Sexual Health
+1 y

Guys, how can I get my boyfriend to finger me?

I'm not trying to force him but I've asked him twice if he could try to go down on me or finger me but he said no each time but we do have sex and I give him bj's,but I'm aiming for a third chance before just accepting it.how can I get him to at least finger me?And how can I get him to enjoy foreplay?because he doesn't like foreplay other than me giving him a bj so I'm never wet when we have sex and it's always painful and he tells me "just a few more seconds" to help me get through the discomfort haha,so what can I do?
Updates:
+1 y
You can stop answering.I don't expect him to go down on me or finger me.I get it,it's nasty,girls pee from there and it's not the best place to be.It's whatever,i'll live
+1 y
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Most Helpful Guys

  • Its shocking to me how some guys could be so unwilling to go down on a girl, especially one who they are dating that they are aware is not carrying any STD'd. Many guys are interested in anal which makes it seem so odd that they wouldn't go down on a girl, they would rather have sh*t on their penis as opposed to vagina juices in their mouth...I can't see how the vagina in any way is dirtier than the butt.

    It seems like your guy isn't the type to like oral, I can't really give you a deffinitive answer because I personally can't understand how they wouldn't like to, most guys would jump at the chance to eat a girl out. I am sorry you feel pain during sex because of that but the only thing I can think of is try to tease him, try to be cute and sexy telling him how much it would make you moan if he ate you out, try to entice him to want to be down there more and who knows that might encourage him more to do it in the future. but as the guy seems like he is one of the rare guys that don't like oral, he might view it as dirty I don't know

    best of luck :P

  • I suggest finding a boyfriend who isn't a selfish douchebag. I keep seeing questions on this site like "My Boyfriend won't finger me" or "My Boyfriend won't go down on me" or "My Boyfriend hates that I squirt" or "My Boyfriend hates foreplay". Seriously, WHERE THE F*** ARE YOU GIRLS FINDING THESE ASSHOLES?! I've never known a guy to NOT enjoy fingering, eating out, or squirting, yet somehow it seems like half the girls on this site have managed to find every guy that won't reciprocate ANYTHING in bed. Looks like I've, once again, underestimated the inherent female dedication to finding every single asshole on the planet to worship unconditionally.

    • Or those guys just could be the majority of the male population?duh

    • There's a RIDICULOUSLY LARGE number of guys who aren't like that. You girls just don't give them a passing glance because they're not badboys. I really hate this "omgwtf waers all tha nice guise?" rhetoric. There are a SHITLOAD of nice guys. Most girls are either blind to that fact or just making a conscious decision to ignore them, in which case you deserve absolutely no sympathy once you've been hurt.

    • You sound pretty bitter.I'm not one to take your little bitterness out on,because I for one couldn't care less about "bad boys" because I rather not have useless individuals in my life let alone be in a relationship with someone who is a waste of time.

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Most Helpful Girls

  • My current boyfriend does no enjoy giving oral sex and I don't want him to do something he doesn't enjoy and has to force himself to put up with,but we did talk about it.I suggest just talking to him about it and ask him why,which could be the most important question because it could be something you can work on like odor,but if it's something like a personal dislike for it then you have to learn to work around it.My boyfriend doesn't finger me often or like foreplay either so there isn't much I can do about that,but I do masturbate whenever possible and use a vibrator during sex although he usually doesn't last long enough for me to have an orgasm.Just talk to him.You can bother work this out.Or maybe you can't and that could be what's best for you

    • It is one thing for a guy to be truly uncomfortable with giving oral sex. Some women are uncomortable with that, & their boyfriends understand. But he should give you more foreplay. Your willing to meet his needs, so he should be giving too. If I were you, I'd explain to my boyfriend that you like foreplay, & though it may not be his pot of tea, you need some before you can have intercourse. It is okay to work with a man, but don't let him talk you out of getting anything. Defend yourself.

  • 1)Sit him down and talk to him about how you feel and what needs to change in your sexual relationship.

