Sexual Health
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When your boyfriend goes to a strip club, what do you do? Ladies?

OKAY. Honestly, I HATE that he goes but I don't want to tell him stuff that it's immoral and hold him to my opinion when his guys urge him to go with them. I have told him that it makes me uncomfortable and promised to work on that because I love him. He doesn't deserve an insecure girlfriend. No one does! So after our talks, and now that he goes, what do I do now? It's a Sun night of a long weekend. I have to stay home and study (I'm in grad school). He and his buddies are out. Strip club it is cause they really don't do much else after the bar. I've tried going with him and almost cried later on after what I saw. I told him. He felt guilty so I quickly brushed the tears and said it's okay. I know it's just me. I gotta work on it! I can't think of anything that I do that gets him concerned like this. This issue is making it hard to concentrate and get my work done. Wtf? So, what is the right thing to do?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • Maybe a little bit too late but better late then never I guess lol.

    Well I was reading your question and I saw that you said no one deserves an insecure girlfriend, but no one deserves a boyfriend who is aware that you are not happy with this and your upset about it and he still goes! It is normal for a girlfriend to be upset when her boyfriend goes to a strip club because if he was totally happy with you then why would he need to go and see other women get naked. Brings out all kinds of insecurities and emotions which I think most men will never understand.Not all.

    Next time if he goes and you are upset, don´t just brush it off because he is guilty, he is guilty for a reason and he knows it. Tell him exactly how you feel and what it does to you.

    Then he will truly see how it effects you and then he is in control and if he is really in to you he will stop going.

    My boyfriend I have at the moment, I know he goes to strip clubs and houses etc but he never tells me. I think I know why he does not because he knows I will not be best pleased. But I spoke to him about it and I let him know I was aware of this.I have reached the point where I am so angry and hurt that he feels the need to go to place where girls show everything and he pays for it! Possibly even having sex. I think to myself am I not good enough or why does he do this if he really loved me and it really is getting to the point where I am thinking of leaving him, not just because of this but other factors as well.He used to go to them before I met him and he told me this and he said to me he has no need to go because he has me but then I found out and it broke all my trust for him.

    It is affecting your work and is making you upset all the time which is not good for you!

    But do not blame yourself, it really really hurts when you love someone and they seem to think it is OK when it really is not. Girls might say they don´t mind they´re man goes to these places but they are either in denial or they do not care and love the guy.

  • the bottom line is, he goes to the strip club with his friends occasionally for a fun time but at the end of the day he's with you and he doesn't question it. if he questioned it y'all wouldn't be together. from my experience when guys question relationships they walk and if you were REALLLY p*ssing your guy off about this he'd have walked already. clearly whatever you're going through he wants to work through with you. if he had a thing for strippers and seemed like he wanted to get with a stripper there'd be signs like criticizing your body, telling you you need to dress differently, asking you to do things differently, etc. if all you're worried about is him going to the club itself, he's coming home to you. whatever you saw, it wasn't enough to change how he felt about you. one of my friends used to be a stripper and my cousin's best friend used to be a stripper...what they did and how they worked, is beyond me, but BOTH of them will admit, each time they were paid it went to bills...they make these guys seem like they're interested and have a shot so they get more money. as soon as he puts that $20 in her g-string she's thinking, "that's going towards my electric bill." these girls that sit and talk with guys, they're charging them too, from my understanding. can you imagine how much a guy will spend JUST to have conversation? if you're worried about him cheating there's a serious problem that's bigger than the strip club.

  • i wouldn't like the idea of it either. but guess what, when he goes to the strip clubs - get your girls and go to a night club. wear a sexy dress and go out and party. don't sit at hom upset about what he's doing, go out and have fun yourself. if it's OK for him to do it then you should do it too. most likely he will probably get jealous but guess what, if its OK for him to go to strip clubs but he sees that you are upset by it then he should stop! if he doesn't then try and turn the tables on him. if he is going to see naked/topless women with his guys (at the very least) then there should be nothing wrong with you dressing sexy and dancing with your girls and around other guys. what's good for the goose is good for the gander

    • Funny you say this. I was thinking the same thing last night after I wrote this. I do love dancing and it really has been a long time I haven't gone because of classes, work, family(strict!), etc. You're totally right. Thanks girl!

