Committed guys and 'other' women?

[Anonymous]

my boyfriend said he doesn't WANT to look at other women at all, but it subconsciously happens sometimes, & as soon as he realizes if he does it,he looks away & thinks- "I don't need to be looking at that" & doesn't look back or think about her at all he said he doesn't need to be told not to look at other women, because HE HIMSELF feels like it's disrespectful to check out other girls when he already has one because looking is to find potential mates, & he has me & doesn't want anyone else, so no reason to look. he said there's 2kinds of sex: 1:sex w-out feelings, 2:sex WITH feelings...& for him, sex WITH feelings means he doesn't want to have think about sex w-anyone else. he said watching p*rn is imagining sex w-the girl in the video, so he wouldn't do that when he's w-someone he cares about & sex w-me is sex WITH FEELINGS. sooo...given all that info, why the hell would or COULD he say if I was okay w-it, he'd prob go to a strip club!? It's purely there for sexual reasons... which would have to mean that I'm not fulfilling his sexual desires. :( (although he's told me I've given him the best sexual experience of his life before) Plus, the 1st lap dance I ever gave him, he asked me to swear I'd never been a stripper because I was just as good as any girl in a strip club he'd ever seen. He asked me TWICE if I swore I hadn't done it! So I know he thinks I'm great at it - plus every time I've given him one he's instantly hard, so why the hell would he ever go to someone else!? He'd actually PAY some stranger to rub up against him instead of have me do it? He told me that I gave the best lap dance he's ever had & because I'm his girlfriend that made it so much hotter plus he gets to have sex w-me after. Doesn't that kinda say 'their' lap dances would be better too if he could also have sex w-'them' after? How is that not imagining sex w-another girl? it's already foreplay to an extreme! But yet he says he doesn't have a "want" to go, just that he would prob go if a friend asked him or something, but it wouldn't be his own idea? Why would he have brought it up in the first place? Supposedly none of his friends even go! The only one that did, he doesn't really even talk to anymore. Then he says he doesn't even know if he'd like it if he did go or not, & he might be sitting there & think "what the hell am I doing here when I have my girlfriend at home?" How can he not already know if he would or wouldn't feel that way? I guess he doesn't love me... because I could never ever go to a strip club & look at other men like that or especially let other guys rub against me! To me, that's cheating... it's all foreplay; just because the actual insertion of a penis doesn't take place, doesn't mean it isn't still sex. It's a huge part of sex... & is purely nothing but sexual. How can any man be okay w-ven the 'thought' of that if he really truly cares about his gf? How can any guy not just 'know' he would never do that even if his girlfriend didn't care? Is this something that will change over time?

[Anonymous]

Sorry ladies, but most men do not see it that way. Cheating is when you do the deed. Anything else is just a fantasy or an experience. Stop trying to make us into more than we can be. I certainly cannot stop myself from noticing other women and fantasizing about them. If you were smart you would join in and pretend like it is OK. That way you will get the truth. You probably cannot handle the truth, and if that is the case than you should accept that guys do what guys do and do not press the issue. You want your man to be you dog, well than you should go down to the little whimpy man factory and find some spineless guy that you can p**** whip into submission. I know I lived that life for a while and I was miserable. I told my wife she has no right to tell me who I can look at or what I can think. She backed off and we have been much happier, and I basically stopped lying to her. Any way, don't be so insecure. Take care of your man and he will not leave you to fool around. let him go to the strip club and give him something good when he comes home. Something way more exciting than any stripper could give him. That is what I wish for at least.

[Confused614]

Not in to the whole strip club thing. But in my mind is completely acceptable for a guy or girl to go to one. You seem extremely insecure. Throw what your boyfriend said out the window what he says and what is in his head are to different things. On top of that it is natural to check out women and natural for women to check out men. No matter how committed you are it is a part of life. If he wanted to cheat or anything like that he would do it regardless of you stressing and breathing down his neck about it. If it is going to happen it will you being insecure will only make it worse and push him away.

It's like getting mad because the stripped gives him a lap dance and he gets hard who cares that is what a guys body does. What matters is what he chooses to do with it either let it die or cheat. Either way you have no control over it.

