What does she really mean when she says, "do it harder"?

I've got a 5 inch (erect) penis. Sometimes, my wife will want me to do it harder...she will say that, even if I am giving it all I have.

I know I am insecure about my size...but I wonder at times if she says this wishing I were bigger.

I've asked if she wished I were larger and she says no. But there is something weird about the way she says it...can't put my finger on it.

She orgasms almost every time we have sex, but only wants it twice a month or so.

I don't think she is faking, but the thought goes through my mind.

Why does she want so little sex...I just wonder if it's because of my size.

This torments me honestly. I know what the stats say, but it still does.



Most Helpful Girl

  • I really don't think you have anything to worry about. I know it's a cliche, but it's not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean that counts!

    Bigger and harder are completely different things. This is a deeply unromantic analogy, but imagine for a second that you have an itch that you need to scratch. It doesn't make any difference whether you scratch it with a large hand or a small hand - the satisfaction is the same. What matters is that you find just the right spot and scratch it hard and fast! Sex is like that. When a woman asks you for it harder or faster, you're in the right place. She just needs more friction. Sometimes when we gals are building up to the big O, we need the movement to build up too, to help take us over the edge. Being larger wouldn't provide any more friction (our muscles grab you quite hard enough!). It's about technique, not size.

    If you're really concerned about your wife's enjoyment of sex, why not devote a session especially to her pleasure, in which you make sure she orgasms without penetration? Also, there is a big difference for women between the different orgasms we feel from different types of sex - try worshipping her body and getting her really aroused in a selfless way, and you may find you reap massive rewards in the ways in which she returns the favour!

    The other thing to say is that this may be more of a psychological thing for your wife, than a physical one. Harder sex can feel more engaged, and more passionate and romantic - psychologically it feels like you want us! Maybe she needs to feel wanted more often? Like men, women like to feel special and spoiled! Routine, commitments, work, stress - all these things can all interfere with time for sex, and sometimes you just need to make it special again for someone, to remind them how good it can be. Why not take a day off work, and spoil her a little - make her breakfast, buy her a little present, take her somewhere unusual and fun, have dinner. It doesn't have to be expensive, but it does need to be attentive and sweet and focused on her enjoyment.


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What Girls Said 3

  • Girls sometimes get caught up in the heat of the moment...say things like that.

    I wouldn't worry too much.

  • They say communication is the key. It is also said that the size matters not, when erect all penises are same size. That's why condoms are one size fit all.

    Sit down with her and tell her how it makes you feel to make love twice in a month. Ask her to give you the honest answer. Do not shout but ask politely and with respect. Make her feel free to open up as this will help you both to rectify your mistakes.

    Also tell her it makes you feel insecure how she says it...can't put my finger on it.

    You also need to stop worrying about the size of your penis. It's your gift from God. Appreciate it the way it is as you cannot change it. Maybe there are other things that makes her feel less interested in sex, find out.

    • Just to clear something up:

      Not all penises are the same size when erect. It varies quite a bit.

      And condoms are not "one size fits all". There are different sizes there too.

      But a 5-incher should be fine, anyway. Around the average, I've heard.

  • No if she wants it harder it is usually because she likes it and she wants it more but not so much like every day.

    Stop getting the feeling that she don't want you stuff.


What Guys Said 4

  • Probably be more forceful. Nice guys tend to be too gentle in the midst of sex not wanting to hurt our girls. When she wants it, don't be afraid to put your full body weight into it. Grind your pubic bone against her clitoris. Get aggressive. Put her in a position that will best let you give it to her hard and deep. Grab the headboard and drive it in with all your might!

    Doggy link

    Drill link

    Folded Deck Chair link

    Screw link

    Victory! link

    Of course SHE is the best person to ask. The more details you can get out of her, the better you will be able to get it done for her.


  • It's actually pretty likely that your lack of confidence in your penis size is the source of your sexual woes, not the size of your penis itself.

    Find a local sex therapist and they should help you get it sorted out.

  • She wants it hard when you do have it because you aren't having it very much. I would suggest some intimate bonding more often but you first and foremost have to appreciate her more, if that is at all possible!

  • Its your size, she you probably don't have much girth either. She says harder because she can't feel much. I know I sound insensitive. I am, sorry, never been in your position. I'm 8.5" erect, a girl measured once, it was awkward. There are things, toys, enhancements, that you can get to make it better.

    • I kinda agree with this. Sorry.

      Try different positions so you can get in deeper.

    • Oh sure you are.....................mine is 10" and 8 inches girth ...................You morons just never stop, do you ?

    • @Bruce
      So, my turn to talk, I just created my account so this is my first post here, of what I hope will be many!

      I felt obliged to write something, I am 6 years at least late on this post but for someone who is on google right now looking for an answer to this for the same reasons as the thread was created for, here is what I have to say.

      Size is not so important, no, bigger doesn't = better, just different. I had a similar concern once about myself, I am 6" ~ 6.5" on a good day, when I am full of energy and have had a healthy diet for a while (yes this makes a difference, more to girth than length for me, which is a good thing). The healthy diet will make your heart stronger, more vitamins will help you get a stronger, more solid and engorged erection, this in turn will make your penis swell more = thicker girth.
      Unless your Mrs is very kinky and wants to feel the tip of your cock trying to enter her uterus...
      Harder could mean she likes the hard impact of you against her...

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