Sexual Health
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I want so much to have an orgasm with penetration, but I only have with hand or oral sex. My boyfriend is getting desperate. What do I do?

I only have orgasm with hand or oral sex, but not with penetration, and my boyfriend started to tell me that I don't like him enough, I don't desire him... that I'm hiding something from him! That I don't tell him what he would do to stimulate me more. We are in a big crisis. So... I told him that never in my whole life I had orgasm with penetration, it's not him... he says he feels horrible, neglected, rejected, ugly... I told I was going to see a psychologist so he said that he does everything to me, he protects me, he cares about me... and instead of trusting him I will look for a doctor/ psychologist. He got even more sad. I don't know what to say or do anymore and I'm lost - needing serious opinions... because he said that from now on... if I don't have orgasm... he won't have it too. That I'm being negligent... that I "promised" to help him to know what he would do... I promised that I was going to get better and overcome this problem... but I didn't manage to do that... seriously, my mind is kind of "empty" because I'm stressed , what do I tell him? What do I do? He got despaired, and I got too.
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Honey, your boyfriend's behavior really worries me. It sounds like a combination of great ignorance and great selfishness on his part. He obviously doesn't know that some women have trouble having orgasms just from penetration, and on top of that he seems to be making it all about him. He wants you to do everything in a certain way--have orgasms the right way, avoid therapy, prove to him that you trust him, etc., and if you don't he's going to punish you by retaliating and playing mind games with you about being negligent. The way you have described it, I would call his behavior full-on emotional abuse.

    I don't know how long you have been with this person, but based on what you have written, if I were in your place I would think very seriously about ending the relationship. If you decide to stay with him, though, you have to put your foot down. Tell him that it isn't all about him, that he needs to educate himself on women's sexuality, that you're going to see a therapist, and that you strongly recommend that he come to the therapist with you for couples counseling. If he has problems with any of that, it's just more evidence of his selfishness. What he's doing is not how people behave when they care for someone else. And don't fall for any lines about "I only want you to have an orgasm because I care about you." If he really cared about you he wouldn't be putting you under that kind of pressure.

  • He needs to chill out! Many women can't orgasm through penetration from what I've heard. You're the opposite of me. I can orgasm through penetration but can't orgasm through oral so I don't even like oral! You should have your boyfriend manually massage your Gspot. It should swell up and then when he penetrates you... you should be able to orgasm. This may be TMI but my Gspot swells up a lot and I feel the friction of my friends with benefits when he's in me and I'm able to orgasm multiple times. It took awhil for me to figure this out. I'd say doggystyle or girl on top can also help in reaching you orgasm :) hope this helps!

  • Your boyfriend is being ignorant, petulant and unreasonable. What you need in order to have an orgasm is what you need. He can't force you to have an orgasm HIS WAY just as you can't force him to have an orgasm your way. Just like most other women you need clitoral stimulation in order to have an orgasm. That's a fact. He needs to accept that fact and get over it. It's not always all about him.

    • Yes, I think you are right... he is being stubborn too because it doesn't matter what I say, he insists that it's not normal... he read that this is lack of interest of the woman... So all the problem started

  • I am not able to orgasm by penetration alone. I too, need clitoral stimulation. Most women do. There is a VERY small percentage of women that can orgasm with ONLY penetration. You need to tell him to read up on this. He's very uninformed. Just know that this is not you ok. You are normal.

    • thank you!

    • Welcome ☺

Most Helpful Guys

  • Yeah, it's really common for women not to be able to have an orgasm from penetration.. Aside from that, he isn't helping. He is cranking up the stress for you that you already had in the first place. And that is making it even harder for you to orgasm..

    If you really want to be able to pull this off, try involving your clitoris. You could rub it while being penetrated. This should help you get aroused. Or maybe do something that really turns you on (sex outside, in the shower, roleplay. Whatever floates your boat) And make sure there is just as little pressure on you as possible. In fact, you guys seem to be forgetting something: sex is supposed to be FUN. Who cares how it happens, as long as you have a good time together.

    • I'd like to add that your boyfriend is really being an immature douche to you. And that may even be a bigger problem than the orgasm thing.

    • Oh, I see what you mean

    • Not trying to be mean or anything, but I just think you shouldn't get treated that way. It's not like it's your fault.

    • Show All

  • The problem is with his mind, not your body. He's ignorant of women's sexual response in addition to being a big baby.

