How can I stop being so prudish?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 20 year old virgin (not religious), never had a boyfriend or made out with a guy. I have had chances to, but I always pull away because I get very nervous, shy and worried that I won't know how to kiss. I get embarrassed and uncomfortable if people are talking about sexual things, even if my doctor asks me if I'm sexually active. I can't imagine myself having sex or doing sexual things because I think it would be very awkward and embarrassing. But I do get sexual urges like everyone my age. How can I lighten up a bit?

[Anonymous]

The first thing to do is start loving your own body. You need to train your desire and responses. Give yourself a warm oily (not soapy) bath. To set an atmosphere, have the lights off and burn a scented candle or two. Rest and relax, exploring your body while you wash. Push in and feel around (yes, that place too) and learn your terrain and your responses. When you are ready, masturbate confidently and guiltlessly. There is no social (or even Biblical) prohibition to it. It is loving yourself. Here's how my SO does it. Watched her once to teach me what she likes.

The warmth, oily bath and your exploration will have opened, wetted and relaxed you. Assuming you are right handed, start by placing two or three fingers of your left hand in the hairline and pull up. This will expose your cl\t/hood and open your vag a little. With the flat first three fingers of your right hand, press down firmly on your cl\t area and vigorously make 2" diameter circles, reversing direction from time to time. How fast you do this will determine how fast you become aroused.

When you feel the internal expansion of becoming aroused, move your left hand/fingers out of the hairline and pick up the circular motion at your cl\t, still pulling up a little. At the same time, insert the first two fingers of your right hand into your vag, keeping your nails clear and above (toward your navel) your cervix. Keeping them bent, bring your fingertips up and around to the roof of your vag behind the pubic bone (the g-spot) and press gently there slowly (at first) extracting them almost out of your vag and then sliding all the way back in at a speed and pressure that works for you. Do this until you are ready to have your orgasm. If you are not sloppy-wet, add lube for the crescendo.

When you are ready, speed up your circular (left hand) and stroking (right hand) motions to as fast as you can, trying to tie the two motions together in a sympathetic rhythm. If you are loose and need to be filled, add the third finger. Otherwise your fast stroking and circles should bring you into orgasm in seconds or minutes. You may feel your vag muscles tighten into contractions around your fingers and you may get a noticeable spritz of vag fluid on your right palm which is the legendary female ejaculation.

Once you become hot about your own sexuality, you will be far less prudish and more confident toward men.

[torken]

Get drunk!

lol

My girlfriend was the same, except she was 18. Probably would have made it to 20 though, just cause like you said she was shy and nervous she would be bad. And guess what, she WAS bad! Kissing is weird and you WILL be bad at it at first. But at the same time, no guy is gonna care. In fact it was kinda cute for some reason. And now? Well she's just as good as anyone else I've dated. And she's good at whatever else too! The thing is this kinda stuff is natural, but it does take practice. And no guy is goingg to care that you are inexperienced, because that just means to him that you need the practice, and hopefully he gets to be your partner ;)

So don't worry!

[Anonymous]

I had a similar situation myself. I was 22 when I lost my virginity despite several chances with guys. When I finally admitted to myself that I was going to stop worrying about guys for awhile, focus on making myself happier and healthier, my friendships improved and I met TWO great guys. I'm currently with only one of them for over a year and it's because he's the first guy that is a gentleman. I had been trying to snag a rocker-slacker kind of guy because I thought they'd be more fun. I was in denial about what I wanted/needed - a boyfriend, not a casual thing, that I could actually trust and be comfortable with. Truth was, I needed someone on my level - smart, nice, respectful, dorky, etc - and I had been psyching myself out because I had never been comfortable with those other guys because I knew they wouldn't work out.

What I suggest is figure out who you really are, what you're really looking for, don't deny yourself, and don't be surprised when you find a guy that meets your standards and/or exceeds them (I nicknamed my guy Prince Charming way before I admitted/realized that I loved him).

Also, him being my first good/great kisser might have persuaded me quite a bit! ;)

[nermalinda]

You need to slowly expose yourself to more sexual stuff so you can get comfortable about it. Read about sex online and watch some p*rn. Gradually, you'll get more used to sexual stuff. Also most guys are never gonna care if you're inexperienced. They just want female attention and are happy to get any.

Try these for kissing tips: link

[bobair]

Be patient.

Eventually you'll meet a guy who builds enough trust and leads you into the bedroom comfortably.

And I don't blame you for waiting... if your boyfriend isn't making you comfortable then he doesn't sound like the "right" guy.

~ Robby

[SloSupra]

Do exactly that, lighten up. Any guy who is a good person won't care that your not sure how to kiss or are a virgin/Shy ect. Actually 99% of guys find things like that a turn-on. So find someone you like and go from there. Once you start expressing yourself sexually you'll be thinking "What was the big deal?"

I can still remember my first kiss and my first time doing anything sexual. So freaking nervous I almost died, but the girl was great and loved helping me through it. I was 18 at the time, pretty much just like you.

Its probably best to find someone that been with at least 1 other person so your both not a nervous mess when starting out. Shouldn't be hard but just letting you know. If you have any questions of want to talk feel free to message me. Good luck!

[l-hedoniste]

You're not prudish--you're inexperienced. Mere practice solves this. Find a nice boy, explain yourself, and fumble away; most guys are forgiving.

[ihatework]

alcohol always lightens things up

[Anonymous]

Not a lot you can do, if that's how you are, if you want to enter a realtionship and experience things then make the first step, try chating to guys you like and flirting etc...