Me and my girlfriend were having sex earlier and she started crying during the middle of it randomly. why?

[Anonymous]

this may get to be tmi, but i'll try to keep it short

earlier this afternoon me and her had sex cuz we were just fooling around. maybe like 5 minutes into us having sex, she just started crying. here is what happened:

we were on our bed and i was laying on my back doing my thing (if you know what i mean) and she was on top of me with her stomach against mine and her hands to the side of my arms. i could sense as if something was bothering her but i wasn't completely sure.

out of nowhere she just dropped and starting crying. it was so random and when i asked if she was ok, she told me no. i asked if i was hurting her and she said no again. i stopped what i was doing, and could not figure out why she was crying. i asked her if she knew, and she said she doesn't want to talk about it.

no i didn't nag her to tell me cuz I'm not that kind of person. i just comforted her and held her close whole we laid in our bed for maybe 10 more minutes. after these 10 minutes i asked if she was feeling better. she said sort of but not really. i also asked if she wanted to say why she started crying and she just looked all nervous about it.

we got out of bed and put our clothes back on. since then, she seems as if she's "dead". like when i try to talk to her, she barely listens cuz i have to repeat myself at least once. sometimes when she talks to me, she'll talk, but then mid sentence go blank and stare into space.

i walked up to her while she was writing something down cuz she stopped mid way through and was staring in space again. i grabbed her shoulder lightly and asked her if she was fine. she said "uhm... yah" then went to our room. i followed her and she was sitting on our bed with her face buried into her hands.

when i sat down beside her, she turned to me, said sorry, then fell into me and started getting teary. i don't understand what is going on. it seems like she wants to tell me, but just can't get the words to come out when i ask her why she's crying. any ideas?

[Anonymous]

She Is A Fucked Up Mess, If She Cannot Communicate With You, There Is A Problem...
However, If She Was Raped, Regardless Of How Long Ago, She Will Never Get Over It, Sexual Acts Often Trigger The Memory And Girls Go Into Hysterics, They Often Say Nothing Is Wrong, They Don't Want To Be Judged For Feeling This Way About Being Raped...
Most Never Return To A Normal Sex Life, And Need A Strong Man Who Will Support Them During Flashbacks, And Never Ask Questions... She Will Include You In Conversation When She Is Ready, She Also May Not Want To Talk...
My Ex Wife Was Molested By Her Dad At Age 12, And Her New Step Dad At Age 14, She Has Never Recovered... She Often Had Flashbacks While We Were Having Sex...
I Also Dated A Couple Rape Victims Over The Years, They All Had Flashbacks, It Was Not Easy...
Having A Relationship With A Survivor Of Rape Is Never Easy, Support Is The Best You Can Do, And It May Never Be Enough, Just Be There For Her, Never Push The Issue, She May Never Want To Talk...
It May Eventually Become Too Much For Her And She May Leave You...

[Asker]

id really like if you'd not call her a "fucked up mess" like some other dickhead did earlier yes she did have a bad sexual experience in her past with her other boyfriend which is why he's her ex boyfriend now. what i don't get is that she never had flashbacks of these experiences (yes, more than one) before in the other +10 times we've had sex in our 2.5 years of dating she did tell me yesterday evening why she started crying during sex. she told me that she was feeling slightly depressed before we had sex and didn't want to ruin the moment for me and her. then she told me when we had sex, the image of her being shoved on her bed and being "threatened" to take her clothes off just went through her mind within seconds and it brought back a feeling of intense fear as she described it

[ArrowheadSW]

Some women do cry during or after sex, but this sounds a bit more involved than that. I wonder what is bringing out all of these emotions in her? I wonder if she had a bad sexual experience in the past that brings back bad memories. How long have you been dating her and how many times have you had sex? Is this the first time she had done this?

[Asker]

yes she had a very bad sexual experience with her boyfriend before me which is what lead to them splitting up. i have been dating her for almost 2.5 years, and i honestly don't know how many times we've had sex. all i know is that it's more than 10 times, and she has never done this before

[ArrowheadSW]

Oh OK... Well it seems there is something that brought back bad memories. I'd guess it was the former boyfriend. It sounds like you are being supportive so that is great. Maybe she was in a more emotional of a mood when this happened. Nevertheless whatever it is that is bothering her sounds significant.

[Asker]

do you think i should bring it up to her? ask her if her past experience of sex before me came up and that's the reason she started crying? or would that only make things worse?

[ArrowheadSW]

Just thinking here... I'd say let it cool down and then bring it up when you feel she is over it. She may or may not want to talk about it. If she is over the emotional episode she might be embarrassed. In my opinion I'd say bring it up, but that's just me off of limited information.

[Polaroidbabe]

This guy knows what he's talking about. You didn't "fuck her too hard" and it probably has very little to do with the physical act of the sex. You've been together along time and know this girl. Give her some space but eventually let her know how much you care about her and that you really want to be able to talk about it so you can help/support her any way you can. You're a good boyfriend.

