He makes me wait?

Question

Who has ever meet a guy who has made the girl wait for sex? Unusual huh? Like the roles have been reversed or something.  Well that's exactly my case with a guy I been dating now for about 3 weeks.  He shows interest in every way but sexually. Yes we made out a few times but he would move away nervously and I would initiate the kisses and when we do kiss, he doesn't firmly pull me in with his hands.  We have been alone at my place 3 times and not one time did he even try anything.  No I'm not ready to have sex wit him but I'm just used to guys trying something intimate to show they are attracted but he does nothing. He can just spend time with me without even trying to do anything sexual. So I asked him if I was a friend to him and he said no and that he is a lil slow paced with because he really respects me too much to do that yet and wants to really get to know me first and that he doesn't think about trying to get laid when he is with a girl especially me because he really likes me.  That's all great and everything and that is what us girls want a guy who isn't trying to do us all the time but he is a lil too reserved for me. I just wish he would take charge with the kisses sometimes and like I said I'm just not used to a guy like this who can be with an attractive female and not try or act like he wants to touch her as it being a natural thing between a man and woman.  He has expressed to me twice that he is attracted to me and that he hasn't liked a girl so much in a long time and wants to take time with me.  I like him a lot and I'm willing to wait but its hard, cause when I try to come on to him, I feel turned down cause he doesn't do anything at all.  But this man is spending time with me and took me to a surprised MAVS game so he is expressing in other ways that he is digging me but sometimes I wonder about his sexuality but also he already told me why. He just wants to wait. I just hope when it is time for sex, that he doesn't suck or expect me to make all the moves cause I feel that way now. What do you think about him?Oh, and he is not a virgin.  he has a child

miyoko-renfro · Accepted Answer

Oh that's real nice. All we ever hear from woman is "slow down," "let's take our time," or we hear stories about how guys are pigs for pushing sex.

But we also hear about how women would love a guy to take time to get to know you girls. Be able to spend time together without expecting anything sexual in return. But this is, in writing proof of how woman (not all, trust me, I know you are all not like this) who don't know a potential good thing when you see it. More than that, you say you really aren't ready to have sex with him. But you want him to TRY so you can turn him down, but for you to know he WANTS to? You want him to try like other guys but don't want him to be like a typical guy.God dang. It just sounds like your insecurities needing validation at whatever cost, even if it means losing a good guy. But I have a feeling you kinda know this, as you chose to ask this anonymously be it there's something embarrassing you feel about the whole thing.

What bothers me the most is that you question his sexuality, even if you aren't seriously questioning it, because he wants to take things slow? I'd say, put yourself in the other persons shoes but you are clearly there! When a guy wants to have sex, but the girl isn't ready or thinks it's too fast, do we say," I wonder if she's gay"? That's insulting & we'd be deemed inconsiderate pigs by girls for doing so.The guy TELLS you he's nervous. He TELLS you he likes to take things slow. He not TELLS you he respects you ( like many guys can say out of mouth) but SHOWS you by trying to show you that sex with YOU means something. But I'd ignore all of that and truly question whether or not he likes guys and whether he even likes you. Us guys are accused for not listening. I recommend you do some listening of your own.

Couple points why you should feel lucky & sure other girls will agree:

• can just time with me without trying anything sexual

• wants to really get to know me

• hasn't liked someone this much in a long time.

Any girl who knows what she wants, would know this guy is a keeper.

This is how it works: Girls typically claim to ONLY sleep with guys they care about. Guys were initially made to procreate and continue the the human race. We can sex anytime with almost anyone. But when we (again, not all of us. I know we have jerks) really like someone, we don't want to be like anything you've ever been with. We don't want go do anything that could mess up the relationship. Going slow allows us to see what mistakes we're making, what we are doing right, and ultimately, lead to a relationship worth having, not just "another girl we have sex with and go out with." This is his way of saying, "you mean MORE to me than that." Clearly he likes you, & yeah he wants sex I assure you, yeah he wants a relationship, but more than anything sounds like he wants to establish a stronger foundation than just "any ol' relationship." It means something to him. Embrace it or let some other lucky girl have him.

