How to get my wife to give me oral sex?

[AK-Raider]

OK. I wouldn't mind any and all suggestions on how I can talk my wife into giving me some much wanted oral sex!

[springdragonfly]

You need to have a conversation with her about why she doesn't want to. Keep this casual and its a good idea to have it out of the bedroom in a more casual, less aggressive and demanding way. You want to do it in a way that makes her think that you really appreciate and love her, that you enjoyed any bj/manual stimulation she ever did, that you think oral sex is healthy and fun part of a relationship. KEEP IT POSITIVE. But try to find out why she's not doing it. While you obviously can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do, understanding her can help you and her make changes and better satisfy each other.

I suspect it is probably one of these reasons:

A) You don't give her oral either. Solution: START!

B) She isn't knowledgeable about it/has very little experience & is consequently shy about it. She needs some pointers & ego boosters. Try to get her to start off by playing with your penis a little, not give a full blow job but stimulate you with her mouth as part of foreplay - that way there is less pressure on her to finish you off and she can experiment and have fun. Simple suggestions in an "oh-my-god-that feels-so-good" voice (like harder or something about location etc) will help modify her techniques and let you only ever tell her she did a good job. Compliment her on her work. Specific compliments about the parts you like best will probably ensure you get a lot more of that. Oh and don't hold in your enjoyment. You don't have to be noisy about it, but I really like it when guys obviously react to the different things I'm doing. It helps me know what that specific guy likes. Also make sure she is in a comfortable position while she is working on you (if she's kneeling ask if she'd like a pillow or something soft) and do NOT push her head ever ever ever.

C) She has been brought up thinking that it is a trashy thing to do. This is hard to change, but telling her you don't think so, letting her know it is something you would really enjoy and would feel was an expression of her love for you etc might help. It might also help if you start going down on her or talk about why you like to do that. You need to try to gently re-educate her (in a nice way) on this.

D) She is grossed out by some aspect of it - possibly the faint scent, having cum in her mouth, etc. Solution: take a shower before you two get physical & keep yourself neatly trimmed. You can also suggest that she finishes with her hand, that she spits, etc depending on her specific issues. If she has issues with cum, tell her when you are getting to the end so that she can prepare/switch to using her hand, etc.

E) She's one of those evil women who thinks that bjs should only be used as a special treat for a guy when he's done something particularly nice, when she wants something etc. She wants to use them to control you and your relationship and is selfish. If that's the case, I'm not sure anyone can help. I'm really sorry for you.

[badger460]

Ok, I enjoy oral sex and I wish my wife would be more adventuresome in the bedroom. Before we got married, she was a lot more willing to experiment in the bedroom including oral sex. Things started to get "colder" in the bedroom after our first child was born and really "cold" after the second child. She only will do the traditional sexual position and refuses to have any conversation about sexual topics. I'm with this guy, how do I get her into the "fun & experimental" thing in the bedroom again? I also read through several of the ladies responses... thanks I have tried to "talk" with my wife about what her push-back is about oral sex and any thing different in the bedroom. I hit a wall with her because she refuses to discuss the topic. It is like it is tabu to discuss. She won't even let me do it to her or stimulate her that much before we do "it". So as I say, before we got married, she was so much more fun!

[onthego770]

@badger460 Short answer -- You can't. For many, many women, oral sex, and even sex itself, is best compared to work (they don't call it a blow "job" for nothing). And just like you are not interested in work, she isn't either. Just like you go to work with the end-game in mind (money and retirement), she does too -- marriage and children. Once she has achieved her end-game, it's over. Plus, don't forget, she hold all the cards. All of them. Just like no amount of emotional coercion will ever get you to go back to the rat-race once you've won the lottery, so too with your gal. No amount of emotional understanding, blackmail, being really nice, pillow-talk, doing the dishes, begging, etc will ever get her to put you in her mouth once she has hit her jackpot -- marriage and children. She will end up doing what ever works for her, and just enough to keep you around, in the bedroom. If you are not prepared for that, don't get married. Marriage is the #1 cause of sexual destruction for men.

