Why don't many men like sexually experienced girls?

[Anonymous]

I guess this has been a problem I have had several times when I try to really start a relationship and a Guy finds out that I am pretty promiscuous. I don't feel bad about it but sometimes it gets in the way of me building relationships. I just Don get it. The last Guy I was dating was pretty much head over heels into me then when someone at my university mentioned my reputation to him, it was as if my sexuality alone was the deal breaker. So he asked about it and we talked and he claimed that he was enlightened or whatever and that it was no big deal. A few days later he calls and says he thinks we should "take a break"...which is like the universal insidious way of saying "f*** you, this just isn't gonna work." So he met me for lunch the other day because he wants to hang out with me now. (Why?) I was just so bothered and I asked him why my sex life before and maybe after this relationship is important. He said he didn't want to date a slutty girl. I was shocked. I asked him, "um aren't you the one who has a gargantuan p*rn collection? So its okay for you to condone a market for sluts but you are so disgusted by dating one? Haven't you slept with dozens of girls?" He had nothing to say to that so I just left. I haven't been returning his phone calls because his whole attitude is just bullsh*t. This is the kind of hypocrisy that throws me off. Men who sleep around themselves and watch girls getting f***ed by lots of guys in p*rn actually hold promiscuity against a girl they might even like already. Why are a lot of men like this? I have had good relationships in the past but it seems like those guys were diamonds in the rough. Am I pretty much doomed to struggle in finding love just because I am sexually free and don't mind casual sex?

[Anonymous]

Although I identify with your worries... I always find it frustrating when questions like this come up because they show that people don't understand the basics.

The world is not 100% fair... and the more sophisticated and stressed it gets the more defensive and cautious people will be.

Men ''by nature'' are hunters and competetive... that is their ''nature'' you CANT change that . There will always be exceptions ofcourse. But as you yourself has observed... this is how many men are.

While you are reading my post , you think I am a chauvenist pig who like to control women and hate that they have sex and fun. Sure ... go ahead .. become a man hater... see how that will help you ... .

Lets take it the other way... women like the Alpha male .. confident successful powerful rich funny social etc... are all men like that ? Hell No ... and I tell you men who hate girls for admiring the alpha male are pathetic...

men cannot hate women for their nature .. it is how women are BUILT!

Each of us in life has to have a plan ... career plan ... sex plan ... you see what you want and in each path or option ahead of you there are ups nd downs... if you are sexually liberal... and you have every right to be ... and you are no less valuable than a man who is sexually liberal... some men wouldn't want to be with you ... some will... you just gotta find them. I would say that a regular male who is a moderate .. not conservative nor lieral would generally prefer his wife or girlfriend has had few partners , not many. You will not miss out on sex... you will quench your thirst and be sexually satisfied... that is a good thing... but on the down side there are the men who like to feel exclusive and are competetive. Then they may be not much into you . If you see them as jerks then fine. It is just their nature and they won't change. They may be even totally sweet regular guys with no quircks .

when a guy is asking for sex he is asking to quench his thirst. If he asks you for marriage he is asking you for a omplete life with him.

Dont take this stuff by logic... there is no logic here... take it as nature... we are in teh 21st century and still MAN dominates the world . be smart don't punch year head to the wal... try ti use the rules to year advantage.

[CristinaBacon7]

"but on the down side there are the men who like to feel exclusive and are competitive. Then they may be not much into you . If you see them as jerks then fine. It is just their nature and they won't change"... Those are the guys that most insecure...So there you go, you wouldn't want to be with these guys in any case..Not the worst thing in the world

[Subotai]

