How to be comfortable with husband watching films with nudity?

We have been married 15 years and have 2 children. Early in our relationship I was comfortable having porn in the house. I even had my own Penthouse subscription and purchased Maxim for him. I don't know where or when the switch flipped, but I can't tolerate it anymore. It bothers me knowing he is ogling another woman on screen nude. I don't think I look bad. I could certainly look better. I'm not thrilled with my breast size... it used to not bother me at all. I know everyone keeps saying it's your self-esteem, blah blah blah, but really, the more analyzing I do, and I feel like my husband is to blame. I have been called nasty things in arguments such as old hag, been told I'm not a looker, names, etc., and there just have been enough nice things said about me to counter all the bad. I don't feel like he finds me attractive; therefore, it angers me that he sits back and ogles all these perfect looking women right in front of me. I tell him some compliments from time-to-time would be nice, but he just blows me off and says that he doesn't want to be with a woman who needs complimenting. How do women deal with this with their husbands? How do you guys not have a problem watching your husband drool over some woman with huge breast? My man barely notices mine even during sex, so how am I not supposed to feel inadequate?


0|2
531

Most Helpful Guy

  • When someone tries to stop their partner from having natural human fantasy is wrong and abusive.

    Female fantasy is generally mental and based on emotion, romance, and sex. So women fantasize by stimulating thought, by reading a book or watching a movie about romance, love, and even sex. This is how women fantasize and how women get off.

    Males fantasy is visual and based on sex. So porn is the same for males as a female watching a chick flick or reading a steamy novel.

    YOU trying to force him to stop something he can not stop because it makes YOU feel bad is wrong and abusive. If he gave you an ultimatum and tried to force you to stop having mental fantasy you know you couldn't do it. You can't simply shut off the brain. It would be wrong for him to even suggest it.

    The major difference between female fantasy and male fantasy is that when a male looks at porn he does NOT compare his partner to the person in the video. We focus on small aspects of the video we like, for example, the way a body part moves or looks. It has nothing to do with the girl even. Sometimes it's even the way the guy's penis throbs as it's unloading inside a vagina.
    We don't take our fantasy and put false expectations onto you. We don't compare. YOU assume we do because as a female you compare yourself to other females constantly. We do NOT.

    Female fantasy does actually push false expectations onto your partner. Women watch romance movies, make their partner watch them with her, then say shit like "You should be more like that" or "I wish you did those things for me" etc. Putting bullshit expectations from your fantasy onto us.

    SO leave him alone with his fantasy, stop trying to shame it and stop it. It has NOTHING to do with you. If he knew what it was you thought about to get yourself off, he would likely cringe at the thought. (Especially since the most common female fantasy is the forced by a stranger "rape" fantasy)

    0|3
    1|1
    • I appreciate your thoughts; however, I feel like we have drifted far off topic. I don’t so much have an issue with porn. In fact, I would enjoy watching it with him, as the intent would be to both get something out of it. Romance movies do shit for me, so I reckon I am not the norm. I rather get turned on viewing porn. My issue, is that when viewing the movie, tv series, Netflix etc., there is always the token nude woman. It angers me that he is always getting visually pleasured, and then can’t extend the occasional kind comment towards me. I reckon it could be coined as jealous but at times it just makes me mad. I’m not trying to suppress his fantasy etc., I just think that if you are going to constantly see a fully nude woman, often right in front of your significant other, perhaps it would be nice to tell her that you love her breasts, she’s hot, gorgeous etc. Of course I got all kinds of attention for my breasts while breast feeding my infant…cause they were bigger. Now I cannot ev

    • Show All
    • Well, the idiots who whine about dress codes in the schools will generally say men are distracted by shoulders and dumb shit like that. Beyond retarded assumption.
      Women assume we watch porn for the girl in the video. Generally Not true.
      They assume men stare at girls because we are aroused by them. Also not true.
      Things like these are common misconceptions women have.

      Yeah some males like tits and are turned on by tits (generally it's the pigs who are aroused by practically anything or guys who haven't see many women naked.)

      Most males are turned on by a females interest in them. A females desire or need to turn him on. In porn, it's usually the enthusiasm of the female, Her reactions, the way certain muscles move or sounds being made.

      Why do they keep putting tits in movies... I don't know. So adolescent males will get to see tits? maybe?

    • Your response got me to laugh-out-loud, thanks for that. You are very to-the-point!! Thanks for sharing.