Juicebowl · Accepted Answer

Yeah this reminds me of second girlfriend. I was really reserved, more so than her and I hadn't even kissed a girl at the time. She had a couple of other boyfriends before me and I would see them kissing. I'm sure that's what she expected from a relationship. I wasn't comfortable with showing more intimacy than say; sitting close to her, holding her hand, and conversing.

It sounds all very juvenile, but the point is she started questioning me if I liked her. Of course I did. I had had a crush on her for years, but she wasn't used to such a non-overt affectionate guy. Next thing I knew, she broke up with me. Now come a few years later, the girl tells me I was the best boyfriend she ever had, and other guys take it too fast. In truth, we probably could of came to a compromise that was comfortable to both of us, but we never talked about it.

Under what circumstances did he have the child? When I was younger, I now believe one reason (among many) I strayed from escalating physically, was because I was afraid of becoming a young father, like my parents did. Maybe he is afraid to do it again. It seems he has some boundaries set up in order to protect himself, but maybe he can compromise and you guys can engage intimately in ways that satisfy you both, but you are going to have to communicate on topic. The relationship between you two is completely optional, but if you guys mutually want to remain as a couple, it seems like you guys have some giving and sacrificing to do for the time being.

ladang_26 · Accepted Answer

well girl maybe he is jus likes you a lot and wants this relationship different

give him some time trust me

he'll come around but I mean he does have a kid so that could be some of the reasons he doesn't want to do it

but yeah jus be patient with him but also give him the talk bout how you would like it if he touched you or tell him in a way that people in a relationship can wait for so long for the person to please them

if there's no action between the couple or HEAT its never gonna work make him understand that every relationship is always going to have sexual things whether its sexy talk, oral, or anything

but I mean like you said you don want sex yet jus make him understand that

crazy525 · Accepted Answer

Girl don't get your hopes up I was exactly the same, always trying to have sex with the guy and he never wanted to we went out for 3 months and he was telling me he loved me, and with absolutely NO SIGNS AT ALL just dumped me a few hours after he had told me he loved me:( he never gave me a reason, but later I found out he had been with his babys mom the whole time and I think that's why he didn't want to have sex but after that he kept calling me and telling me he loved me...but guess what! he was still with her and whn they finally broke up I found out he had another girlfriend even though he was still tryina be with me>:/

so I let him go...f*** it

Jill123 · Accepted Answer

I am so sorry to hear that he did that to you. He really should have been honest. When I was reading your description of him, I thought...something is not right. You were totally dead on to question his behavior. The good news is that his relationship with his ex most assuradley will not work out. He has already proven that he is a liar, so you know he did the same with her. And 2nd time around romances have an even lower than 50% chance of making it over the long haul. So, when he calls you...after this does not work out for him. Just ignore him completely. No revenge is sweeter than Karma.

Subotai · Answer

He doesn't want to but deep down inside he has morals.  Interesting isn't it.  I mean not your fault and he lied to you but you gotta admit its nice he's gonna be in his childs life.  Don't worry I am sure if we were in bed and you sat your butt down on my lap it would be very uncomfortable because something hard would be poking you.  Hey guys get turned down for sex all the time and eno****er frusturating girls that seem to like their personality and the attention but for some reason need to get their sexual kicks with some asshole with no brains she always complains about.  Sounds like you got the female equivalent of blue balls.  Hey it happens but don;t worry there are plenty of helpful guys who can help remedy that problem.  Don't take it personal

Subotai · Answer

Well he sounds nice don't get me wrong but it is probably some intentional reverse psychology.  Men are used to almost desperately chasing after sex.  It makes us feel a little guilty(some guys) because we don't want to seem like that's all we care about or be thought of as a pervery.  A lot of guys go out with a girl they get along with talk well with and then they try getting a little physical touch put an arm around her shoulder lean in halfway for a kiss and she cuts it off and then its awkward and the relationship may never recover.  If the girl is asking for it begging it practically raping you well that's just awesome nothing awkward or risky there just fun.  So good for him for having self control and being smooth.  Yes he's manipulating you a little but if you both want a sexual relationship it will hopefully make it explosive for both of you when it finally happens

gtskier · Answer

He was always still in love with his ex with the child.  That's why he didn't make any moves, the guilt factor made him impotent with you.  You are better off without him, sorry that he used you to figure out he was still in love with his ex.  You sound like a sweet woman and there are plenty of guys who would be happy to have someone like you.  I am a guy and I like you...

twofortea · Answer

i was going to be like, okay, maybe he is waiting for marriage, but him having a kid completely threw me off @_@ maybe he doesn't want to risk getting you pregnant?