    2)Be a conniving bitch and brag about how good your vibrator is and how he could never please you like that.

    3)Deal with his behavior and mentality.

    4)Dump him.

    Guys have a fear of vagina,where they believe the penis should have a relationship with the mouth,anus and vagina,but the vagina should only have a relationship with the penis.Apparently guys are disgusted by girls squirting,going down,fingering and actually having to last more than 10 seconds in bed.Boohoo.Heaven forbid you throw out the word selfish because all hell breaks loose.

    • I sense a mildly generalization. Just a bit.

    • Nope.Of course I'd get some guy boohooing over this.Clearly this isn't the issue or there wouldn't be this many girls bitching over their bfs not going down or fingering them.Do you know how many of these repetitive Qs I've answered?It's not like it's a once in a lifetime event

    • Not all guys have a fear of vagina. I personally love it. Play guitar so naturally have long quick fingers. Think squirting is the hottest sh*t ever. And would probably replace breakfast and lunch with p**** if possible. Please don't hate all men because you've had some bad experiences or read a million questions about asshole guys. We are not all bad.

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  • he may be the type that is grossed out by a vagina, some guys think its gross to eat a girl out of get any of that sort of thing on his hands or fingers for that matter...maybe he's gay lol

    and testosterone filled man craves the female body and isn't afraid to dive right in, the crave it,

    get a brazilian , this could help men love it bare its a lot neater and clean and it allows a guy to see every detail down there enough to make any man hott

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What Girls & Guys Said

21 32

  • I am gonna throw a complete spanner in the works - does he know what to do when he goes down on you? maybe he needs to research or have you show him what to do...some guys really do not know what part of the girl to touch or lick...tell him to read up on the subject, there is enough helpfull resources on the interweb for this kind of thing...Good Luck!

  • He is selfish.

    Tell him that you're not enjoying the sex. Tell him that if he wants to have sex with you, he should do things that you will enjoy too. Tell him that he is a nice person, but he should care about what you want.

    Give the example of blowjobs. Point out that it is not really stimulating you or getting you aroused, but you're still doing it for him, so why wouldn't he do something for you?

    Make sure that he understands something is wrong (cuz right now he thinks everything is fine), and that it is HIM that needs to change, not YOU.

    Try not to be too argumentative though, and drop it after a while if the conversation is not constructive.

    Final tip: NEVER compare him to others. It hurts a lot.

    • So he doesn't please her and she's suppose to walk on eggshells to avoid hurting his oh so precious feelings?

    • You go girl!^^

    • She should walk on eggshells because a good portion of a guys' self esteem is tied up in their performance as a man. Insult that and he may just shut down and you lose. Maybe he never learned to please a woman. she should be gentle state that she has needs but not attack him. how would you feel if he came at you and told you your bj's are horrible and you're not pleasing him at all?

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  • YOu're young so maybe he hasn't been with someone who made sure he pleased her too. If he never learned he may be clueless. In which case you could show him exactly how to please you. He may just be a jerk who 's selfish and you can force him or ditch him. Best way to know is to talk to him and figure out why he refuses then act accordingly.

  • I only see two possible scenarios here:

    1. He genuinely doesn't know how to please you and is, therefore, scared to try. If you think this is the case, just let him know what you like. Maybe even show him with your own hand! The guy who mentioned watching p*rn with him is definitely on to something too. Women have to take responsibility for their own pleasure.

    2. He is a completely selfish, molesting, douche bag! I think that most men love that look on a woman's face when he's hitting the right spot or making her cum. If he genuinely gets zero pleasure from pleasing you (even if only sexually), then I'm sorry, there is no 'relationship' there. You're basically a blow up doll at that point. I would almost guarantee that you could walk out your door, ask the first male stranger you see if he would like to have sex with you and have a way better time than with this ass hole!

  • um, dump him he sounds like a d***. or refuse him sex and blow jobs until he starts pleasing you back. that's completely unfair that he gets to enjoy sex but you don't. talk to him and tell him he's being really selfish.