[Asker]

ok so i left it alone, and yesterday evening she walked up to me while i was on my computer and she told me about how she was feeling slightly depressed before we even had sex. when we did, basically a flashback of her being "raped" (as she said) and threatened by her ex boyfriend just came back into her mind. she doesn't understand why it did especially because it never did before, and neither do i

[fxxckn]

maybe she did something like cheat sorry if that bothers you

[cahdee]

Why was she on top? I had mostly female friends all growing up and it seemed the guys that had the girl be on top were doing so to degrade them. Like making them put on a show and do all of the work. A LOT of girls have sex for the guys benefit only. Making them be on top is to me, a sexist degrading move.

And I am the least gentle guy that does all kinds of things that could be considered degrading to my wife, but at least I don’t make her do them to herself. Which is to me what having them on top is. It’s hard to explain.

[TheOtakuMaid]

i am getting rape victim vibe...

[Asker]

honestly, she had a similar experience to rape with her boyfriend before me. but why would that bother her now when I've been dating her for nearly 2.5 years, and we've had sex more than 10 times?

[TheOtakuMaid]

oh well I don't know than

[Kurodo]

I would say you mostly did the right thimg, just err be there for her ya know? Doubt either of us can possibly tell what she's thinking until she literally tells you but just try to be supportive and let her know you love her, something like that. Some girls can just get emotional for plenty of reasons, hopefully she clears it up with you.

[JohnReedLOL2]

Conventional wisdom says to stop having sex if she is crying.

[Asker]

what? like why?

[Aceusa92]

honestly man it sounds like she's cheating on you. or did cheat on you. I've seen this behavior before and if that's the case get out now. girls like that have a tendency to continue cheating if they think you'll forgive them for it.

[Asker]

she has never cheated on me, and i do know that for a fact. it's hard to explain how cuz it would take more than 1000 characters, but i know she has never cheated on me and never will

[Aceusa92]

I don't know then man. it definitely sounds like a textbook case of cheaters remorse but maybe it is something else. just give her a couple days and tell her it's really bothering you and that you want to talk about it. if it's not something she's trying to hide from you than it shouldn't be that big of a deal.

[Asker]

well before she started dating me, she had a very bad experience with sex with her previous boyfriend. do you think that could be the reason?

[Aceusa92]

it could be part of it. don't be a dick about it but try to press her for an explanation. that's not normal behavior.

[Browneye57]

What a fucked up mess. Talk about emotional soup. Just keep guessing. LOL

[Asker]

i prefer if you didn't call my girlfriend a "fucked up mess" cuz that's just fucked right there on your part

[Browneye57]

Maybe you could beg. [shrug] And yeah, she's a fucked up mess.

[Asker]

maybe you could not be such a dick about these kind of situations. surely to god somebody at your age wouldn't be such a prick about this stuff

[Browneye57]

You can call it whatever you want. Immature people that can't stand the truth strike back with insults and shaming like you have. I'm not your problem - your girl is your problem and that's why you're here. I don't mince words, I don't sugar-coat. As they say, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. And quit acting like a little boy. No one is gonna fix this for you. If you and your girl can't discuss your issues then your relationship will implode. Now quit whining and do something about it. I gotta ask you, why are you putting up with this bullshit from her? That must be some kind of golden-vagina. Consider not putting up with the little tantrums - what's her problem anyway? My guess is she's unable to cope with her whirlwind of emotions and you're getting swept up in them instead of being the rock. A woman will come to loath a man that is weak. Proven over and over again.

[Asker]

would you tell this to a rape victim? huh? cuz guess what man, my girlfriend was a victim of rape of her ex boyfriend over 2.5 years ago. don't you think that's gonna sit in her mind for years on end and possibly come back during sex since that's where it took place; especially cuz she was sexually assaulted? most likely yes it will! so if she got emotional because a flashback of being forced into sex came back into her mind by a previous guy, do you really think she should be called "a fucked up mess"? no, no she shouldn't! plus, being with someone who's had a past of being raped isn't called "bullshit" but like whatever. girls will only understand what it's really like to be raped cuz they can't do much about it when a guy threatens her to take her clothes off, and then forces her into sex cuz majourity of guys are just horny pricks in this day and age so no, she's not "unable to cope with her whirlwind of emotions". she's having a flashback of a horrifying event that happened in her life ffs

[Browneye57]

Well, you CHOSE to leave out that important tidbit, didn't you? Enough games. Bye now... :(

[Asker]

because i didn't think of it till way after typing this out. but whatever

[Midget_Hug]

Emotions. Happens all the time.

[Asker]

but not like this though during sex... by the way i didn't dislike your answer, somebody else did

[Midget_Hug]

Triggers aren't guaranteed to be clear or stable. And the likelihood you did something new and different is low. To that end the prep work for the outburst could have been done mental long prior to your encounter and may not have been sex directly.

[Goodwifie]

Trigg

[Goodwifie]

Trigger is word I would use too.

[samsam5]

I'm not sure but I'm gonna assume it's either 60% cheating or 40 % past experience with ex boyfriend. Don't quote me tho just my opinion.

[Asker]

she told me it's a past experience with her ex boyfriend that came up. she doesn't understand why it did and i don't either

[Anonymous]

she got so emotional

[Anonymous]

Some one in her family died. Or you are fucking her too hard

[Asker]

no, just no. i wasn't "fucking her too hard". that's not even possible to do