I looked through my boyfriend's phone and found very very explicit pictures. What do I do?

[just_an_illusion]

the first time I went through my boyfriend's phone I found porn pictures and I confronted him about it but not in a hostile way whatsoever. After that he threatened me that he was going 2 download worst pictures 2 make me learn to never look through his phone he also had pictures of some girls he met at his friends house they just went to f*** his friend. anyways yesterday I went through his phone again and found girl on girl porn in his phone "very explicit pictures" just like he said. I got really sad about it because I can never be as skinny as other women. I'm not gonna lie I'm over weight and I'm trying 2 loose weight and this just makes me feel like giving up. I mean his whole family has told me that he does have a problem with porn since he was little and he really doesn't think he does. I mean I can take pictures of models but when I see very explicit pics it really hurts me... Anyways I don't know what I should do...and I'm going crazy this is all I'm thinking about and I don't even want to hug or kiss him because I'm so disgusted. please help

[Anonymous]

You have a seriously unhealthy relationship there. Just because a person isn't very attractive, or isn't an ideal doesn't mean they should have to put up with crap from their partner.

What he said to you was completely showing you disresepct and worse suggesting he didn't care for your feelings (it was also either arrogant or unloving on his part).

I would not tollerate that, even in someone I loved. Though, I would handle addressing it in love and respect even though I was shown none so I knew I had given love a chance (you seem to have suggested your doing that and coming here for advice is good).

If I where you, I would start meeting new people. Don't dump him, just remind youself that there ARE other people out there that would want to know you and share your time, even to win you. Don't bother checking his phone anymore, that might wake him up and he may start becomming more obbessive about you (he's shown you a lack of care, reduce your care for him.. don't take it away though, that's hurtfull, just be less keen for him and his company). He needs to be aware your choosing him and you are not his property.

Once you have reminded yourself of this (by just being friends but seeing how they treat you, and some people are sure to like you even if your not sure of them), then think wether this guys really worth all that.

Mutual checking of each others phones is not really on either, but since it has happened and he has shown a very distastefull side of his character I feel its fair to feel wronged in your case.

[bennynthejets]

Your close enough to him that his family is telling you that he has a problem with porn? Don't know if I buy that. How old is he? Are you sure this isn't just stuff that gets forwared around from friends? Look...if it hurts you and he continues to do it, your young enough to make changes in your life, IE: him, weight, emotional state, etc... And who has a problem with porn since they are little. Don't embellish your story to sway the opinions. If you want honest answers give an honest account of what is really going on.

[Anonymous]

i think you have two problems here.

1) trust - you two don't trust each other because why are you going through each other's phones. unnecessary. and just childish. the thing is once you start the cycle of going through each other's phones then you can't stop it unless you're both prepared to sit down and have a mature talk about it without any pride and egos standing in the way. but I understand it's your age and with time, you'll see that a good relationship will not prosper where there is jealousy and mis-trusting.

2) porn addiction - many people take this addiction for granted but it is as serious as any other addiction. it makes you aggressive when you get found out, you can't stop doing even if it means it'll ruin your relationship, everyone else is concerned about your problem other than yourself. that's just how addictions are. it sounds like he has an addiction and addictions get worse. my friend married a guy whom she later found out had an addiction to porn and he was no longer making love to hr and preferred watching and j**king off to porn (she caught him several times). the trouble is you can't help someone with an addiction if they don't see it as a problem. speak to him and tell him about how you can't be intimate with him anymore because of this and see if he wants to stop it. if not, then you can't help him until he realises it's a problem.

[moomin90]

can see why you are concerned. But if your looking through his phone is a sign of lack of trust, I've been there before & it took me over 6 months to realise this, even though every1 was tellin me! Then I made the descision to move on, because without trust, there is no relationship!

Anyway that doesn't really help, you can think that at the end of the day:

1) the chances of him meeting these 'porn stars' is UNLIKELY!

2) He is YOUR bf, noon elses!

But those will only keep you going for so long, you won't be able to change his behaviour & maybe your better off without him, if he makes you feel/contribues to you feeling unhappy, self concious & feel the need to look through his phone.

However you have to realise this yourself and move on when your ready!

Good Luck x

[soOUCH]

This isn't a porn issue, this is a respect issue. Does he know why that those pictures hurt you? Insecurity is a normal thing from time to time, especially when you are trying hard to lose weight and it's his job to help YOU feel better about the way he feels about YOU. Not to throw it in your face that he finds other types of women attractive.

Did you ever tell him how you felt about that? If he reacts negatively, work on getting rid of him. Seriously, because this is about how you feel about yourself, and I am willing to bet you that there are men out there that would be sexually attracted to you and would enjoy your company better than this guy.

[LydAF]

dump his sorry @$$. this guy is effed up. if he is dating you he has no right to be looking at stuff like that if you don't like it. dump him. NOW.

[MrWizard]

A healthy relationship has trust and openness. Sure you don't spill everything on your first date, but as you grow together and mature you both should feel like you can share anything with each other.

I see three options:

- Move on and tell yourself he wasn't treating you well and wasn't going to change.

- You stay and develop a real relationship, assuming he is capable of changing.

- You stay and continue to get walked on.

[l-hedoniste]

If you're insecure, you don't help yourself by looking for things that would make you more insecure.

Everyone needs to leave everyone else's phone alone.

[WeaponZero]

it sounds like your relationship is going to fall regardless. the fact that you don't respect each other enough to leave each other to your privacy means it just won't last. the pictures aren't the issue here. the issue is that neither one of you belongs in a relationship with the other if you can't respect each others privacy.

[hellothere]

What you do is you don't look through his phone, trying to find something bad I can already tell your relationship won't work out if there's no trust

[ironman52241]

take pictures of your self and put them on his phone at some point he will find them and know you know :P

[CvntHammer]

I couldn't imagine how slimy I'd feel looking through someones phone...
Yuck.
Why not just watch some porn with him so he doesn't feel like he has to hide it.
Ugh... Too much wrong here...
I don't want to write a book right now, but I'd have to just to address all that is wrong with the situation you describe. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

dump him!