  • This guy sounds really selfish. I guess he's one of those who think girls are just tools. wouldn't you like a guy who gets turned on when he knows he turned You On? XD

  • you did your part girlfriend... the guy you want to be with would like to please you... it should be about making sure that you get as much out of it as he does... and don't let him penetrate when you are not ready!

  • My bet is that he doen't have a clue as to how to please you. Most guys would love to do what you desire. But there's nothing worse for a guy than trying and failing, so he doesn't even try. My best advice: tell him how hot it makes you to think about him touching and licking you down there. That should light the bulb!

  • I agree - dump him and find a partner who's willing to derive as much (or more) pleasure from your pleasure as his own.

  • use lubricant! I use it all the time, becaue even though he does finger me I am still some times not wet enough and the dryness feels bad...

  • Tell him that if he keeps it up like that, you're gonna want to dry peg him before he gets any more sex. That'll scare the crap out of him.

  • It's really up to him, but you're going to have to tell him that sex is very uncomfortable for you. If you are that uncomfortable tell him you can't have sex until there is some foreplay involved. If he still doesn't give in then find out why he doesn't want to.

  • THAT'S NOT FAIR TO YOU! PEOPLE WHO SAID THERE'S GOOD REASON FOR THIS ARE MEAN! You need to discuss this with your Boyfriend while you're not doing anything & tell him you CAN'T just "get through the discomfort"! THAT'S CREUL & SICK! Once I did that for my ex the first time, I looked forward to it as much as her IF NOT MORE SO! I also did it too many times once where she felt some of he pain you're describing, & even though she asked me to continue I made her take a break for a second so it wouldn't cause her any more pain. If your Boyfriend TRULY cares about your hapiness & well bein, then once he fully understands what this means to you & how much he's hurting you he'll give in. If not, you deserve better...

  • He sounds crap. Dump him.

  • Dump him would be my first response!

    Certainly the sex and penis sucking would be over with until he got in the mood for some carpet munching and don't be shy about telling him so.

    Any guy who is solely interested in his own pleasure and no interest in pleasuring his partner should be resolved to a life of his right or left hand being his partner.

    NO MORE SEX OR PENIS SUCKING WITH THIS GUY UNTIL HE DOES YOU!

    • I mean.. is there any other way to look at it?

    • Absolutely NONE

    • Per your final update I am disappointed in you. Unless you as some kind of unclean person (which I doubt very much you are) peeing, sweat etc from our vulva is very minimumal with normal bathing and showering habbits. I do not understand why you would subject yourself to a relationship which is not truly fulfilling for you as well as your partner? Rethink this and get rid of this looser and find a man!

  • You should take into account that if he isn't putting in the effort to pleasure you, then why should you put in the effort to give him a blowjob or anything like that. I'd tell my boyfriend that he ain't getting sex till he grows some balls and bes a man. Haha. (Not harsh like that, I just like cracking weird jokes! :P)

    Wow. Makes me glad mine has no prob with it. He loves doing it. XD!

    Hope you convince him! :)

  • I think you should ask him why he doesn't seem interested in going down on your or playing with you. He may give you some BS answer, be aware of that.

    He may not want to smell like you. If a guy plays with a girl or eats her out, usually her scent is left on him. While I find this a bit erotic, it is devastating for the player. Women tend to have better noses and may pick up another woman's scent on him. You could just secretly have a player. If you guys use condoms, then you may not smell another woman on him. Just think of that next time you give him a bj.

  • Funny. When I read your topic, I thought you meant getting him to finger your butt, not your vagina. Hell if a guy can get his genital inside you, unprotected, then why not his finger? Does he think you have teeth in there to bite off his fingers? It does sound like he thinks you're dirty...

  • sounds that your boyfriend is really selfish. He just gets in and gets our when he's done. Try to talk to him, tell him how foreplay makes you feel (foreplay is sometimes better than sex itself)

    Hope this helps, and good luck!

  • Grab his hand & it put it on yourself down there. If he pulls away, he's gay & you should find a straight boyfriend.

  • Show More (33)

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