Why does my boyfriend look at p*rn when I put out a LOT?

[Anonymous]

So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years, and I found out he looks at p*rn when I'm gone at work. I already have really low self esteem so this makes it even harder on me. I have sex with him ANY time he wants it, and I even come onto him. sometimes I don't FEEL like having sex because he IS to big for me and it hurts. But 9 out of 10 times, I do it anyways. I guess I'm just asking, if he is looking at girls online that I will NEVER look like, does this mean he is not satisfied with me? I just don't understand because he says he is but he looks at this sh*t online that is NOTHING like me, but says I'm EXACTLY what he wants? Is he bored with me? I told him to stop or move out, because I won't have someone who does stuff behind my back when they KNOW it hurts me...and he stopped.. but I'm scared he will still do it..

[ZenSpace]

OK there are 2 issues here. I can't tell you if your guy is bored with you, I'm not there I don't know.

But I can tell you that looking at p*rn is no indication of that one way or another. ALL guys like p*rn. Porn is a normal part of guys culture. Him liking p*rn has NOTHING to do with you, it is a separate issue.

Guys are wired differently than women. We just like p*rn. We like to watch people have sex, we like to escape reality for a little while and live in fantasy. And we like variaty, no matter how hot a girl is, no matter how much we like her, there always comes a point when we want to spice up our imagination with something new and different. Porn allows them to satisfy this urge that all men have, without having sex with other women.

You're not ever gonna find a guy who doesn't like p*rn. If he says he doesn't, he's lying. Breaking up with a guy for liking p*rn is like breaking up with a guy for having a penis. We all share that trait with him.

Cut out the ultimatitums and just tell him you respect his wishes. Tell him he never has to feel ashamed of his sexual desires around you and that he can tell you anything. Tell him you are SORRY you tried to make him stop watching p*rn. That what you really want is honesty.

The REAL problem is that he lied to you about watching it right? Try being more open minded and supportive, guys like that much better than the guilt trips.

Having said that I, I still can't say whether this relationship is salvageable or not, it sounds like there are other issues going on here too that run deeper than just him watching p*rn. It sounds like he doesn't trust you to still love him if he opens up to you and shows you his secrets. It sounds like he feels like you will caste judgement on him and try to lay guilt trips and manipulate his behavior and not accept him for who he is. It also sounds like you don't trust him, and it sounds like you do not consider yourself attractive and may have some body issues. On top of that, it sounds like you see sex as a chore that you do for him, and that you don't actually enjoy it.

...those are all just very vague guesses based on very little information. Maybe I am way off.

But don't try to make him stop watching p*rn, that's normal. All guys want to watch p*rn, the only ones who don't are people who are made to feel guilty about it by their upbringing or religion or whatever, but the urge is always there.

[Upperlower]

Well answered, if I ever get a girl with a problem with me watching p*rn I'm sending her to this comment lol

[ZenSpace]

Thx. :-)

[AnonymouslyKnown]

Listen, masturbation is something that all men do. No matter what situation he's in, no matter how good you look, he will do it. If a man had a harem of 500 beautiful women, all willing to sexually service him in anyway possible, he would still masturbate. It might not happen everyday, but it will happen.

Porn is a visual aid to help that masturbation along, that's all. He doesn't have any emotional attachment to that visual aid, it's literally just an image to get off to. The woman in it isn't real, he knows that. He understands that no p*rnstar really enjoys doing p*rn, and that it's for the cash.

(Just an FYI-For anyone that would argue with me, go and see an actual p*rn film shot. There's a reason you generally don't try to have sex like p*rn stars-because the positions they're in look good to FILM, but they're also generally extremely uncomfortable to be in for any length of time.)

Anyway, my point is-Don't feel threatened by him looking at p*rn. As far as he's concerned, the women in the videos/pictures aren't even women. They're just visual stimulation to get him off. You're the one he actually cares about.

[Asker]

It still makes me feel like sh*t :[ I don't know how to get over it. I hate it so much. I just told him it really hurts me, and he said he would stop because he sees how much it hurts. I just don't see it like that because I'm just as sexual as a guy, I want it all the time lol... but I don't look at naked men online.. I mean, hell I'm bisexual! but I still don't do it.

[DoctorSex]

Loool best answer this! The Doctor of Sex couldn't have said it better....Men Will Be Men and vice versa. Stop thiss hole 'me me me' thing you have going on. Its not about you. Masturbation and p*rn are both bigger than you lool I could bet my left arm that jayz still watchs p*rn from time to time.

[Asker]

But I don't care, if it upsets me and if he loves me he would care and stop, and he did. so I don't give a sh*t about all this f***ing "boys will be boys" sh*t. its time to grow up and be a man and stop acting like a kid going through puberty. we make our own p*rns together he doesn't need to look at other women, I just asked him what stuff he wants me to do more and what stuff he would like to try. and its worked.

[AnonymouslyKnown]

He didn't stop, you just haven't caught him yet. As to "boys will be boys", yes it's true we will. Men and women are built differently. Men produce on average 10x the testosterone that women do, which funnily enough-is the chemical in both sexes that creates the urge to procreate. Simply put, your essentially saying that he (or perhaps in the context of your comment all men) should grow out of being male. It's not going to happen, you're fooling yourself.