Most Helpful Girl

  • OMG I'm guessing that your husband doesn't get much from you in the bedroom and it's not your fault.
    he should be making you feel like the sexiest woman alive but instead he insults you by calling you names during arguments, name calling is never right.
    your husband doesn't know how to fight fair and it's getting to the point where his apologies mean nothing.
    I've had to tell my husband that if he wants to ogle at other women to do it more discreetly because it makes me feel insecure about my body. This is understandable because I'm an almost 40 mother of three.
    I'm with you on this and your husband needs to be so much more understanding than he is.
    My husband has since changed for the better and I hope yours does too.

    2|3
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 30

  • I think if it hasn't bothered you for 15 years and now it suddenly bothers you, then the change is in you, not him. I don't see why he should have to change his 15 year learned and accepted behavior because you suddenly don't like it. Maybe it is a little selfish of him to not be willing to change for you, but it is also pretty selfish of you to expect him to change on YOUR whim. You know who you married and you have accepted that man for 15 years. It isn't fair for him to have to suddenly change who he is because your "switch flipped". What you need to do is have a conversation with him and be very honest. You need to tell him that your thoughts on him looking at nudity have changed and that you feel unwanted. DO NOT come at him saying (or implying) that it is his fault. He will shut down and you will have even more ground to cover before reaching a compromise. Afterall, it IS you that has changed, not him. Try to be understanding and come to an agreement. On a side note, I noticed in the comments that you weren't necessarily referring to porn that bothers, but watching movies with bare breasts or nude/sex scenes. That is one that is a bit ridiculous. If you can't stand your husband of 15 years looking at a 10-30 second nude or sex scene in a movie, there is a very big issue with YOU.

    0|1
    0|0
    • True. I honestly think I am this way because he's lazy in bed, and pays more attention to these other women nude... even the 30 second nude scene than he does me. And no, I haven't let myself go. I weigh about 6-7 lbs more than I did in my 20's, I run, eat right etc... he's likely 60 lbs more and makes ZERO effort. So it may be wrong of me, because I would love to have the relationship back where I could enjoy the nude women with him, but I just ain't comfortable when I can't get the attention I deserve.

  • OKAY!!! I need to put my foot down here and put in my opinion... He is an ass! I used to watch porn while with my girl and she didn't like it until I told her WHY I do. I told her I watch porn so I can fantasize about doing those things to her. I never once desired the woman in the video.

    Your husband though is being a duesch. I bet you are an amazing looking woman and I bet you it's his own self-esteem. You sound like a respectable and independent woman. He make be taking a blow to his ego and if it is YOU better not feel bad. He should be proud of you and tell you that you are a TEMPLE every day!!!

    I don't know if this is okay to do but I want to talk more about this and comfort you, reassure you!

    My email is Kyleweslyblackburn@gmail. com

    Phone number (can only text):
    (760) 309-1683

    I want to tell you just how amazing you really are because I won't let this man talk to you and make you feel the way you do. It's because of how he talks to you, you may not be jealous. Your hurt and angry which you fucking should be!

    Sorry I'll leave room on here for other people. This just bugged me, your beautiful hun no matter what because your a woman.

    0|0
    1|3
    • Thank u for your thoughts. Again, it's not necessarily the porn that gets to me. It's the every netflix show that is pit on tv.

    • Oooohhhh, if you got kids he shouldn't be watching it with them around in general

  • He says doesn't want to be in a "relationship with a woman who needs compliments," is something like saying he doesn't want a relationship where he has to put anything into the relationship. He sounds like a selfish jerk.

    1|0
    0|0
    • You are exactly right. We got into an argument last night and I was told... u r married to a man who doesn't like anything about you, now how does that make you feel? Why say something like that and then ask how I feel?

    • He obviously doesn't have much understanding of what a relationship is, or how to interact with people you care about.

  • When you told him you wanted complimented, did you also include the fact that it hurts your feelings that he's also ogling other women while not paying you compliments?

    1|0
    0|0
    • I did, and he states that it is not his fault that nude women are now in just about every show. He states that he doesn't want to be with someone with my insecurities and someone who needs compliments. Is this the norm for men? Do men in general not like being with a woman who appreciates being told she is beautiful, has nice breasts etc?

    • Show All
    • suggestions on how to make him jealous?

    • Make him take you out and wear revealing clothing. Openly flirt with other guys who give you attention right in front of him. Go as far as his reactions will let you.

  • I don't think sex or porn are the issue here. I think there's bigger issues at hand. For example, the communication and respect

    0|2
    0|0
    • it's the name calling during their arguments, name calling really hurts and it's not how you fight fair.

    • Show All
    • that's what I'm talking about but this isn't what her husband is doing.