Awesome. I don't have a problem with it at all.. Hopefully the experience you got will result in you rocking my world. I don't want to play around with those high school virgins anymore they are annoying. I don't really wanna have to explain to a girl what to do. I'm not judgmental because I don't believe in monagamy and I like sex and if I could get more I would, so I have/want to have casual sex too and this is true of most guys. I feel like a guy who wants to sleep with you but is judgmental about this is a fool. Your response should be OK if you think I am a slut I will take your advice to heart and not give you that bj your hoping for until you buy me some diamond rings or a car lol. Or just find another guy like me whos not an idiot. Well the past is the past I guess but guys feel nervous you will leave them for another man or cheat on them, guys have a stereotype that a women who likes casual sexo is always looking for a "hotter" guy. most guys will say they are good in bed but we are almost all insecure about that, If I was in a serious relationship and got cheated on it would hurt, I know it does because I've had it happen to me. So if you got a boyfriend its probably best not to be flirting with other guys, even the most open minded boyfriend gets a little queazy in his stomach when he sees that.

[Vee72]

Heres the problem. You don't mind casual sex, therefore that sums up that you've slept with many many many many MANY guys in a non-exclusive relationship... Correct?

So that also concludes why he told you "i don't want to be with someone slutty". His action was to tell you the truth in how he feels, your reaction was putting HIM on the spot light with a ridiculous argument.

Guys watch p*rn and collects p*rn and blah blah blah, it's not a big deal. I don't understand why YOU"RE pointing fingers at him when he's looking at p*rn, watching these girls get f***ed by other guys yet he's not sleeping with these whores correct? He hasn't gotten around the block so in my opinion that was YOUR bad for freaking out like that. But obviously I understand why you would be upset and freak out that way because what girl wants to hear the guy that they like call them a slut and refuse to be with them because of their past?

Men love p*rn, that's the end of it. When they're not with their woman they need it to help them out alittle bit. It's a satisfaction, but watching p*rn shouldn't categorize them as being a "pig" or hypocritical because like I said, it's not like they're sleeping with these whores.

If your man was sleeping around or had a bad reputation for f***ing every girl he sees I would understand why you're mad. But from what I read you never mentioned that he has done that so I think that his honest opinion about you is fair.

Do you get where I'm coming from yet? Men have a reputation too and for him it's hard to see himself with you now that people have told him that you used to/still do sleep around. Why would he want to be with someone like that? Especially in the back of his mind he's afraid he'll run into a buddy that will say "Ha, you're dating her? Well I f***ed your girl good that one time" No guy wants that in their ideal woman.

Not all guys think this way though, most; but not all. So you'll find the right one. But clearly you need to stop doing what you're doing and have some respect for yourself.

[Asker]

Lol. You don't read well do you? Anyway... The p*rn point was to point out the hypocrisy and irony of the whole situation. Clearly you missed that. I didn't freak out at all. I just won't tolerate stupidity and his hypocritical nature. I know you might not be able to wrap your narrow mind around it but casual sex doesn't equal lack of respect for yourself. Its just sex.

[Vee72]

Clearly, you don't take criticism and negativity very well. Obviously YOU don't read very well since I have stated my reasoning on how he is NOT being hypocritical by watching p*rn. If you want me to recap in SIMPLE LANGUAGE, this guy you are seeing is not sleeping with these "whores" that he's watching on television or the net. If you consider fantasizing about p*rn stars vs. having legit intercourse as hypocritical then you really have issues. Furthermore I no longer want to discuss this with

[Vee72]

Such an immature imbecile. By the way, you're not much better than those p*rn stars that he watches. If you don't believe that you have no respect for yourself than good on ya! You're in denial, and I'm glad he'd rather end things with you because he understands the fact that you have no respect for yourself and that he deserves someone better than that.

[Asker]

I'm an imbecile huh? Oh okay glad we got that cleared up. lmao. you silly silly girl. My comment about your apparent lack of comprension with reading was in reference to your constant assumption (though I stated otherwise) that this guy has not had as much sex as I have. I can see I have to treat you like a child and point it out since you can't read very well...