[Asker]

Lol if you say so. he isn't like you then. he saw how much it hurt me and it hurt him. he doesn't even use the computer when I'm done, I have checked everything. I know when he's lying and when he's not, and he is not lying this time. before he didn't understand how bad it hurt me, but after the talk we had, he understands now, because of my past, and he respects that. THAT'S a real man. :)

[AnonymouslyKnown]

Whatever you say.

[Asker]

Yea, you're right. :) Whatever I say because I know my boyfriend more than someone over the internet does. You're totally right. :) I felt nervous about it when I made this post, but we have had a talk since then, because he brought it up and asked me about why it made me feel the way I do, and since I told him that part of my past he didn't know about, it is VERY clear why it upsets me and he is a respectful man, so he understands.

[pinkxcutt]

hunny, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Even tho you may never look like those slutty girls online, does not mean that he doesn't find you beautiful. If he didn't think that you were the hottest sweetest sh*t in town, he wouldn't be with you. All guys look at p*rn. It's not because they don't like the person they are with, it could be because 1. they don't have anything else to do...they're bored 2. They like to switch things up 3. I don't know a third reason, but don't let this bother you, it's natural, and it's healthy for guys to masterbate. Think would you rather him be turned on by p*rn? or come home to him f***ing a dude in your bed? At least he's attracted to someone similar to you, and not other dudes. Fyi, I'm not trashing the gay guys out there

[the_cheshire_cat]

i know exactly how you feel. When I had a boyfriend I felt the same way. I have realyl bad self esteem issues.

It's very sweet your guy is saying he will stop watching it for you.

Something you maaay want to consider, watch some yourself. There are different styles and genres of p*rn out there, some is.. 'somewhat' tasteful.

Maybe if you could find some that turns you on you could understand a little more why he may like to watch it. It may help you feel a little better about things. Because once you understand, you may not feel so bad. :)

[Asker]

Well for the most part I do understand I mean, sure seeing a naked chick could probably turn me on, but that makes me feel so worthless if I CANT turn him on myself. and the f***ed up part is I DO turn him on, why is he so obsessed with looking at girls that aren't me? haha... I don't know we have pretty much solved the problem, I'm just still really hurt because he lied to me for so long about it, so we still argue :/ I just wana let it go. thx for your kind words tho <3

[the_cheshire_cat]

It's not watched for the sake of who is in it my dear, so much as the scene OF it. The sounds, the situation. I mean in the end when you get right down to it, that's all p*rn is. It's fantasy... because really.. everyones crotch and stuff ends up looking the same after awhile... and all that's left is what I mentioned.

[katiesmuff]

Porn is watched by so many people guys and girls, single, engaged, married, boyfriend/girlfriend that I would not make too much out of your guy watching it. No matter what he is thinking while watching it while you are absent, he enjoys your warm wet pu**y much more than his hand! Just remember that!

[Asker]

Lol that at least made me laugh. but he said he would stop because he saw how much it hurt me because I have reeeally low self esteem and no matter how many people say "its just p*rn" in my eyes, its still another girl that he is thinking of and it breaks my heart. :/ but he swore it would stop, we're just gonna spice things up more in the bedroom and I'm going to keep him interested...

[DoctorSex]

Im with katie

[ZenSpace]

@question asker You are just not listening. Your obsession with making him stop watching p*rn is going to ruin this relationship. Eventually he will leave and it will be all your fault for being so obsessive and crazy. What you are asking is unreasonable. You keep saying you have low self-esteem as if that makes your behavior OK. Low self esteem is not an excuse, its a problem. DEVELOP some self esteem so you can deal with minor issues like this. or he will leave you, I guarantee it.

[Stfustfu]

@ZenSpace no he won't lol

[teuton]

Porn is a great way to learn new positions!

Women love it when we surprise or punish them with new positions!

Even better when women can show you which position they want to try !

If he still wants the relationship with you, take the leap, try p*rn w him.

[Cherrybooom]

Yeah, don't make too much of an issue out of it as said before.

Guys are just prone to taking care of themselves when they're horny.

[Anonymous]

False

[Anonymous]

you need to understand that him looking at p*rn has nothing to do with you.

we guys still jack off whether or not we have a girlfriend because she's not always going to be there 100% of the time (for example, you're at work, or maybe you're sleeping etc.) so we look at p*rn. doesn't at all mean that you can't satisfy him or that he wants the girls in p*rn and not you, we just need to get off.

you have low self esteem and you're finding things to blame in order to justify your problem. you need to stop that.

think of it this way...youre a girl so I bet when you're out guys hit on you. you might even flirt with them because it boosts your self esteem and makes you feel wanted...but I'm sure you're loyal to your boyfriend so youd never cheat on him with these guys. if your boyfriend had low self esteem, he'd think that he's "not good enough" and that's why you flirt with these guys "behind his back" when you're out. this is basically how you're coming across as when it comes to dealing with him looking at p*rn. there's nothing to worry about