My boyfriend thinks foreplay is "too long of a process" to get me in the mood.

[Anonymous]

G'Day from Down Under! - That's so corny, we don't actually say that much here, but I get a good giggle out of seeing a German backpacker wearing and Akubra hat and carrying a Didgeridoo (made in China), saying "G'Day mate"! Anyway, I'll get on with it... My boyfriend and I have been together for just over a year, and has been amazing. Of course, like any new relationship, everything was perfect at the start, and the sex was unbelievable. It was passionate, loving, caring and he was everything I had ever been waiting for, in every single way. Roughly 4 months ago we moved in together for the first time and our relationship on an emotional level, has gotten much stronger. He makes me laugh everyday, and I am pretty sure I do the same for him. He has recently come into some financial troubles, and is under a lot of pressure to sell his house overseas. I am honestly doing my best to support him through all of this, researching things on the net for him, making calls, writing letters to banks etc, and more than anything, I've been there to listen to him whenever he wants to just get things off his chest. I clean the house because he is working 2 jobs, I cook and clean so he can rest as much as possible; when he is home. Lately, in my opinion, our 'quality time together' and sex life has worn the brunt of the stress. Understandably, I have not pressured him about too much time together, but he finally had a full day off, and the week before asked if we could have a "date night" to the movies and maybe dinner, which he gladly agreed to. So needless to say, I had been looking forward to this all week, but instead he decided to go out the night before and not get home until 6.30am, proceeded to rude and ignorant towards me when he got home (his usual drunk self, so I can ignore that) but then didn't bother getting off the lounge all day, and told me he couldn't be bothered going anywhere all day. Without an apology or even consideration of how much I wanted just some "us" time. Moving forward, I dropped the issue and accepted his apology (given the next day). As a surprise, One night he came home from work, I had put on my lingerie, did my hair and make-up all sexy and some heels. Surprised him with his favorite meal, music and lit the whole house up with candles... He really appreciated everything, and of course we made love that night, rough and fast, which is fine, it's his preference and that night was for him. Over the last month or so, it's not like the sex has stopped because of his stress, it has just gotten all about him. He no longer kisses me, or caresses me, or touches me gently and slowly. Instead, he 'yanks' my pants off and goes straight for it. There has been times which I ignore his "caveman" like behavior but last night when I asked for something more intimate, he said getting me in the mood was "too long of a process", and I will have to wait until he has a day off for anything special... Am I being too needy?

[peko22]

OMG...WTF. If my boyfriend said that to me I would say well fine enjoy having sex alone. Sex should be for both parties. He needs to man up an spend the 10 minutes to give you what you need. You took the time with the lingerie, music, and candles and he can't return the favor. I understand that stress can be hard on a relationship but give me a break. If its too long of a process than maybe he needs to learn how to do if faster. Don't ignore it any longer. If you don't tell him how you feel he will continue to do it. Tell him how you want it, where you want, and for how long...hehe. Sex is supposed to be fun not work. Remind him of your needs as a woman. Hope that helps.

[Asker]

Thanks peko22 :) I will definitely be having a talk with him tonight when he gets home. I guess I just need to put it in a way that I am not critizing his abilities. Last night when I kindly asked him not to go straigh for "the goodies" (hehehe) he got offended and huffed and puffed at me. Needless to say, neither of us got any action last night!!! I guess the hard thing is, he already knows how I want it, and where I want it, but he isn't bothered to do so. Thanks so much for your comments :)

[peko22]

I agree. You don't want to crush the ego.

[Anonymous]

You are not being too needy but you are being TOO NICE! He can so tell that you will do absolutely ANYTHING for him and he is using that. Soon enough he will get bored of you. This is not looking good, I am sorry to say. Stop doing everything for him and start doing htings for yourself. For example, if you don't want to clean the house, then dont! If you don't want to cook, get take out. If you want to see your friends, see your friends. Seriously stop being so nice. I STRONGLY suggest that you go to a book shop (Angus and Robertson, Dymmoks, Borders etc, go to Westfield) and by the book called "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov.

[Asker]

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't normally be so "submissive". I am just trying to get through all this financial stress with him, whithout giving him any unwanted additional stress. Oh & believe me, I know the "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" tactic, but it just isn't me, I don't have it in me & in all honesty, if he didn't listen to me whilst I was being nice, then at the end of the day I wouldn't be wasting my time on here. Thank you though, it's nice to know I can go somewhere for honest advice!

[shadowcat517]

Not at all...from how it sounds, you're being far too generous. If he's too stressed to pay attention to you when you're having sex, he has hands, he can do it himself. Tell him that if he's not going to put any effort in, you're not going to take the crap. At some point, you have to stop being submissive to everything he wants and stand up for yourself.

[Asker]

Thanks shadowcat517, I think I might just tell him to please himself if nothing changes! I've just spoken with him, and I've been promised a day full of pampering this weekend... Not that I was looking for a full day of pampering, just for him to be less self-centred right now. BUT I am not going to say no to a full day when it's all about me :) hehe!

[Anonymous]

If by any chance you're single again in the future, could I be next in line? :)

Anyhow, no, I don't think you are being needy. He seems to be only thinking of himself at the moment.

[Asker]

Haha thanks anonymous! I am flattered :) You're right, he is only thinking of himself so let's hope it's only because he under a lot fo stress.

[Opinion Owner]

Or lets hope the relationship might end altogether. Well, at least for my sake. ;)