Sexual Health
+1 y

I can't turn my girlfriend on anymore?

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a year and a half now, and over the past month or so her sex drive has dramatically dropped. I don't understand why, she always used to be very cuddly and kissing, but now she barely even bothers to kiss me. She just left the house about 15 min ago, we started watching a dvd together, and I started trying to "cuddle with her" (Not even sexually.) she doesn't seem to respond like she used to she just kinda tuned me out entirely, which has never even happened before! When ever I try to initiate sex with her it all goes south, unless she "in the mood" she won't even give me a response. This has never happened before, and there was no dramatic change in our lives over the past 2 months, I just don't understand where all the passion left, and how this could of happened. Things like kissing her on the neck , (Which used to drive her wild) do nothing for her now. The only time we ever have sex (Like I said previously) is when she's in the mood. I don't understand what could of happened, I've tried almost everything it's like she isn't interested in me over night or something!?
Updates:
+1 y
Update Judging by some of the replies, on "I'm not good enough anymore." I'm just going to confront her asking her if she just doesn't feel it anymore and give her an excuse to leave if she wants.
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Most Helpful Guys

  • This sounds like what happened to me & my EX-wife. It started where you are at now, eventually sex stopped completely, she'd give me oral once in awhile to shut me up. Eventually oral stopped too. Then things like kissing, touching, even being together.

    Eventually I had enough. Hired a private detective and he provided me with evidence that she was having an affair. She claimed she was going to work a part time bartending job about 40 miles from where we lived, in fact she was going to be with him. I filed for divorce the next day. There is much more to that store, but that's enough for now.

    There is either someone else for her, she's not in love with you anymore or there is a really deep emotional thing going on with her that you don't know about. Whichever way it is, you need to lay down the law right away and let her know, if she can't change her ways and give you want you need. IT'S OVER!

    • I'm sure she's not cheating on me. There's no time for her to cheat on me, she doesn't leave or do anything suspicious that would even indicate that. She's never even cheated on anyone before, and I've had a discussion with her before if she ever wanted to cheat on me she should just be upfront and break up with me. (I'm in the Marine Corps, so I've already had the "cheating talk" with her.)

    • Reading some of your other replies "She said she feels like she's not good enough for me." I've heard that several times. That typically means in my experience, "In her mind the relationship is over. She's staying with you to not hurt your feelings. She's going through the motions as much as possible to keep the peace. Yet, she feels guilty about it because she should be giving you much more, but she can't because she doesn't feel it anymore. That's what she means by I'm not good enough for you.

  • Doesn't sound like a sex issue, but a deeper relationship problem.

    It could be there are some relational needs she isn't having met. See books like "The Five Love Languages" or "His Needs, Her Needs". It is easy for guys and girls to not intrinsically know what they need.

    At age 20, she could also be trying to figure out what to do with her life when she grows up. That can be a difficult time for people, especially in a long term relationship. It could just be the stress of life that has sapped her passion.

    I'd just sit down with her, let her know you have detected some distance, let her know you wan to work with her, and talk it out. It won't likely get better immediately, but might be the first step to developing a deeper longer lasting relationship.

Most Helpful Girls

  • I saw this post open in boyfriend's computer. He probably searched for it because we had a fight 30 minutes ago, apparently, because of the problem you and your girlfriend are facing right now. It breaks my heart to see this :)

    I do not get turned on by my boyfriend so easily, depends on my mood totally. We have been dating for 3 years and living together for an year now.

    Where does he lack behind? Is he to blame?
    Nope, definitely not. It is me.

    Does that mean I don't love him?
    Nope, I do love him and intend to spend my life with him.

    How do I resolve this? Honestly, I don't know.
    I can imagine how confusing it must be for you both. All I can advise is to hang in there and keep trying. This is as much as a concern to her as to you.

  • give her some time to think about how she feels about her sex drive, some women go through that phase where you can't be turned on by your spouse, I went through that phase with my boyfriend and he was definitely concern and that was because he lost his virginity at 14 so i hated him and it was a kill drive, let her come to you, just wait the time will be right

    • I guess it has to do with the period in her life?

  • You should talk to her about this...it sounds like she lost the connection with you, and you're just hanging on. It sounds like you live together, too. You have the right to know because you have to see her everyday.

    • We do live together we've been living together for about a half a year now. I started asking her questions last night to try to get to the bottom of this, she said she doesn't feel good enough for me, which really doesn't make any sense, seeing as we've been together now for almost a year and a half.

    • It sounds like she's looking for a way out. I used to live with a boyfriend who had similar tendencies. I found out he just didn't want to by MY boyfriend. It was confusing for a long time because I knew I was being a good girlfriend.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • well what I will suggest is that you guys should hav sum changes in ur regular sex life I mean try exprimenting new things what I will suggest is ask ur girlfriend for a threesum with another gal or guy any thing ur girlfriend likes its always fun

    • She has no problem getting experimental in bed, but only if she's in the mood. A threesum just sounds like it would complicate things, and she's actually brought up to me that before hand that she wouldn't want to ever have a threesum, as well as myself it doesn't seem to be my "cup of tea."

  • I know for a fact she is not attracted me in anyway. Her first excuse was that I am a turn off when I drink, so I quit drinking for a while, still nothing. Other excuse that she’s tired. I really admire her and the job that she does. She works 8 hours I work I work between 10 to 14 hours. I manage to work all those hours and still come home desiring and wanting her. No matter how tired, annoyed or stressed Iam. But her on the other hand it’s excuse after excuse. No matter what I do or don’t do everything is a turn off for her, which all leads down to 1 thing. SHE IS NOT ATTRACTED TO ME! There are many reasons for that, I’m not fit, I have stretch marks everywhere, I have big teeth, I can’t grow a beard, I have NO money and I don’t last long. But one I Kan say is that Iam 100% faithful and everything about her makes me want to make love to her no matter how tired Iam, how sick Iam, how sad Iam, no matter time or place. Starting tomorrow morning Iam going to start making drastic changes to see if I can feel wanted by her or desired. I want to feel like she wants me no matter how tired she is, I want her to crave me and tell her self that she has to have it! I just really hope the changes I’m going to make actually work to make her at least want me more. Because I’m going to sacrifice a lot. I know what type of guys she’s attracted to so I’m going to try my best to reach that goal!!! Wish me luck, because I really need this!!!

  • Are you coming on too strong? Perhaps she's grown tired/bored of you? Maybe you two just drifted apart?

    You need to have a conversation with her about your relationship. Figure out what's going on and why, otherwise you'll just have several more months of unhappiness before the relationship eventually ends.

    • I did ask her about this last night, and she really didn't give me an answer, she said she felt that she wasn't good enough for me. Which I don't understand because we've been with each other a year and a half now, and for that to suddenly pop up something must of happened. At this point I really don't know what to ask her because she's just going to tell me the same thing again. .

    • That almost sounds like the old "it's not you, it's me" excuse for (eventually) ending a relationship.

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