Sexual Health
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Why would a guy take my virginity and then dump me the next day for having sex too fast?

I'm a 24 year old woman. I've never dated as I never felt comfortable in my own skin, so I'm severely inexperienced. I've recently lost a great deal of weight and finally started to feel confident enough to date. I met someone on an internet dating site and we hit it off great. Met him for coffee and things went great, slow, he just kissed me on the cheek. Next we met at a concert show at a small pub and he drove me home and again kissed me on the cheek. He then asked for an official date Saturday, by then we had been talking every night for 3 weeks and I really really liked him. He took me to dinner and a movie and we played games and talked at a hang out until 4am. I wanted to show him an art book I had so I invited him in when he took me home. I had NO intention of sleeping with him, as of course I was a virgin. We started kissing and things got out of hand; a lot of dry humping and him talking very dirty and he was ALWAYS the one instigating everything, he was always in the driver's seat. I said I wanted to wait for sex and he agreed. I confessed that I was a virgin which was horribly embarrassing for me, he said it didn't matter, that I shouldn't be embarrassed. After more, I said yes we can go ahead, and he said he didn't want me to have any regrets because he really liked me, I agreed and said he was right and we actually went to sleep. After waking up, things got out of hand again and I said yes and he asked if I was sure and I said yes and we had sex. Neither of us "finished", we ended up just stopping. He didn't act weird after and kissed me and told me he would call me. The next day, he said he knew we should have waited and he can't see me anymore because we went too fast. I agreed that we had sex too soon, and was even planning to talk to him saying I still wanted to date him but that I wanted to wait to go there again, but I didn't get that chance because he just cut it off completely. He said he WANTS to see me again but can't, because sex changes everything, and we couldn't have a relationship now because we've already gone there. I feel like such a slut and he made me feel like he tried to tell me he didn't want regrets and he put it off on me. I told him he should have expressed HIM not wanting regrets because I felt I was giving permission, not pressuring him. He said he didn't really believe me that I was a virgin and when I reassured him during the breakup phone call, he said he then believed me, but obviously I'm not convinced. He said if we hadn't had sex, he would have asked me out again. He said he was just looking to casually date me. Did he dump me because he really feels that we moved too fast and was freaked out? Did he ditch me because he thinks I'm a slut? Was he embarrassed because he couldn't perform? I'm just so confused. Please help! I want the blunt truth. I know I shouldn't have done it, so I know this is my fault, I was just curious what guys had to say about it; I wanted a man's opinion. Thanks
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Most Helpful Girls

  • i'm really sorry to hear about that happening to you! I am a 21 year old virgin and quite honestly that is my biggest fear. I don't think this guy thought of you as a slut, but he was looking for easy sex and didn't want to invest anything further. don't take it personally, most likely he would have done this with any girl. the mistake you made, was not waiting long enough. I'm sure you know that and I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but you can use this as a learning experience. I say that because meeting a guy and hanging out with him for 3 weeks isn't long enough to evaluate his character. not that waiting any longer would have made this guy want to be with you, but had you waited several months (lets say 6 or 7) guys like this will often get bored and move on when they aren't getting any. thus, eliminating guys who just want sex and don't want what you want. a lot of guys will run game on you and tell you what you want to hear, but often times it's just that - a game. if a guy will not wait for you then he isn't in it for the right reasons. many guys will talk out of both sides of their neck. meaning they will say one thing "it doesn't matter how long...blah blah" and then will put the blame on you to ease out of the situation when they're done. the thing is, you have the deciding factor how it's going to go down so you can't let what a guy says influence you. don't beat yourself up over this though, we ALL make mistakes but at least you can learn from it and be stronger next time.

  • Wow similar thing happened to me last year I lost mine. I knew him 3yrs but ddnt make a move cse he had a gf and he wanted to even tho he had a gf. but yes afterwards we hungout had some drinks and he said he loves me and wd die4 me. so yes it happened at it was painful physically. but yes afterward it happened he hopped of me and laughed that its time4 revenge for me taking so long to do it with him. so we went to humiliate me in front of his friend I even found out he was sleeping with the maid and old lady tht does the house keeping I couldn't believe it. so yea I kicked him in the balls and stinked his reputation anyways that line he gave you about you being fast is some reverse phsychology seriously. he's trying to make you blame yourself so that he can just piss off. basically he's pulled a hit and run on you. he should be slapped seriously. just focus on yourself he's not even worth a minute of your thoughts at least if he gets out your life totally you can have the strength to move on. good luck

  • I'm a not a guy. But I couldn't help but try to tell you this. A very similar situation happened to me. Except I told the guy I didn't want to have sex when things got heated and he did it anyways. The other difference was that it was only 15 minutes after loosing my virginity (still naked on the bed I might add) that he said we should take a break. It hurt. I felt like a slut. I felt like I had been easy. And I felt like there was something wrong with me. This might not be your case, but many months later I found out that I had been one of many to be devirginized and dumped by the same guy. Honestly I think there is nothing wrong with you. If things got heated between you guys, it wasn't you pushing him, no one told him to get horny if he was just "casually dating". Don't blame yourself.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Somethings not right he is bullsh*ttin with you about moving too fast don't fall for that guys will take every opportunity for sex if they had to he is just telling you that to make you believe it is something else. Not trying to be rude but maybe he wasn't attracted to you or not as into you so he's trying to say otherwise. Honestly I wouldn't break up with a girl because she let me have her p**** too fast it would probably be something else I wasn't attracted to it could be anything maybe he expected something different but I doubt its because you gave it up too fast he's playing you trying to take the easy way out so you would feel guilty and agree about what you did wrong.

  • Paragraphs, use them :D

    For what it's worth I don't understand this guy either. It seems to me he's avoiding the real reason, whatever that is. Like,

    "He said he WANTS to see me again but can't, because sex changes everything, and we couldn't have a relationship now because we've already gone there"

    Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Self fulfilling prophecy much? This guy has issues.

    Finally I'd like to point out that being a virgin until the age of 24 is just about as un-slutty as a person can get so don't worry so much. That guy is making you feel guilty about something that's not bad or wrong at all.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • I think he considers you a 'slut' basically. A lot of guys are like this, even though he pressured you at times and was at least as much to 'blame' for it. They'll try to have sex and then they'll decide the girl must be an 'easy' girl who will sleep with another guy tomorrow.

    Add that to the possible embarrassment for not being able to finish...For some guys that would also be a reason to not see you again. That's not so common as the above attitude, however.

    Live and learn!

    • I feel horrible, I mean I gave my virginity to a guy I really liked who doesn't even want to see me again, and it wasn't like I was just a kid... I genuinely did wait a LONG time, and I feel that might have had something to do with my "jumping the gun", so to speak. I just felt like if he really liked me like he was saying he did even when dumping me, he would have wanted the same thing I did; to slow down, talk about it and continue seeing each other at a slower pace. Am I wrong?

    • Possibly he also feels embarrassed about it. Still, most people would deal with it better than he seems to be able to do.

  • You didn't move too fast. You're not a slut. You had sex on the understanding you were entering a relationship and cared about each other. You were wrong. Maybe he lied. Maybe he didn't know how he would feel. I think he's an idiot. He may have that idea in his head that 'sluts' have sex fast. You seem ot have it in yours. I happen to not believe that way.

  • Well I 'm no guy, but I think he wanted the chase, the challenge. That and/or he's afraid that you will get too attatched.

  • You just made a big mistake. I saved my virginity till mariage and I'm proud.

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