Should I tell my girl friend I'm a transvestite?

I'm a 29 year old straight guy, who's also a fetish transvestite. I have never told anyone of this fetish including my girl friend whom I've lived with for 6 years. I do dress up occasionally but because I'm a relatively intelligent and patient I am 98% certain I will never be caught.

Recently I've started to think that maybe I should tell my girl friend about this fetish, but only for the reason of honesty and openness within our relationship. My fetish is for womens clothes, so I enjoy it when my girl friend wears her knickers/bra to bed, beyond this I have no real interest in sharing this fetish. i.e. I don't want to put on a pair of knickers and prance about. I've done some googling around this subject and I'm shocked by comments from women who say their cross-dressing husband has ruined their life.

My girl friend is a conservative from a catholic background. I can't imagine that she will act positively to this information. I have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Should I for the soul reason of honesty, tell my girl friend about this fetish, or should I leave her in blissful ignorance?

Thanks for all your comments. Based on what all of you have said I decided not to tell her.

Please see my explanation below.
Just a little more background info before I explain my decision. I'm a fetish transvestite. This means women's clothes turn me on. I enjoy this about 5-6 times a year, at carefully selected moments. i.e. when my partner is out of the country.
i.e. when my partner is out of the country. These sessions only last for 10 minute. i.e. I don't put on women's clothes for weeks on end, run around spanking the mail-man and demanding everyone calls me Susan.

If you google fetish transvestite there is a medical cure for the condition. Like all fetishes, some people become obsessed and this can have a detrimental affect upon their life. Electro shock therapy is used on these individuals.
I'm not prepared to have such a treatment for a fetish that I consider a bit of harmless fun for ten minutes every two months.

So, I've decided not to tell the girl friend because I don't really want to share this fetish with her any more than I already do (I enjoy her wearing her bra and knickers to bed) and I think it is information she simple doesn't want to know.
This whole thing started because I read a sex advice column in which the advice was given that "you should always be open in a relationship, even about your fetishes." If I did tell her it would be to remove my guilt about hiding this fetish;
after careful thought, I think this is a selfish motive. I would be substituting my guilt for my girl friend feeling betrayed and confused. I simply think its information she doesn't need or want to know.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Wow, this is a tough one.

    Basically, do you think you will marry her? If so, I suspect that sooner or later she will figure out that you've been in her panty drawer. I pretty much know when somebody has been moving my things around.

    I had a boyfriend who was into that, too. It was no problem with me and I made sure he had the chance to dress up and it was pretty hot some times. I figured that if it got him hot I got the benefit too. (we broke up for other reasons)

    Anyway, he said he tried to quit a couple of times and always went back to it. He said it was just a part of him and he just sorta accepted that.

    Getting married is no time to be hiding an important part of your sexuality. Somehow you need to see if she will accept that you like that and will keep loving you anyway.

    Tell her how her pretty lingerie turns you on and how sexy it is and how you love how it feels and stuff. See what she says.

    Maybe you should do some couple counseling before you consider getting married. Doesn't the catholic church require that anyway?

    Don't get hitched with a big secret. It can't be good.

    • Thanks Rebecca likes skirt,

      I like skirts too.

      Sorry, should have said, we're European, so marriage isn't that big a deal. I known this girl 7 years and lived together for 6 years. We own a house together, joint accounts and have wills leaving all our possesions to each other. I possibly should have called my partner but that does make it sound like we have gone into business together. I don't think we will get married, but somewhere in the next few years were planning to have kids.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 2

  • personally I see nothing wrong with this but yea, that's not the case with a lot of people, I personally don't know many that would appreciate this. looking at j-rock/ visual kei for instance where the male singers would dress up and end up looking even prettier than girls could heh ( link , link , link basically if I were to show this to other people they would be like "who's that girl" and then get all shocked after me telling them it's a guy.but after some time they accepted this after realizing it's not the weird after all and it's fun so why nto do it?, (mind you the ones who did accept this were not very 'religious' or anything.)

    if you know she can't handle it and you love her too much to lose her, then I guess you got no choice but to keep it from her, if she ever discover you then just say you felt like trying it on for the first time. bascailly if you choose to keep it from her just know that eveyone must endure some sort of 'suffering', you might want to wear that, but for centuries women were not able to wear pants for instance but there was nothing they could do about it, so grin and bear it

    but yes, that's a tough one. I say introduce her to something like.for instance show her a clip of eddie izzard, he does stand up comedy and likes to dress up.bascially just be like "oh look this is a funny joke".and see her reaction, does she listen to it or does she immedietly look at him and go "wah.why is he wearing a dress" sorta deal.then in that case don't just tell her like that.wait a bit and try to get her to undertand what this is and why certain may enjoy/do it before telling her. , or introduce 'a friend' to her and say that he's a transestive to hear what she has to say about him after he leaves to know how she feels about the subject. either way, if you choose to tell her then make it a slow process by trying to make it seem like a normal thing to her and not just spluring it out.

  • i agree with one of the guys here, its not an addiction so if you feel that she isn't going to act positively with it its more than likely right, wouldn't you rather give the fetish up and keep your girl? or possibly ruin the whole thing by telling her.?

    its not a bad thing your doing but it does creep some girls out unfortunately for you.

    But I would have a thing what actually means more to you.a silly little fetish or Your girlfriend of more than 6 years? think about it because it could end up being a pretty selfish decision.

    • Thanks Miss Anonymous

      I agree completely with your advice, but I'm not sure I can stop completely; less having electro shock treatment (see update above). I've lived with my girl friend for 6 years and so have reduced how often I do this to 5-6 times a year, I think reducing it and making sure I will never get caught when I do, is the best I can do.

    • Yeah, maybe your right maybe not telling her is protecting her more.

      Just be extra careful you don't get caught...because if you do and she ends up doing the worst and leaving may regret your dicission not to tell her. I hope everything goes good for you :).

      P.s I don't know why I clicked to be Anonymous last time lolol

      and I'm glad you agreed with my advise :)

What Guys Said 3

  • you have to take in consideration what's more important. her or your fetish, and what would you rather give up? when you read those comments about people ruining their lives, that's probably cause the guy didn't want to give up his fetish. think about too, if she doesn't take it well and leaves, she's gonna most likely to tell everyone she knows. are you going to be able to handle that?

    • I agree with your analysis. I don't think I can have my cake and eat it. I have to choose between either my girl friend or the fetish. However I don't think its possible to just turn off the fetish.(see the update above) The only medical treatment is electro shock threapy.

      I think if the girl friend did find out and demanded I have that treatment I would proably leave her. because any girl friend who tells me to do that is not girlfriend worth having.

  • ugh me and my girlfriend broke up and I slept with my gay friend. she didn't care and we still f***ed after it. it depends on the person and what they believe.

  • No offense, but this isn't the most normal thing, nor the most loved thing girls like about guys. I mean, it's good you want to be honest, but I wouldn't freak her out. But it all depends on how she looks at it