Is my boyfriend a pervert?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating this guy for a year and a half now and we've been living together for about a year. In the very beginning before we had agreed to be exclusive he slept with another "woman" (barley 21...He's 34) who happened to be a mutual co-worker of ours. Even though we weren't exclusive we had been intimate and agreed not to see anyone else. I didn't find out for four months and by this time things had become serious and I was very involved emotionally. I heard the rumors, but when I confronted him he got upset with me and said "why would you believe your friends over me? Why wouldn't you just tell them he loves me...He would never do that?" I felt guilty for buying into workplace rumors and stood up for him. When I eventually found out that the rumors were true I broke up with him telling him "guys like you are a dime a dozen and I deserve better" He followed me out of work, down the street, and into the parking garage crying and begging me to understand. I refused. He later showed up at my house telling me that he made a mistake and he wasn't sure where things were going with us and that he lied because he then knew how he really felt about me and didn't want to lose me. He said he was protecting my feelings...blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure why I decided to give this man a second chance, but I did. Fast forward to a few months later. I found out that he watches A LOT of p*rn! I know there are different views on this subject, but I have strong moral issues with it and find it unacceptable! Especially when he and I have a very healthy sex life! Pretty much everyday and sometimes twice a day! Anyway, I expressed my discontent and explained that it was the type of thing I considered a deal breaker. He said "I don't need to watch it, it's just been a part of my life from a young age and I never really thought it was a big deal" He promised to leave it alone and I decided to invest more time and emotion in our relationship. About six months ago he asked me to relocate to a different state with him and at the last minute (literally a week before) I said yes. It's been a difficult move to say the least, but that's a different story. I found more p*rn on his computer and he blamed it on my cats! Yep...CATS? Seriously? Most recently found it in his iphone and he blamed that on some guys at the golf course (guys being guys type thing he says). I'm tired of being lied to and I'm scared that this guy is either a pervert or a sex addict. Did I mention it was teen p*rn? My home is rented out now and I'm 5 hours away. My options are limited and I don't know what to do. He cries, begs me not to leave, tells me he's not that guy. I'm just tired of the lies! I don't want to act irrationally and make a decision I'll regret, but I also refuse to compromise my values and integrity for this man. Is this guy trouble? Should I run for the hills so to speak? HELP.

[loli567]

Mine was the same. There's hope but also a lot of heartbreak. He probably IS addicted to porn. Mine was and always will be because it's an addiction, and like every addict, he will lie about it, but it is his decision to admit he has a problem, with lying and the sex/porn. I gave mine an ultimatum and told it's either get psychological help for it or I was out. I found dating websites at the beginning and that he kept communicating and flirting with women he had been sexually involved before meeting me, getting to a point where he almost agreed to a sexual encounter with one of them but I found out on time, he also had the porn issue. All of that is just a sex addiction. Mine didn't have much sexual experience so he was always desperate for sex, even if it was just online or the promise of it. He had to admit to A LOT of things and relinquish all his privacy. I have software on all the phones, tablets and PCs in my house, he cannot go about without checking in and he cannot have female friends. Is it ideal? No. But those are my conditions to feel safe around him and he does it because he loves me and wants to change. I'm not saying there aren't little relapses, but his will to change is bigger and he shows it everyday so that's why I stick around. So you have to weigh your options and like his psychologist said, find what works for both of you.

[Anonymous]

Teen porn means just legal like 18/19 a lot of guys watch that. My husband was addicted to porn when I met him. I didn't like him watching it but I didn't get all bent up over it, at first. He lied about that too. When it's an addiction people lie. It's not right but they need support to get unaddicted. You said he slept with some one y'all work with before y'all made it official? It's not right that he didn't tell you but he didn't cheat. It seems like he doesn't like regularly. Y'all have been together for over a year I think at this point you should try to help him with a porn addiction and forgive and forget the fact he slept with someone else when y'all just started screwing outside of a relationship.

[Anonymous]

I don't know if he's trouble, but he def has issues

[baseballbandfreak27]

The only decision that you will regret is if you stay with him, he constantly lies, to you and you have given up everything to be with him and I doubt he has given up much. If you have strong moral values against p*rn, then find a guy with the similar views there are guys out there, like that, and ask yourself are you unhappy, because if you are you need to take care of yourself, not him. Obviously he lies and he constantly lies because he thinks he can get away with it, call him on his bluff and leave him, don't listen to his false promises, don't head for the hills head for the mountains so you can lose this sorry excuse for a man

[Asker]

Thank you for your honest answer. I'm stressed to the point that I don't even feel like myself anymore. Hell, I've resorted to asking complete strangers for advice....lol!! When he's not lying and trolling the web for cyber skanks he's actually really great and I find myself justifying his actions and telling myself it's not a big deal. Yet every time I find that stuff I'm heartbroken. I feel stupid and betrayed and angry at myself. You're probably right about the false promises....sux. :-(

[Shanetti]

The best thing to do is watch the signs and don't dismiss it. We often ignore things about others and try to see them as perfect. I almost did that too. I was so naive. Going to the beach and constantly hearing perverted comments and writing them off as a joke, or on valentines day after I put together a lovely date.. "what about my.." He seemed wonderful at first but there were so many red flags that I ignored. After I broke off the relationship, I realized the whole picture. It was like a giant lie. I was manipulated lied to, and taken advantage of and there were other people the whole time. Listen to your gut. If you have the thought "Dear God, what have I gotten myself into?" Then its probably not a good place to be. Stay calm, you can get out of it.

[martyfellow]

I don't know if he's a pervert but definitely,he has issues to work out. Tell him to go away and report back after he's had therapy...