Why would my boyfriend pick jerking off over sex with me?

Anonymous
Long story as short as it can be, with all the details. I am 21, my boyfriend is 30. My sex drive is way higher than his; I could have sex twice a day, he is usually only willing to have sex once every 6-10 days (occasionally we will have sex twice a week, but it's tragically rare.) I have literally never turned him down for sex; not once. I go out of my way to do things for him sexually. I spend time giving him head as foreplay, I buy sexy lingerie to spice things up, I try to get him to tell me about any fantasies or desires he has that he would like to act out. I am willing to do anything for him in bed, willing to try anything that he would like to, and he knows this. He was definitely more interested in sex when we first started going out; now, a year and a half later, I always initiate sex, 100% of the time. He never goes down on me anymore (I'm clean and I shave!), spends very little time on foreplay, and the sex usually only lasts less than 5 minutes.

Recently, I found out that he jerks off anywhere from once to twice a week. This is more often than we have sex. He waits until I leave, and jerks off, and then next time I come over and I hint that I'm in the mood, he turns me down. The worst of this was on Christmas; we both had different family events to attend to, so we didn't get to see each other for a few days until Christmas night. I had told him that I had gotten some sexy new underwear that I was excited to show him, and when I took off my clothes and showed him, he didn't show any interest. This was because, I found out, he had jerked off earlier that day. Christmas day, he knew I would be wearing something special just for him, and he jerks off and turns me down.

It is so incredibly frustrating. I am left unsatisfied and feeling inadequate and unattractive because my boyfriend regularly picks his hand and other naked women over me; I just feel like it is really unfair that he does this to me. It's not as if I turn him down all the time, or he has a higher sex drive and I don't satisfy him; it's the other way around.

Whenever I confront him about it, he gets incredibly defensive and angry. He says he can't believe it's even an issue, it's normal, all guys do it, I'm the one who needs to change. It probably would be normal if he jerked off because I was unable or unwilling to satisfy him, and if that were the case it would be fine, but it's just not the case. I've started considering breaking up with him. I really don't want to, because I do love him and it is mostly a very good relationship. He cried when I hinted that I was thinking along those terms (I have never seen him cry in the 2 years that I have known him) so I think that this relationship means a lot to him too, but he's told me that he is totally unwilling to change. I wouldn't mind if he jerked off very occasionally if I'm not there to satisfy him, but apparently that's not enough for him. I'm just looking for an outside perspective on this.
Updates:
+1 y
The masturbation is definitely an issue. He can't/won't have sex for 3-7 days after ejaculating; this means if he masturbates twice a week, which he often does, our sex life really suffers.
Why would my boyfriend pick jerking off over sex with me?
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