What should I tell the guy I like about the possibility of me having an std?

Sexual Health

I'm dating a guy I really like but we're not yet exclusive. I recently got black out drunk and my friend tells me she walked in on me being spit roast (they then stopped when she came in) now I'm not sure what to say to the guy I like whilst I await std results

  • Say nothing as its extremely unlikely I've got an std and we use condoms for sex (but not oral)
    Vote A
  • Lie and tell him an ex contacted me to say he has an std and so avoid oral/sex until results are back
    Vote B
  • Tell him the truth and he won't want to see me again
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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What should I tell the guy I like about the possibility of me having an std?
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Most Helpful Guy

  • Whatever you do, don't have sex with him until you get your results back. The reasons you give him aren't that important, you could lie or tell him the truth seeing as you aren't exclusive, but you shouldn't have sex with anyone until you know you're clean.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Just because you had sex, that doesn't necessarily mean that you caught anything. Especially since you wore a condom. You should get tested before you jump to conclusions. There's no need to assume that you have an STD.

    That said, you do need to be honest about the fact that you've had sex since the last time you were tested and that you can't be sure you don't have an STD. You need to tell him this before you have sex with him. But you're under no obligation to discuss it until sex is on the table. So you can wait to talk about it until you two are actually planning to have sex. You should also know that some STDs are difficult or even impossible to test for. That means that you can never be 100% sure that you won't spread- or catch- an STD, even if you and your partner have both been tested clean.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 29

  • Having been around since what feels like forever I can safely say that in the end, honestly truly is the best policy. People that say otherwise typically have the most to hide with the worst reasons.

    Even embarassing truths or things that might end up costing you deerly will ultimately be served best by simply being truthful. And rather sooner than later. Just consider the alternative -- hiding it. And then finding out you did have an STD, at some random point in time later. Then you would still have to tell him, you would not only be required to do so but it would only be the more reponsible thing to do.

    But then you would also have to admit to the fact you hid it, in the first place. Adding a lie to the embarassing truth. Only adding insult to injury.

    I've had to share some painful truths with my wife. Not along the lines you're describing but more emotionally painful. Such as developing feelings for another, during the lulls of our marriage. Ultimately, we were served best by me simply being truthful. It allowed us to address the situation, to work through whatever had started driving us apart. And now, years later, we are closer than ever, with a better sexlife than we'd had prior and a far more profound dedication to one another.

    Point being -- Even embarassing truths need to be admitted to. Who knows, your boyfriend might pleasantly surprise you. And if he doesn't, he's probably not a perfect fit for you anyhow. In which case it's best to find out sooner than later. If he truly cares and there is the potential for more, he should be willing to accept the fact you're only human. Humans make mistakes. We all do. No one has ever been an exception.

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  • How about you wait with sex until you get the results?

    Also, how do just "get drunk" and then not remember being spit roasted? I mean that's at least as much of a problem for a man with standards as you possibly having STDs...

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    • Also, you even thinking about the possibility of lying to him and then not use condoms for oral, yeah, sorry for being that asshole, but you don't exactly sound like a catch...

      Reply

  • Don't have sex with him until you know for sure if you're clean don't tell him.

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    • I don't think I can avoid it completely unless I give a reason bcos we'll prob see each other 3 or 4 times before I get the results. Do you think guy ex story is a no? Bcos it will put him off

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    • I don't think I can get away with not sleeping with him for a couple of weeks since we've already slept together before this happened

      Reply

    • I see your problem. Use a bunch of excuses and give him oral when you can't get away with it. If things get out of hand then tell him. I wouldn't use a condom since there is still a risk it might slip.

      Reply

  • Always be honest and tell him, no matter the chances or consequences. If he finds out later after the fact, it will be far worse because you've lied and/or kept it from him. Think if you were him, you'd want to know wouldn't you? No matter what.

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  • why are you more concerned with the guy than he fact that you were raped?

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    • Just because you blacked out doesn't mean you didn't consent it just means you don't remember. If I hit you in the head and you don't remember your name, is your name suddenly Steve now? By that logic intoxication should absolve everyone of everything, including vehicular homicides. She's not a child.

      Reply
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    • oh I'm sorry... maybe I wasn't clear

      you are dogshit and I couldn't care less about your angry childlike attitude that there is no more excuse for being a 43 year old lump of sexually frustrated turd.
      your parents not disciplining you enough is no longer a viable excuse.

      I hope you choke on a Snickers bar before you ever live out your internet fantasies and actually cause an issue for a functional member of society.

      but in all reality you will just stay in your mom's basement until she dies and you can live out the rest of your life on disability and anti depression meds.

      you are the embarrassment of the human race , do us all a favour and try to stay in a corner somewhere
      go fuck yourself

      Reply

    • A real man wouldn't take advantage of a drunk woman.
      What made them stop when her friend walked in?
      I'm der because what they were doing was wrong.
      Even my husband won't have sex with me when I am drunk but what he does do is look after me.
      This is the difference between a man and a dickhead.

      Reply

  • you can't hide and lie about that stuff, it's like an acid that will corrode your relationship from the inside and if he ever somehow found out without you telling him it would be a million times worse!

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  • Say nothing until you get results and STOP DRINKING! it is poison for you.
    ~JSmith

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  • People who are saying do not tell him until you get the results are just shitty. What kind of foundation are you trying to build a relationship on? You tell him and deal with it from there.

