How do I get over his p*rn/playboy?
I already found out about it several months ago. It shocked and hurt me so much because in my head he was a total gentleman of a boyfriend who treated me with so much respect, called every night, bought me flowers, took the extra mile to make me smile, etc. So I found out and avoided him because I felt so uncomfortable. In my head it was like ew what a f*** creep! He sees these other naked girls then expects me to get in bed with him? Oh god noooo way!
So I didn't tell him and avoided him. I soon felt bad that he was hurt. However when I finally told him why, my anger revealed itself. I ended up telling him how degrading it felt, what if it was me, it's disgusting, etc. He insisted it was his brother who borrowed his laptop and I knew he was lying. Long story short, he said that he won't do it again if it hurt me so bad.
I took his word for it. I didn't believe him entirely and soon became okay with it even if he was looking at p*rn. We have been dating for about a year so some of my insecurities shut up for a while until now...
Every time I ask to say check my email on his laptop, he always has an excuse. Fine, I now have no problem with p*rn but there are the playboy magazines and (recently when I used his laptop)one of his most visited site is this site full of naked girls and videos that are updated every day. It p*sses me off. I can't help but think: What is it that I lack? What is it that he needs from these skanks that I don't provide?
I talked to some of my friends and they keep telling me to stop obsessing and that it's normal. I mean if it's so normal, why am I so torn inside? I really want to know that my boyfriend loves me the way I love him but this stupid junk keeps getting in the way. He's kind of confused now that I push him away. I don't want to tell him that it's the magazines and that stupid site that makes me so freaking uncomfortable. I mean I feel that if he wants naked chicks, he better pick and that I don't want anything to do with it. I mean, I don't do that to him because in my eyes, he's the hottest guy to me inside out. I saw that he gets self-conscious on the beach especially around some guys who were playing soccer shirtless. I didn't look twice at them. I've tried playgirl and it just hurts me twice as much because I could not do that to him! He'd be so upset if he found a magazine full of naked hunks near my pillow. I mean don't guys think of that? Besides, I don't WANT to look at any other guy no matter how "big" they are or how built. Honestly, they really don't compare to my guy. It bothers me.
How do I get over it? I really want to be a good girlfriend for him but this stuff just gets me so mad! If it's jealousy, how do I get over it? Is there a way that you've tried that works?
I found this a little helpful months ago but the playboy thing just gets me sad...still.
link
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