Sexual Health
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Would you break up with someone over sex?

My girlfriend and I never fight about anything except for sex. She can go without sex for a long time and it would not bother her and I would want it at least 3 times a week. At first when we started dating she was a very sexual person, but now she's not into that anymore and I can't help to think that she's not into me anymore so my question is would you break up with someone you love and been dating over 5 years over sex? P.S. If I don't beg for sex (only way to get her to have sex with me) but I feel bad afterwards because I know she really didn't want to have sex for me.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • it depends on how much she loves you, if she loves you so much (real love not only passion, which I think is her case) she would fight a lot for keeping her feelings to you and not break up with you, I think she is a romantic girl and she loves you a lot to bear living without sex ,when she was so into sex in the begining , for about more or less 4 years

    you should ask her what she dislikes in you sexually, in your way of having sex with her

    I explain : she most likely doesn't enjoy having sex with you because you don't understand her sexual needs,

    if you are the type who go straight into action without giving her time to feel it, she would try to avoid having sex with you as much as she can, and only being so deeply in love with you is what still keeps her by your side,

    you need to do your researches about how to treat and please a girl in bed, maybe you don't make love to her and this is a very important thing for a girl in love,

    plus, a girl needs her time in bed , so you need to be patient it is a lot more complicated for her than it is for a guy,

    you need to be creative, romantic, passional,

    preparing such a surprise might change things:

    romantic music, red flowers, sensational massage, glass of wine , candles, lots of sensational romantic kisses on her neck , and all over her body NO RUSH INTO PENETRATION ! NEITHER BEGGING HER TO HAVE SEX OR ASKING HER IF SHE MINDS HAVING SEX , (coz sometimes it can turn a woman off hearing her boy saying: what do you think about having sex now? or Please can we have sex now? , in general, women likes to be taken by surprise, in a spontaneous way) so just plan it in all the ways it can please her, and go for it !

    Keep your attention on her needs, and whatever you do NEVER MAKE HER EVEN DOUBT THAT YOU ARE EXECUTING MOVES LIKE A ROBOT, YOU NEED TO BE INTO THE ACTION, CONNECTED TO HER, CONVINCED OF WHAT YOU ARE DOING , FEELING IT AND ENJOYING IT,

    BEST OF LUCK

    LET ME KNOW IF IT WORKS ;)

    If it did, after a period of time , long enough to make her heal and get rid of her refusal to having sex, she will be the one to ask you to have sex, not only make love ,

    IF IT WORKS LIKE I SAID, THEN IT MEANS : SHE WAS ONLY ANNOYED OF THE ROUTINE AND MAYBE ALSO FROM YOUR UNCONSCIOUS SELFISHNESS IN BED

  • Well I'm like your girlfriend, and a large issue in my relationship was sex. I was a sexual person in the begining but he turned me off of it by pressuring me all the time, or touching all the time, well it was more like groaping. I couldn't bend over to pick something up with out him grabbing me from behind, or do dishes without him trying to put his hands down my pants. Huge turn offs. we would try and compromise on sex but as soon as I would give him what he asked for, he wanted more. it was at the point where I would just do it so he wouldn't get mad, and that wasn't fair for him or I.

    If you have good communication with your girlfriend it helps, if she can be honest with you in why she dosnt want it all the time it could give you some insite. You could be turning her off my discussing sex all the time. Romance and spontanuity is huge. you have to find away to bring sex back into the relationship in a fun way, something that makes her feel special not just as a peice of a$$. Sex can ruin a relationship and after my relationship ended, he realized he errors, but it was too late. if she is worth hanging on to, start communicating with her about this.

    • Great advice, I think a lot of guys turn girls off that way. I'd only add that he could very well be romantic without expecting to have her in bed, that's not right; I think it would be a nice idea to change his attitude and looks a bit, stop begging for sex altogether and begin being somebody she'd like to make love to, tease her and make her blood boil with desire, women deserve it.

    • Best answer

  • if you have been dating for few months I would say break it off. but its been 5 years and if you re serious about her then you should talk to her about it... its worth it big time!

    this could happen for many reasons.

    - birth control, it does mess up our system.

    - depression, if she is getting older, women get to get depressed sometimes and she could be not so confident about herself right now and her image..

    - turned off, maybe there are things you do that turns her off or perhaps you need to change your style and spice it up with new stuff... like fantasies perhaps!

    - since you keep begging for it, that means it not so romantic anymore.. maybe she needs you to be more romantic, like get her a rose out of a sudden.. put the candles on... cook her dinner! do something romantic that she would like and appreciate!

    -maybe there is something missiung out from the realtionship other than sex as you claim and you just can't see it!

    All you have to do is pick the right time and talk to her about this, its worth it and if you love her and want future with her, then am sure you can work things out!

    good luck

Most Helpful Guys

  • This happens a lot in long term relationships (as depicted with the stereotypical married couples in tv shows and movies). In the beginning of your relationship you were in the "honeymoon" phase which meant lots of passion, sex and a magical hazy glow over everything in your life. Unfortunately this phase ends, especially after 5 years.

