Are blowjobs necessary in the relationship?

[Anonymous]

Would you guys seriously not pursue a relationship with a girl you were interested in, if you knew she does not do blowjobs: non-negotiable? It doesn't matter why. If you pull out the unfair card, for example: why should I do oral on her, if she does not reciprocate? Then my answer is - I don't even care for oral that much. I don't mind living without it. All in all, are you telling me that you would be unsatisfied with only having sex, and no blowjobs?

[DustBallKid]

The idea of this post is vary broad in the opinions expressed here. There are the guys that like to be like homie don't take that bs from a woman if she don't want to, to the she's under my thumb (rolling stones ref) she'll do anything for a guy. But seems to have gone from something about not liking or enjoying blowjobs to a beezy got to make her man happy. In all honesty its going to be about to each his or her own. I my self didn't like receiving blowjobs because the first time it was given to me she bit me. lol I know right crazy girl huh?! But my new girlfriend loves to do give head so I went out on a limb for her and let her do it. I finally was able to see how awesome all my bro's were telling me about Blowjobs. I think its the same thing for girls. They might of had a bad experience or might find doing a blowjob disgusting. So it should be really only how comfortable each person feels. If the girl likes to do a B.J. and the guy is likes it it's balanced. But if a guy is less comfortable about it then he can go out on that limb if he really cares for the girl and vice-versa. I also believe that a relationship's need to have a balanced point of sexual contact emotionality, and friendship. As well as good health wealth and love as it is explained in The Mystery Method.

As I draw my explanation to a close, There really is no strait answer so you really need to find in yourself or himself and when times are right to experiment. Just do not let things get stagnant cause you guys can possible drift apart.

[hockeypro]

I don't get it...

Like, I've never had a blowjob before, but I hear so many girls complaining about how they don't like doing it... that I dunno. I would feel VERY uncomfortable sitting there, doing nothing at all, while a girl that I like (or even LOVE) does something that she doesn't feel like doing AT ALL. To me, that's called taking advantage of someone, and it feels extremely wrong to me. And I don't get how some guys claim to love a girl, yet are OK with making her do something she doesn't want to.

So the only way I'd be OK with getting a blowjob is if she actually WANTS to do it. Because I heard some girls actually like it, so WTF? If they like it, then sure, why not? But if they don't, I don't see why ANY guy in the world should have the right to force a girl to do it.

Since I can't speak for other guys, I can't answer your question. But what I can tell you is I would rather die, than become some so selfish as to think it's OK to make my girlfriend do something that she finds gross.

I've survived without a blowjob for 23 years, and so I'm pretty damn sure blowjobs will be one of the last things on my list of things that are necessary to make a relationship work between me and a girl I deeply care about.

[toulouse]

Love your answer*

[azicr]

Yeah love your answer too...man where do I find guys with perceptions like you

[hockeypro]

In wisconsin not being cocky but the girls here love me because of tht

[Rynner]

But would you not do something you don't like for a girl you love? Relationships are all about compromise, so it's not a bad thing to compromise for your partner on something like that if it gives them pleasure

[hockeypro]

Thts weird I live in wisconsin too

[5kate5]

I love your answer!!

[aly-marie]

I think it does matter why the girl won't do it. There shouldn't really be anything that's totally non-negotiable if you're in a truly loving relationship.

Breaking it off because of that (or something related) is not a strictly sexual reason. It means there's some other issue (whether it's selfishness or a lack of trust, etc.) that's interfering with your ability to communicate and compromise. When you love someone, you compromise with each other, not because you have to, but because you LOVE each other. It's impossible to spend your life with someone happily and never compromise; we all have our differences.

You're looking at things on the surface and judging others because they have different values than you. What if you were madly in love with someone, and he wanted to talk to you about a compromise? Would you turn him away and claim he doesn't love you just because he doesn't love every single thing you do exactly the way you do it then?

Perhaps some people will tell you it's not necessary for them, and I don't think it's the blowjob itself that's necessary, but it's the trust and intimacy you have in that moment when you're willing to be completely vulnerable to them. In my experience, oral has felt much more intimate than sex, and that's why it took me longer to do. But the only guy I've ever given oral to, never ever asked me for it. I did it because I loved him so I wanted to try something new, because I trusted him.

