Sexual Health
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Is a hand job considered cheating?

My husband and I was married in court a year and half ago, we are doing our church wedding next month. So last weekend, he went to his bachelor's party and two strippers was at their hotel room. Lap dances are okay for me but he confessed that he had a private time with the strippers. He asked for a hand job and he "finished", he paid the stripper some money for her "performance". I am so angry because in his eyes he does not consider that cheating and I do.
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+1 y
What should I do?
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Most Helpful Guys

  • there are a couple of things I noticed regarding your post. you guys are already married (meaning you love each other) and your going to have a church wedding soon (which means you are religious in nature). Lets break it down and help simplify things for you and other womens future struggles with this.

    what is the definition of cheating : its a breach of trust of honesty between 2 people. its not the sexual act at hand that caused you to be upset. its the fact that he did something that you would never of thought could of happened. however, you are already married, so that would be borderlined with adultry. however, since he did not (lay) as the bible would put it with this women he excludes himself from that particular act. what he did do was considered sexual imorality.

    There is something good in this though, lets look at that. He told you what happened... he didn't have to, but he did. That is a big step, that alone is part of even a knights oath (tell the truth, even if it leads to your death) and this could of been a ceremonial death (meaning marriage).

    Overall, there is one thing you must look at above all other things. Yes, he did something that would not be ok in your eyes and breached your trust in him. But his confession of the sinful act to you was his honesty and love for you through God. So now it is your turn... to forgive him. It is something that Paul the apostle requests... it is the way of Christianity and the way to God.

    Yes, other people have a great way of looking at it saying (he will do it again) or (how would he like it if you were fingered) and other things like that. But sitting here dwelling on the mistake in which he had made will not provide what is needed next in line for your soul as a christian.

    So, look at him, let him know what he did was wrong according to Gods word and love for his wife, ask him in honesty if he can please refrain from doing this act again, and then the final step... forgive him and let him know that since your God has forgiven you of your past sins that this is the lease you can do, is forgive him of what he has done in and during your marriage.

    Then, love him... and know that there will be a tomorrow, and it will not be with the past on your mind.

    <3

  • It depends on the understanding you have with your partner.

    For example, once my wife amd her close girlfriend were having drinks at my pool and after several drinks, they both became "flirty" and started rubbing tjeir hands on my chest and stomach. It started out as a "massage" but then my wife's friend moved her hands closer to my crotch, which caused a "bulge". They both saw it, and my wife's girlfriend looked at my wife as if to ask for permission. My wife then grabbed her hand and she started rotating her friends hamd over my privates. My wife them stretched out the front of my bathing suit, and placed her friend's hamd directly on my privates.

    They took turns masturbating me, and then her friend finally caused me to "finish", at which point they both laughed.

    We are all still friends and my wife considers her to be my friend "with limited benefits", not "all the way benefits".

    My wife has one other friend and I have another female friend who will give me hand jobs, and my wife is aware, of, all three. She knows I will not go any further.

    My wife was also omce in a hot tub with me and another couple. We were playing an adult game called "Truth or Dare", and one of the "dares" my wife had was to make a male friend reach orgasm without touching him. Well, next to the hot tub was a shower head, which she used in up/down motions while spraying toward his private area. She dis it for several minutes until iit happened.

    So again, it all depends on the mutual understanding. Don't do it unless and until the agreement is known.

Most Helpful Girls

  • that is cheating for me I think married men or even men in long reletionships getting lap dances is a form of cheating, think about it there is another women rubbing and grinding on your man she is touching him where ever even if its just his chest, she is putting her boobs in his face come on , if we were on the other end of that and a guy was doing it to us they would have a fit. I'm married 22 years I'm 40 married at 18 wasn't easy he wasn't easy but the one thing I thought I could count on was his honor and faithfulness , but I just found out that he had lapdances and he was in strip clubs way way more than I knew , he lied to me for 4 mouths but I felt it he looked me right in the eye and said he never got a dance he wouldn't do anything to hurt me or our marriage , I knew something wasn't right , he lied and lied , than finally amitted it, now I don't beleive anything he says I don't know what he did back than , and I'm having a hard time dealing with it, it changed the way I think of him so much . people say stop it , it was a long time ago I don't care he lied to my face...

