First time sex. How does sex supposed to feel like?

[Anonymous]

I lost my virginity, and I have so much questions to ask/assurance. My girlfriend and I had sex, it was both our first, but it didn't feel as much pleasure as masturbating (she doesn't masturbate though, she never had), in fact it felt like nothing, what's wrong? She said that it was pain, which I had expected after much research about firsts (Maybe I broke her hymen, but she didn't bleed, is that normal? or did I not break her hymen yet?). On top of that, she also said that she didn't feel anything, nothing pleasuring whatsoever, so I tried to go faster which didn't work at all. There was a very little foreplay, as I thought she was already wet (after reaching her vagina and felt the vaginal fluid, or was it? I don't know, how wet is considered wet?) or was she in pain because there was too much friction? We talked a lot about having sex, and quite mentally prepared, so when she was in pain I was thinking of reasons why and told her my views and convinced her to let me continue (because I wanted to at least get her to feel pleasuring). So after probably 15 minutes of having sex, we gave up (She was in so much pain, I didn't know what to do, at first I tried to maybe let her get used to having sth up her vagina, but she never get used to it and was saying its pain after that 15 minutes, I couldn't think of any other reasons and didn't want to continue seeing her in pain so I stopped). I planned to stopped earlier but she told me to continue while the pain got numbed for her, so that at least I could finish, but i couldn't. I felt a bit of pleasuring, it was nothing compared to masturbating though... was it supposed to be like that? or was it because I had too much thoughts in mind? I felt bad. Both for allowing myself to fuck her while she was in pain even though she told me to and not being able to finish (because I knew she would think she isn't good enough/sexually unsound).

[Tammy94]

First, make sure you have plenty of time. Next, TAKE that time to be relaxed and low-pressure and in a good frame of mind (both of you.) A lot of foreplay in such a situation is really important.

As for wetness: the vagina is naturally a bit damp. This is different from a girl being wet from excitement. When she's excited, her vulva will be all puffy, and just inside instead of damp, it will be very wet and slippery. During foreplay, if you finger her a bit, the slipperiness will make its way outside as well. Don't even THINK of penetrating her until she is wet and puffy or it will be painful for both of you.

If you were wearing a condom, your sensations might well have been very limited, but don't bareback unless she's on birth control an you've both been tested.

Once you are inside, move slowly and gently at first. Better yet, have her be on top so she can control a) when penetration happens, b) how quickly it happens, and c) how fast the movements are. If she is in control she will be more relaxed.

Having a penis inside is nice, but it often doesn't give us girls the type of stimulation we need to get to orgasm, and it isn't just about how hard you thrust. If she has masturbated in the past, she should rub her clitoris while you are inside her in a way that she likes. If you have done this for her in the past, you can do it for her as well; if not, pay attention to how she does it so you can learn. In some positions I massage my own clit; in others my boyfriend does (since we have been together long enough that he knows what I like).

It's best if your girl has her orgasm first, since if you have your first you will go soft and leave her frustrated. If you can't control yourself don't beat yourself up, though, since it takes time to learn how to have sex and how to hold back. Also, keep in mind that when your girl does orgasm it will probably be very exciting for you and make you have an orgasm too (over time you will learn how to hold back so she can possibly have more than one, but again don't expect perfection while you're learning.

If one or both of you just aren't enjoying it, there's nothing wrong with calling it quits and trying some other time. Once you pull out, maybe you will want to masturbate each other to blow off steam--it's nothing to get upset about. Make it a positive occasion.

I hope this helps!

[Anonymous]

You popped her cherry which hurts like hell and its normal to only bleed a little sometimes. It was probably not pleasuring because normally for the girls first time its not meant to feel good because well.. the cherry pops. (hymen) So going faster would not make it any better and when she doesn't enjoy and and there's little foreplay involved your not going to enjoy it either as sex is a two person thing. Trust me that is not what sex is and its totally normal for the first time for girls the same thing happened when I lost my virginity (I could tell the guy didn't like it too much) then we did it again and it started feeling great and we both enjoyed it. You just gotta get through the first couple times because she's so tiny down there that its a bit uncomfortable I wish I could tell her this too lol

[Boorene]

It probably wasn't as pleasuring for you because you were stressed about her being in pain. She was probably in pain because she wasn't mentally ready, she could've been extremely nervous which caused her muscles to become too tense and she would also become dry. Was she also a virgin? If so, this is probably the case

[Boorene]

I just read your update and I think it would be best for her to explore herself, what she likes/dislikes, what turns her on, etc If she becomes comfortable with herself sexually, it would make sex a lot easier for her

[Asker]

She doesn't want to explore herself... I don't know... I tried convincing her to touch herself or let me touch her to stimulate her, but she doesn't want...