[onthego770]

I'm not saying that married women don't give great oral-sex -- some do. Those are the few women who either a) want to, or b) are willing to in order to please you -- i. e. willing to sacrifice for the relationship. From the posts here, it looks like middle-age men asking the question. Presumably, you had oral at some point in your relationship, and your wife has stopped. Thus, she already knows what it means to you, and she is capable of doing it. She just doesn't want to. Therefore, it's over, and the advice from this well-intentioned woman above is not relevant. Best advice I can give -- find some things in the bedroom that she is willing to do -- hand-job, breast-jobs, positions you like, and just learn to enjoy those. Keep in mind that in a selfish move (again, we are talking about a woman who is aware of your needs, capable and has given oral before), she is taking a harmful swing at your intimate life. Lower your expectations and move on with your marriage. Welcome to hell!

[onthego770]

Finally, I just want to add, that if / when this happens, it is important to set boundaries for yourself. Remember, your girl is making the statement "My likes / dislikes take precedent over your intimacy (emotional) needs." (Again, I'm talking about a woman who freely gave oral for years, and then stopped because she just doesn't want to anymore for reason X). While I think that it is worth while gently prodding her to find out if something is wrong, in many cases, it is just as cruel as "I just don't like it anymore". If you don't reciprocate in kind, you will feel like the world's biggest loser. Put yourself first. If you never really enjoyed "date-night" with her, but did so for the relationship, just stop. If you bought flowers for her once a month for the sake of the relationship, just stop. If you always wanted to join that gym and workout at night instead of listening to her problems, start going.

[onthego770]

I'm not advocating "getting even" or "being mean" -- that will not serve your relationship well. I'm just suggesting that you respond in kind to her move -- putting what works well for you, what "you like" first, just like she is doing. Otherwise, you will feel like crap. the internet is full of blogs where men confess to continuing pleasing their gal orally, when she has just stopped giving to them in that way. Bad, bad move. That will breed nothing but resentment, bitterness and false hope. Even if you make such moves -- putting your needs first (like her), don't ever get your hopes up. In a study about sexless couples (less than 10 x year), most of the men were bitter and angry about the cold relationship situation, whereas the women were neutral and confused. They never really wanted to understand what was going on, and just thought that he had a "problem". But since being married and having kids was their end-game, they were essentially "fine". The men were forlorn and depressed.

[onthego770]

It is important to learn to be happy with what you have, and move forward with your life. With such a woman, you must let go of the fantasy of constantly pleasing her, and sacrificing your life for your wife. With such a woman, it will not lead in anyway to greater bedroom pleasure for you. Keep things lite, fun, and connecting. But give up that beta-male fantasy that if you can only understand her better, be nicer, accommodate her, flatter her, do more housework, suck on her privates more, lose weight, become richer, blah, blah blah that it will make any difference what so ever. It won't. Actually, this very attitude may be the source of the problem. When you act like a beta-male, you get treated like one. In this scenario, the most you can hope for is mercy sex, or a mercy blow. This is akin to drinking a nice cold glass of milk that has gone bad. If she ever asks "what's up" (which she will not), don't ever say it has anything to do with the bedroom -- that would be a disaster.

[onthego770]

Men and women are just wired differently. For us guys, sex is an expression of intimacy and connection. It represents love, acceptance, togetherness and bonding. For women, sex is the price of intimacy, not the expression of intimacy. We know this because women are capable of going days, weeks, months and years without orgasm or even sexual experiences. What guy can say the same? None, unless he has been castrated. Most women doesn't need sex and have sex because that is part of being in relationships. For the most part, men cannot be in long-term committed intimate relationships without plentiful sex. Women can. This is why lesbian couples experience the "death bed" syndrome, where they just never ever have sex. A woman will never, ever understand what sex means to a man. Ever. If she decides to put her own needs and experience first (for reason X), you will never convince her otherwise. She is telling you, "I understand we are different and I'm putting myself first". Game over.