  • I would suggest you sit down and tell him that him that it is cheating and that's it not acceptable. tell him that it would be like a guy fingering you; I'm pretty sure your man would be very angry, just like you are about that girl giving him a hand job. cheating is never okay and you need to make sure he knows that its not okay. then sit down and figure out what you want to do & remember that staying with him leaves the chance and probably that he'll do it again

  • I consider it cheating. Cheating, I believe, is anything that is beyond reasonable entertainment and crosses a distinct boundary of the other person. Aka... I consider any type of sexual touching cheating, kissing, etc... but I would not consider ginding on the dance floor cheating, I would be mad, but to me it's not cheating.

    Good luck, I went through/am going through something VERY similar and my heart aches for you.

    Lee85

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What Girls & Guys Said

8 5

  • I would consider this cheating as well. I'm sorry this happened to you.

    • I would sit him down and have a conversation on what he thinks is cheating and has he done it before. Honestly, if he didn't know that wasn't right this relationship may not be the one for you.

  • It was cheating.

    What you have to do is sit him down and talk to him. Say you do consider it cheating and will treat it as such! If he isn't going to listen to you and refuses to take your feelings into account tell him that he is really risking losing you! If he lets that happen, it is his fault and you deserve MUCH MUCH MUCH better!

  • that is right up there with getting a blow job and having sex. you're damn right it's cheating. you tell him you are not going to stand for it and explain to him what you feel is cheating and if he does any of those thing s you are going to leave him. if he does it again I hope you do leave because it's only going to get worse.

  • he's trying to use his dinosaur brain to convince you that he did nothing wrong when he obviously did. Just think, would he be pissed if he found out some guy fingered you?

  • To me, if the penis didn't go into the vagina, it isn't cheating... and even if it does, if your SO is cool with it, then it still isn't cheating. I think his only mistake was to tell you about it. To men, it is common knowledge that at bachelor parties, the bachelor get SOME sort of sexual favor from the stripper, or whatever girl that has been hired for entertainment. I think it is commendable that he ONLY got a hand job.

    • this is the dumbest answer ever loL!

  • it's bad but it was his bachelor party.he still loves u.tell him you think it was really wrong and it hurt you but I would stay with him

    • He still loves her??? yet he let a girl jack him off....now that is forever lasting true love, isn't it?

  • He's gotten plenty from me.

  • That was definitely bad on his part. If you let it go unnoticed, he will most likely have no problem doing something like that again. Have a talk with him.

    Good luck!

  • umm..most of the females here are saying this guy is a cheater. Please clarify what is considered "cheating". Getting a lap dance, the hand job, or simply being in the presence of another skimpilly dressed female? Having the girl touch his area is a no no, but giving him a lapdance is ok? Um, most guys have or will attend a bachelor party. Getting a lap dance is pretty much the norm. Going farther than that is not too common but it does happen (I don't mean going all the way though). All these guys are "cheaters" then? Really? It's an ongoing tradition, and just because the "details" leaked out, this guy is a douche? All guys are douches by this rationale, cause hell yeah, getting a lap dance buy a hot girl is every guys wish. Have you ever been to a strip club? Notice that there are couples in there as well. Are those guys "cheating", or is it ok cause the female partner is there? Get over it, guys enjoy it cause its a few minutes of escape from reality. However, yes, if a guy continually goes to a strip club, or solicits someone for sex, yes, that IS cheating. However, at a BACHELOR Party, as long as there is no intercourse, which, ladies, is very RARE and unheard of, let the guys have their fun. And yes, admit it, how many women grab a guy at a bacholerette party, huh? Oh right, THAT doesn't happen.

    • You are a fukin idiot... He is a cheater..

    • @xox89xox i think these type of answers are trolls. They can't be serious cmon now lol

  • i consider it cheating.and I'm pretty sure he knows the difference but is trying to act like he don't!

    cause when my boyfriend cheated on me and I caught him he said it was just being friendly and he denied it until we broke up and now he admits he did cheat

  • You should tell him that you're going to give guys hand jobs and let other men give you hand jobs.I mean, he doesn't thnk it's cheating, right? You might actually like it.

  • If you pay someone to take off their clothes - it's stripping.

    If you pay someone for a sexual act - it's prostitution. Not a performance.

    Tell him to explain the difference now. But overall, you're going to have to stand up for yourself.

  • yeah that's definitely cheating, that sucks. you might want to reconsider your relationship with him.

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