[versusxiii]

Girl I've made it very clear I don't give blowjobs to guys and they still want to pop my cherry. Don't listen to these guys lol. Now true, for some guys it is a dealbreaker because they really like it but most guys are fine with just putting it in, if you know what I mean.

A vagina beats a mouth any day for most guys, you just have to make sure you are willing to explore other options like new sex positions, places, and maybe even things like toys and food. Sadly you do have to compensate for the loss of oral sex in the relationship.

It's utterly degrading to me so I will NEVER do it, and again, I have turned down many men even tho they knew that about me.

[Asker]

I agree with you. I do know there are guys who don't need it. But it seems to me these days it's like 99% of them pretty much think it's a given with the girls they go out with. I've been in a relationship for a long time and recently I'm single. Honestly, the market isn't that great. It's slim pickings actually.. I've never had to compensate for oral sex before, and I don't plan on lowering my morals or comfort levels for anything/anyone.

[versusxiii]

Atta girl! The girls giving blowjobs aren't keeping relationships any longer than the ones that don't, they can just get a man to sleep with them a little easier when they know that they're willing to do it. I don't have a problem with other girls doing it or think they're sluts or anything, don't get me wrong, it's just not something I ever wanna do.

[Asker]

I respect that. And I definitely am not about to judge others. I have friends who are quite open sexually and have done a lot of crazy things. And when they get drunk and in a confiding mood, I've also seen them cry and regret pretty much all of it. Therefore, I agree. I don't want to regret these types of things especially. And any man I am with who wants me do so for the transient pleasure of any perverse fantasy, was never a worthy partner to begin with.

[versusxiii]

For REAL. I think most girls just do it because they believe a man won't stay with them if they don't. But how many of these same girls are broken up with even after degrading themselves sexually? I'll simply take my chances with my no BJ policy.

[Standingpretty]

Nothing sexual is ever required in a relationship! Seriously, if someone is going to pressure you to be someone you're not then don't even bother with them. It's as simple as that. If you tell a guy that you don't want to give head and can't except that, tell him to take a hike. You deserve to be respected as a person.

[Asker]

I was going to give best answer to one of the guy answers. Actually I was just gonna wait a few more days. But I really love your wording because that is precisely how I feel. And I respect that someone at 18 is saying it because I feel a lot of younger girls out there start out sexual really early because they think it makes them more mature, and because they would lose the guy otherwise. I've had so many friends regret a lot of things they did when still in high school. I'm glad I'm not one.

[loverorbestfriend]

This is a typical chick answer.....I'm not disagreeing with the point about finding compatible people but you can't get mad at a guy for being a man and wanting his bj......geez...men in other parts of the world often laugh at N. American males because here men are ridiculed for being men...I'm not a eunuch, never will I be like this...

[Asker]

I am not getting mad at a guy for anything. And if a man is so easily emasculated by the opinions of others, he wasn't much of a man to begin with. Just a weak little creature starved for sex to prove he is something...

[Standingpretty]

@Loveorbestfriend: Some people aren't just comfortable with sex wether it be from abuse, religion, or something else...they do not mean to make a guy feel bad or less "manly" they are just doing it for they're own emotional sake. @QA. Thank you. I learned early on thanks to an ex that you should wait because if you get into the physical part too early you risk not getting to know the person and build something meaningful.

[KillerrMike]

The point loverorbestfriend was trying to make is that real men don't tolerate this kind of bullsh*t from women, nor do they pander to women or cave under their ridiculous commands. He dosn't get "emaculated by other's opinions". A real man would put a bitch like this in her place.

[Samii00]

KillerMike is a pathetic loser.Do you realize how many men claim giving oral sex to a woman is so gross?

[Standingpretty]

@killermike It's funny how you think a "real man" would not tolerate a woman having respect for herself. just because a woman doesn't spread her legs for every man she sees it makes her a **** or a bitch. I'm truly sorry that you're not used to having a real woman who has respect for herself and that you can only get sluts. Really, I do feel really bad for you.

