How do I get over his p*rn/playboy?

I love my boyfriend if it wasn't for that...sad?

I already found out about it several months ago. It shocked and hurt me so much because in my head he was a total gentleman of a boyfriend who treated me with so much respect, called every night, bought me flowers, took the extra mile to make me smile, etc. So I found out and avoided him because I felt so uncomfortable. In my head it was like ew what a f*** creep! He sees these other naked girls then expects me to get in bed with him? Oh god noooo way!

So I didn't tell him and avoided him. I soon felt bad that he was hurt. However when I finally told him why, my anger revealed itself. I ended up telling him how degrading it felt, what if it was me, it's disgusting, etc. He insisted it was his brother who borrowed his laptop and I knew he was lying. Long story short, he said that he won't do it again if it hurt me so bad.

I took his word for it. I didn't believe him entirely and soon became okay with it even if he was looking at p*rn. We have been dating for about a year so some of my insecurities shut up for a while until now...

Every time I ask to say check my email on his laptop, he always has an excuse. Fine, I now have no problem with p*rn but there are the playboy magazines and (recently when I used his laptop)one of his most visited site is this site full of naked girls and videos that are updated every day. It p*sses me off. I can't help but think: What is it that I lack? What is it that he needs from these skanks that I don't provide?

I talked to some of my friends and they keep telling me to stop obsessing and that it's normal. I mean if it's so normal, why am I so torn inside? I really want to know that my boyfriend loves me the way I love him but this stupid junk keeps getting in the way. He's kind of confused now that I push him away. I don't want to tell him that it's the magazines and that stupid site that makes me so freaking uncomfortable. I mean I feel that if he wants naked chicks, he better pick and that I don't want anything to do with it. I mean, I don't do that to him because in my eyes, he's the hottest guy to me inside out. I saw that he gets self-conscious on the beach especially around some guys who were playing soccer shirtless. I didn't look twice at them. I've tried playgirl and it just hurts me twice as much because I could not do that to him! He'd be so upset if he found a magazine full of naked hunks near my pillow. I mean don't guys think of that? Besides, I don't WANT to look at any other guy no matter how "big" they are or how built. Honestly, they really don't compare to my guy. It bothers me.

How do I get over it? I really want to be a good girlfriend for him but this stuff just gets me so mad! If it's jealousy, how do I get over it? Is there a way that you've tried that works?

I found this a little helpful months ago but the playboy thing just gets me sad...still.

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Updates:
+1 y
I know I've said a lot above(I think I was just venting). So here is some clarity. I know that it is normal for him to masturbate at least once a day. *How* do I fully accept it and love him? Are there any possible steps to take?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • you obviously took the time to write this all out and are very concerned, so I'm going to take the time to give you an honest and thought out answer.

    knowing that your guy is looking at that stuff can definitely be shocking, but there is no reason for it to bother you like this.

    your friends are right, it's TOTALLY normal. not just normal, if anything, it's expected. all guys look at p*rn, even the ones who are nice and sweet and caring and yes, even the ones who have girlfriends.

    actually, it's not out of the ordinary for a guy with a girlfriend (or even a married guy, for that matter) to look at p*rn for a very important reason. the girls that you see in p*rn flicks, pictures, magazines...they're not represented as women, they're represented as objects. you can watch guys do things to these girls in p*rn because they're shown to be these penis-craving, overly sexualized sex objects that only care about one thing. they'll do anything, try anything, wear anything (or nothing) at the drop of a hat. the characters they play are not deserving of respect, and therefore you can play out your fantasies on them with no remorse, and watch things being done to them that you would NEVER do to your own girlfriend. even in the simplest terms...for example:

    watching a girl swallow a guy's spunk after he finishes can be hot for him. the girl in the p*rn enjoys it, actually, she NEEDS it...her whole existence seems to revolve around his jizz. but what's interesting is that a lot of times, when guys are done masturbating, they can look at it with a clear head and wonder "why does this even turn me on?" guys know its degrading, and so it may be hot for them in the p*rn, but what's important to realize is that he could never do that to YOU. he respects you too much.

    there are certain things you just can't do to your girlfriend or your wife. because people who hold those titles deserve a little more respect than to be viewed as merely a sexual object. he gets more from being with you, and you should be happy and proud of that :)

    hope that helps!

  • 1)Porn is made for entertainment,as a tool for masturbation.Guys use it to turn them on,to masturbate.

    2)You can have sex with him 20x a day,he will still want to masturbate.Masturbation is healthy and normal.

    3)Playboy?I thought that was on old guys thing!People are really into that?Mmm,I thought only 60 year old guys read that lol.

    4)you're a girl,he's a guy.Girls are emotional and can go without "looking" at other guys,guys are going to look.Porn isn't about looking,not finding you attractive or you not being good enough.

    5)Many women make the mistake of making a guy feel embarrassed,guilty and ashamed when confronting them about p*rn...if you do that,he will lie about it just to avoid further negative emotions.

    6)As a female who watches p*rn regularly,I can tell you,girl to girl,I'm promising you this,YOU HAVE NO REASON TO BE JEALOUS.Honestly.I promise.I watch p*rn everyday,particularly gonzo/hardcore,so if anything,I should be completely insecure about myself,but I'm not.Many of those girls are...not attractive,just being honest.Very few of them...alot of them,i don't know how much they pay for the labiaplasty,the boob jobs and who the f*ck does their make-up...but they look a damn hot mess.In my opinion.I personally watch it because I need auditory and visual stimulation.

