I have never told this before but now I have to. What should I say to her? Why would she do this?

[Anonymous]

On a cruise me and my family were on when I was young something happened something I have never told before. We got the cruise as a favor from my dads boss we didn't have much. The first day we were getting unpacked getting used to things and the second day at a class I met this girl. I liked her she was very interesting I thought maybe we could be friends, she was somewhat older than me. She noticed I was into her and so the third day she asked me to go with her to her room on the ship. When I went to her room she told me to sit on the bed I was young so I was thinking maybe she likes me picking me out of all the other boys to spend time with her maybe we would kiss and this would be the best cruise ever. I was sitting on the bed thinking of something to compliment her I was nervous so I didn't know what was coming she told me to lay down. I did and she started to take off her pants and unzipped mine I asked what are you doing she told me to be still and quite. She then sat on me put me into her and then started bouncing on me I didn't know what to say I was thinking this isn't right she said trust me. She started bruising my legs and I asked her if we could stop she told me again be quite. I had never had sex before when I started to get excited for a reason I did not know and a feeling in my pelvis I said I feel like I am going to pee she said nothing. I felt pain from it being bent because it had never been bent so long so far before. After I blew I said what is going on and I thought well I don't know what happened maybe we can quit now but she kept bouncing, all this time was not satisfying her. The next time I blew I was feeling the skin of my private slowly rub away and I felt like I was bleeding I was starting to cry saying can we please not do this she looked behind her then looked at me and covered my mouth with her hand. Through all the bouncing her ring chipped my tooth I thought she would at least look at me but she looked up at the ceiling smiling. After I blew the fourth time I had very blue balls she finally exploded on me let out the air in her and said don't tell anyone about this then she took her hand off of my mouth. I was silently crying she took me out of her and she had a look that she was worried because she thought she was bleed then she said oh its just you. She said pull up your pants and get out I was crying because I was in so much pain from the bending to the bleed to the blue balls and being so humiliated even though it was just me and her I still felt humiliated. I was still crying trying to be quite going back to my room on the ship She took my virginity and my dignity I have tried never to be horny again. Now I tell this because I saw her recently at a college I go to she is in my class after all these years I do recognize her and I want to hurt her badly what should I do? What should I say to her? Do I remind her and let her know I was that boy? I want to hurtg her badly she almost ruined my childhood.

[hisangel]

I'm a little shocked by everyone's responses!

There is no easy way to say this but you were raped. Any sexual act that is forced on a person, whether male or female, is rape. I know it's awful to hear but you need to understand that cause you need to deal with it in that way.

You do not need to get over it and move on! I know this is something you may not want to do but you need to go to the police about what she did to you. Even if it was several years ago. The reason you need to do that is, you are starting to have fantasies about hurting her. And that can get you in trouble. If you try to do something in retaliation to her, she will probably take it to the police herself and then YOU will be the one who ends up in jail. She is a criminal and she needs to be treated like one. If you don't want to do that, that's understandable but you have to protect yourself from her even if that means putting her in jail so you don't hurt her and end up there yourself.

Also, since this happened to you at a young age, it can affect your sexual ideas. You may begin to fantasize about other women hurting you sexually or hurting other women sexually. And even though it may be a turn on, it is only reliving what happened to you.

You also need to seek some kind of counseling. Not because you are broken or wrong but because she affected the way you are living your life. You don't want to get aroused anymore cause every time you do it is bringing back bad memories. But getting aroused is part of who you are. It's like trying not to breathe. I know that isn't the way you want to live your life. You are going to want to have a partner in life and have kids. And you don't want to be a 30 year old man crying every time you get an erection. If you can find a counselor that deals with sexual crimes, you will see how common a lot of your thoughts are and the best way to work through them so they don't control you anymore.

Also, finding someone you trust, to talk to about it will help you immensely. It can be a friend or family member. But when you keep it to yourself, it only succeeds in making you feel dirty and dirty and more and more alone.

I know you think that if you ignore it, it will go away. But sweetheart, trust me, it won't. Your life has been changed cause of it and you need to find a way to get back on a good path where memories of her aren't ruling your thoughts or fantasies.

