My girlfriend had a foursome in the past and this has left me feeling intimidated and thinking irrationally...

[Anonymous]

I just found out my girlfriend had a foursome, and despite the fact she wasn't in a relationship at the time I feel intimidated and sexually charged at the same time. but it gets worse than that- although their was no sex involved it was a typical male fantasy- something I constantly fantasize about when alone although have never given it a second thought to carry out- until now. and here's why... she was with with two of her female friends and a bloke, they tied him to the bed hands and feet completely naked and put yogurt all over his body including penis and licked the whole of it off together. they then each played with his penis until he came. this has never bothered me before not having an opportunity like this but now I know she was involved I feel intimidated and to be honest afraid of cheating if an opportunity like that arose. I have felt sick the past few days as I am not the type to think like this but now I feel as if my penis is controlling me- no idea what's going on in my head but I feel like crying- what the f**k is going on? it can't all be male ego mines not that big! is it jealousy? its affecting the way I now view her, as now its in a more sexual way rather than intimate feelings- will it pass with time? I also love her but this story has really made me frustrated- I'm 21 and have been sexually active from 15- please help I'm losing all my morals!

[Middleman]

I've always said there are two sides to a coin, especially when it comes to relationships.

For guys (and girls) it is natural for us to question our partners motives. It's not jealousy...it's the fear of being unsure if your partner will do the same thing again and cheat on you. That's what is most damaging. For many people the 'purity' of a person is important in a relationship because to some people purity to denotes sincerity and loyalty. When a person has more than a few sexual partners, it is sincerity and loyalty we question. That said some people disagree with this and say that having threesomes is great, and such is to do with experience. I say that's a load of balls. You can be inexperienced and still bring pleasure to your partner if you're confident enough. It's more likely others inability to hold onto their pants, and their idea of using 'experience' as an excuse for their actions.

The only way you're gonna find out if this girl is suitable for you eventually is if you ask her would she ever do something like that again if it ever came up. Honesty and openness in each others sexual appetite is the key here. To get out of your state of unhappiness you may need to talk to her and see what tickles your fancy that brings you both together - ie. playing with costumes, toys etc. It depends what you your definition of 'happiness' and 'contentment' is. You can have the minimal of things and still be content with your sex life.

[soccerrun1]

I would never date a girl that did that, so you're not alone. I don't know why she let you know in such detail, that waasnt really a smart move. I don't think that it will ever stop bothering, and you can't change her past, so you ought to just look for someone who is more suited to what you want

[Asker]

I asked her for more detail- I didn't really want to know but I couldn't help myself- what if I want to stay with her and to try and let this blow over? I'm quite sure she might be up for it again but I was never THAT keen until all of this...as above questions- if we tried somthing for fun it may be out of my system but what about her- when you love someone the intimacy matters! otherwise it woldn't be an issue would it!! I could just cast her aside and go for it- she's opened a door that should

[soccerrun1]

Well I get what you mean about wanting more detail, you have to know even if its going to hurt. I also think that doing this again might be fun for you, but it will ultimately weaken your relationship and may affect how a woman feels about you somewhere down the line, and you can't use double standards like that

[Asker]

Why does it hurt though? sex and sh*t like that is supposed to be something you do for pleasure so why is it affecting me in a serious way when its about such an unserious matter? I think it hurts because I never had such a strong impulse to do something like that but now? somethings changed mentally and I really don't give a sh*t about work or anything because I'm so glum about being confused- maybe I feel held back? maybe I'm jealous and being a kid? keep going guys and thanks

[soccerrun1]

Because you're jealous about it, I get jealous too that's why it bothers me when a girl has had to many partners before me. The fact that you would want that to happen to you is normal, what guy wouldnt? But if a girl had done it, its going to bother you

[Asker]

Ok... I told her everything and I never imagined a girl in a tight relationship would be so understanding- and I showed her this (as you can see) and then I got a personal replay lol- she really softened the blow by saying its not out the question and I'm back to being not so bothered about it- in fact she seems a lot more open to do something like that than anything else lol now I'm not sure so I guess I'm cured- wouldn't say no still though! cheers for your input guys!!

