How can I orgasm during sex?

I'm frustrated because I couldn't orgasm or feel any pleasure after having sex for the second time in my life. I also bled and it hurt like hell!
How can I ensure an orgasm next time?

Please don't suggest sex toys or manual stimulation.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • You likely bled because there were still remnants of your hymen still left partially intact from the first time, that also contributed to the pain. After your hymen is completely broken, you will likely still feel pain for a while, it will take your body time to adjust. Also, you should be well lubricated, insufficient lubrication is one the main reasons females experience pain during sex.

    You can try having him hit your g-spot. Missionary and doggy style are fairly good positions for that.

    Also, you seem to have a skewed notion of female orgasms. 70-80% have difficulty reaching orgasm from vaginal penetration alone (so no manual stimulation/sex toys), the numbers vary a bit depending on the research/study but it's usually in the 70-80% range. What you should take from this is that most women need sex toys/manual stimulation to reach orgasm during vaginal intercourse. It is why every online article on list of best sex positions always indicate whether or not he/you can stimulate the clitoris with his/your hand as one of the pros of a sex position. Indirect stimulation will work but it is not as effective as direct stimulation from him/you.

    Own your orgasm. Don't be afraid to do what YOU need to do to orgasm. If you need direct clitoral stimulation there is nothing wrong with providing it to yourself (or asking him to do it for you). It's your orgasm, be an active participant.

    • So you're saying that I probably won't orgasm even if I can find a position that will stimulate my clit?

    • A couple of my friends who are sexually active don't even own a sex toy and they've told me that they don't need to get themselves off during penetration.

    • Partial stimulation will help, but honestly most women need direct stimulation, which is why 70-80% of women need manual stimulation (and why literally everyone will tell you to use a toy or use your hands). A position that stimulates your clit will help but it isn't a guarantee that you'll orgasm, since it will usually only be indirect stimulation and not direct stimulation and most women need direct stimulation. You have a SIGNIFICANTLY better chance of reaching an orgasm by adding in manual stimulation. I think you should first get accustomed to having his penis in you, it can be difficult to orgasm if all you feel is pain. After that, then try experimenting. If you are so hesitant towards manual stimulation, try every sex position that is supposed to stimulate your clit. If that fails, please try manual stimulation, there's nothing wrong with being part of the 70-80% of women who need direct manual stimulation to orgasm.

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  • When I first started having sex it look 3 or 4 times for it to stop hurting. Don't get me wrong it slowly got better each time and it wasn't excruciating. But you've got to just hang in there until your body gets used to having something that big inside you. I've never had an orgasm from just penetration. So I have to rub my clit or use a vibrator at the same time that I'm having sex. My partners have always thought its hot. Hang in there. It'll get better

    • I don't want to use toys or touch myself. I want to be normal like everyone else who can come from sex.

    • Only 25% of women can orgasm from just vaginal penetration. Just because you can't cum from just penetration doesn't make you not "normal". It's really common to need a little more help

    • I know, but most women don't need toys or touch themselves to come. They usually receive stimulation from their partner indirectly during sex. I want to know how they do that.

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  • Here I got great answers on this: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2095007-have-you-had-sex-where-instead-of-thrusting-in-out-he-goes-deep

    I think short thrusts would be best instead of grinding though.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Have you ever had an orgasm on your own? (I ask because you need to know how to make yourself cum before you can tell anyone else what works for you.)

    Is your partner new to this as well? You need to communicate with him. He shouldn't be entering you until you're good and wet; I mean *really* turned on. If you go along with his timetable without speaking up, it's bound to hurt, especially when you're new to having sex.

    As for how to have an orgasm without a toy or manual stimulation… it's actually not common, and, even for women who can, they don't necessarily have one every time. Your best bet with penetration alone is to find a position that hits you in the most pleasurable way for you. That's usually your g-spot, the textured area on the front wall of your vagina.

    Most women are better at stimulating themselves than any partner could possibly be, but if you have a hangup about it and you aren't able to have an orgasm from penetration alone, then what if he does it? Are you OK with that? Some positions are more practical for that than others. If not, what about getting off orally either before or after he does? These are all very normal things that happen when a guy cares about his partner's pleasure. I hope your guy does!

    • Why are some people on here saying that positions that indirectly stimulate the clit aren't as effective as sex toys or manual stimulation? I mean, like you said, most women don't even carry sex toys on them to begin with, and I've never heard any of my friends say that they had to get themselves off while the guy was penetrating them...