[hisangel]

Oh and please do not listen to the people telling you that as a guy you should be grateful that someone did something to you even if you didn't want it done. Just cause she is a woman doesn't mean a damn thing. Those are people who don't realize sex can be traumatizing for both sexes if forced on you. By a man or woman. It's like someone who never had to wonder where their next meal was coming from saying they don't understand why people go on welfare.

[NaturallySexy]

Hey I agree with you completely. Some of the things I was gonna write to him but you pretty much said it. Hey, you may probably think about telling one or both of your parents first and tell them she is now in you class and ask if there is anything that can be done. It won't be easy but it will really help you.

[Asker]

I don't have fantasies about being hurt during sex I don't want sex its over rated I wouldn't do it for the sick pleasure any girl could get out of it. I haven't had the desire this year and I expect the same next year I wanted a answer from a guy but they clearly needed to be there. If she doesn't feel pain she at least needs to feel guilt. I don't want pity I just want to know what to do all this time I have lived by just do the right thing but now I don't know what that is.

[hisangel]

I don't pity you. I was sorry you were hurt. And you don't think calling sex over rated has anything to do with what she did?

[Asker]

It is when I was young I was jealous all the adults had a secret now that I know what it is its like why would I want it now It sucks there is no reason other than the children and the majority of men are pigs because they don't know what its like yeah now I get it brave men want sex because its brave to go be in pain for a girl its so retarded if a guy really know what it is he wouldn't want it. It is like I said unbelievably overrated.

[hisangel]

To a lot of people sex is a way to show kindness. The woman that you know is sick and used it for cruelty. If every time you have sex, you feel pleasure of course you are going to want more sex. If the time you had sex it just gave you pain, of course you won't want that again. It has nothing to do with bravery. People kill in the name of love but that doesn't mean it is love. People kill in the name of God, that doesn't mean God wants them killed. Just because someone hurt in the sex...

[hisangel]

It doesn't mean that's what sex is. Someone told you the wrong answer to a secret.

[Asker]

It doesn't matter if you have had a good time with it I have made up my mind if your guy doesn't mind then you could do whatever you want but as far as I am concerned it is nothing of value. You can tell me how great it is but you can't make me want it. Sorry if I seem rude I don't like women any more or as much as a normal person would and I'm not gay I am trying to be considerate kinda hard I guess you could call me sexist but what did you mean by I need counseling?

[Asker]

I am not a hatful person if I gave that impression sorry and is rape really the right term for what had happened? I honestly didn't think any one would care about this especially a girl but I should be more open to ideas... what do you honestly think is the right thing to do?

[hisangel]

By no means do I think you should like something because I like something! Or cause anyone else does. You have every right to feel how you are feeling. And I don't think you are sexist because you don't like women. You were assulted when you were young by a woman so it's completely natural to not trust women. And I don't think YOU need counseling. I just meant that counselors can show you that all the thoughts you are feeling are normal and that a lot of peope have gone what you are going

[hisangel]

Thru so they know ways to help you deal with what you are thinking or feeling. They can say "Look this has been proven to help" and help get you thru. But that is up to you. Of course I'm not saying you have to do it. And yes I do think rape is the right term. Rape is like assault or robbery or murder, it has no classification of gender. All those crimes can happen to either sex. And frequently do happen to either sex. The reason you don't hear about a bunch of guys talking about being raped

[hisangel]

Is because guys are told to get over it. So you are not alone.

[hisangel]

I think the answer response has a limit of times I can post so I'm going to post a new comment so I can say more.

You asked what you should do. I can give you advice but if you don't feel comfortable doing that then have to go with what your heart tells you.

I don't think there is anything wrong with your desire to talk to her. You have every right actually. But please do it in public. I say that for your protection. The last thing you need is this woman telling lies about what you did to her. If she gets afraid that you might tell someone, she can try to discredit you with lies. So if you talk to her in public that might help your case. Also, if you are furious with her (which again, anyone would be) you don't want to get alone with her and hurt her and regret it. She has already done enough damage and you don't need your life destroyed because of this woman.

Also, understand that she may not give you the answer you want. You want her to feel guilty. She probably does. But she may never say it. So if you go into it wanting to hear certain words it may not happen. But if you just need to get how much you hate her and how wrong it was off your chest, then I think you should. It may be very healing.

But again, I beg you to do it public. Remember that you aren't the little boy in anymore. You are bigger and stronger than her. But you aren't her. So you aren't going to be careless with someone else's safety like she was.