[Asker]

I don't... I hope he gets chlamydia.... Actually, no. I'm neutral. But I bet he'll feel bad when he does get chlamydia. Or herpes from the girl blowing him.

[Standingpretty]

My bf: Alright bro you must be some kind of thugish kind of a guy I mean honestly. Saying that "reall men" don't need to tolerate this deal. Like honestly what are you trying to say are you trying to say that you tell a bezzy in your terms to stfu? you give her a good one like honestly where is your logic coming from. Its guys like you that make me pity those nice gentlemen out there that can listen and help out a woman in her right needs and wants, honestly you need to relearn ur deal.

[Asker]

Just so you know, this might be a bit one-sided considering Killerrmike has been blocked and can no longer respond....

[DustBallKid]

It's OK, killermike is obviously a douche and 40 year old man who lives in his mom's basement who has never actually had a real relationship and blocked because he can't handle the truth that there are women out there that actually stand up for themselves.

[loverorbestfriend]

If KillerMike is blocked, let me step back in: his words are strongly used but the point he is (and perhaps I am) trying to make is that, i.e. taking a quote from 'standingpretty': 'nothing sexual is ever required in a relationship!' -> this is not how a a real man thinks, no way in hell. A chick thinks like this or an emasculated man thinks like this. A real man would not tolerate this. This is not sexist or chauvinist, it is simply the way it is. For you ladies who like soft, cuddly...

[loverorbestfriend]

KillerrMike's response may be harsh but it was said in earnest. Look, 'standingpretty' said: 'nothing sexual is ever required in a relationship!' -> this is how chicks and emasculated men think. A real man would never ever think like this. This is not a sexist statement, this is how real men are. So ladies, if you like your men soft and ball-less, sensitive and slaves to your feminine ways or the highway whims then you are removing the 'real' from man. Hope this enlightens you some.

[Asker]

Do you want to be blocked too? I am no longer interested in the opinions on this topic. Move on to your next question asker to bother. I have already lost respect for you as a person, and therefore cannot be bothered to read past your first two sentences. Goodbye.

[Asker]

Oh and then according to your definition of what a real man is, I'm just going to go with the emasculated ones, thanks.

[tex151]

I agree with killermike so many guys out there are letting women put their balls in their purses, some guys are so freaking whipped its not even funny, in fact it is quite sad, that they would fall for a womans bullsh*t like that. Some women snap a finger and he comes like a damn puppy, what happened guys what happened to you? I'm in a relationship, and guess what I don't control her she doesn't control me, and it's perfect no arguments and we have sex, simple as that.

[Standingpretty]

As I said earlier, not everyone is going to be comfortable with everything. I'm not saying you should never be sexual but some things will just never work out. Some people love having sex but hate giving head. Some people hate sex and love anal. It all depends. But, if you hate doing something or it doesn't feel natural to you, you don't have to do it. Some people might want to wait for whatever reasons but you shouldn't knock someone for having their reserves. I mean, what if a girl was raped,

[Standingpretty]

Would you really blame her for being scared and wanting to take things slow? You should never go into a relationship with any expectations of any kind, and I'm not talking about only about sexual things their either. You should look for someone and go for them if you like them, let them be who they're gonna be and if they turn out to be what you wanted,then you've got a keeper; but if not, then move on. Not all people just want to have sex and go for all and everything immediately, even some

[Standingpretty]

Guys. Everyone should just find someone compatible with them.

[cjtheo]

You can tell she's single..but I don't require blowjobs. If a man does then drop him

[Standingpretty]

Btw cjtheo, I have a boyfriend. If you want to talk to him, hit me up I'll give you his number.

[shes-a-lady]

I don't see why he'd even have to ask you / force you to do that. if you love him you should WANT to give him a bj. I know I would...

[Standingpretty]

Yeah for me I love to please guys but there was a time in my life where I felt very vunerable and I didn't want just a physical connection so it totally makes sense to me that someone wouldn't want to.