    • @Goodwifie yes there should be more respect and love

  • It's too late for you. Divorce him, take everything and never let him see his kids again. He's a monster and you deserve a coddling billionaire with no self esteem to give you absolutely everything you've ever wanted, including a lover you'll respect and not the pussy-whipped shit you actually married.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I would suggest looking into some kind of marriage counseling to get to the bottom of why he started treating you this way. Did it just happen suddenly? Was there an inciting incident? Was he always like this? by the way, I love small breasts.

    0|0
    0|0
  • He's addicted to porn and he's turned into a pure jerk. Threaten divorce and tell him to get his stuff together.

    0|0
    0|3
    • He's not addicted to porn. It's not porn watching that he does in front of me.

  • Your self esteem has taken a knock, and so you are equating nude pictures with competition. This has been caused by your husband attacking your looks and insecurities when you argue and fight.

    The only way to fix this, is for you both to learn how to argue constructively, for HIM to apologise for words spoken in anger, for HIM to repair the damage done to your self esteem. And for YOU to forgive him.

    That said, people are creatures of habit and after this long being shitty arguers, I can't see either of you doing the necessary.

    1|2
    0|0
  • Seriously, after 15 years, you're still acting like a fifteen-year-old. And by watching films with nudity, you mean porn?

    You're complaining about him nkt finding you attractive, what do you want exactly? For him to find you attractive?

    Complaining won't change that, trying to make him stop watching porn won't do a thing either.

    You should accept that you're not larticularly attractive compared to some.

    Yet no need to worry, your hudband probably isn't a Brad Pitt sort.

    He'll never have those women. Don't bother yourself

    0|1
    0|0
    • I wasn't referring to porn. I was referring to the typical netflix series or redbox. Each and every film has tits in it... why no dick? You men will never understand what it's like to sit down to watch some entertainment and have a large dick flashed on screen each and every time... and not in a comical manner either but in a sexual way. Why should I have to sit there why the man is shown the tits over and over and pretend like it's not uncomfortable for me.

    • Why would you be bugged by them? Most of them have some storytelling underneath, and not just some fuckfest.

      They usually don't put dicks because usually, actors aren't fully naked in those scenes, they cover genitals with thin prostetics.

      Covering men is a bit problematic.

      They had dicks in Spartacus for example. I watched that with my girlfriend, never gave a fuck.

      But in that, many times women were fully naked as well.

      But in most, you don't actually see vaginas either.

      Besides, men are being presented as sexual objects as well. Just their chests aren't seen as a big deal or anything.

      That's why.

  • I think you used to be cool with it, but him constatntly looking at other women made you this way over time.
    Thats normal and natural.

    I always say these things have no place in marriage

    0|0
    0|0
    • I am seeing this... I think if he paid a compliment from time-to-time, I didn't have to initiate sex all the time it wouldn't bother me.

    • Yeah

  • I dont think the porn is the problem here. You, ma'am have a shitty husband. Therapy or leave him id say.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The ogling seems to be the least of your problems. He takes you for granted and treats you like shit.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I will be honest, it has been this way so long for me I don't even know what is normal. I would love to see how other couples interact so I could see what acceptable expectations I should have. When you are watching a tv show that has a nude woman in it, how does your significant other act? Does she say anything at all? How do you act? Do you openly appreciate the nude woman in front of her? Are you wondering how it makes your significant other feel? What's going on in your head?

    • Show All
    • *human beings

    • Thank u for the advice and thoughts

  • You both are to blame here, I am amazed at how people don't think porn will have a negative effect in their lives... According to a study I read when both parties watch porn and they both know each other then the sexual interaction is great, but then with time porn replaces that sexual interaction when it comes to satisfaction, why? answer is simple, porn distorts the majesty of sex, it changes an act to bond with each other to a recreational activity that satisfy both parties, but satisfaction tends to fade away and with a bond has not been created strongly enough then you get what's happening right now. Get rid of porn, do not tolerate it. You lost the moment you let it into your lives and that's why you both are to blame, not just your husband.

    1|1
    0|0
  • Wow, act your age. Jeeze.

    It's 2018. Times are different

    1|0
    0|2
  • Perhaps it’s time to move on. I wouldn’t wor u about the nudity to me that’s nothing who cares. It’s the names and lack of respect.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The more you look into it, the worse you perceive it. But your man is being an asshole.