I also think this is one of those times where they say "Success is the best revenge". Living a life without her hateful act ruling you life really is the best way to live.

I'll tell you something I don't share lightly. When I was finally able to realize the man that hurt me as a child had no power over me, my whole life changed. I was not a scared little girl anymore. And I finally was able to be strong for myself. He has no power over me.

[Asker]

I don't know if I should say this it would be pretty mixed up of me to admit this but I don't know if I want to talk to her I really don't know how to say this but I sorta see what I liked in her back then but I don't want to like her. You acted as if a guy had did something to you something you did not want. Please tell me if you had the chance would you kill him?

[Asker]

And thanks for the advice if I find myself in the position I will use it.

[hisangel]

It's not mixed up that you have feelings for her. It's very normal actually. Sometimes I hate the person that hurt me but most of the time my feelings toward him are tender as crazy as it sounds. His actions effected the rest of my life but you become attached to the person in a very traumatizing way. It's normal to feel for them even when you should be disgusted with them. And I think it's very wise to not want to talk to her if you have those feelings.

[hisangel]

Regarding wanting to kill him, no I haven't had a desire to hurt him. But what happened to me was different then what happened to you. You had a very violent assault. Because mine wasn't violent like that, I can see you having stronger feelings of wanting to inflict pain. I would probably more want to ask him how he deluded himself into believing what he was doing was OK. But also as a woman, I haven't grown stronger than him so if I was with him in a room my feelings would still be fear.

[Asker]

You seem to know more about this than I do I honestly don't know how what you have gone through could have been different from mine, I haven't had a friend on this site yet if I sent you a request would you accept because everybody else seems to not understand.

[hisangel]

Of course you can request me as a friend. I would be happy to accept you.

[Anonymous]

In time you'll see this as an opportunity others would have loved - except for the pain/bleeding. Your prescription is to find a loving girlfriend that can lead you into the light side of sex and forget the dark side. As for this reunion, it's been taken care of that she doesn't recognizes/remembers you.. perhaps there were so many. So accept this gift and anytime you wish to "get even" or shame her... accept the fact that others will do this for you, you'll never know how but your fingerprints will NOT be on what's to come... any consequences will come to others with less self-restraint. now get on with finding a girlfriend that is not so eager to jump into the sack.

[Anonymous]

maybe it would be better to put it into more optimistic terms. dude, I got laid by a hot chick during a cruise, except she nearly broke my junk off, that part sucked.

dude. you got laid on a boat cruise without even trying, that's like a dream come true!

[NaturallySexy]

What the hell!!? He was crying, he did not wish for this to happen. He wasn't happy about it. This young man was hurt and abused sexually, there is no way he can "put it into more optimistic terms"

[Opinion Owner]

Ha! be realistic! how often does something you wish to happen actually happen? besides, what choice does he have? he can either sit there and feel bad that it happened or he can accept it and continue to live his life. I understand that I haven't been sexually abused and I don't know what he's going through, but I know that wallowing in the past isn't going to help.

[shazzababy]

Shit mate. That is really disgusting on her behalf. "Hisangel" is right, it is definitely rape, and if your prepared to go through with it, then you should press charges. I wouldn't give her the time of day. Don't speak to her at all, and even if she tries, make it clear you want absolutely nothing to do with her. If you try to hurt her, then inevitably you will end up hurting yourself so much more.

Find someone you trust to talk to, and I am so sorry that this happened.

[Late_flip]

U should slap her

[Kathleen09]

Wow I am so sorry you had to go through this... my piece of advice would be just try and let it go. I know that that is most definitely harder said than done. but I think if you were to come up to her and say something it would just bring up a horrible time in your life and your family would find out, and your friends and just create drama for yourself. I would suggest not saying anything to her unless she says something to you first. and in the event that she does if she does bring up the cruise event then I might tell her truthfully how that messed up your childhood. how it affected you...

Again, I'm sorry you had to go through this no one should ever. but I promise you there is a girl out there looking for a man just like you! and happiness will become a reality

[Anonymous]

How old were you and her

[Anonymous]

living the dream if she was hot if not then I am am very sorry and hope no ever has to go through this experience

[NaturallySexy]

Wow really? You guys really don't put yourselves in his shoes!