    Now, if you were 3 months into a relationship I would probably say break up and find someone you're more compatible with. However, 5 years is a big chunk of your life. Basically it boils down to do you want to spend the rest of your life with this girl? Forget about the sex issue for the moment, take that out of the equation. Would you marry this girl? If your answer isn't yes then go for it and break up with her.

    If you want to continue this relationship then there are things you can do to address the no sex issue. First of all, you're going to need to talk with her in a sit-down serious conversation. Don't attack her. Don't tell her this is her fault. Just tell her how you feel and where you'd like your relationship to go. Suggest spicing things up (sex can get boring after 5 years of the same thing) with games, videos, toys, etc (check out your local sex store). Try and be more romantic and create more passion (women want to be seduced). If all else fails, go with her and see a relationship counselor to help you work through the issue.

    • Best answer right here.

  • I have been in a situation like yours...

    Though sex wasn't the best thing in our relationship to begin with.

    And we did try a lot of talking. Or mostly I talked and she didn't understand. She didn't understand why sex life problems would need to be solved. It was totally impossible to solve anything or make compromises since she didn't even agree there was a major problem. I went through deep depression with meds and all that. (If I had been in normal strength I would have broke up back then.) Then after couple years of depresson I finally told her I was going to leave her. That finally hit her and she actually admitted that there was a problem that had to be solved. And for a while we tried talking much more and we lived in a kind of "if this doesn't work, I'm going to leave right away" -situation.

    And guess what? It did help our sex life and she did start to want sex more often.

    And no: this isn't really a recommendation on what to do...

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What Girls & Guys Said

11 3

  • no I would not break up with my boyfriend if he didn't want to have sex. I find that isn't the most important thing in a relationship. the answer will vary from person to person

  • I would make a great effort to talk about this and how it makes you feel. I have been with the same guy for 10 years and last year I hit my sexual peak and my guy was just not there at all. I wanted sex all the time and like you I had to beg for it and then I just felt unwanted since I did have to beg for it. Like others have mentioned 5 years is a long time to invest in a relationship but at the same time do you really want to marry or continue investing time in a relationship that you are not getting sex and (for the people that say sex isn't everything they have obviously not been denied it for long because it is important) I would encourage you to think of going to couples counseling before you throw away your relationship but you do have to think about your future too.

  • As yourself this question: Are you willing to live without the sex you want for the duration of this relationship?

    My answer, No, no, and never. That makes it a dealbreaker, and I will break up over it. Only you can answer for you.

  • I wouldn't if I really loved a guy. You should really express your feelings to her, so she knows how your feeling because she might not know. Really, you can't fix a problem between the two of you with anything you do, because it takes 2 people to solve a problem. You should tell her that it makes you feel that she's less into you and how you wish you could include more sex in your relationship. I also think you should ask her if there's something going with her because she maybe having problems with something or depressed over something that she is too afraid to confess too. Let her know that you are there for her and really talk about this issue so you can both think of a compromise. Hope this helps!

  • some girls will be very sexual at the beginning, and then after tend to become less sexual there more sexual at the beginning because its a new relationship and there hormones are way up, after that a lot of girls begin to realise they want it to be more special and they really want the relationship to mean something more, so they hold off for quite awhile sometimes just to see if the guy will hang around, because they want to be sure he cares enough. also they'll hold off so when they finally do have sex again, it will mean so much more and be a lot greater, some girls get tired of sex when its often. (NOT EVERYGIRL BUT ALOT OF THEM)

  • no, I don't think that I would, but that could be the type of person I am.

  • i think their something going on with your girlfriend

  • Sex is an important part of a relationship

    she needs to understand tht if she feels less sexual or sumthng,she should at least take you into consideration.thts a sign she doesn't care wht you need and stuff

    i'd probably break up if I was in ur situation.

    sorry people but this is wht I feel

  • Yes I probably would...If I had to beg, that would be awful. Probably wouldn't feel good at all.

  • It might be she doesn't get much pleasure from sex. Or she denies herself the pleasure ("good girls don't "or another reason) Or she could have had a bad experience. Lot's of possible reasons. (did she go on the pill? Some girls get a lower libido when taking some brands of birth control. Her obgyn could change her pill.

    Considering you're dating over 5 years you should discuss that between you two before considering a break up.

    • Good answer. +1

  • I could, yes.

  • Well first off, you shouldnt beg for sex, even if its the only way you will get laid. I am sure if you don't beg. Try going for cuddling, romance, and not sex. If sex is a big enough deal you would break up, then maybe you need to reprioritize. sex may be great, but if you make it your least prority, you may get better results :)

  • It sounds like she might be feeling that you ONLY want her for sex. Take your time and try to have a serious talk about this.

  • Thats exatlly the reasone why guys cheats on thier girlfriends/wifes! if she could go a long time without sex, that doesn't mean you could. You guys need to talk about this, !

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