[Asker]

I clearly stated that I was shocked when he called me out for being "slutty" because of what I know about his sexual past: "I was shocked...'Haven't you slept with dozens of girls?' He had nothing to say to that so I just left." (asked him this because as it implies, he has slept with dozens of girls which is why he didn?t respond. He knew he was wrong). 2.) "This is the kind of hypocrisy that throws me off. Men who sleep around themselves actually hold promiscuity against a girl..."

[Asker]

I take criticism just fine. It's not my fault you missed it honey nor my fault that you STILL dont't get how not wanting to date a promiscuous girl is a contradiction to 1) yourself being promiscuous and 2) condoning and supporting prostitution. Hypocrisy any way you slice it. I already know you're narrow minded and think of sex in the typical conventional way so I don?t expect you to comprehend how enjoying sex freely doesn?t have to mean you have little respect for yourself.

[useranonymous]

**PROMISCUITY DOES NOT MEAN DISEASE-INFESTED WHORE WITH ILLEGITIMATE CHILDREN*** Let me just clear that for everyone saying guys don't want girls with VDs or STDs.

I know women who have slept with one (maybe two) men and have herpes, have gotten syphilis, etc. It only takes one d***, one time.

Some guys are intimidated by your experience - wondering if they can match or one-up other guys you've been with (insecure of not being good enough).

Some guys are old-fashioned and don't really see promiscuous girls as "bring-home-to-mom-and-settle-down-with" type of girls, no matter how amazing, intelligent, caring, and wonderful the girl may be otherwise.

Some guys are just hypocrites.

Some guys care about reputations. Sometimes they don't want to deal with a girl who has a reputation that gets talked about (usually poorly) a lot.

Some guys are worried that you may cheat.

Etc, etc.

HOWEVER, one thing I always say (and live by) to questions like these is that if you're happy, you're clean, you're doing well (education, finances, life in general) and you're a good person - who the hell cares if you've slept with 1 person or 1,000 people. Like I said, it only takes one time with one person to ruin your life.

You'll find a guy who doesn't care because he'll know that you're with him and that you're a wonderful human being with more to offer than sex stats.

[wildfire5288]

Guys want to f*ck the girls they see in p*rn, not date them. It's a double standard and it is what it is, it's not like it's going to change anytime soon. Guys like to sleep with girls that are easy but they don't want to date them because they figure you'll probably leave them or cheat on them the second you get bored. They hear about your past and assume you open your legs for anyone who asks. It's pretty much a lose lose situation, on one hand there's girls like you who are probably really nice and have lots of casual sex but then when you actually want to be serious with a guy they back away once they hear about what you've done and then on the other side you have girls like me who don't have casual sex, are extremely sexually frustrated because they don't want to be looked at as a slut, and have to wait until guys are ready to stop sleeping with girls who make it easy for them before they get any attention at all. There's no way to win in this one, you just have to find a guy that doesn't care about how many guys you've slept with.

[2010atitagain]

I understand where you're coming from. Like someone said below, the important thing is to be safe and smart...even if you like casual sex, you still have to be "picky".

I also think the other post stating that this guy will compare himself to your other lovers is true...I've heard guy friends say that...*they* want to feel/believe that they're the best you ever had, haha...and someone who's insecure will get all these images in their head of you enjoying sex with another guy, oh heaven forbid!

And it's unclear whether or not you're going to continue having casual sex while in a relationship(?)

But, in the end...it is about being who you want to attract. I went through a casual sex stage and I was totally cool with it but now, I know that if I want a serious/exclusive relationship, I'm not going to *attract* a relationship type guy if I continue having casual sex. It may be different for you. It's a double standard, guys can be total sluts, meet a girl they want to be exclusive/monogamous with and the *lucky* girl is okay with his past and feels even more special for *changing* his ways.

Don't give up hope...there are enlightened men...but they are rare :-)

[passive_agressive]

Of course there is that "slut" kind of view, but beside that, no guy likes to be compared to "the rest of the crew", and I thnk that guys would like to learn a girl something that she hasn't tried. I'm pretty sure that you tried a lot of "things", and you know pretty well what you like and what you don't like, leaving almost nothing for them to be your "first time ever to do"...

