Why won't my boyfriend be rougher during sex?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I never have rough or even semi- rough sex, I even mentioned that I wanted rougher sex and he acts like he does too and even tells me he'll show me rough sex but when he comes down to it he never does. I like our sex, its great. It’s passionate and intimate and all that but sometimes I’d like some primal sex. We talk about getting toys and trying new things, but it never happens. We try lots of different positions, but its always soft, slow sex for the most part. There are sometimes when he goes a little faster but not a lot and when I go faster he tells me to slow down. He’s the cuddly, passionate love making type – but don’t you guys just want to give it to a girl? I’ve heard stories about him and how he used to be and this does not add up! Any ideas why he wouldn’t want to be rough and what I can do to make him be a little rougher?

[AmberDeS]

okay I share a lot of this with you my fiancee use to the be exact same way the "Old Fashioned" type of guy your describing. First things firstdo NOT depend on him to start the new wilder things first! When your looking for that rough stuff you have to take it step by step first surprise him with a sexy outfit from heels to hair and makeup no matter what make it slutty, talk very intimately dirty, such as f**k that tight pu**y, ask how hard/deep would he like his d**k to go, once you've passed this stage were its working a little bring home a/or more Adult Video and make sure its the kind of rough your looking for you don't want your lover getting confused of what you want, third read online or buy a guide/book to please him more, not saying that we can't but were women and we can't know every 101 secret of pleasing guys,fourth do the dirty in differnt places it makes it seem adventerious and EXCITED,lastly bring home some toys that will please your partner AND you such as the Sex Swing, The Viberating Condom, Sex Candy and more you'd be surprise at what they make these days go for it! My advise is don't be scared to open up with your lover and tell him how you feel because just as woman it could be a win win thing he might want it but is scared being rough would bother or hurt you! and to add up the storys maybe in the past he never found the special ONE and he want to show you every intimate moment he has, JUST HOW SPECIAL YOU ARE TO HIM!

[Dominique_7]

Argh that's awful, I mean passionate and loving sex is good but sometimes you just want a guy to be rough with you.

Some ideas:

- Write down your steamiest fantasty in which the guy treats the girl really roughly (don't use your names, your guy will take it too personally and his ego will be hurt) and let him read it.

- Show him some p*rn as an example of what you'd like.

- During sex, keep telling him how good it is, and say things like "faster, "harder", "put it in deeper". Also don't say romantic things to him but dirty talk: tell him how good his c*ck feels, how you love being f***ed by him, etc.

- Don't wait for him to buy a toy; buy one yourself and show him how you play with yourself with it. He'll want to join in ;)

Hope this helps, good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks for the suggestions, they seem good. The thing is I write him the dirty emails and send pictures and when I'm out of town we exchange a lot of pictures tell each other things we want to do and it all sounds like he wants to get rough so I think "when I get home, its on" and of course its not. I mean I am blunt with him and I tell him dirtly things in bed but still nothing. Its frusturating! I'm going to have to try the p*rn because the talking dirty is not getting me anywhere.

[Dominique_7]

Good luck :)

[cjwright79]

Try going without sex for longer than normal. If you normally have tepid sex every day, abstain for... Well... as long as humanely possible. And don't masturbate, either of you. If you catch him, strike him. Hurt him. Condition him to the idea that only you can give him pleasure. He is allowed to touch it to pee or to wash in the shower or to scratch an itch, aside from that you literally own his d***.

[boost]

I disagree, if you tell him not to touch his slong then when you guys get around to doing it he's only going to last like 2 minutes and bust.

[cjwright79]

If he's that pathetic then he should not be in a relationship to begin with, he should be smoking crack as fast as possible in a valiant attempt to rid the world of his useless self.

[Enickols12]

WTF?! What the hell kind of an answer is that? That sounds more like a fetish than a way of solving the problem.

[cjwright79]

Look, if you want more intensity, you'll want to let some sexual tension build up to critically high levels. Unless there simpy isn't much chemistry to begin with, which I am beginning to suspect.

[travis8888]

he a caring guy. he doesn't want to hurt you. some guys don't understand primal sex and how to dominate in bed. you just have to teach him. watch p*rn that shows an example and tell him you never had that before and how you would like to experience that. then emphasize that it would be your first time. guys love being the first to anything

[TheAnswerer]

May be he doesn't enjoy rough sex?

[Meedo]

Frankly... the only reason I imagine I couldn't be rough is because I am afraid to hurt her. Or afraid she will hurt me with a wrong cow girl. Other than that ... I will f*** her brains off!

[Anonymous]

he might not like the territory he's stepping into, he might feel as if if he does something wrong or goes too far that he will scare you away, or worse, make you feel sexually violated. Its a confidence thing, we don't want to f**k up our relationships.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's shy or maybe he doesn't want to hurt you