Feelinfrisky · Answer

You say (I think) that your not ready for sex with him?  If that's true, when WILL you be ready!  If your not prepared yet, don't expect him to be.  How you feel mentally, shows to him.  I suggest  that you psychologically prepare your self to want sex with him now (if you want him!).   Don't give mixed signals.  Maybe now you have to be a little aggressive to demonstrate your ready.  When your making out, maybe rub his crotch.  He will definitely know you want hm between your legs!  If he does not respond then you need to tell him you want a man who will take control.  Go from there...maybe he is wrong guy for you (maybe not).

Reeses-pieces777 · Answer

I wonder why then...sounds like he has some issues or feels guilty I'm not sure. I think he should try harder and take more initiative honestly. if this bothers you, find a new guy?

funky5medina · Answer

maybe he has developed some strong feelings for you and that he doesn't want to mess things up by making the relationship all about sex. If we waits to have sex with you, this gives you both the opportunity to get to know each other well. He has a child right? So obviously he didn't learn the first time. He has learned from his mistake. Respect the fact that he wants to wait. The unwritten rule is to wait 3 months to have sex just so that it doesn't complicate things.

Nedmeid · Answer

I think that he really means what he says. He wants to wait, if you rush things it could end bad and he really wants to stick with you.

Anikaj · Answer

He could be lieing, he could actually be unsure of himself sexually meaning he may be afraid that he will fail in pleasing you in bed and then again it hasn't been that long

aggregate · Answer

He's probably waiting for your ok. That's a big mistake guys make is trying to push the relationship too far. Plus he's already got a child, so he doesn't want anything to get complicated. Just roll with it. If he's not moving fast enough (that's a rarity) sit down and talk to him about it.

Jeff11250 · Answer

Well some guys don't base relationships on sex. I would never have sex with my girlfriend, unless we got married. but then again I'm only in high school so that doesn't mean anything really..

jamichap · Answer

maybe He is really tryin to respect you ... Specially since he already has a child. Five weeks is a lol soon for sex anyway. Just give him some time or better yet it you really want his answer just straight up ask him real talk. Tell him it kinda makes you uneasy and lay it all out on the table chances are he doesn't even kno this is on ir mind

iformshadears · Answer

Never mind, there's plenty more d*** in the sea

iformshadears · Answer

I think he kicks ass! Iv withheld sex from an ex once or twice, only for a week or so. How does it feel? You don't like it no? does it frustrate you? GOOD!

bennynthejets · Answer

I didn't read your whole essay there, but read the question and the first couple sentences then skipped to the end.   The part about the kid.   That says it all, and by your own updates and him taking back his ex should show you the power kids hold.   I suspect he withheld sex becasue he is very conscious and concerned about what can happen when you have sex -- ie kids.   I bet he was scared to death of having sex with somebody he barely knew for fear he could have yet another kid that may or may not have married or together parents.

Littletad · Answer

He's just a slow person.

peetK · Answer

he didn't put the moves on you because he doesn't trust you. I've done the same thing to girls.

BEASTMODE · Answer

he's using reverse psychology, or he has a disease

iamranga · Answer

I beleive the guy acted like a gentleman in this scenario.

He had broken up with his ex, went for the rebound but wasn't sure if he was over his ex.

So instead of having sex with you and deepening the relationship, he held out until he was sure where his heart was and could commit to the right person.

People should applaud the way this guy handled himself in what was probably a pretty confusing period.

temptationfalls · Answer

that guy's messed up for him to do something like that to you.

He makes me wait?

Most Helpful Guys

Most Helpful Girls

Related Questions

What Girls & Guys Said

Latest Questions