No offence...

But, experienced girls are great, you can learn a lot from them...

[2doves4me]

yeah, see if you find someoen openminded like you and is like you... you know?

I def. saved myself for marriage so I wouldn't want someoen with millions of women (exxagerate ofcourse)

but that's understandable on my part, I suppose

so if you don't save yourself, it's so much better to find someone who is like that maybe he'll be as open minded as you... yah?

[RedWine-and-a-J]

SEX IS NATURAL, and it's a biological need. As long as you use condoms, then I don't really see a problem. Fuck babies that can't think outside the box.

A lot of guys are still caught up in the fantasy that they will find a 20 year old pretty, innocent, virgin girl and keep her locked up forever. They want to believe that we're their PROPERTY, and if we come close to being otherwise, they would rather just move on and find a girl who will be.

[31Ross]

Thats not true at all. like I said above, girls like you are the ones who didn't give nice laid back guys a chance and did want you want early, now that your done with that you want the nice guy, and we say f- off.

[RedWine-and-a-J]

I'm not saying I'm a whore. Cause I'm not. I've only been with 4 guys, but I'm just saying that to my four, my guy's been with ten. "Girls like you" .. Who are you? Lol.

[Asker]

Lol I know right? what are "girls like you?" I'm tired of people thinking they can insult me because of my sexuality. as if I'm not a person beyond who I f***. that just shows your lack of depth and how you don't truly see people - you just see sex. way to go. I'm glad I'm not like that, even with all my hookups. :P

[mikesaracino]

I agree. and then they are terrible lovers because they know they're the best their girl ever had without even having to try. A girl with experience will dump them quick if they're not putting in the effort. Am I wrong?

[Enuflogic]

While most guys don't mind playing around with experienced girls, they for the most part do not want to keep one. It ties back to guys insecurities. Although most guys will never admit it, if they know you've been with someone else, the first thing they will think after sex with you is if you liked it better with them than you did with your other partner(s). It's that "king of the jungle" mentality that a lot of guys have and are too shallow to come to terms with. Unfortunately, until you find a guy who is secure in who he is, you will not be truly happy in the relationship because your past will haunt it. In this case, it's not you, it's them but they won't admit it so they will make you think it's you.

[Mande1985]

As you get older it gets better. One because you don't have people from school talking about how bad your reputation is (which, it shouldn't be. you are just living your life... doing what feels good to you, and don't ever change that about yourself). I'm not "promiscuous" but I am sexually experienced (being married for seven years, finding what I like and experimenting a lot with my ex-husband). Some guys find it hot that a woman actually knows what she wants and others find it intimidating.

[mikesaracino]

"Some guys find it hot that a woman actually knows what she wants" You said it all! Wish more girls could figure this out.

[BDub89]

For the exact same reasons girls don't want promiscuous guys. There is a fine line between "experienced" and "whorish"

[Asker]

Yeah...i think I crossed that line lol

[Undetermined]

i don't really have problems with girls like. lets imagine I am singe.

ive you're my new girlfriend and you have more experience than me than I would think 'hmm okay I'm not the first one but I don't care I love her and she can give me some advises how to do things right so she can feel good things while having sex'

my girlfriend was a virgin she didn't even know what an orgasm is(she comes from a country where such things are almost forbidden to talk about) so I have do explain everything. I also have to inform myself what girls like cause she didn't know what she liked.

maybe that's purity, but I don't care about such things.

sex is for having fun and for beeing together not for blaming someone for his/her experience.

[SociallyInept]

Guys don't want a girl that's loose. Plus I think it hurts their self-esteem when they hear that their girl has been around the block. They like to think of girls as beautiful, pure creatures.