[onthego770]

If you got yourself involved in a relationship where there was never oral, and you now want it -- too bad on you. That's like a woman who got involved with an uncommunicative man who was a serial cheater, and now she is trying to "force" him to change -- impossible. But if you find yourself in the common situation where your wife (for new reason X) refuses to treat you in the way she presented herself from the beginning -- sexually adventurous, giving, oral, etc -- don't ever pressure her, badger her, or try and force her to change. Besides for being wrong, it will never really work. The desire (or willingness) to please you the way you both are used to has to come from her -- not from you. If there are no underlying causes that she is willing to discuss or work on, I advise you to take this opportunity to re-evaluate your relationship and reprioritize your relationship. Understand that she is taking a "me-first" approach, and in essence, giving you permission to do the same.

[onthego770]

It is now time to rediscover yourself, and abandon the limiting, false belief that your priority is pleasing your wife -- as she has clearly given you the message that pleasing you, in the way that works for you, falls far behind what she likes or feels "comfortable" with. Find new interests and hobbies -- personal growth, friends, travel that feels "comfortable" and right to you. Your woman will never say anything -- because essentially she is happy just being married with kids. But if she ever does complain about the new you (which she won't), agree with her that you feel that intimacy could improve in the relationship. Ask her to list out 5 things that would bring more intimacy and connection back. You do the same. Put on the list whatever works for you, including whatever sexual needs you have. Don't ever argue about anything on her list -- it is sacred. And so is yours -- no discussion. If she tries to shame you, don't fall for it -- just say "this is what is important to me"

[onthego770]

If you make it this far in the fantasy conversation (remember, a woman once married will never engage because she essentially has what she needs -- a husband and children), just let her know that the path to intimacy will be an eager willingness on both parts (your and hers) to meet each other's needs with an open heart. Suggest to her that you are open to change, and that each of you should "be the change you want to see in the world". This gives you both a clear blueprint of what you both need to do to affect change in the relationship. Be cautious but honest -- if she makes changes, so should you. But as mentioned -- 99% this will not happen as women in general play a much more passive/victim role in relationships. They expect you to understand/fulfill their needs and yet view your needs as "demanding". Silver lining for you is that you can refocus your life back on priorities that are important to you, and let go of the fantasy that your wife is your life's purpose.

[FMfatale]

Wow - okay. Well there are a couple suggestions, but take all with a grain of salt and on a FWIW basis.

Number one is be sure to go down on her on a regular basis. Eventually she should want to return the favor. If she doesn't, then have an open conversation with her about it. Not in the midst of anything heated, but on completely neutral ground (so to speak) so she doesn't feel pressured or trapped or dirty. Keep it casual and respectful, and come at it from the perspective of genuinely wanting to understand why she doesn't like to do it, if there's anything you're not doing right (wives do respond to humbleness) and whether there's anything you can do to help her out with whatever the issue is.

Another thing to keep in mind that you're more likely to get head as part of foreplay than you are by itself for its own sake. That needs to come later (excuse the pun). If you do any dirty talk you might casually whisper "I'd really like it if you. " fill in blank. If she doesn't, that's okay, shrug it off and try again later. Don't press the issue.

You probably already know the following, but one can never tell. Please don't be offended. There are a few obvious things you need to do to make the experience nice for her too.

1) Make sure you're clean. Very clean. Women are extremely sensitive to scent, good and bad.

2) Grounds keeping. Extent is a personal thing, but start with a tight clean trimming all round. It's more attractive, and nobody likes hair in their mouth.

3) Do not grab her head. It's degrading (unless that's her thing). Caressing her cheek or gently holding her hair out of her face are different, and actually very welcome.