    0|0
    0|0
  • I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through! That sounds terrible. Honestly, I think porn is damaging to marriages. It will always give you an impossible bar to live up to. Everyone (men and women) need encouragement and compliments. Spouses have to constantly pursue each other's hearts and protect the marriage against influences that pull each other apart. My wife and I never watch porn - not because I am not tempted to do so - but rather, because it hurts her and it gives me a twisted view of other people. You two need to see a marriage counselor and begin to head in a better direction. Or divorce is right around the corner.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Hmm I think the whole thing is about confidence. When you were younger and it was the first years of your marriage you were ok with that because you've felt confident. His attitude was better those days of course and its effective on your confident. The size of your breasts or watching porns is not the main problem. The problem is how you and your husband be happy and satisfied again. And i guess you can do it by being confident and sexy. Being sexy is not just having a perfect body. You can have a normal body type but dress act and have sex in a confident and sexy style.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Pinch his sides whenever nude parts are visible. Call it conditioning.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Shame on you for staying

    0|0
    0|1
    • I have two small children... I can tolerate some things for their sake.

    • That’s no reason to stay

  • I would not expect him to change very quickly.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You sound like my wife.. she turned

    0|0
    0|0
    • I wonder why she did. I would like to know exactly why I did.

    • Show All
    • well I honestly don't think if my husband made an effort to show me how much he fancies me I would be jeaouls

    • Its complicated

  • Lol. This is funny

    0|0
    1|0
  • maybe it sound like a bad advice but I would suggest that you find a lover who will satisfy you on a casual weekly basis or even a monthly one

    maybe first try to fix things with your husband a try a lot of different approaches but just have an idea that a lover could be a solution that is good for everyone (even your husband)

    0|0
    0|0
  • The issue isn’t the nudity. You were fine with it.

    The issue is your husbands lack of enthusiasm for you. Which isn’t okay and doesn’t sound like is actually because if you.

    0|0
    0|0
  • The Problem Is YOU, Not Him... You Cannot Expect Him To Change When You Supported Porn, And You Yourself Had Your Own Subscription To Penthouse, Just Because You Now Disagree, Doesn’t Give You The Right To Expect Him To Agree With You And Stop Looking At Porn...
    Getting Upset Over Mainstream Movies That Have More Pussy & Tits Than Dick Is Just The Most Ridiculous Thing I Have Ever Heard... It’s Not His Fault You Became A Prude, You Started The Acceptance Of Porn In Your House, You Need To Continue To Support Porn... And Get Over All The Pussy & Tits And Lack Of Dick In Mainstream Movies, That Is The Way It Has Always Been And Will Never Change...
    In Fact Many Polls In The Industry Have Asked Women If They Would Enjoy Seeing Full Frontal Male Nudity In Mainstream Movies And The Majority Said, They Do Not Want To See Male Full Frontal In Movies, They Prefer It Left To The Imagination...
    Is There A Reason He No Longer Finds You Attractive? Did You Once Have A Smokin’ Hot Body, Did You Let Yourself Go After Kids?
    I Do Agree With You 100% On The Way He Treats You, The Name Calling, The Insults, That Is Beyond Wrong On Every Level...
    That Kind Of Behavior Is Uncalled For Towards Your Wife, Or Anyone For That Matter...
    Maybe He Resents You For Trying To Take Porn Away After Years Of Supporting Porn, He May Feel You’re A Hypocrite...
    Without Before & After Pics Of You, It Is Really Hard To Say Why He Finds You Unattractive Now... Everyone’s Body Changes With Age, When You Love Someone You Love Them For Who They Are, Accept The Changes Their Body Is Going Through...
    Have You Tried Getting Yourself Back To The Body You Had? I Know You Will Never Have The Body You Had At 20, But As Close As Possible Might Work, You Shouldn’t Have To Change Your Body For Him, How About For Yourself? And He Will Notice...
    Did Your Pussy Go From Shaved To Hairy? He Might Not Like Hairy Pussy... Hairy Pussy Is A Turn Off And A Game Changer For Me And A Lot Of Men, Completely Smooth And Hairless Is The Only Acceptable Way...
    Has Sex Changed, Where You More Open Sexually With Him In Your Younger Years?
    Try And Look At Yourself, Other Than The Things That Change Naturally, What Changes Have You Made Consciously?
    Communicate With Him, Be Open To Suggestions, Ask Him Why He Now Finds You Unattractive...

    0|0
    0|1
    • I'm just wondering why every word you wrote starts with a capital letter.

    • Show All
    • furthermore, and yes I am ranting, but I don't hardly get laid now... not even close to what I would prefer... and like I said when I do, I ain't getting shit out of it. if I went and brought porn back into the house then what? the every so often getting laid would be zero. coming on to someone, performing in the bedroom, trying to ensure they are getting aroused enough to get something out of it requires effort on one's part. if there was a porn mag around the house if might assist me in taking care of myself, which I am already having to do, but all it would do is enable him to be lazier.