    It's not about "needing to look" it isn't about your sex life or whatever,it's just a tool for masturbation

    • Playboy....lol no it's true. You bring up a lot of good points. It's not the p*rn but the naked chicks sites, where they're actually good looking. That's what gets me turned off around my guy sometimes and I hate myself for it.

    • Oh...are those the paid sites?Cause Those tend to be the typical blond bimbo,pound of make-up fake everything p*rn stars...yea,I don't look at that cause...well I can't pay heehee. Honestly,for me...there's a higher chance I will get jealous of a random good looking chick on the street than a p*rn star.Those women go through hell to look like that.Plus,it's all fantasy.He wouldn't be with you if he didn't think you were good looking.

  • Ok first off watching and looking at p*rn isn't bad at all and its completely natural to do it. He's not comparing you to the women on the screen on paper. If your in a loving relationship it should all be good. I think that your just really insecure about yourself and perhaps even your relationship. You should talk to your boyfriend about him looking at p*rn and tell him you don't like it and ask why it is that he does it because your always there for him (;

    You really shouldn't be jealous about it.

    • I talked about it before and I'm afraid to bring it up again because it seems to embarrass him too. But you're totally right....I think that's what makes me so upset on and off. Thank you!

    • Well if you want to get over this your going to have to talk to him about it again and just really explain it to him again that your uncomfortable with with doing it. Also if he doesn't want to stop, at least just delete the history of it from his computer and not have any tapes or pictures where your everrrr going to see them unless there of you of course lol.

Most Helpful Guys

  • You have to understand that men live in fantasy! Its not like he doesn't love you or you are not perfect. Lets assume that with p*rn comes masturbation, and I will assume he also does that. Men just need some time to let their minds run crazy, alone, with their penis in their hand... It's just time for us to look at girls without pressure of having to actually have sex, having to please the women. Its a condom less way to relax and please yourself. Men think about sex, and desire sex much more then women, p*rn is a way for him to put his thoughts of sex at ease without disrupting you.

    If you don't let him explore his mind with p*rn, he may just cheat and move on. You can't honestly assume that you are the only attractive women in the world to him. He is attracted to all kinds of other women, and he enjoys looking at him... But HE'S In LOVE WITH YOU!

    Please don't get mad at him, it hurts me to hear that you wish him to never do this again, its an innocent act.

    I look at p*rn but NEVER would trade my girlfriend for it, simply because it isn't real.

    Best of luck,

    --Matt

    • This is a really honest answer and I appreciate it so much! Thank you Matt! I guess I need to see his view on it more.

    • Yea. couldn't put it in better words myself. It's kinda like him telling you "i never wanna see you put make up on again! you are beautiful just the way you are!!!" (assuming you put on make up, especially if your not lying about your age). To you, make up is just second nature whether it be light make up (like only eyeliner and possibly mascara) or the whole nine yards. But to him, it could seem something that is so wrong.

    • But anyways, bottom line is we love booty and titties, but that booty and titties that our girlfriends got will always have a lot more value than of any other girls' out there.There's a reason a guy views his girlfriend as special...

  • Your a girl, he's a guy. Believe or not, there are MAJOR differences in regards at what turns either one on. Girls don't feel anything by seeing a picture of a nude male, at least most of them. But anyway, you should't take it so personal, it's more normal than you think, for him it's probably not a big deal I mean, he doesn't want to know the sluts he sees, he doesn't want to have anything to do with them, they just call his attention because of a basic need and we males, are very basic at our instincs. For him, watching p*rn is probably as meaningless as grabbing a sandwish to eat because he felt hungry. It's obviously not right, and it's understandable that you feel bad, but it is mostly because you're looking at it the wrong way, he probably loves you and wants to be with you and you're the only one he wants to be intimate with, he's not involved personally with his p*rn. If you feel so bad, it's probably because of your own insecurities.

    • Do you know how I can look at it "the right way"? I love him and know it enough that it is my insecurities that are possibly doing this. I really wanna change for him cause I feel bad enough pushing him away now.

    • You have to understand that he loves you and cares about you, and if he looks at p*rn is not because he doesn't like you or because he doesn't think you satisfy him enough, it is because it's just a way for men to relax and forget about everything, it has nothing to do with you, you're the one he loves and has an intimate relationship, so you shouldn't feel insecure about yourself. Just try to forget about it, it's normal, and understand that he wants to be with you.

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What Girls & Guys Said

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  • Porn is simply p*rn. There's really nothing to it other than it gives you something to look at while you masturbate.

    My dad gave me the same crap when I found his playboys all over the house (I had friends over and it was really awkward) and his p*rno dvds, "I read Playboy for the articles and a man HAS to look at p*rn, I'm 60 years old and I'm alone, what do you expect?"

    He wouldn't be together with you if Porn and Dirty Mags were so important to him. Yes, I'm sure his right or left hand takes care of him along with the bunnies, but that's all they are.

    Something for him to jack off to.

    A fantasy.

    You. You're reality. Reality beats Fantasy.

  • Don't ask, don't tell.

    He was the perfect boyfriend before you found about about his p*rn, so just make-believe you never found it. You'll have to work together on this; he'll have to be discreet enough to maintain the fantasy, while you'll have to be restrained enough not to have a snooping fit that breaks the illusion.

    There are, perhaps, some important questions to ask about why you need such authority over your man's fantasy life, but there's no need to ask them here.

  • He has needs that you aren't taking care of. You have needs that you take care of yourself, your sex toy, pillow, hairbush etc... You might feel threatened by the p*rn because you can't compete with it and you want to control him, chances are you will be hard pressed to find someone who doesn't use it like it would be really hard to find a girl who doenst bate. You are being precious grow up and deal with it.

    • You seem to assume a lot huh?