    • 'Dressing sexy' should mean you're showing deep cleavage. He probably won't like you dressing such that guys can easily look down and see most of your boobs.

    • Okay and? he's going out, paying money to see women who are wearing little to nothing so he would be a hypocrite if he got mad at guys seeing some of her boobs. if he doesn't like her dressing like that then he should stay out of the strip clubs..RIGHT? dress sexy and wear that f-me dress!

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Most Helpful Guys

  • listen...he just wants to have fun with his friends. you are definitley being insecure. you haven't mentioned in this post about any other negative thing in your relationship. so...i assume its good otherwise. so why would you want to make a big deal about his buddies and him going to stare at something they could stare at on the television. its really not that big of a deal. those girls just want their money. they don't want the guys! you have nothing to worry about. what you need to do is know in your heart that you trust your boyfriend. you haven't mentioned what you were even concerned about. if its just that he's going to a strip club then you don't trust him around other women or when he's not with you. you seem to need to be in control. now listen...a lot of women are like this. its hard for them to accept things because they cannot control it. you have to relax. know that he loves you. and if need be, speak to him about it. if you cannot get over it and he refuses to try and come up with a solution...then evaluate your relationship

    • I do not agree that it's like tv, Real people naked in front of your face is nothing like watching a p*rn lol, give me a break! I do agree although that she needs to trust him, there will be more hoes at work trying to jump on his lap, if he's hot, than at the club, but unfortunately, I do not agree that he is madly in love. If he was he'd run home with some lube and lingere and tell her to strip and get kinky, there would be no Void To Fill with strippers. If it's just his boys egging him on,FOLLOWER

  • I had an ex give me flak for going to a strip club even though my buddies and I went regularly prior to dating her and I even have a lifetime membership card.

    You have to ask yourself what does he get out of it. For myself, we got cheap beer ($2 a bottle) and free food (buffet started at 5 PM) and got to hang out and catch up on stuff. The music was really loud which I hated because I had to shout to the person standing next to me. Though the naked women were nice, they weren't all that.

    I like thick women, the kind that establishments like that wouldn't want swinging on the pole. Drinking makes me less likely to be sexual and strippers don't turn me on. We went a week ago after a few months of being too busy to hang out and the free food is gone. Also the beer prices went up to $3. Time to find another place to hang out.

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What Girls & Guys Said

12 6

  • O[en the yellpow pages of your phone book and hire one to come to your house. It's like 100 plus tip and you and your girlfriends will have such a great time. You will definitely get more out of it then he will. :0 Because it's probably a very new experience for you he will not be happy hearing what men do do in those type of clubs. If you live in NY shoot me an email and I'll take you to some wild clubs for women. The next time he says he's going to see a stripper you'll be wishing him well and skipping out the door to your night on fun. Bring your girlfriends and still wear that sexy dress.Hey if you're uncomfortable with something then he shouldn't do it. I don't like carrots I don't car ehow many times you dress it up I'm not eating it. You don;t have to swallow this too. You can learn to cope with it and be less sensitive but hey having emotions is normal. Now if you were to be screaming or slapping him that's not cool.

  • i don't like my man going either not that I'm insecure because I'm not but a lot of men think its OK to go to strip clubs becuase there not really doing nothing with them girls there just looking and at the end of the night they come home to you and not them strippers but it really is bad for a relationship for a man to go to strip clubs for a few reasons first of all if it hurts his girlfriends feelings he shouldn't go at all because he should put you before some stupid stripper . and secound JUST LOOKING is not all that inocent when men look at other women LIKE THAT it does put thoughts in there head and can lead to him cheating . sex is a very powerful thing .

    if you feel that upset about it you need to tell him and if he loves you he won't go no more . maybe he and his male friends can find something eles to do besides looking at naked girls for fun . if he don't understand how you feel then that's a problem