    • As I Said Before, I Am On Your Side, I Don’t Like How Your Husband Treats You, Reading More Of What Is Going On With Your Marriage Is Heart Breaking...
      You Sound Like A Beautiful, Loving Woman...
      I Just Disagree With The Porn, I Get Why You’re Now Bothered By It, I Just Don’t Think You Should Let The Looks Of The Women In Penthouse Get You Down, Stop Comparing Them To Yourself, Penthouse Is For Enjoyment Not Comparing, I Know It’s Hard Not To...
      You’re A Beautful Woman Who Deserves Better...
      I Think You Should Rethink Your Marriage, You’re Obviously Not Happy With Your Husband...

  • So you accept nudes in Penthouse, but not on a computer?

    0|0
    0|0
    • No, 15 years ago I shared MY penthouse subscription with him. Not comfortable now.

    • Show All
    • Perhaps not the Porsche, but maybe for the Chevy Colorado!! Especially, when all he does is complain about the chevy lol.

    • Does he complain about you? Maybe he's just a dreaming complainer.

  • I went through that with my now ex wife, she was cool with that in the beginning of our marriage, I wouldn’t do it as much as him but she made self conscious every time a nude scene came up in a movie I had to make sure I didn’t ogle at the woman or she would make a comment about how I want them which obviously was impossible to happen but stuff like that causes a lot of friction in a marriage. I would let it go but also mention how if he at least complimented you at times then you wouldn’t feel that way so I do understand it from your perspective too. We all change with age so neither of you is going to keep looking like people on tv

    0|0
    0|0
    • Not to be argumentative, but perhaps if men had to sit through some shows with a sexualized large penis from time-to-time, you guys would understand why some of us females with smaller breast would feel super inadequate having perfect boobs thrown in our face every time we sit down to watch a show.

    • Show All
    • porn is porn... everything is in porn and it's sole purpose is to get off. I was referring to regular tv shows. Boobs are in just about everything, sometimes not even 15 minutes into a movie. I was watching a Netflix show with him the other day, and there was literally 10 nude women in it. The only time a penis is shown shouldn't be when viewing a flick.

    • Yeah true it is quite often and you don’t see men’s genitals very often, it’s rare actually. I mean you can’t do much about that. He really shouldn’t make it obvious or stare. Maybe try to make him jealous somehow or put on a movie that does have men naked and maybe he will get the point. He really should compliment you though so you won’t feel that way

  • He stills values you.

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 4

  • Tbh your relationship seems like the issue here. You are insecure and your husband no longer appreciates you. I’d take a break, send him away for a few weeks or so so you guys can seperately work out things and see if you even want to be together.

    0|0
    0|0
    • You know that that NEVER works, right?

    • Show All
    • @lord_chilled im going to quote ross from friends here: “WE WERE ON A BREAK!”. Personally, I think if you are on a break a drunken night can be forgiven.

      Doesn’t matter what happens, he misses her, it’s an answer. He doesn’t, that’s an answer too.

    • I think ross was full of shit.
      That shit is hurtful.
      Well, i would be hurt, and i think a lot of people would agree.

      Anyway, a relationship is a lifeling committment. Its not something you try out and then take a break from.

  • Seems like you’re putting your insecurities on him. People on the screen he will never meet. I don’t understand the problem with tits and ass beings shown and you feeling uncomfortable about. I think you need to work on whatever insecurity you have. If you love yourself enough none of that would be a problem. It’s also about trustin your partner as well. How do you feel when you see a topless guy or a guys ass on tv?

    0|0
    0|0
    • Honestly I prefer to look at the topless female. I'm just sick of the bias and him not having a dick thrown in his face when he sits down to watch tv. I know it's insecurities. I have come to the conclusion that It likely stems from verbal abuse over the course of many years.

  • I know my SO watches porn, but I've always told him to keep that stuff private. Meaning, I don't want to be around while he's jacking off to some random nude video online specially if I'm there available for sex, like wtf am I here for then? I know its basically fooling myself, but I feel it doesn't throw off my self-esteem since I don't see the type of chicks that get him off.

    0|3
    0|0
  • Exactly how I feel... mines for different reasons though... its insecurities but if they wouldn't look at the time or oogle or anything like that which makes us feel like were inadequate compared to those other women... Its not fair!

    0|0
    0|0

Recommended myTakes

Loading...