Sexual Health
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Should I ask him to get tested for STDs?

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for about a month. We love each other and have discussed having sex eventually. I am a virgin and he is not. He has slept with a few people before in his past. Would it be wrong or weird to ask him to get tested? He said he has never had unprotected sex and I trust him completely. I have had the HPV protection shots and would be on birth control. He would be wearing condoms. I trust that he doesn't have any diseases, but my mom was talking to me last night making sure I was being smart about things. I think that conversation made me nervous and now I am REALLY overthinking things. What would you do in my situation? I really feel like we are both positive that he doesn't have anything. Should I still talk to him about getting tested? Thank you!
0 1

Most Helpful Girls

  • I hope you give my response some serious consideration.

    My very first love and sexual partner was a few years older than me, had a long term relationship already before me, and lovers - how many, I never knew, but he SWORE he it wasn't many and I believed him. I loved him, and he loved me. We waited about two months, and finally we did it. I had prepared for it by going on The Pill beforehand to make sure I wouldn't get pregnant. He was my ONLY lover, and I knew I was only his because we simply spent nearly every waking second together.

    A few months in to our sexual relationship, I began to notice pain when I urinated and felt a bit of a burning feeling inside me. I told him what was wrong and he was clueless. I went to the doctor and found out I had chlamydia. Being a virgin, who else would have given it to me? Some more months went by and I noticed when having a shower that I had what felt like tiny white heads or something on the opening of my vagina. I took a mirror and noticed unpoppable looking hard spots. Again.. What. The. Fuck. Went back to the doctor and he confirmed I had genital warts. I had them fried off, but periodically through my teens and twenties needed to keep going for treatment because they don't just go away. It was recommended to me that my boyfriend get in to the clinic with me for treatment of chlamydia and warts because he would just keep passing this to me for as long as we were having sex.

    I am telling you - if you take away one response here, listen to me: I would have given anything to just ask him to go WITH me to get tested just to spare me the humiliation and fear of what he passed on to me. Like you, I believed him - but I had NO way of proving the girls he was with before didn't have a zillion lovers before him. After we ended our relationship, I thought asking for men to take tests was enough - but learned the hard way that herpes can be transmitted skin-to-skin even without a breakout. The fibres of the skin can still carry the virus and pass it on to you and you can't control that with a condom if the herpes rash occurred on your lovers genitals around the pelvis. This was passed on to me from yet one more guy who swore up and down he was clean. Asking was almost like insinuating he was not, and the uninformed answer of "I would know by now" doesn't occur in some STDs years later.

    This boyfriend of yours may or may not stick around your entire life - but you know what, your vagina will.

    Protect yourself. :)

    • I'm so sorry you went through all of that. It must have really been terrifying to face those appointments alone, feeling like it was your fault. I can't imagine being forced to face it more than once. I really hope some of these young ladies (and young men) will really listen and learn from your experiences!

    • @CheshireCat89 Thank you, and yes - I was 16 at the time. I usually had no push back from guys who wanted to get tested with or without me, but you know what? - the TWO guys who gave me STDs are the very two guys who gave me push back, and made me feel guilty for asking. It was as if they knew there might be something to find, and their defensiveness was a ploy to try and get me not to find them out. I remember thinking, "I'm better than this, I'm not going to judge - I just need to KNOW." But to them, they were insistent about being clean, not to worry, they would have known by then, blah blah blah. Usually the more persistent and more defensive someone gets, even if it's passive aggressive defensiveness - RED FLAGS. Please, get tested. Take care of your body.

  • very awkward position. I am finding myself in the same position. I've been doing this for months and not really sure if there is anyone else but when we have sex we aren't using birth control because both of us are unable to have kids. I have asked a couple close friends and 1 said don't ask 1 said to ask. I don't want him to think I am trying to establish what our relationship is or if I should say hey doc can you test me for it all and I don't wanna go to the dr and by any chance get surprised by any result and then have to go have an even more awkward conversation with him

  • Even if he has never had unprotected sex it's not a bad idea for him to get tested. Anyone that is sexually active should periodically have themselves tested for diseases. It's just part of life and if he can't handle that part of life he's not responsible and wouldn't make a good partner.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Honestly, once a lot of couples are like monogamous monogamous and the female is on birth control, it's not uncommon for them to get tested so that they can have unprotected sex. Like assuming they trust each other and the birth control is reliable.