  • Its just one of those things.. Its not something I like either, I think that its so degrading but that's my personal opinion. If its just an occasional thing like once every couple of months or for a bday or something.. that's OK I guess.. you have to remember "boys will be boys" and they don't want to look controlled by their partners and told what they can and can not do because they will just rebel. If you have explained to him how you feel and its only occasional thing he does with his friends then just let it slide and once you finish your school go out and have some fun to and he should understand that you study and have strict parents. If he doesn't you don't need the stress. :)

  • i think bababooey said it very well, but with that I always wanted to add some girly advice:) if you absolutely cannot get comfortable with it and it goes against your morals and you can't accept this habit of his, maybe it's time to move on and find someone who does share your morals. if he goes to the strip clubs a lot and it's bothering you every time, it could just dwell inside you until it turns into a huge conflict, you know.

    also...a relationship shouldn't cause conflict with your grad work! you're paying a lot of money and working to make a better future for yourself. a relationship should help with that, not go against it!:) (just my personal opinion as a grad student too!)

    good luck...and you have good morals!:):)

  • The right thing to do?

    There is no right thing to do.

    What really stood out to me is the fact that you said he goes out with "the guys"

    Reason being is,you aren't the first girl to ask a question like this and you certainly won't be the last.Many girls have asked this before on here and one thing I can say,a majority of guys, of all ages have agreed upon,is if he's going with his buddies,you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about.More than likely,he's going there to drink,talk,get cheap food and relax and have "guy talk" with his buddies.

    If you trust him,you know he loves you and finds you attractive,then you have nothing to worry about.

    • "His buddies" also include the so-called gentlemen friends of his and two who bring their gfs everywhere. I don't have time to be that girlfriend cause I'm caught up in school. That 's why I'm asking for MY outlet. :-/

    • I still don't think you have anything to worry about:-) I say worry when he's going by himself,then I think there would be a problem And if they're bringing their girlfriends then there's nothing shady or wrong going on.You don't have to be the girlfriend that is there next to him all of the time.Give yourself a break and him a break.

    • Totally agree. Thank you!

  • I talked to my hubby(then bf) early on how I felt about him going to strip clubs and whatnot, and how I was totally NOT okay with it. And he actually sided with me. After telling him my views on the subject and how it made me feel if he were to go and do those things, he gladley put it in the past and gave them up for me. I can provide his every sexual need for him, and I do it damn well. So why does he need sexual stuff from elsewhere? He doesnt. Just got to have a guy that shares your views or at least respects them, or else the relationship will crumble.

    • The idea is really comforting. Hats off to you for the honesty! :) It's hard though. He's got friends who encourage him. I'm not going to tell him to stop hanging out with them or siding them. I mean I fell for him even when he had those friends from the start. They're part of him and I'm not willing to take that away. We have a very open communication and he trusts me a lot. I have to know when I should use that....like what is right to do for us vs. what makes me feel better? Help?

  • I go with my man, it turn me on, because I'm bi, but if your not, it would suck I suppose. Now if my man went alone... That's one step below the cheating line to me.

  • Get up on stage! That's what you SHOULD do.

    • I do that for him already. I give him a "study break" on the desk for fun ;)

  • I curious what happened at the strip club that caused you to cry? It wasn't you up there taking off her clothes picking up money off the floor as well as having it stuffed under her garter belt. It's well known that many women strip because there's big money in it and are doing it to support their family. They need the money, especially during this imposed Obamic Socialistic economy.

    • It was just him being so fixed on the stripped. For some reason that fixation felt so special when he gave it to me. I think I was also uncomfortable. LOL to the last part of the answer.

    • No matter how much a guy loves a girl, there's always going to be another girl that catches his eye for a moment. It must also be such for a girl. Some guy will always catch her eye for a moment. Call it 'visual cheating' but at night you're the one he's sleeping with not her.