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  • You gotta to him the truth. His heatlh could be on the line to be involve with you sexually. Go test yourself.

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  • Just be honest with him. Tell the truth. Personally I would accept it. Don't worry about it.

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  • need to be honest.. it so much better when u are honest. you do not have to continue the web of stories.

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  • You don't have sex with him until you know + you really have to rethink your life choices.

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  • Maybe you should just lay off of alcohol and sex for a little while

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  • If he's smart he wouldn't fuck anyone without std papers anyway (I don't).

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  • definitely don't lie about it! Just tell him the truth

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  • Short answer: TELL HIM don't be dishonest that's disgusting.

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  • You should call the police because you were raped. Also don't have sex until you get test results.

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  • Tell him and leave it up to him if he wants to have sex or not.

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  • His health is on the line. Tell the truth.

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  • WTF does Spit Roast mean?

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  • Telling a lie is sometimes the best option.

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    • Maybe, but not in this case, absolutely don't lie.

      Reply

  • Tell him the truth.

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  • Why do you assume he won't want to see you again?

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  • Just don't say anything and don't do anything sexual until the tests come in and then let him know? Don't wanna scare the guy off... But if he thinks something is wrong just tell him.

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  • Since you're not exclusive with the guy you're dating then you're not obligated to say anything about you being spit roasted. I'm guessing you were barebacked by both guys 😉

    Quietly have your STI/STD screening done without saying anything to him. You'll be absolutely fine and your results will come back clear 😆

    I've had the same thing happen in the past and had a bareback 3sum with two

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    • I was meant to say before pressing submit:

      I've had the same thing happen in the past and had a bareback 3sum with two married women while dating a girl whom i wasn't exclusive with at the time. I quietly went to have an STI/STD screening where my results came back clear and everything was fine 😆

      Reply

  • Tell him to get an std test.

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  • Can I interject? You got black out drunk and your friend walks in on you getting spit roast. Why does you getting spit roast only happen while you're black out drunk? I am a guy who is single and I would love to do that to a girl at noon on a Monday with zero alcohol.

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  • Don't have sex and wait for the results until then

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  • Do not engage in any sexual activity with him until you know. You have a moral and ethical obligation.

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    • But what do I tell him?

      Reply

What Girls Said 17

  • you aren't exclusive, so don't disclose any info until the test results are in.

    when you get your results back, tell him the truth: if you lie, you're putting his health at risk (and that's definitely not a good precedent for the rest of your relationship).

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    • *i should probably add "but don't have any sex with him" to my first point. just reread and realized how that sounded.

      Reply

  • Don't tell him unless you're about to have sex. If you have something you're obliged to tell them. If you're clean you're not. If you're not having sex until you're clean, don't tell him! The only reason he'd ever need to know is if you had something.

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  • I say don't have sex with him until you get the results. That way you don't need to tell him (because you don't know exactly what you should tell him) until the results of an STI have been confirmed. Also that way your doctor/nurse are there to assist you in notifying your current sex partners (if you wish to accept the help)

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  • I would tell him the truth, he may understand, he must like you for a reason, and he can't hate the player if he knows the games you play.

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    • I don't think any one can understand, itd just bring the whole thing to an end. Oh I forgot to put in the description I've never done anything like this before, I don't do one night stands etc so I think he'll be even more horrified by it bcos its out of character

      Reply
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    • Do you think that wouldn't completely put him off then? It's mega unlikely I've got anything but can't be too careful bcos I didn't use a condom (apparently)

      Reply

    • if you really are not sure, then I would hold off until you get some facts. if you know for sure I would tell him it was an ex. you said you were going to see him a few times before you know for sure, and like someone else said, take time to get to know him better, avoid sex until you know and don't talk about it.

      Reply

  • He should know. If you really like him, then you should protect him from even you. He may get mad and leave but that's his right. Don't take the choice from him when you supplied the situation.

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  • Please ask yourself if you would've agreed to the threesome if you weren't drunk?

    First of all those two pricks took advantage of your drunkenness.

    Secondly get new friends, friends should be looking out for each other.

    Thirdly know your limits of how much alcohol you can drink because there are some truly awful people out there and those 2 guys would've noticed that you were drunk.

    You can have a good time without getting completely smashed.
    You may need to tell the guy what happened.

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  • Refrain from sex until you get your results. Then be honest if you do have one.

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  • Tell him the truth. You could easily fuck his life over by giving him an std.

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  • Why do you have to tell him right now? Just wait till you get the results back. He can wait.

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  • Do not do any sexual stuff with him as long as you don't have your result.

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  • If you haven't had sex with him since your drunken night then you don't have to tell him. Just refrain from proceeding forward sexually until you get your results.

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  • tell the truth

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  • Tell him the truth. If you have something and passed it onto him and never said a damn word about, it's quite possible that you get in trouble for the lie.

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  • Say nothing until results come

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  • Don't say anything until you know

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  • That's why you don't get drunk to the point where you aren't aware. You're so vulnerable and you don't know what people are cable of. Get checked hopefully they were smart enough to wear condoms. If you come back clean I wouldn't tell him shit and I would not drink for awhile and not have sex for awhile.

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  • Just go get tested. It's very unlikely you caught anything. But better safe than sorry.

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