[thesinisterurge]

HELL YES, blow jobs are a must!

[Wes_Lee]

It's not about the sexual act it's about bringing pleasure to the person you love. I don't think it's unreasonable for someone to want a partner with strong sexual chemistry. There are very few things I would not do to bring my partner pleasure, if she wanted it. I guess you have to balance your dislike in doing the act with how much you want to make that person happy. If giving blowjobs is really that abhorrent of an act, then don't do it. But it would show me where your threshold is.

[Johneyson]

I would still pursue a relationship! So what if she doesn't want to give me a blowjob, love is not about favors. If I go down on her I don't really expect the same from her. It would be nice if she was willing to experiment a little bit or have sex slightly often, but even without those I wouldn't think any less of her because she wouldn't give me a blowjob.

[Asker]

I am glad there are guys out there with your viewpoint. Well, I mean, I know of such guys for sure, but they are certainly far and in-between.

[TheAnswerer]

I beleive that when a male and female are bound together with love, their hearts, minds, eyes and lips bond together. f course this is a metaphor:

Heart: Feelings

Mind: Thoughts and reason.

Eyes: Five senses

Lips: Sexual attraction

According to me, an ideal love has to include the "heart" bond and "mind" bond, with the others being optional. (Better if they are there, but they shouldn't be deal-breakers).

[Mande1985]

Well... okay. I can understand where you are coming from. It is a personal preference if you don't want to give a blowjob to your partner. However, if I was interested in someone who didn't give oral to me.. I wouldn't pursue them anymore. Personally for me, (and just me) you should be willing to do anything in bed. Especially if you end up loving that person... and lets say get married. Why should their be intimate walls in a relationship? Sex is not the only thing in a relationship but it is a factor. Its one way you show your affection to one another as well as nurture a relationship. I would also hate to think their is a part of my body that partner would not want to touch... or kiss. It would make me feel bad and ugly. I could only imagine how a man feels when his wife refuses to give him oral. It just doesn't seem right to me. Sex doesn't equal love... but in love.. there is love making and you should enjoy each others bodies and feel comfortable giving as well as receiving.

[Johner]

Ehhhh that's a tough one. Blowjobs are like the cherry on top of a sunday. You still eat the whole sunday because a cherry is alittle lacking. But damn does it hit the spot lol. Nothing in sexier then a woman giving you head. And that goes double if she is staring at you while doing it. It's a level of trust and willingness to please your guy that is more deeply satifiying then the act itself.

[juneangel6390]

I really liek this comment. Your right, it is a whole level of trust thihng. the woman is putting herself in a very vulnerable sopt(completley at your control) and the guys has to trust his girl too(thats his junk in her MOUNTH!!!). So I say it shouldnt have to be a deal breakbreaker. I think a girl should want to do that with/to her man. It is such a pleasurable thing for him and don't you want to please him and make him the happiest you can, its a great feeling when you make him feel that great

[Reeses-pieces777]

if he's serious about you, he won't make you do what you're not comfortable with. there is no rule that states that a girl has to do that inorder to maintain a relationship.

[Rynner]

True, but aren't relationships all about sacrifice? If he enjoys it so much, where's the harm in relenting once a month for his happiness? I'm sure he'll return the favor and not even necessarily in a sexual manner if you aren't into it, particularly if he realizes that you don't like it

[ArizonaRX]

Ok. If you don't give blowjobs, do you do anal?

[watupzbreh]

This is just hilarious.

[toulouse]

Ha ha

[Serotriptomine]

Younger people such as myself included need spicyness in the bedroom.

Oral is /almost/ necessary in a immature relationship.

It's just foreplay, and any woman that thinks it's not intimate enough for them.

Men don't need porn stars going down on them, read some books, watch some videos.

Be passionate about it. You don't have to do it often.

It's just like women and giving their husbands of bf's anal for the b-day. I mean really? lmao.

[islands7]

Find someone that makes you SO HOT that you'll WANT to do ANYTHING and everything to his body + viceversa, gal! OK, I will exclude anything anal...