4) If it happens, it's got to be on her terms. "How about a BJ" before you leave for work isn't going to cut it so don't even try. It has to be an empowering experience for her.

Whatever you do, you have to be careful not to make her feel pressured or defensive. Some women just feel subjugated by it, or have been socialized to think it's dirty, in which case you need to work that hang-up out with her. Hopefully some reciprocity will help in that area. Respect is always #1.

[Deeplove55]

What? She doesn't do it to you? That's very unusual especially for women cause that's the thing. Are you doing it to her? If so, she is very selfish to not want to do it to you. Talk to her and tell her how you feel and what you want in bed. That's part of marriage. Communication and everything needs to be 50/50. If she still doesn't want to do it, tell her you want do it to her no more, cut off from the sex a little bit. Make her realize how much this is important to you. It'll make her mad cause she not getting what she wants. Good. Its not all about her. Its about y'all as one because y'all are married. She id suppose to compromise and cater to you just as much as you cater to her. So, like I said, if she won't change her selfish ways, then you make some changes in bed. Let her know that your serious and she needs to at least try to satisfy you the way you want.

With that said, there are so many women out there that would go down on you without you even asking. Its normal but if you are so in love with your wife, then I guess you'll stay with her not completely satisfied with the sex life. I don't know but if it is really bothering you and she just don't care, divorce her. I know that sounds mean over sex but sex is very important in a relationship and if you stay with her, you may search elsewhere for just that reason which then you would b cheating on her. You get it? So, stay and keep complaining about it or do something about it cause your wife is very rare to not do that. Very. Think about it

[onthego770]

Short answer -- You can't. For many, many women, oral sex, and even sex itself, is best compared to work (they don't call it a blow "job" for nothing). And just like you are not interested in work, she isn't either. Just like you go to work with the end-game in mind (money and retirement), she does too -- marriage and children. Once she has achieved her end-game, it's over. Plus, don't forget, she hold all the cards. All of them. Just like no amount of emotional coercion will ever get you to go back to the rat-race once you've won the lottery, so too with your gal. No amount of emotional understanding, blackmail, being really nice, pillow-talk, doing the dishes, begging, etc will ever get her to put you in her mouth once she has hit her jackpot -- marriage and children. She will end up doing what ever works for her, and just enough to keep you around, in the bedroom. If you are not prepared for that, don't get married.

I'm not saying that married women don't give great oral-sex -- some do. Those are the few women who either a) want to, or b) are willing to in order to please you -- i. e. willing to sacrifice for the relationship. From the posts here, it looks like middle-age men asking the question. Presumably, you had oral at some point in your relationship, and your wife has stopped. Thus, she already knows what it means to you, and she is capable of doing it. She just doesn't want to. Therefore, it's over, and the advice from this well-intentioned woman above is not relevant. Best advice I can give -- find some things in the bedroom that she is willing to do -- hand-job, breast-jobs, positions you like, and just learn to enjoy those. Keep in mind that in a selfish move (again, we are talking about a woman who is aware of your needs, capable and has given oral before), she is taking a harmful swing at your intimate life. Lower your expectations and move on with your marriage. Welcome to hell!

Finally, I just want to add, that if / when this happens, it is important to set boundaries for yourself. Remember, your girl is making the statement "My likes / dislikes take precedent over your intimacy (emotional) needs." (Again, I'm talking about a woman who freely gave oral for years, and then stopped because she just doesn't want to anymore for reason X). While I think that it is worth while gently prodding her to find out if something is wrong, in many cases, it is just as cruel as "I just don't like it anymore".

[Anonymous]

We're rowing the same boat here. I don't know how it will work out for you but good luck. I just wanted to respond to some of the female suggestions here. They're good ones. To FMfatale, I did all of what you suggested. The talking about needs and reciprocation, not being confrontational, not putting on pressure, cleanliness, timing, all the good relationship stuff. And all because I love her, but it didn't get me far.