[jacquesvol]

@Boorene I second that

[jacquesvol]

sker , if she doesn't want being stimulated by you, she gets no foreplay and I doubt she'll get horny enough for good sex. Just go at it gradually: shoulders & neck, nipples, rubbing panties, etc , etc finally cunnilingus, before having sex. The bases: first, second etc...
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php

[Asker]

@jacquesvol She isn't comfortable with touching due to past experiences of people who touched her chest without permission, she's kinda traumatised by it. She doesn't know even know how masturbation even feels, she just wanted to try sex because I talked about how its pleasuring when I masturbate. She said she rather have sex than me touching her... so I thought touching her didn't matter, thinking she would still feel pleasured if I just put it in and go slow. Thanks for the advice! I'll take note to follow the bases and learn from my mistakes if we decided to try again :D

[jacquesvol]

Touching and stroking does matter a lot. Convincing her to let you put it in is NOT enough

[jacquesvol]

A penis is NOT a Magical Wand.

[jacquesvol]

"She said she rather have sex than me touching her." THat sounds like she's not really ready to have sex.

[Asker]

@jacquesvol I was trying to introduce her to masturbating instead of well (cutting), I tried to convince her to stop cutting, whenever I tried to get to the bottom of the reason why she cuts she just said 'idk, sometimes I just felt like it', and as we talked more on masturbating she got curious and wanted to try sex, at first I was against it, and just wanted to go by touching her, then she reasoned that she's comfortable with the idea of sex but touching is at the other end of whats comfortable for her and again, because she's traumatic towards some people who sexually abused her (touching her chest area), and well I'll have to convince her that I need to touch her if she wants to try again

[jacquesvol]

Asker there's NO REASON to hurry: give her time (as much as she needs weeks, months) to get used to you, to get used to have dry sex (non penetrative). She will slowly accept the idea of touching herself and being touched. But give her as much time as she needs. Otherwise a traumatic experience will be added to a previous traumatic experience (the abuse). It might get worse. Just be VERY patient with her. Given the abuse she's a bit like a bird with a bruised wing. Hence the cutting. Take care of her.

[Anonymous]

Yeah it is normal. You have the pressure and expectation for it to be great. For you to know exactly what to do. The pain can be a turn off for a girl and women don't bleed everytime.

[jacquesvol]

You might learn something reading my answer here: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1178062-losing-ur-virginity-how-painful-it-is-guys

[Asker]

Oh uh, she wanted to try. But it doesn't seem she's turned on and wanted sex, so we just went with it. So did the 2nd time. She just ask "Do you want it?", I replied "Yes" and we took our pants off and started having sex. Does it concern about my size or her size? Could I/her be sexually unsound, is there really such things as "sexually unsound"? And uh she said she needed to be drunk to do it because well 1. sex is foreign to her, 2. She doesn't even dare to touch herself, but she's just curious about sex, hence why we tried it, she's curious about the 'pleasure' I was talking about if I am masturbating, so whenever we did it, she's quite in a drunk state... P. S. I wrote more so as to be more detailed.. "https://www. girlsaskguys. com/sexual-health/q2492769-gag-didn-t-allow-me-to-write-more-even-after-updates-its-on-the"

[jacquesvol]

don't see it like driving a car, a number of mechanical movements enabling you to start the engine , get in gear and take turns etc. Go more with the flow, with her desires. But first get her horny: having sex is not an intellectual decision, it's a passionate decision from both persons. BUT opening the possibility to having sex if circumstances are 100% right is the intellectual decision for both. That should be the first step.

[Asker]

Alright then, I know what to do the next time we're gonna try. Thanks a lot!! for helping me correcting my understanding of sex and telling me the what and whats not to do