Sexual Health
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Guys That Watch Porn... Can You Answer This For Me?

I am having a genuinely hard time dealing with this, so please be respectful... I just need to talk to someone about this. I love my boyfriend very much, and I know he loves me just as much. He tells me he loves me more than anything, and his actions prove it. He is always there for me, and listens when I need to talk. He is very patient and nurturing. He is a nurse, and I am incredibly proud of him for his tenderness and eccentricity. He is a very special person, inside and out. Our relationship seemed like it was perfect for a while. We were incredibly happy—until he made a faux pas about my bra size... He accidentally compared my bra size to his ex. She doesn't come up in convo much; it happened because our sizes are almost identical. It was all so random... but I just can't seem to get over this... He's watched porn for a long time as well. He's tried to slack off since we started dating, but he still does at least one or two times a week... I haven't really had a problem with the porn until he mentioned his ex... now all of the physical expectations and disappointments are just compounding. I look in the mirror and feel like I'm okay, but I just don't feel content within our relationship now. Part of it might be that I just want to be so much for him... He means a lot to me, and I hate being a disappointment or insufficient to him sexually. He says I look fine, but now even that feels like an insult... I don't think I look bad. I have a cute figure and wear a 36C. I'm just not a porn star :/ I work out, so I have a good build, but I'm not quite a size 2 (maybe a 6). He always tells me how adorable I am... but this cut just won't go away. I want to forgive and forget, because I know he didn't mean to... but I just feel like such a disappointment... Any thoughts?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Can you be tall for him? Can you be short for him? Can you be fat? Thin? Black? White? Asian? Can you be a school girl? A librarian? A boss? A secretary? Can you be strict? Submissive? Can you have large boobs one day? Small boobs the next?

    No one girl can be *everything* to her man. And the simple ugly truth is that men have tastes which can vary.

    Men use a lot of different tactics to deal with this desire for variety. Some submerge it way down. Some ignore it. Some have a rich fantasy life. Some use porn. Some use their imagination jerk off. Some have affairs and don't bother with the whole monogamy thing.

    None of that means that you're a disappointment to him.

    When he tells you that you look fine, and you hear an insult, that is entirely you. It's what is going on in your brain. He's not responsible for it, any more than you are responsible in any way when he thinks about having sex with someone who isn't you.

    • Man i hope you get MHO.. This is the correct answer..

    • @worldscolide Yeah dude, I know it's the correct answer, but you'd be amazed how many women just can't wrap their heads around it and so reflexively refuse to believe it.

  • your fella finds you attractive im sure but he likes to wank over porn too. the two dont have to be linked. its hard for women to understand this i know which is why im single

    • He tells me he real sex is better than masturbating to porn. And I offer it unlimited. I have even told him he can wake me up at 2am if he wants it. He says he feels too guilty to do so... He hates being a burden. He used to masturbate a LOT more before we started seeing each other. Now it's like a couple times a week... I just wanted to be enough he wouldn't need it :/

    • but are you basing that on just your own jealousy? lots of men like a good wank over porn and it doesn't mean he doesn't care about you. it would be very different if he was really seeing other girls but porn is just a fantasy and everyone has those

    • I wasn't jealous until he accidentally compared me. And I think that answers my question... Your perspective is to accept that porn is the ultimate and just be okay with being inferior to it because I can't help it. But I will never agree with that. Thanks for your time.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • 1, porn is entirely fake and unrealistic, so it's an escape for men. Even porn stars aren't porn stars. By that I mean they are heavily coated in makeup and costumes and video editing.
    2, men are biologically programmed to have sex with many different females in a year.
    3 Porn being a fantasy gives them the illusion of having more than just their S. O., and MOST men will actually imagine his GF/Wife's face on the porn girl.

    Porn is actually good and healthy, unless he stops paying attention to you.

    • Hey someone gets it!!! Wish there were more women like you.. I married one mind you, but women that think like you are a rare type indeed.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • The problem is in your mind. Read your second paragraph. Forget about this or you will scuttle your relationship and future ones will be tainted by this and fail. Its all up to you. Do not make him "repent" for anything. Clear you mind or end the relationship NOW.

  • Ahhh the trials of youth. If you want the relationship to last in a healthy way, you need to realise that what YOU think of yourself is at least, if not more important than what he thinks of you.
    The comparison to an ex is always a bit of a blow - but remember, they are the ex, you are the current. so obviously in the balance, you come out the winner.

  • simple answer. ... who is he with you or his ex...

  • Oh this just hurts me to read... a seemingly wonderful relationship being destroyed by insecurity and pettiness with no foundation in reality.

  • This is the problem, women compare and take it personally when it has NOTHING to do with you. It's pure and simple visual entertainment. I don't think women can truly understand that guys are visual because it's not the same for you. It has nothing to do with his feelings for you, he's not comparing you, he's just looking. It's like driving by a car accident.

    Having said that you also need to talk to him and tell him all this. Explain how you feel. Nothing is going to get any better if you don't.

    • I love this. A guy is driving his car and his girl is in the passenger seat. They drive by a car accident. He slows down and gapes at it. The girl says "Do you wish you were him?" "What?" "That guy in the car, on fire. You wish you were him, don't you?" "What?" "The way you're looking at him. This car, not on fire, isn't enough for you, is it? You wish you were burning to death as well. Or maybe you don't want me at all maybe you just want to be burning to death." "You're crazy!" "Then why were you looking? I should be enough for you, and this car should too!" "You are! You both are!" "Then why are you looking at that car on fire?" "Because it's there!" "That's not a reason!" "Look, I don't wish I was on fire! That's stupid!" "Don't call me stupid!" "I'm not saying you're stupid! I'm saying that thinking I want to be on fire is stupid!" "Pull over!!" And that's when I punched her, your honour.

  • You sound good to me and if you're the same size as the ex then what is the point? You're not a porn and that's just fantasy unless it's amateur porn. I hardly ever looked at porn when I had girlfriend, he needs to stop comparing you to them

    • He doesn't compare often or on purpose. I think it's one of those things where... it just slips out...

    • This doesn't happen often... I think it just stung because we've really bonded a lot lately. Sex was amazing because we were emotionally bonding as well as physically. He would tell me he loved me more than anything and that I was the best girlfriend he ever had... and then this happened :/

    • Yeah it's probably nothing, just crossed his mind and slipped out, maybe he just realizes in his head how much better you are than his ex and thinks out loud at times, not sure why he watches porn still when you are always willing unless you're not available when he gets the urge

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