Boyfriend Is Too Rough?

[Anonymous]

I was abused (sexually/physically) as a child, but really enjoy rough sex. However, there is a fine line and at times, that line gets crossed (fully consensual albeit unintentional, if that makes sense), and I have panic attacks during sex. In the past, this has ruined my relationships. Because I was unable to have sex without panicking, I have never not been cheated on. The men I chose to be with felt if I wasn't able to give them what they wanted, they would go elsewhere, so in my mind, though I logically know it isn't healthy, I feel like I HAVE to please whoever I'm with sexually or they're going to cheat/leave. The guy I'm with now is very well endowed, which is a factor in the issue I'm having. He likes rough sex, so do I, but with him being so big, combined with the rough nature of our sex life, I often end up in pain toward the end and end up just wanting it to be over. Lately, I have ended up bleeding from the sex. One of the issues I'm having, aside from the obvious physical pain, is that he can't seem to get off unless it's rough, and I end up crying, panicking, and feeling like a failure if I stop him and he doesn't finish. He does not pressure me, he doesn't make me feel guilty or like a failure. On the contrary, he comforts and consoles me if I have to stop him, and holds me until I fall asleep. Our sex does not involve hitting, slapping, spitting, anything derogatory. When I say rough, I just mean physically rough, just fast paced stuff. I don't know how to have the sex we both enjoy without it hurting so much, and I don't know how to learn to be okay with having to stop if things become too much without feeling like a failure as a woman and girlfriend. Does anyone have any advice? Also please don't be perverted, this is a very sensitive subject for me.

[Foxhoundxof]

Inhave been there with my girlfriend first im sorry to hear about the abuse thats something we all hope to see never happen again to anyone. Second its amazing your partner is understanding thats rare im lile thatbwith my girlfriend as well what we do is we try to have nights or whenever we have sex to be fair to the other partner. I habe an issue with finishing it takes me hours to cum and she slaves over my penis to get it to cum. And she also gets anxiety sometimes when she finshed when im still hard and not satisfied, so we agreed to make it a night by night basis one night its all about her needs and her wants and not neglected by mine but hers is the priority and than the next night swjtch, if you need more info PM meni can explain it more

[DiegoO]

As like others said, avoid rough sex. You got two reasons for that, and if your actual partner doesn't care ask yourself what future you are seeking for.

Have you seen a sexologist? Instead of finding answers here, go see a professional, in your case a sexologist.

[Sorathevilone]

I can only suggest you don't have rough sex at all because if it leads too panic attack's then you need too put your mental health first. However you must then try something else and why not try tantra which is meditative sex in a slow and emotional way. Asides from that i would say seek out an mental health professional as it is proven that talking can help.

[Anonymous]

Don't this to yourself girl! If you're not enjoying it, you really shouldn't continue with this. I always feel like when penus and vagina do not coherently seem to work out like that, it just wasn't meant to be. That's just my honest opinion about it.

[Anonymous]

Well just go and talk to him you will feel better cause he will understand you as you defined him here

[Anonymous]

Communication is key tell him