Does this make me a bad person?

[LouyJay]

So let me give you the background... About 2 years ago I made a vow of abstinence. I now wear a purity ring to symbolize it. I made the vow on the basis of religion and personal choice, such as wanting to avoid hurt, manipulation, a way to know they truly love me and that I love them, etc. But here's the problem... A lot has happened over the last year (and I don't mean the sort of thing where I've met a guy, etc because I've never actually had a boyfriend and am not interested in any guys at the moment, I've just been contemplating). I've grown and developed as a person and I really think I've become the person I really am, if that makes sense. What I mean is that I have been through various "phases" and found one that feels like me. Sorry if that still doesn't make much sense... But basically, these developments of myself have just been making me think a lot about myself. Stuff like what I want out of myself, career aspirations, morals and values, etc. I have recently been thinking that maybe I don't want to be abstinent anymore... I know I'm not going to rush into sex and will wait until I am truly ready and in some kind of committed/long-term relationship but I'm just not sure if I want to wait for marriage (I'm Protestant by the way and as far as I'm aware these are their views on pre-martial sex). I'm worried that maybe a guy would never want to be with me because he doesn't want to not have sex (but maybe this is just some irrational fear due to the fact that I am 17 and still inexperienced in relationships). I know there are guys out there that will wait until their partner is ready but I don't know if I'd want to make them wait that long or even if I want to wait that long now... But does thinking this make me a bad person? Does the fact that I'm considering removing my purity ring as if I never made the vow wrong and bad of me? What are your thoughts? Please be entirely honest... Sorry it was so long but thanks for the help! :)

[selfishstars]

No, I don't think that makes you a bad person.

I think the most important vow a person can make is a vow to be true to yourself. We change and grow as people and sometimes what was right for you at one point in your life might not be right at another point in your life and that's okay.

You made a vow to yourself and you stuck to it for 2 years---good for you! But that doesn't mean you're a bad person if you decide to re-evaluate that vow and removing your ring, in my opinion, isn't the same "as if you never made the vow". It's simply recognizing that you're not the same girl you were when you made that vow to yourself.

And like you said, taking off the ring doesn't mean you're going to all of a sudden become a radically different person. It's simply saying, vow or not, I'm going to do in my life what's right for me. Maybe you'll meet a guy down the road, develop a loving and committed relationship with him, and decide you do what to have sex with him even though you aren't married.. or maybe you'll meet a guy who wants to wait until marriage and you'll both have your first time on your wedding night. Whatever the case, you're in charge of your own decisions and capable of making decisions that are right for you. That's a good thing.

[anonymousgirl4]

I'm in the same situation. I had been "abstinent" fro a little. I thought that that had just meant sex, but the definition is actually anything that is morally corrupt or socially unacceptable. Like drugs and drinking, even cursing. Once I figured that out I had just resolved to say I was waiting until marraige for sex. I still wanted to have FUN...just not sex lol. But that has turned into waiting for the right person. It's been 3 years since I got my ring, so I've had a lot of time to chew it over. I'm proud of myself for being rational about it. And that's all that you can do. People change, you shouldn't feel bad for thinking about this. I'm a general Christian(I've never really understood the different secs of my religion) and the way that I think about it is that God will forgive you. He created you. He knows what you feel and I think he's the reason behind our feelings. I'm not pursauding, I'm just saying don't feel bad about just THINKING about it. I felt the same way a while back but then I realized my God is not a spiteful one.

[eithyy]

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. It makes you a mature person. You've actually taken the time to sit down and think about what you want from yourself in the future, and that's much more than most people. Give yourself a pat on the back, you're well on your way to becoming a lovely, intelligent young woman!

[thecandymancan]

Ok... so let me tell you first off: The most sex and the best (premarital) sex I've ever had during a single night with a girl was with an orthodox catholic. Even after that she kept claiming how she'd have to repent for it really hard... but it did not stop her from repeating this every three days or so.

So I don't really think that you should let religious people judge you or tell you what to do when it comes to sex, because the majority of them just uses religion as a cover (also see Palin's daughter... etc.).

With that said. You're NOT a bad person. Do NOT feel bad about having sex. Sex is natural and as long as you practice it with people you trust it's OK. It's even important to experience sex before marriage, because if you end up in a sex-less marriage or with a person who can't satisfy you, it might lead to enormous problems.

