any more questions.

  • It's good that he cares about you like that. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with. If you're ok with dry humping or giving him a hand job/blow job, then you can go that route. But if you're happy with the level of physical contact, don't go overboard just to please him. From what it sounds like, you're comfortable with how it is. If he's not, he won't say anything out of respect for you. So unless you want to take the relationship further, the only point I see in asking him about it is to reassure yourself.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well yes he will get blue balls if he is right next to a girl and feeling sexual. However if you don't mind him masturbating that doesn't mean you can't have a meaningful relationship. Any good man would wait till marriage if he loved a girl that much. Good luck!

  • If you want to wait until marriage I applaud you and shouldnt change that for anyone and if he really does love you he won't mind waiting until that day. He may get a little frustrated but he will live, no one has ever died from lack of sex.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • you could give him a blowob or a handjob that would take care of blueballs

  • You should at least give him head.

  • You can be a virgin till marriage and still satisfy a guy. Giving head and hand jobs are not loosing your virginity. Neither is fingering or eating out.

  • Just give up and f you c k him.

  • To be honest, anything further than making out can lead to sex. so if you are honestly wanting to wait.. then you should realy wait on doing all sex acts.

  • If he can wait at least a year then he deserves it.

    • Thats horrible thinking I mean just because you waited doesn't mean you deserve it. You should think of the chick don't be selfish like that. God. Virginity is special and you need to think of it that way. Its not something you just give to the first guy that comes along and waits a year. That's stupid.

    • You should think the chick not be selfish like that, I'm agree.

  • Just tell him that you want to wait until marriage so that he knows not to expect anything and won't get let down.. There's no point in leading him on all the time, because maybe he wants sex but not marriage. Think about him.

  • He seem so sweet. You should be so happy to be with a guy like him lol, because there's only few in this world, Thank god ii get 1 of the few too lol.

    i feel bad to tell you this, but there's nothing sexuale you could do with him or to him without sex following! aka without getting horny.

  • Hey that is appreciable if you want to be a virgin up till you get married. But if you want him not to be disappointed you can give him a blow job or so, so that he can get at least something if not everything. Because as you said you play up to a certain limit but then you stop him, so its quite unpleasurable and unbearable situation at that time , so the idea is to give him something...

    • Yeah but I'm too fond of giving oral to him. I guess I'm just not that comfortable doing that. And I think I'm afraid of myself too. I'm afraid that if the moment gets too heated and we start getting into it, I won't want to stop and I would hate myself forever.

    • Why would you hate yourself forever because of that. I mean as long as you make the right decision and you love him I don't see the problem in loosing your virginity to him. You shouldn't hate it.

    • (to sarahjohnston09) i think what she meant by 'i would hate myself forever' is because if it were to happen, then there was that promise or commitment she made(if that applies) and then she just caught up in the moment and feeling, and broke it...i know that would bother me too if it happened...

  • That was an interesting question because I'm in the exact same boat. Just don't do anything YOUR not comfortable doing. He'll respect you. A lot.

  • dry sex is the way to go

    • Definitely that's was I do

  • It seems like you two already are on the line of having sex.

    Marry him. You two are ALREADY INTIMATE.

    Am I the only real virgin left?

  • I am actually in the same kind of situation, I have gone a little farther than you though. I have the same belief that my boyfriend and I should wait until marriage and if not, at least a little bit farther into our relationship. He has rubbed my crotch and I've done the same to him. We recently had a conversation and we both agreed that maybe its time to go farther but I don't exactly know how to please him without wanting it to lead ALL the way to actual sex ... If you find out any useful information, please let me know.

    Thanks :)

  • You are with out a doubt blue balling him. If your not going to offer up the deed then you need to at least give him a BJ or a hand job. He can respect your wishes but its part of nature that when a guy gets aroused that he has to get off.. Be that Masturbation or though sex.

    • that is still considered sex.

  • I wanna know too! Thanks for asking . :-)

    • I think some iof these guys response are pigs! Obviously you are trying to respect your body & his respect for you. Wy would you want to guve him head, or the lovely tit fu*8 solution. I think you probably wanted more reassurance that hs balls are not gong to fall off. Well they won't ^^ I have only kissed & upperbody stuff.. I kow my BF, has had lots of sex, but he s being really sweet. So I am not going to worry about it. Every once in a while I debate carressing his penis, but that's it :)

  • I'm a Christian, and I'm just guessing you are too? Correct me if I'm wrong by the

    way. But I think touching your breasts is ok and stuff. And if he really loves you he will respect your views on sex

  • Try hand jobs, that's good to start with. If you feel comfortable enough, you can try oral. Another thing people don't really talk about but you might want to do is if your boobs are big enough you can push them together and go inbetween them. Anything that you feel comfortable with.

  • Your boyfriend sounds great. I wouldn't worry about making him wait.

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