[Asker]

You are ignorant - so you think every girl that has a problem with strip clubs is "insecure". How juvenile of you. Many women DO consider strip clubs cheating. Even a sh*t ton of women consider p*rn cheating as well. Women don't want their men fantasizing about other women sexually. Noticing a girl is attractive in public is one thing - but specifically seeking out naked women to be turned on by is entirely different. He has me to have sex with - so looking elsewhere on purpose is pathetic!

[AllyAnaBell]

Okay, we are insecure when we think about it, but it is also disrespectful. If you are going out with a girl, and you are COMMITTED...the word committed is BIG here...you shouldn't be in a strip club getting a lap dance from another women.....wouldn't you rather go home and get a lap dance from your girlfriend?

[moretolife]

Im not sure if I even want to touch this one...b/c every commenter has been attacked for stating their opinion, but here goes...I personally have some insecurities about myself (I can admit this) but a man going to a strip club commits no foul in my book. I even took my ex to a strip club once and we both enjoyed ourselves later that night...it all depends on your level of security of that man. If he says he loves you and only u, take that for what it is and run with it. To say no man should want to look at another woman if he is committed is senile and naive. What's wrong with a look, hell he might be saying to himself my girl way better than that...calm down sweetie and relax, you are putting way to much into this strip club thing..and be careful with that because if you are so devoted to solving this puzzle, you neglecting something else...like your man

[AllyAnaBell]

Okay honestly, I know you've heard this before. But guys are going to do this...same with girls. I'm pretty sure you've fantasized about other guys, looked at other guys who are attractive...it really is just nature.

But on another note, I don't agree that guys who are in a committed relationship should go to a strip club...that is kind of disrespectful. If you are in a committed relationship, you have no business being there...because you are committed to a lady already. And the other thing I agree with you is the whole imagining other women during sex...then what the f*** is the whole point of them even having sex with you in the first place? Are we just there to be a vagina?

I know that sounds silly...but it makes perfect sense.

[blackorc]

guys ogling, talkking to attractive women wondering what they look like naked, watching p*rn from time to time strip clubs included, its genetic LIVE WITH IT, wats in their mind int in ours, so you better having him fantasizing than doing it, its a good thing he's telling you about wats in his head openly, so I say dnt make abig deal out of it as long as he's still there intimately

[Asker]

Cheating starts somewhere...& that somewhere is in your mind. It typically doesn't just spring up out of the blue. Visualizing and fantasizing about other women and thinking about having sex with them while watching p*rno is the 1st step toward actually doing something physically.Anyhow-my boyfriend doesn't do any of that because he respects me & that's all lthat matters. I realized I'm far luckier than most girls and have one of the BEST guys.Also, it's not genetic - mental cheating is a learned behavior.

[jackflynn7]

I don't presently go to them but have no issue with doing so. My sexual relationship is exclusive with my wife. If I were to go, it would be to enjoy the beauty of a naked woman who (presumably) takes care of herself and is conscious of her appearance and the gentle erotic lift of watching her dance.

[Asker]

But that is seriously foreplay... do you imagine having sex w-those girls? Would you get a lap dance? (from what I hear, they rub up against you to entice you to get one anyway which is how actual sex starts?) & if you're already being rubbed up on, and you are in the mood to have sex, & by chance she wants to do it in the backroom... would you go ahead & do that too? I'll bet you wouldn't be able to resist at that point. Why not have your wife dance for you instead? Isn't she sexy enough???

[justhat1chick]

A I just don't like that idea. but I agree with D

[Electricity]

Hi I thhink you should go somewhere else and don't be afraid of the men strip club , you might enjoy it a while , this guy is something I didn't seen people be very commited like he does so bear with him and try to be yourself.

[Asker]

I'm sorry, your comment must have some typos, because I can't understand what you are saying. Could you reword that for me please?

[BoobMan]

Here's a fun experiment for you: Try NOT to think of a white bear. What did you JUST think of? A white bear? Bingo. The more stress you and your boyfriend put on him not even LOOKING or THINKING about another girl, the worse it's going to be. It's called unrealistic expectations and it takes a major toll on a lot of relationships. The cure is having more realistic expectations.