[girlbehindthechair]

Ok, so this is again, I see this all the time, your fault. You aren't promiscious, you are human. He probably feels intimidated by your experience. You also should really stop trying to explain your past, it's yours. When you have a husband, you should be honest with him, but otherwise, brush off the conversation. and this goes both ways too, don't expect to have him be an open book if you won't. it's up to you, but try it with the next guy. and enjoy your freedom! ROAM WOMAN!

[Reeses-pieces777]

it's weird because there seems to be no problem with extremely experienced men...which is the ironic perspective. I'm on the other end of had a few relationships and little experience because I want it that way but men, are sometimes hypocrites themselves.

[joraz]

You are just fine. You will find a guy who loves you for the person you are.

It doesn't make you a slut. It just means that you are a sexual person.

[ErikM]

Well, overall, there's a bit of a double standard when it comes to sex, because guys can have many sexual partners and be considered cool, while girls who've had many partners are often considered to be sluts. It's not fair, but it's based on biological differences. Women know who the mother of their baby is (obviously), when they get pregnant, but men have no way of knowing 100% if they're the father. This means that men are cautious about dating women they think may be promiscuous, because on a subconscious level they know they might risk raising some other man's children. By contrast, a woman who knows the man she's dating is promiscuous, won't have to raise other women's children. Again, it's not fair, but that's biology.

Your dilemma is that promiscuous guys usually won't settle down, so they won't date you, and the more one-woman type of men might be put off by your history. Not trying to beat you down here, just saying that this might be a struggle for you. However, you could always tone things down and send a signal to guys that you're ready to be monogamous and to not have casual sex. Let men know that you're open about sex but that you want to be with one man only. If you're really serious about being in a relationship, just try to subtly change the signals you're putting out. Talk about what you want in a relationship. Make sure to let men know that you're serious about it.

[Undetermined]

Perfect !

[DeepWinter]

Personally I like lower the better for both male an females

I just factor how many times even a ruff guess an figure how long the average guy sated around. So for me I like to stay around of I like the girl

but main thing being free from all that junk always a condom I don't trust the average male or female

[CryingBeth]

Maybe there scared you could have an STD so get checked and I could be since you have been with quiet a few guys that there scared they can't live up to some of the guys you have been with before.

[noctum]

he may simply feel insecure about it..

then again.. no one wants to date the village bike..

Guys are also into competition even if sometimes we don't even know we are competing..

It maybe inconsciently but even when choosing girls to date some guy pick girls acording to the value . and a chick that been sleeping around with tons of guys doenst hold much valor..cos well everythign been there.. now a hot girl wich had couple of relations will be more value cos simply everyone will wonder how is she in bed... its not about expereince ..its about knowing you have the girl that every guy desires and not the one that everyone else slept with..

He trying to call you and get closer again.. probably he wanna take a ride in the village bike.. just dot wanna date her..

[TheTaxMan]

Men generally don't want the women to say that he isn't good enough. It's a sensitive thing to poke at. I myself don't care and actually wouldn't mind being with a girl with a little more experience, give me some initiative to improve myself.

[beans]

He just can't help feeling that you might compare him. That's usually their biggest worry...tbh, I wouldn't waste my time on a jerk like that.

[Boring01]

Personally, men like that are insecure. However, I am very anti with people "Men and Female" who have sex WAY TOO OFTEN! Personally, f*** what I think "Most of my post are either not serious or put downs anyhow" Obviously your in the right here, so don't worry about it. Leave him be with his issues. However, I will say this "U need to kill the reputation fast".

[m3TALchick]

I have always said "if your gonna be a whore, be a good one". I don't care who you have sex or how many times you have done it; be smart about it. Use protection and get tested and BE HONEST about what you do. It really is no ones business to begin with about who your doing. If he is gonna believe what someone said about you without talking to you about it first, then he is not worth your time. No one has any right to judge you. When you start dating someone your it should be about what amazing things have get to happen not about the past, because it is just about you and that person now.