    For you to ask that from someone who is using a condom every time is a little unusual (if he's using a condom every time, and it doesn't slip off, some might see that as unnecessary). To be honest, STD's aren't as big of a deal as the scarry pictures in the sex ed books - a lot of people just go to the doctor and put on a cream or take some antibiotics and it goes away. But yeah, if you want you can ask that both of you go to the doctor's office together and get tested together and if you want you can ask the doctor to share your results with your partner (they may or may not do it because of HIPPA privacy rules) and if they don't do it you can agree in advance to share the results. Keep in mind that a lot of STD's either have little to no visible symptoms (ex. HPV) or are easily treated, so don't flip out if you find out he has something treatable.

    Keep in mind that once you do that you're basically in serious relationship territory (like this is often something people would do with someone who they plan on having unprotected sex with) so

    • so I guess even if he doesn't do it right away (it's been ONE MONTH - the whole joint doctor appointment with shared medical records is a lot for one month) don't take it personally - if he always uses a condom and isn't seeing other people and you go to the doctor regularly it should be fine. You're not going to get AIDS and your nose is not going to fall off. But yeah, do ask (you can call the doctor and see if both you and your boyfriend can get an appointment at about the same time and mention the sharing of results thing there), but again medical records are kind of personal so if he says yes cool but if he says not right now, that's acceptable too.

  • You should definitely have him get tested before you have condomless sex. It doesn't matter how well you know him or what kind of guy he is. He could have gotten something he doesn't know he had or simply be a symptomless carrier for something. That's how STD get spread. Most of the people who have HIV got it with someone they trusted.

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 19

  • You should ask him to get tested, and you should use condoms too. There is nothing weird about getting an STD test or asking your partner to get one- it is a normal and necessary part of protecting your sexual health.

  • If you trust and know him well enough, then no, it should be fine. Plus as long as there is some kind of protection, it should be okay for you two to do it.

    • I have no reason to think he has one bc we trust each other and are honest. I think my mom freaked me out with her conversation.

    • Well if you trust him, then go for it. Just be cautious and make sure there's protection for insurance. Maybe you can open up to him about this

  • I personally would ask him

  • You should tell him to do it simply for his own health concerns. It is crazy not to do it if he is active.

  • Tell him to get tested or you're breaking up with him. That should work 😅.
    Seriously, just tell him to get tested. This is obviously a big deal, especially if he's had partners before. He NEEDS to get tested.

  • Nope.. do it! If he said's no... RUN LIKE HELL. No arguments, no debates, RUN.

  • I dated a girl that asked if I would get tested. She was a virgin and we never had sex anyway, but I had no problem doing it for her.

  • Yep doesn't hurt to be on the safe side

  • well you have the advantage of being a virgin so he will have to comply to your request, but it's a weird thing.

    hello my name is Khalid, i'm 26 years old and HIV negative. my new bio on tinder

    • I have asked for STI testing or status from every single partner in my life. None has found it unexpected or abnormal.

  • Nothing wrong with asking him to get tested. If he truly loves you and cares for you he will have no issues doing so.

  • I would have no problem with a girl to ask me to get tested.
    I never been sexually active with a girl cause just never happened
    plus i got old fashion morals that i live by so i want make sure
    I'm in a committed relationship before having sex with a girl but
    i have no problem with getting tested i believe everyone should
    practice safe sex by all means.

  • Sure, just ask him

  • Yea what they said

  • Getting tested is never a bad idea to bring up. Plus it could be used a platform if you ever decide toss out the condoms, it would just be a natural transition.

  • No absolutely not!! I get that you love him, but you gotta love yourself more. Imagine if you don't say anything and he infects you with something, or worse something that cannot be cured...

    Ask him

  • Sure, you can always ask. Seems fair in this situation.

  • He may get pissed a little but just explain to him that its important to you.

  • You love him after a month... im a psycho and that scares me 😂😂😂😂

  • Yes, There's nothing wrong with asking him, I mean you can never be too careful, If he gets annoyed or starts being a dick about it end the relationship, test yourself as well to see if you have anything cause you never know anyway this is an opinion I'm no expert but I feel this is good advice for this situation

  • Yeah

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