[luciaa]

lol! Necessary? Girl, when you want a guy you can't wait to give it to him! Perhaps the prob is the guy because for me if the guy is right, I can't wait to do it. It is so fun, it's like guess what I got for you hon! It's Christmas! YIPPPEEE! YUM!

[Watchamacallit]

I think I love you. (j/k)

[seth_Oscillation]

honestly I believe relationships last ONLY with compromise. so maybe if the guy gets his blowjobs that he needs and trust me theyre important! he needs to do a big ass compromise for her and that isn't just restricted to sexual things.

so maybe if he wants his blowjobs so badly she should make him happy

BUT

than he needs to do a compromise for her. like maybe being more romantic, going to see her parents (eek!), and/or doing more things she likes (yoga, watching chick flicks, shopping, etc...) lol

relationships should never be win/lose or lose/lose

a healthy relationship needs to be ALWAYS WIN/WIN!

[setcheck67]

It is not a deal breaker and I would still give her oral, because I love to do so. I simply require physical reciprocation back.

[Asker]

That's kind of a paradox. you don't have to give the oral, but if you still choose to, since you already know she doesn't do blowjobs, then you can't require reciprocation.

[setcheck67]

I said physical reciprocation. I mean as in intercourse, handjob, or anal.... etc..

[Asker]

Got it

[tex151]

Hell yes it is a necessity, I won't date a chick if she doesn't give head, in fact I had a chick say to me it made her look like a slut if she did, yet the fact that we met 2 hours ago and had sex didn't seem to matter. That was the end of that, I think we went on a couple more dates and I basically just stopped talking to her after that.

[Bruce]

Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah Blah, Blah

[toulouse]

Lol

[intra]

Go to account, settings and uncheck email notifications that will stop them.

[katiesmuff]

I don't feel it is a requirement any more than I think my dates have to go down on me, but I do think most guys truly enjoy a good bj. I rather enjoy making the guy I am with happy and would never refuse to give him a bj and in fact I probably jump on it with out him saying much of anything.

[ryanontario]

i don't really think a relationship should be based on blow jobs . but if a guy has a thing for them and its sort of his sexual preference then in that relationship they'd be necessary otherwise the guy is going to lose interest in the girl or cheat on her .

[l-hedoniste]

It's not so much the blowjob, as the rigid statement of the type of sex we won't be having. Always a bad sign.

[Asker]

It is not a statement that there will not be sex. in fact, in the question I specified the availability of sex.

[l-hedoniste]

I'm supposing you specified the availability of vaginal intercourse, since oral sex, is sex.

[Asker]

I think when I made the distinction between sex and blowjobs in the question, that was clear, regardless of whether we can define oral as sex or not. I hope you are not in the habit of answering questions without fully reading them.

[l-hedoniste]

The distinction was clear, and clearly false. I was just making sense of what you wrote. In any event, you have missed my point; whether oral is sex or not, a woman who begins a sexual relationship by telling me what will be missing from it, rarely drops this habit.

[Asker]

Drops what habit? whatever, it doesn't matter.

[lefthand]

I can and have ended relationships because someone decided they were not ok with standard sexual practices. Sex is an important part of life and I don't have time to waste on someone who isn't interested in being sexual. It is too big a sacrifice to make for anyone.

[anynymoooooose]

"expect a hell of a lot more than they're entitled to". What does entitlement have to do with anything? I figure you see BJs as subservient so you don't like it. That's normal I guess, but I don't see why anything sexual should be "non-negotiable". What's the big deal? Find someone you trust and enjoy yourself or enjoy doing things for him.

[MiaChan]

yea wtf is up bj's being very important? no they arn't! I just think bj's were invented a century or 2 ago just because some sexually frustrated folks got bored with old school style, so dump the guy who ever forces you to blow him and I also don't care being eaten because its disgusting when a guy goes down on you and then he comes to kiss you on your mouth with the same dirty mouth he ate you, eeoww,

[Rynner]

So get him to wash out his mouth?

[GreatBrittany]

Yes! Thank you! And here's another interesting though nasty fact, pee comes from that thing! Yuck!