She did acquiesce on a couple of occasions for about a minute. It was lousy but I never told her that. Did all the right stuff and told her how good it felt and thanked her for doing it and all that good supportive stuff. Still nothing.

When we had any talks about it (and they were few because she absolutely refused to to talk about it) she would just screw up her face and let out an "ewww". Which indicated the end of the conversation and she would get mad at me if I tried to continue it.

Now, she loves receiving oral and I give it to her often because I love doing it. So I'm not going to deny her because it's actually denying me.

It has me moody a lot lately because I feel that, in this area, mutuals needs are not being satisfied. Breaking up with her has crossed my mind several times in the last year. I don't want to give her an ultimatum. Give me oral or give me my freedom. That sounds so shallow, but it bugs the crap outta me.

When it comes down to it, I think what bothers me most is not the fact that I'm not getting it, it's the fact that she won't give it to me. When we first hooked up, she did it without me even asking, so I guess she realizes that it's something guys want. And that pisses me off too.

Damn, I'm going into the next room and smack her:) Not really:)

[sumina7]

If she did it when you first hooked up and she does not do it now, that is "Bait and Switch". False promise. Even, promise broken.

[Method]

I just ran into this site
maybe that can help you :)

[Miss-October]

Well, you have to give to get. If you give and she doesn't give you, you should talk with her about how you would like oral sex also. I would say be open and honest about what you want, communication is everything.

Good luck sweetie.

[bleepblop]

I hate to break this to you but your chances are not good. Not impossible but not good. Women either like giving blowjobs or they don't. They either like pleasing their man or they don't. That's why you have to be very careful at the start of the relationship. All women will give blowjobs at the start of a relationship because they know men love them and they want to keep you so they do it. Then as they get more secure in relationship, kids house etc, they stop doing what they never enjoyed doing in first place. Its deceitful I know but there you go.

I've read the other advice here and while well intentioned there is a strong possibility that all the talking, giving her pleasure won't work. You can't make her do what she doesn't want to do. Worst possible thing you can do is get angry about it.

This is advice to young guys out there. If sex is important to you as a big part of a relationship make sure the girl you pair up with also views it as important. Be honest with yourself at start of relationship is she really into it? Does she really enjoy it? Is she selfish in bed?

Women are constantly told don't get involved with a man thinking you can change him. Men should be told the same thing in relation to women.

[kelkay]

Easy, just ask her.

"Hun, I would love if it if you. "

Say it when she's really turned on and eager to please. Afterwards you have to let her know how much you enjoyed it or she'll never do it again.

[Prisneylandgal]

Honestly I am full virgin though I have given head before to a longterm ex boyfriend , and I love it xD

its so fun seriously just to know I am pleasuring my man is enough for me,

I never crave oral from a men personally I could give a f less if he returned the favor,

I don't believe give a little get a little xD wtf.

Anyway I don't have any advice for you except

just wanted to share I like given it lots.

so she shouldn't mind if she is your wife!

[fartlard]

haha. get in line!

[bgreek1]

Ok here's the plan try talking to her.

if your giving her oral and she's not going down on you.

And if after you talking to her she refuses.

Make her choose between giving a blow job or you'll get from someone

that enjoys it.

Put your foot down and have some BALLS

[bgreek1]

It's easy give her it's your way or the highway

[Anonymous]

Ok, I enjoy oral sex and I wish my wife would be more adventuresome in the bedroom. Before we got married, she was a lot more willing to experiment in the bedroom including oral sex. Things started to get "colder" in the bedroom after our first child was born and really "cold" after the second child. She's just fine doing only the traditional sexual position and refuses to have any conversation about sexual topics. I'm with this guy... how do I get her into the "fun & experimental" thing in the bedroom again?

[Opinion Owner]

Ok, read through several of the ladies responses... thanks I will try to "talk" with my wife about what her push-back is about oral sex. She won't even let me do it to her or stimulate her that much before we do "it". So as I say, before we got married, she was so much more fun!