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Boyfriend said he "wouldn't mind" a threesome-- should I be mad?

I said to my boyfriend "I hope you wouldn't want to have a threesome" and he goes "I wouldn't mind it- only if you wanted to". I got really mad and said he wanted to sleep with other people and he said that's not what he wanted and that most guys would say yes to a threesome if their girlfriend wanted it. I'm still really upset. Is it right to be mad at him and hurt that he said that? Or was he just being a typical guy? I feel like he doesn't love me if he would sleep with another girl even if I was the one who suggested it. What do I do? :(
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Most Helpful Girls

  • No, I don't think you should be mad. Threesomes are a common fantasy for both men and women, and not necessarily because it would give them a "free pass" to sleep with someone else. Group sex is just a fun and exciting idea for a lot of people. It's not like he's asking or trying to pressure you into having a threesome. You asked and he was honest. I'd be happy that my partner is willing to be honest with me. Not to mention that he said he'd only be interested if it was something you wanted to do, which might not even mean that he actively wants to have one, but simply that he'd be open-minded to it if it were something you wanted to do, because he wants to please you and turn you on.

    Also, keep in mind that sleeping with someone else (i.e. in a threesome situation where your partner is present and okay with it, or even in a situation where your partner isn't present, but knows about it and is okay with it) does not mean they don't love you. Sex and love are two different things. Lots of people have had threesomes, but are still madly in love with their partner.

  • I'm sorry but if my boyfriend said this to me I would be instantly grossed out by him and dump him right then and there. I think a threesome is stupid and a filthy interpretation of sexual fantasies...so if he really really cares for you, I don't see why he would want to have sex with another woman apart from being you.

    On the other hand, he did say that only if 'you' wanted to...so just relax for now.

    And yes, I think it's a guy thing but...honestly, if a guy were to be smart enough, he would not think about having a threesome when he has a GIRLFRIEND. Much less ask or reply like that.

    • Thanks for your answer- I agree 100% :)

  • You shouldn't be mad. If he wanted to sleep with other people he probably wouldn't be with you, he also wouldn't care whether or not you wanted to have a threesome. He was giving you an honest answer to his question, and there's no reason you should be mad. He would be willing to try it only if you wanted, so he is concerned about how you feel... I would take that as a good sign.

    • Thanks :)

Most Helpful Guys

  • Well No. 1: 90% of all guys would DIE to have a 3-some with two girls. So that fantasy definitely excited him.

    No. 2: Just because he said he would have a 3-some if YOU wanted to does NOT mean he wants to sleep with other people. He means what he says. If you wanted to he would.

    NOW if you asked this question to him as a loaded-question to get him to say he wanted to have a 3 some then that is not fair to him.

    All in all, he is just being a guy, no harm no foul. A guy would be a fool to turn down a 3 some with 2 girls if the opportunity presented itself. So don't stress it, I'm sure he wuvs you very much =)

  • First off, you shouldn't ask trap questions like that. You might not realize it's a trap question, but think if a question like that is going to get an honest answer or one where nobody gets hurt.

    Do you want honesty, or not? Practically every male's instincts are going to be screaming at him to do it, and if it's okay with her, why not? He said "if you wanted to." There's a difference between the urge to have sex with someone else, which will never go away at least at subconscious level, and actually expressing a real urge to do so.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Theres girl's thinking. Then there's gu'ys thinking.

    Hes not lying(very good thing), he's very normal. Get used men's nature.

    I used to get furious, now I couldn't care less. He's with you isn't he?

    If you want him to understand you, try suggesting a threesome - with another guy!

    Then he would get it.

    • Um yeah I did that and he didn't seem to care. That felt great lol.

  • It feels wrong, but no you really can't be upset with him. All guys do want a 3 way no matter how much they love their girl. The more girls the merrier to us guys

    I would just let it go and not bring it up again or even tease him with the idea if it hurts you that much. Just stay in a relationship with you 2 and don't even give him the thought of a 3 way because he will take advantage of that

    Hope this helps!

