My insecurity about my small breasts ruined my relationship. Words of comfort?

[deerayy]

OK, so I just recently went through a breakup with my first serious boyfriend(also my first boyfriend period). We had a very good thing going until one day while we were fooling around for one of the very first times he mentioned that he was a boob man. I am an A-cup, so this made me very self conscious. I let him know this and he simply brushed it off and said it's not all about a girl's boons. However, it began to bother me even more when he asked me what cup size I was. I told him I was an A,and he could only reply by saying "oh". After that it got worse and every time it came up he would give me what seemed like backhanded compliments, such as "you have enough" or "they're sufficient", which made me feel like the bare minimum. So one day, I flat out asked him if he could change anything about me what would it be (I know now that this was a bad choice). He replied not by saying he wouldn't change anything, but that he didn't want to answer. He finally stated "well, I DID tell you that I was a boob man. There, are you happy?" This stung the most, and it shattered my confidence. I soon found myself crying in front of him on a couple of occasions, saying how I felt inadequate for him, and all he could do was watch silently and say "well just don't think like that". In one particular incident, I became quiet when the subject of breast size came up when we were with a group of his friends, and he got mad and pulled away from me. Mind you, I never became jealous or accused him of anything, even when he began to engage in low key flirting with his friend Karen,who is much bustier than I, right in front of me. I started seeing a therapist and apologized to him for my behavior, and let him know I was getting help, but by then it was too late. We talked on the phone that night and he ended up crying and telling me that he didn't know if he loved me anymore, that he didn't know what love was, and that he just couldn't handle a relationship. So, I let him go and a few weeks later I got word that he asked out his friend Karen already. Needless to say, we don't talk anymore. I've forgiven him for bailing but I haven't forgiven myself for letting my insecurity take over me like that. He was smitten with me, and always talked about our future plans, how much he loved me with all his heart, and how committed he was to me. And so now I guess I feel like I drove him into the arms of that other girl, because not only did she have what he wanted physically, she had confidence. And now I beat myself up constantly about it.

[missymoo]

I have big boobs and I can tell you they are not what there cracked up to be. I always look at girls with little boobs and am really jealous because they can wear all these low cut shirts and still look classy, they look thinner and they have better posture because their boobs aren't weighing them down. I can't wear t shirts that are high in the chest because they squash my boobs and make them look saggy :/. I'm 18, my postman is like 60 whenever he delivers a package he blatantly stares at my boobs in the creepiest way ever that I have honestly felt so uncomfortable, now I make my mum go to the door when its him. All the big brested girls are automatically seen as a bimbo's. All the nice lingerie comes in the small sizes, so you can buy the beautiful lacey bra, and us big boobed girls get stuck with the support bra's, I once had an ex comment on my bra saying it looked like something a granny would wear lol . Your still going to have a smokin hot body when your older, where as that Karen chicks boobs will be down to her knees (its a very depressing thought for me). Just embrce your other features, work out and get a really toned bum, and you will attract a heap of bum guys. You gotta work with what you have don't let one person make you think your not good enough. Plenty of guys will want you whether you have boobs or not, just don't let it affect you, do you honestly want to attract people because of your personality or your rack?

[jusrgirl5727]

Everything happens for a reason. Just that. You feel hurt now, but this will be a good learning experience for you, it may encourage you to develop more confidence in yourself, and you will most likely than not find a guy who cherishes small breasts.

I am small too. My ex also was a boob guy. We didn't break up over it, but I've been in your situation so I know how it feels. He constantly got tired because he didn't see anything wrong with the situation. That's the difference with guys: for them, breast size bears no reflection of how they feel about you. It's not personal for them. It's difficult to grasp. it was very difficult to grasp for me too. But even though I had small breasts, he was dating me, so ultimately, it' must've meant my breasts were good in his eyes. For every rule there's an exception, you know. He generally liked big breasts. I had small. I was the exception to the rule.

Just hang in there, this will pass. I congratulate you for dealing with it in quite a mature way. You will find your perfect guy eventually :)

[plight]

Deeray, if he truly loved you the size of your boobs wouldn't have mattered to him. Yes, they are part of your physical appearance, but I doubt very seriously they can have a 5 hour conversation with him. If boobs were such a big deal he would have never been with you in the first place. He obviously was not blind and knew how your body looked before he got into the relationship with you, so it was not your boobs that sent him running. That was just a lame excuse to breakup. When you showed the smallest insecurity in your appearance he couldn't handle it, so he bailed. This just shows he's either not able or not willing to support you when you can't support yourself emotionally. From what you tell me he really doesn't know how to give encouragement, or just doesn't care too. Either way, I think you are better off not being with a person that can't help you stand when the wind blows hardest. I'm not saying he's not the one for you. He's just not the one right now.

get my ex back

[l-hedoniste]

It wasn't your boobs. It was never your boobs. He said it a million times until you bullied him into saying otherwise.

Be honest with yourself. If you had big boobs and the same raging insecurity, would this relationship have survived? Of course not; it would have been a different nagging fit, with the same end result.

Your shrink has told you this already, I'm sure, but it bears repeating: as long as you make your partners responsible for your insecurity, you will destroy your relationships. It is unfair and unwise to depend on our partners for coping skills we refuse to learn.

Your work is before you. Good luck.

[deerayy]

I recognize that now, and that is why as I said before I don't blame him for leaving. But that was not my question. My request was for advice on dealing with the regret I am currently dealing with.

[l-hedoniste]

Learn from this experience, get a new relationship, get it right. Do that, and all regret will be gone, I promise.

[drummerdude27]

why should you feel inadiquit about having a cup boobs? and who should make you feel that way? if you let it go and make the best of what god gave you, you will live a much happier life. you have boobs and that's what matters how big or small doesn't really matter because naturally. you can't change that (there is plastic surgery, I know but that is expensive and not really needed) if the guy wasn't willing to fully accept your short comings or look past them, he wasn't right for you anyway. feel better and hope this helps

[ManAmongBoys]

He's an ass. Period.

As a boob man myself (and married to a B cup), my personal feeling is that as a boob man, I like boobs. Big boobs or tiny t*ts - any breast is a good breast. I like 'em, hence I'm a boob man.

(Now, to be fair, I'm also an ass man, a leg man, and a foot man.)

My personal bet is that he wanted to end your relationship and he believed that making you feel this way was the easiest (though definitely not the nicest) way out.

[hayjbird]

if he really left you because of your ("breast size XD") then he's a d*** it doesent matter how small or big anything is if tht stupid guy dumped you for tht thts just sad move on trut me things will get better

[Anonymous]

Do you really want a guy who is only interested in your size of your breasts. Find someone who likes you as you are...