[DoctorSex]

Good answer......shes filth mate.

[human_condition]

Ok, so SHE'S filth, what about the guy tied to the chair? Was he filth too for participating? Why is it so bad for a woman to experiment like this? Do you guys think you're *better* than us?

[Anonymous]

It is jealousy. The fact is this opportunity does not happen to many people. I am one of few that have had a threesome. This was also while I was not in a relationship. The fact is if a woman cares for someone she will not offer that because she wants you to herself. So be appreciative that she loves you. You can't be mad at her for something that is in her past. Get over the fact that you haven't had the experience or leave her because these feelings are highly unlikely to go away completely. It will always be in the back of your head. If she wants to compromise maybe she can be with another girl and you can watch. Maybe that will satisfy this problem that you have.

[Asker]

That would definitely not help anyway because it would just make me even more frustrated seeing her alone with another girl- its the difference between reality and fantasy- if it ever was to happen I wouldn't want anybody but her doing anything intimate towards me- see this is the problem I'm not willing to leave her she's too special- I would settle for her wanking me off whilst 2 girls touched a bit but NOT **** because that's only for her- the whole point of this fantasy is just intimidation

[beans]

I think I can understand where you are coming from, being jelaous and that, but you NEED to put this past behind you two, otherwise your relationship could end. There is no need to debate over this matter in your head over and over again, because it happened, and you can't change the past. Think about the reasons why she CHOSE you...remind yourself what attracted her to you in the first place...reassure yourself that she is with you because she likes you. She probably lived out a fantasy, and it stopped her curiosity. This means that she did something she wanted to do, and that's it...no need to worry.

[katiesmuff]

You are putting way too much into something she did before you were in the picture. Many of us do things before we meet someone very special.

[l-hedoniste]

So, your girlfriend fulfilled your smoking-hot fantasy before she met you, and that makes you hot for her...

OK, I'm lost. Is there a problem here, somewhere?

[Asker]

Problem isn't that I have a problem with what she did, it turns me on so much because it was her- and I would only want to do similar with her- problem is she did it before- my d***s telling me to ask her to do it again- which she says she wouldn't plan that's understandable but she would let it 'just happen.'- that's annoying when you don't actually want to be the guy whos thinking like I'm thinking now! you think if I was in that situation... basically its like my d***s brainwashing me...

[thompson75]

I'm sorry.. this probably isn't the most ethical response to give, but... I think you need to make a similiar situation happen. This is a case where I think cheating IS acceptable. Not all the time or anything, but I think you'll probably have an inferiority complex thing goin' on with her if you don't. If you were fully resolved, that would be one thing... but it seems like you have some freaky deaky you need to get out of your system, and now would probably be the best time to get 'er done.

[apufrmthesimpsons]

I'm sorry, but I don't think cheating is acceptable in any case.

[stalinhornsby]

Obviously you are not exposed to very many Dicks and this is where the problem may lie is in the subconsious mind. Where you have no way of knowing just how big of a stud this bloke was?

[pavlove]

Dude don't feel bad this is why you should never talk about one another's pasts. If its going to eat you up then break up with her instead of trying to make things work trust me its better in the long run. I would NEVER be able to get that image out of my head. You're a man she's a slut end of story.

[rakar]

honestly this girls sounds abit loose. if your looking for something fun then she sounds good, but if your looking for somehting serious, then I suggest leaving

[sexyhooka23]

okay the fantasies you are having are totally normal.She was involved in something most guys could only hope that they would experience.But did you ever think she told you for a reason? I mean all I know is she is either trying to get you hot or maybe is wanting to do something like that again and wants to see your reaction.Girls don't reveal that kinda stuff without their being a reson behind it

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you met your match, maybe she can teach you...

[Asker]

Have stayed shut!