Most abortions are done to highly religious people and it's mostly because they don't believe in condoms and anti-baby pills and are embarrassed to even buy condoms (but don't want to suffer the consequences).

If you believe in God, give him the credit of not being a sick man who enjoys us suffering celibacy.

[Anonymous]

If you are a Believer, take this to G*d in prayer. Ask Him how to honor your vow and yet fulfill your desire at the same time; your vow to love G*d and yourself and to love and feel loved my a man at the same time. There are ways to accomplish this. Do not remove your ring. Ask for help from G*d to define what abstinence is and what it isn't. Have a visit to Song of Solomon in the Old Testament to help understand your feelings. The book is not merely an allegory about G*d's love for the church. It is about love between a young man and a young woman. And Newsflash LouyJay. They are probably younger than you are. Mary delivered the Savior around age 15.

G*d's blessing on your adventure,. on your adventure.

[bcanneers]

no it does not make you a bad person. There are worst people out there. The point of the purity ring is to teach a person to be self responsible, esp. talking about sex. Some people need a form of symbolism to gain their values. It just like having a good luck charm like a rabbits foot, to make the person feel confident of his/herself, or to prevent themselves of getting too out of context. Just by reading this, your not doing anything whorish. It seems like you want to be responsible. A true religious person wouldn't judge, they just want you to make smarter choices. There are choices in life that are bad, and there is such thing as doing it the smart/safe way.

[kaitlynbaby03]

no this definitely doesn't make you a bad person!

[TheGoodTheBadTheHOT]

if you don't want to keep doing it, then don't keep doing it. don't let society, or religion change who your are and who you want to be.

just because you want to follow your basic human instincts (that which the idea of abstinence restricts) does NOT make you a bad person. it just makes you human.

[Samanosuke47]

No, it doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you've matured and are questioning things you believe in. I think that as long as you give yourself plenty of time to really think about what you want to do you'll be fine either way.

Abstinence is great and all that, but I think too many people are pushed into it by their parents or other figures. Same goes for religion. It's not wrong to question what you believe in.

[KERMlT]

I'm an optimist so I look at things differently then others. I see the vow as a personal decision and you have kept to it for two years. That's a great accomplishment.

I do feel that sexual satisfaction is one of the parts that make a healthy relationship. I wouldn't want to tie the knot without making sure it's a perfect fit. I feel that part of the reason why people get divorced has to do with sex. After all, why do so many people cheat if sex wasn't an issue?

If you feel that you are ready to remove the ring, then do it. Follow your heart and it shouldn't lead you astray. Know this, to love someone else, you should love yourself first. To know someone else, you should know why you do the things you do and be able to explain them later on. Communication is very important and you should be open to telling your future partner what you want/need from them to completely satisfy you (intellectually, emotionally, etc.).

[rosalita]

No I don't think it does. It's better to remove your purity ring than to break it.

[LouyJay]

Thats a good point but isn't removing the ring practically the same thing as breaking it?

[rosalita]

No I think there's a difference. You're being honest with yourself and your faith. If you wear it with the intention of breaking it, serious desires that you think may happen, or just a loss of determination in keeping your virginity ...then that is dishonest and worse.

[LouyJay]

Yeah I see what your saying, it makes sense. Thanks! I'll keep this in mind :)

[rosalita]

Glad to help, good luck! :)

[zombie_girl_xxx]

No! Not at all! I used to think like you. But after I got into relationships, I learned that we're human. It's natural to have sex. Just do it when you're ready.

[peaceandlovechick]

No I don't think it makes you a bad person at all trust me. I messaged you if you want to hear my personal story that relates to this situation. I don't want to post the story here, but if you want to know let me know :)

[faraday]

No, it just means that you've matured, change is good for the brain, and so is sex, so this is a mature choice to make, and quite human.

[warwithluckgirl]

I don't think it makes you a bad person at all! I totally understand what you're going through because I have been thinking the same thing. I grew up in a Mormon family and I have seen how sex can affect relationships. I say just make sure that you do it with someone you really do like. Not just with some man whore lol. I still haven't had sex yet either, but I'm also considering not waiting for marriage. I really don't think that it is bad of you to do that. It is your own choice.