I've only been with ONE guy!

I was married to the only man I have ever "been" with but am recently divorced. I've met someone I am crazy about so he will only be the second person I have ever had sex with when it finally happens. I want to know what my new guy will think about me being a virgin when I married my ex-husband AND will he thinks its cool (or not so cool) that he is only the second person I will have slept with. I am scared to tell him. Will he think I am weird?

  • He'll think its awesome!
    Vote A
  • He won't care either way
    Vote B
  • He won't like it that you haven't had more experience
    Vote C
  • Other-explain below
    Vote D
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Most Helpful Guy

  • You wh0re!

    TWO men? TWO?!?!?!?!

    Ugh, well.. I guess that's just how you were raised.. cheap, easy and slutty..

    (note: the above was said in complete sarcasm)


    Here is the truth:

    GUYS, don't give two flying sh*ts about how many other guys you've been with. They would think it's awesome if you tell them how many GIRLS you've been with, and would find it weird if you tell them how many ANIMALS you've been with. But the number of other GUYS you've been with, is meaningless.

    STDs are an other story. If your ex husband had AIDS, or HIV, or some other STD, then you could be walking around with an STD, even though you've only been with one other guy in your life. A girl that's been with 500 guys (hypothetically), but has no STDs, would be preferred over a girl that's been with only one, but has an STD.

    I hope you're not getting confused by "loaded" or "complex" questions:

    "Do guys like clean STD-free girls that have been with very few guys, or dirty girls with STDs that have been with a lot of guys?"

    Nearly all guys would say the first; but not because they have any preference to a girl's sexual history; but simply because they don't want to have sex with someone with an STD. The error that a QA could make is to take in the information to incorrectly conclude that: (therefore, it is clear as day that guys obviously prefer girls that have been with less guys, over girls who have been with a lot of guys)


    If you seperate the two, and compare apples to apples & oranges to oranges, with a simple question, you'll get a concrete answer:

    Do guys prefer girls with STDs or girls with no STDs? (No STDs)

    Do guys like virgins? (Depends on the guy. For a few guys, it's very important. For a few guys, they would've have sex with or date a virgin even if she was the last woman on earth. For most guys, they could care less)

    Do guys like girls with a lot or very little sexual experience with other men? (Again, it depends on the guy's preferences; which is largely a result of his own psychology, self-esteem, confidence (or insecurity), and his own sexual experiences with women. It can flip either way. Guys with not much experience might prefer a girl who hasn't been with too many guys, because it makes him feel less anxious & nervous about his lack of experience. Or, the same guy might prefer a girl with a lot of experience, because he wants to experience what great sex is like and learn new things from someone more experienced. The more experienced a guy is, the less and less he cares. If the girl is experienced, that just means better sexual chemistry and more fun in the sack. If the girl is less experienced, that just makes it a little annoying and frustrating because she's not comfortable with wanting sex, or knowing what she likes/wants in terms of pleasure, and what works for his pleasure)

    You're making this into a bigger issue than it really is. RELAX (nobody cares; REALLY)

    • Okay thanks. Well, I definitely don't have an STD, so no worries there. I will relax. I just wasn't sure how guys would see a girl like me. Thanks for your answer. Very insightful & helpful.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • I would view you as a very respectful, classy woman. It really isn't a numbers game. It would turn me on a lot more to know you had very few partners. It depends on how long you have been divorced for is the question? If you have an trust issues or anything being with another man besides your husband. It's gonna be totally new. It was weird for me going from a sex addict girl to something totally different. I don't know if I would say anything to him. If you are in to him and you wanna sleep with him do it just don't get yourself hurt. It depends if your just friends or this is gonna go somewhere? Guys like your situation because your not tainted goods or have been around, not that you haven't had tons of sex when you were married but overall it should be a positive experience for you both. Maybe let him know your little secret down the road, it can't hurt to wait to tell him after a while.

    • Oh, that's nice, thanks so much. I worry that guys might think I am "inexperienced" rather than "classy" -lol. I have been divorced 2 yrs. I don't really have trust issues as long as I don't see a temper in a guy. My husband was verbally abusive & had major anger issues so that would be an issue. You are right about the friendship vs. it being more. As you can tell, I am not one to have sex just to have sex, so I would only do it if there was going 2 be more. Good idea on not telling him now-I'll wait

    • Well, may I suggest that after your first sexual adventure you immediately confess - perhaps "that's the best I can do - I've only had one other partner". He will immediately dismiss any negatives (if any) for want of experience as you feared and come to your rescue with complements. "I'm looking for a loving guide" will further enhance future experiences and keep the positives coming (oops - pun).

  • Quantity does not equal quality. Great sex comes from good communication and willingness to work with your partner. The number of partners you have had shouldn't have any impact on how "good" you are. I can't imagine anyone thinking your situation "weird" or somehow reflects poorly on you. Be proud of the fact that you were faithful in your relationship.

    • Okay, thanks a lot. I hadn't thought of it that way before. Great answer.

  • I am very proud of you. Could you please tell me why you and your husband didn't work out. I relationship like yours should last for an eternity. Unless you married after only a couple months or a year and lasted only a couple months. But if you lasted for 5+ years married then you shouldn't throw your relationship away like that.

    If your new guy is mature, he will appreciate the fact that youve only had one partner, and will admire you even more

    • Oh thanks. Sometimes I wonder if it was the right thing to wait until marriage to have sex because I don't think we had the sexual chemistry, so that didn't help. It was a long marriage, over 15 years but he was verbally abusive & I put up w/it for as long as I could. We went to marriage counseling too but he couldn't control his anger. I couldn't allow the behavior to continue. We tried to make it work but couldn't. My new guy is amazingly mature, sweet & we have a ton of chemistry. I'm happy.

  • It will either be A or B. Personally I think it would be awesome. Maybe get to teach you new things ;)

    • Okay thanks. I think I can teach HIM a few things too - lol.

  • the number shouldnt matter, period

    • Thanks much. That helps.

What Girls Said 3

  • I think men have always found a virgin to be super hot. I think that he'll appreciate that you respect yourself in that way, and that it would be fun to have sex with you if you decided too. Just think how nice it would be to grow and learn with someone who hasn't been around the block a dozen times. Don't be scared, you should be proud of yourself

    • Okay, thanks much. Yeah, I wasn't sure if it would be looked at in a good way or "wow, she has no experience". I do feel proud at times & other times I feel like it was a mistake to wait until marriage -- only because my ex-husband & I didn't have a ton of physical chemistry. With my new guy, I've never felt the way I do for him with anyone else so its like a whole new world. I just don't want him to think I am weird but when I think about who he is, I should know he wouldn't be that way.

  • You should indeed be proud of yourself that you are a pure woman who has a big heart to fall in love with another man after being divorced. If he really does love you then it shouldn't be any concerns, I'm sure he will not think that you are weird.

    • Okay thanks. Its been so long since I've been out in the dating world, that I just don't know what guys think these days. Seems like people are more sexually promiscuous so I was worried that I would seem weird. He is an amazing person & I am lucky to have found him. Thanks for your answer.

  • no just realise your ugly =)

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