  • Okay. So... keep in mind that you asked him. This is worse then ""does this make me look fat?" Perhaps he thought you were asking because you wanted to, and didn't want to offend him. Saying "only if you wanted to" is a good indication that he cares about your feelings and would not do it if you weren't up for it. And Yes- most guys would be up for a threesome if their girlfriend was. It's a fantasy for a lot of guys, and really. You can't blame a guy for dreaming!

    In summary, you should apologize to him for freaking out and then explain to him that it's not something you're comfortable with, but thank him for being honest.

    Seriously, don't ask questions if you don't want to hear the answer.

  • Hes just being a normal guy. Not many men would turn down an offer like that. He didn't catch that there was a particular answer that was "right" or "wrong". Cut him some slack.

  • he doesn't mean anything by it! he was being honest and its true. generally guys like threesoms

  • Typical guy, he's not cheating on you. Guys always want other girls, and if you're cool with that, he's going to love you that much more.

    It's like this.

    If someone gives you a million dollars you take it (you). If that million dollars wins you another million dollars (the other female), are you going to throw away the first million that you won. I don't think so. You become that much more important of an investment :)

  • I swear, where do women learn to set traps like this? If he tells the truth you're p*ssed, if he lies you're p*ssed. When he gains a little age and wisdom he'll learn that the only escape is in not answering at all, then you'll get p*ssed at him for not talking to you. If anyone should be mad, it's him.

    • I agree with you, girls set trapts up too freaking much. I know I set my boyfriend up and when he confronts me I get that its not his fault. Men have desires, I mean what if you had wanted it, but he felt the same way. Get what I mean and Yengesi. Trapts don't help a relationship, they make this difficult and end them quicker...

    • I'd always want the truth.

  • I hope by this time you have long gotten over the being mad stage and things are going good with you and your boyfriend. He said nothing different than most any guy is going to say on that subject.

  • He probably said he didn't mind because he was thinking of you. I know a lot of guys want to see their girl being pleasured, and be able to show her off too. So, have you ever thought that he was thinking about it for you?

  • Most of us are curious about a threesome, but yes, it's , how to say, gauche of him to put it this way, as if it were YOUR idea! I certainly loved the two Filipina sisters...

    So yes, you should be mad at him! He shouldn't be discussing this with yu as if it were an option!

    • ?? why no?

    • It's not polite to include someone in a threesome against their will! Even in a fantasy!

  • threesomes are fun when your single. not when your in a relationship

  • You kinda tricked him. I do think it's wrong that said, "I wouldn't mind". Basically he admitted he wouldn't mind having sex with someone else besides you. Is that a precursor? Maybe, but you are the one who brought it up.

  • Girl you're being paranoid, it's absolutely normal for guys to fantasize about threesomes. Actually it's nearly impossible to find a man who doesn't fantasize about other women at all. And you're boyfriend said "I wouldn't mind it- only if you wanted to" so you have nothing to worry.

  • Not if you asked and he was being honest. But I am tired of hearing. Guys will be guys. With the expectation that as Women we should always be more understanding of them. Women have sexual needs too. And men seem less accommodating in understanding and fulfilling them

  • erm...what's wrong with you?

    he said from the beginning "if you wanted to" so he obviously doesn't wanna sleep with other people just like that.

    and besides you can't judge until you've tried it once :P it could be funnnn

  • "i feel like he doesn't love me" are you serious? girl get a grip and stop being a psycho. You brought up the subject so maybe lay off of him. He sounds like an honest guy, and you reward his honestly with a fight about a hypothetical situation where he answered "only if you wanted to"...grow up and give him some slack!

  • you shouldn't be upset you asked him a question and he answered it truthfully :S most guys don't have the balls to do that

  • lmao...you asked him do you want him to lie? this is why girls should ask something that has to possible answers if they only want to hear one answer.

  • You shouldn't be mad at him.

    It's totally different to have sex with another girl then to make a three some with you and another girl.

    So, he will still love you even if you had a three some. That is not a demonstration of love or another feeling. Just a sexual fantasy that 99% of the guys have...

  • Hey...you can be a little upset. Don't take it out on him, get over it quickly. I only know how I would feel. I get to have more fun sexually with you and who ever you chose to be with us. The threesome always involves you first...that is the most important to a guy I am sure.

    Seems a little like a trap question, like you were tryig to get a fight going, but hey make up sex is awesome too.

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