  • You don't really need help anymore, so I won't offer it, but I have to tell you like, I think its really cool that your not imposing your morals on him. My girlfriend's like that with drugs. Like, I take them but because of her past, she hates them a lot, but she doesn't think she has a right to tell me to stop, you know? So I just don't do it around her, and do it a bit less, as a compromise. ^^

    Annyway, well done, lol. It sounds like you two have a good relationship by the way ^^

    • I don't mind hearing real people's thoughts. That's why I put the question up. Really appreciate it! :)

  • The right thing to do is not worry about it. Guys are visual being and the female body is a work of art, if well taken care of. Maybe you should check out a male strip club someday, just to see how he feels about you going.

    • On the contrary she may cause to worry. Some, if not many, strip clubs have 'vip' rooms where, for the discrete client, he gets far more than a hands-off experience (if you know what I mean) with the girl.

    • I know very well that most strip clubs have VIP rooms, but since he is being truthful about where he is going and is going with the guys, I don't think she should worry about it. If he was going behind her back or by himself there might be a reason to worry. If a guy is going to cheat, he's going to cheat. Strippers is not. BTW most strippers will put out for the right kind of money.

  • does he really go that often

  • HE SHOULDNT BE GOING TO A STRIP CLUB HES GOT YOU , STRIPPERS ARE THERE TO SEDUCE THE MAN WHAT THOOUGHTS DO YOU THINK ARE GOING TO BE GOING THREW HIS HEAD ID LEAVE MY BOYFREIND IF HE DID THAT. YOU GO TO A MALE STRIP CLUB SEE WHAT YOUR BOYFREIND SAYS THEN

  • if I were in your shoes, ill go hang out with my lady friends. the idea of him going to a strip club wouldn't go away but at least I'm not home alone going crazy :).

  • Um I went to my first strip club last night What I got from the experience was basically a normal bar with girls dancing naked on stage and the women don't touch the guys so I'm not gonna go to another one unless someone else is buying I mean the drinks are overpriced but hey that's the trade off of seeing a woman walk around topless. But hell I don't get why guys that have girlfriends go to strip clubs or watch p*rn I mean it's not cheating but I wanna bodily shake those guys and say"Dude you got a female willing to F*** you you don't have to jack off anymore so you don't need p*rn. I mean c'mon if you strip for him there's a good chance of him getting p**** or at least his d*** grinded on and he cums in his pants at the very least but at a strip club that isn't gonna happen I mean they are nice girls and all that but you ain't gonna get none at the strip club.

  • That is so not ok! Why are you letting him do that? Your not insecure, society says it's OK for guys to be pervs and it's sickening! Tell him how you feel and stand firm. If you don't discuss your morals with him your basically living a lie because your morals are the way you are and the way you think and feel about things and if you don't have the same set of morals maybe it's time to find someone that will respect you. =] good luck and best wishes

    • You should have put this in bold letters.

  • honestly, the other day I was giving a guy a lapdance and his girlfriend called in the middle of it. at the end, after telling me how gorgeous and amazing I was for fifteen minutes, he said his girlfriend and him are in love and nothing could ever come between them, he'd even told her he was going that night! so if its a trusting relationship, and he's telling you he's there, don't stress!

  • In my opinion, if it's okay for him to do that then it's okay for you to do it too. If I were you I would get a male stripper for your birthday or a party or something. If he hates that idea then he should stop going to strip clubs, it works both ways. If he doesn't mind you having a stripper then I'd say do it and have fun, if he's allowed to, then you are too. Every time he goes to one I would wear something very sexy and go out with my friends to a night club, it'll put your mind off it.

    If I ever found out my boyfriend was going to strip clubs I would hire a male stripper, I know my boyfriend would freak out about thinking of a naked man anywhere near me. That would be enough for him to stop going. My boyfriend is very protective over me and can be quite jealous, he would want to shoot the guy.

    • wouldnt an equal response be going to the strip club on ladys night when they have male strippers? its allot worse to hire a private stripper than it is to go to a nudy bar, that being said I wouldn't mind if my Girlfriend did either and no I don't frequent nude bars or bars at all for that matter.

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