    • They are saying it because it's true! Your clit is actually way more than just what you see on the outside. It extends down to surround your vagina inside your body. But the most sensitive part of your clit is the externally visible bit. Women whose clitoris is closer to their vagina actually have an easier time achieving orgasm from penetration.

      Lots of women say they need extra stimulation! All 4/4 of your female respondents are saying it. Numerous articles say it. My wife usually needs external stimulation.

      Here are a couple articles that I recommend you read:

      goaskalice.columbia.edu/.../difference-between-clitoral-and-vaginal-orgasm

      www.google.com/.../clitoral-size-distance-vagina-may-cause-women-have-orgasm-troubles-269920%3Famp%3D1

    • I get that, but my question is, can a position such as the missionary position stimulate the clit enough externally to lead to an orgasm? They're making it seem as if orgasming is close to impossible unless you or someone else is using hands to stimulate it.

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  • Everyone has the sex mechanics covered well so I will add. My experience is men are designed to go on the spot and women need the mood and the right conditions. It is not likely that you are going to plan to orgasm today on the spot naturally—few women are designed that way. The most orgasmic women (all natural) I have ever known pursued me and pushed me into bed-not that they were always assertive or dominant, they were just ready at that time and became pushy—I remember thinking once that “she is in heat”. The other most orgasmic women (all natural) were on a mission to get pregnant-they are unbelievable in that state of mind. Don’t forget nature didn’t give us male or female orgasms for pleasure it did it to get pregnant especially if uterine contractions occur during. Also, during ovulation they were at their orgasmic peak. Not suggesting getting pregnant here just sharing experiences. Also, some women are just sexually colder than others and will never without enhancements—just a fact of life.

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 11
  • You may be tighter than most girls or he may be bigger than most guys. Sometimes bigger can be painful. I recommend lube and/or foreplay. If he gets you wet before sex, it will be much more comfortable for you.

    • Also it may help to masturbate on your own and get used to that feeling.

  • you should wait till the bleeding stops and heals. and then work on sex with your partner, hope that would help you : )

  • That's the only way most women orgasm during sex. You physically need to stimulate yourself or you won't orgasm.

    • Can positions stimulate them enough to cause you to orgasm?

    • It's possible, but very improbable

    • I thought that the guy's pelvic bone typically stimulates the clit externally if done during missionary position?

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  • Make Him Get You Wet At First.. Then Have Sex.. While Having Sex Play With Your Clit.. Or Try New Positions

    • Can you orgasm without having to touch your clit with your hands at all?

  • I know a lot girls who just can't orgasm from intercourse at all. They need fingering, toys or licking. I think like 25% of the girls i had sex with could cum from penetration.

  • I rub my clit or use a vibrator (when I've doggstylesex)

  • pm me ill explain

    • Can you tell me?

    • first tell me everything (in detail)

    • I explained everything in the summary of the question.

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  • Find a guy who knows what he's doing.

  • If you find out let me know

  • Emotions also play a role. the act alone is not enough for many. Better than killing that part, seek it

  • You have a clitoris. Use it.

    • Can some positions stimulate the clitoris?

    • I think missionary angled right can do it. My past girlfriend said she did with that.

  • You're just young and nervous. It's ok everyone orgasms differently. You have to get into your groove

    • Can certain positions stimulate the clit enough to lead to an orgasm?

  • most women don't orgasm with sex alone so I don't know why you are so against including sex toys or manual stimulation

    • I know that women can't come from piv penetration. My question is, can they come from indirect stimulation of the clitoris when their bodies are grinding together during missionary position and his pelvic bone is touching her clit?
      I'm talking about this:
      en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coital_alignment_technique

      Im against sex toys and manual stimulation because that takes away the thrill. I mean, what's the point of sex if i can get more pleasure from masturbation?

    • oh! now I see. yes that's possible but not as easy as they make it look

    • How and why is it hard?

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  • It s very normal, the few first times are going to hurt and are not going to be very pleasurable. Anyhow you have to relax because if you panic because of that, you will have problems getting wet and it will be even more painful. Talk to your partner, tell him what feels comfortable and see how it can get better

  • fore play before sex is something quite a few women need or else they dont orgasm. so basically stuff like eat each other out

  • Can I ask you something different

    • Sure.

    • Would you kick me