How do I get my wife to open up more sexually?

[johnnychimpo]

I love my wife, I love having sex with her. I don't want to have sex with anyone else! She is beautiful, has a great body, and is everything I want in a partner, except for one thing... She is pretty vanilla in bed, and kind of selfish where sex is concerned. She reminds me of the Ron White part, where he is talking about being married.. "She knows what I like, and I know what she won't do"... It seems a bit lopsided. I will do whatever she wants to please her. But I have sexual wants too, nothing weird, no 3-somes, or pee, or anything like that. Just stuff between her and me, and she does not seem as committed to pleasing me as I am to her. she also isn't aggressive in bed. Some times I would like her to just attack me, but she doesn't. She lies there, waiting for me to make the first move, and lately even when I do, it seems like I have a 50/50 chance of it going anywhere. we had a baby 2 years ago, and it really fell off right after, but that was expected, but now, two years later, I would hope that it would have come back... It hasn't. Only about 50% so, here is my questions, three really: 1) how do I get my wife to be more open sexually? 2) how do I get my wife to be more interested in sex? 3) how do I get my wife to be more giving in bed? that's it! Please help!

[Anonymous]

I am having the same problem not only since the second year of our marriage but even more so since having children. I've devoted lots of thought and still do to the issue because it's so important to me. Much more than it is for her I believe. My wife never says no to sex and really enjoys it (when we have it, twice a month) when I initiate it. I only initiate that much because i can tell anymore than that her interest level goes down even though I'm taking care of her. I know she loves me and I do everything I can to please her in and out of the bed even before my own enjoyment. This is what women tell us if we want more sex from them. Total lie. I've worked and done everything my wife has asked of me and still nothing. I'm in great shape, hygiene, I give her romance, encouragement, respect, praise and give her her space when she needs it. I take care of almost all of the house chores and look after the kids 75% of the time. I have communication with her all the time about her lack of sexual desire and give her the time she needs without pressure. Problem is I would wait forever and she will never initiate or have anything other than vanilla sex. Personally I think your wife and mine are perfectly satisfied the way we are for themselves without regard to our sexual needs. They give in temporarily but it's not heart felt so it goes back to the way it was. It's unfortunate but the lust from our wives is just not there and I don't think it ever will be. I believe that SOME women have sex to get what they want, and to feel desirable. The lust is for these things not the physical aspect. That's why it diminishes after marriage and children. It's no longer needed because they have what they need in us and no longer need to use it any longer. if you ask me it's really selfish and they are actually missing out on what could be a great intimacy between two people and instead they settle for an unhappy husband and ho hum sex.

[Anonymous]

Its a tough situation, for sure. I guess I am like your wife but I think my reasons for a lack of interest are different because my husband has been verbally abusive and that has just turned me off to a physical relationship with him. I do know that having a child completely takes all of your energy and focus, and seems to put a wedge between a husband & wife physically. Do you take her out ever...just the two of you? Do you offer to take care of your child and let her do things on her own? That would be my first suggestion. I know, for me, I need to be able to relax and when that doesn't happen, my interest in sex is zero. Another idea might be to write her a letter just telling her exactly what you told us. How much you love her & find her attractive. Sometimes writing things down works better than trying to talk about it because she make take it as you are cutting her down if you don't say it exactly the right way. But, if you can put it in a letter, you can say it the right way. I am sure other people can give you more ideas, but those are few. Good Luck.

[rockmom]

fantasy. try to get her interested in books or movies or a series with a guy she finds attractive. if she's really fully satisfied she should be willing. make sure she has alone time away from the child and all her needs met before planning a romantic night or sexual endeavor. moms of young children tend to forget their own needs when caring so much for others needs.

[tornby2]

alcohol...lol j/k Just be patient with her and she will realize that its not all about her pleasures in bed but yours too..