I think you both have things to talk about further, question whether you want to get your tubes tied solely because you didn't like your first pregnancy? Thats just one experience who knows your next could be great. If you two don't want to have another child because you believe that adopting would be better, and or you don't have the financial means for another child then its your body you should be allowed to get them tied. HOWEVER most people get them tied as a sign they do not want to add any more children to their family adoption or not.
I think the only thing he's thinking of why its selfish because it was discussed you both wanted a family with kidS, there's something empowering probably for him as a father and husband to create children with you.
I'm not willing to risk it a second time. Honestly you have idea what the pregnancy will be like until it's too late... I refuse to go through that again
It is selfish because you're in a marriage and it's not about just how you feel about it. That's not how marriage works. My mother got her tubes tied after my sister was born with the blessing of my dad, but she would not have done it if he didn't want her to. However, she did get them untied after they talked about it so they could have my brother and then myself.
You said before the marriage you guys wanted kids. As in plural. Not one. Maybe just get on birth control or something.
What made it so God awful?
High risk pregnancy. Bed ridden for 5 months. Severe morning sickness the entire 40 weeks.
High risk is a broad term so made it high risk for you? Being in bed for 5 months isn't all that abnormal for many mothers, especially if they have other stresses in their lives. Also, it's not possible for you to have morning sickness for the entire 40 weeks because that would mean it started as soon as you were biologically pregnant. It takes 3-4 weeks for it to even start.
No seriously. I was sick for 4 weeks before I found out I was pregnant. I'm diabetic.
Just do it, it seems like you're already set on it, but your husband will probably resent you for it.
YOU decided? Yeah, pregnancy is no fun, but you told him you wanted kids... and now you're going back on that. In a marriage it is two people, not one. He should consider your point of view but you also should consider his. Work this out between you two. There is a spirit of selfishness that has crept into the hearts of women that is destroying marriages.
I hope you can work this out, and I hope you take your wedding vows seriously. I know God does.
I do take them seriously. And yes I wanted kids then and I still want more. However that doesn't mean that I have to give birth to them all...
Is he unwilling to consider your point of view? It takes vulnerability and a soft heart to get him to understand, and you may not want to do that, because you may feel hurt that he is not considering your point of view. He MUST consider you. He took those vows, too. This needs to be a mutual decision. I hope you two can come at peace with whatever decision you both decide to make. I wish you the best.
Thanks.
I think you both have a point though I disagree with either how he made his case or how you characterized it. Does your OB forecast that another pregnancy will be difficult? Adoption is full of risks. I'm a wholehearted supporter of adoption but it's not without its perils. You may need a couple's therapist to help you two sort this out.
I have automatic high risk pregnancies because I am diabetic. However that doesn't necessarily they'll ALL be miserable... the only way to find out is to get pregnant again. Which is not a good idea in my opinion.
I certainly understand. Clearly, I've not been pregnant but I'm confident that all pregnancies are pretty uncomfortable in the last month or two. I recommend that you find a good couple's counselor and work this out. I suggest this because you are, IMHO, best advised to do it this way to make sure your husband doesn't come away harboring some serious resentment/anger.
I guess that does make sense. Thanks.
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What's Your Opinion? Sign Up Now!It's you who's going to deliver the baby, not your hubby or your son... For him it's easy, he has the 'fun' part, (that's not his fault, but still). You could go for a middle way and get yourself an implant for one or two years if you support that idea. During this period you can see together if options change, either from you or from him.
Did you both discussed about getin your tube tied earlier on?
No, we didn't.
Well not every lady out there likes to be pregnant. Some just want to keep there figure. I do not know about you. But if sure you love your marriage, then have a calm discussion with your husband. You can decide to have one more child then your done.
I'm honest to God not giving birth to any more kids...
i think you both have your reasons and i think you guys need to simply sort them out. i don't think either are being overly selfish
He's not being selfish at all. He's just stupid to be frank. It's your body you have to carry the kid. It's up to you however if you want to raise more children. You could adopt (please consider this please ) or... get a surrogate to produce more children that the world really needs. He has NO say whatsoever in this. NONE. All he has to do is cum inside you. That's it. Job done.
Do it for your health... no babies.
On the one hand, you have a right to decide what to do with your body. On the other hand he feels very disappointed, and he has a right to feel disappointed, by the fact you have changed your mind. Very few guys want to adopt. Many will, and will eventually convince themselves that they're happy with it, but very few want to.
Just wait a few years then decided if you think things will change. You don't have to make that decision right away take some birth control.
It's been 2 years. I've pretty much decided
Okay well in that case just put on the birth Control the iud for 5 years then see how you feel. By then it will be 7 years and if you still feel the same tie your tubes but keep in mind your man might have a kid with someone else don't be surprised.
You both are being selfish, but being selfish isn't always a bad thing. Your selfishness stems from the fact that you had a bad pregnancy and don't want to go through that again, which is understandable. He's being selfish because he doesn't seem to have the ability to empathize. So who's right? Well ultimately I'm more inclined to side with you than him, as there are other ways to have more children if you guys really want another
You really should be discussing this with your husband. Also I've know two women that got pregnant after getting their tubes tied. It's not always fail proof.
Details I'm very curious and want to help were you bed ridden while preggers?
Yes. 5 months
Dear CHRIST!!! You're the woman he had a child with and he's acting selfish with YOUR body after it took a toll on YOUR health? Where did you find this idiot? And have you brought up the fact that you were bed ridden (even though you shouldn't have to)? You might have to separate in the future because he's going to hold it against you for the rest of your marriage... and try to make you feel guilty when he's the one not seeing the bigger picture...
It's your body. You do not owe him anything. He doesn't get to complain, neither would you if he were to get a vasectomy.
This is not a question for strangers online. Go discuss further with you husband.
Yet here I am... asking it online. Hm.
Hmmmm, be callous all you want. You and your husband obviously lack communication.
Its mutual decision but female have more into it so you are the one who make the decision i suppose.
Women shouldn't decide about that The man is the head of the household. It's in the Bible
You're the worst kind of person.
You don't know God's Word
I'm sympathetic to both of you.
Careful this might be divorce your stirring up. If a wife doesn't want to give you the family you want then maybe time to cut and run and find a woman willing to.
Well so be it then. I can't keep having awful pregnancies. I was in bed for 5 months.
Stupid.
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