    You don't need to see a psychologist. A psychologist will tell you what everyone here will say: only a minority of women have orgasms from penetration alone.

    He needs to educate himself (or you need to educate him) before your crisis makes it so bad that you really do need a psychologist. The pressure, stress, and guilt he is putting on you is totally obnoxious and uncalled for.

    • Thank you for your answer. I try to educate him, and he said it was ok, that if it's fine for me, then we should let it be. But he read an article saying that it's all a matter of the woman being uninterested... and then he started it all...

    • I see. But as you know, that article is wrong. If he believes everything he reads, show him the answers here. There are tons of REPUTABLE sources that will tell him that most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm. Good luck!

    • he is right. its normal hun. i dont orgasm from penetration either. just orally

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What Girls & Guys Said

5 10

  • Experiment with different positions, angles, speeds, and types of movement. Keep in mind that the type of stimulation that feels the most intense isn't always the type of stimulation that will get you to climax. That's how it is for me.

    • Thank you, I will try!

  • It's impossible to make yourself have a vaginal orgasm if you are clitorially stimulated. If he wants his penis inside you while you orgasm then tell him to rub your clit with his finger while he is inside or get a vibrating cock ring.

    • Thank you for your answer...

  • Just get him or yourself to rub your clit. Its not his or your fault. Just find an alternative

    • True... I'm having a hard time to make him understand it...

  • Statistically only about 16% of women can orgasm from penetration. Most of those porn videos are faking. Calm down both of you, it's just not something that works for you.

  • Ugh, he's overreacting and making things worse for both of you.
    You two need to have a more relaxed relationship with orgasms.
    While you *can* train to orgasm on command it's not something that comes easily or when orgasms is a problem to begin with.
    You might want to look into pompoir and just in general exercising the inner muscles and using them during intercourse.
    It might make it easier for both of you.

  • thats normal
    most women don't/can't have an orgasm with penetration alone
    its not your fault or your boyfriends fault

    • Ok, thank you... I know that but he started to question it

    • simultaneous stimulations and frequent repeatitions can work

  • Simple... just rub your clit while he is penetrating you. If that doesn't work. Tell your boyfriend to perform oral until you are very close to cumming, then as you are about to cum , let him stick is penis inside you and penetrate.

  • whoooooa. ok I get that he wants to please you but he's acting like a fucking child. and if he's making you see a therapist because he can't get you off... you'll never get off for him.

    there are things you can do, but I would feel bad for giving advise when this is borderline abusive

  • try to do some fore play before sex till you are almost there... then let him in... and in the act try to play with your vag... to help stimulate... may be it helps...

  • It's all about position. When your doing it missionary get him to slide up towards you a little so his shaft is rubbing your clit. Another way is to have him sit down cross legged, you sit astride him and let him enter you. You'll have your legs around his back and your fronts pressed together like your hugging. You want a rocking motion or whatever suits you. Thing is your clit will be trapped between your bodies and any movement will stimulate it. This is a good position for a woman to orgasm. I've tried it a few times and it always works. You'll get your own rythmm

  • Many women need additional stimulation of clitoris by hand, during intercourse for orgasm. This is normal and gives results.

  • Have foreplay and stimulate yourself up to the point where a single touch will trigger your orgasm then have him stick it in deep so that your genitals are rubbed by his skin above his penis. Then have him mini thrust while also rubbing his skin against your genitals. Dont be afraid to guide him to your sweet spots or stimulate them on your own.

  • i think he needs to cam down..
    you love him and you are honest with him
    work it out..

  • I heard most dont, so it's nothing serious.

    Certain positions with girl on top helps since there's more rubbing involved. Good luck

  • You have to do it mentally

    While having sex think about what is happening
    His cock is in your vagina (hot)
    Now concentrate on how good it feels and realize his cock is what feels so good

    I did this for oral sex and it works
    Look and think about what she is doing to my cock and its in her mouth!

    Now I am a multiple orgasm-er easily

    • Thank you, I'll follow your tip!

    • Good luck, hope it helps I actually never had any problems orgasming but now instead of one and done I can do 3 or more quite easily But I think this will help

    • Another idea is to have him rub his cock on your clitoris until you are both insanely horny and then finish with intercourse

    • Show All

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Home >  Sexual Health  > I want so much to have an orgasm with penetration, but I only have with hand or oral sex. My boyfriend is getting desperate. What do I do?